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Summer Megaparty: Goodbye, Fair Cap’n.

You know, I hate to sound like a broken record about this stuff, especially because it's done with the right intentions. But come on...

"Limiting Ads of Junk Food to Children."

The basic gist of the story is that a whole load of food companies are altering or outright ending decades-spanning ad campaigns because kids are getting too fat by eating their stuff. And I understand the "epidemic," I really do. I've been to seminars via work where people have spoken at length about how true it is and about how it can't all be written off as "fanatical watchdogs getting their way," but to deprive the world of Cap'n Crunch commercials? I would rather every child on this planet be a perfectly round ball of sick than see them grow up in a society that disallows the continuing animated adventures of a pirate who maintains peace, prosperity and crunchiness against a horde of milky monsters with Scut Farkus eyeballs.

I'm not kidding: They're killing off Cap'n Crunch. He'll still be on the boxes, but without those commercials, he's only as good as that eyepatch-wearing seal on the generic brand's packaging.

Worse yet, the movement is now extending to the Internet. That was these companies' collective ace in the hole. To a degree, it didn't matter how much shit the TV-version of Sonny had to deal with, because he'd still be able to create virtual ball pits out of Cocoa Puffs online. What are kids going to do with their Sunday mornings if they're not getting codes on cereal boxes to enter online for a chance to play riffs on "Asteroids" with cereal pieces in place of comets? What, are they supposed to go outside? Come on.

Oh well. I'm not going to lose sleep over it, because finding out that there will be no more Cap'n Crunch commercials just ain't that important in the grand scheme of life. But I'm certainly glad to do my part to preserve the memories of what's now "what was."


With that in mind, click here to watch an old Peanut Butter Crunch commercial, starring our now-banned pal. Shed a tear. Eat celery.

Posted by Matt on 07/19/2007. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 138 comments
1 2 3 … 6

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Chestnuts roasted by Jerri Blank @ 07/19/2007 9:17 PM

Argh! Not the cap’n! Who will make it happen now?!

Chestnuts roasted by Zoe @ 07/19/2007 9:21 PM

I thought they were still keeping most of the Kellogg and Post cereal kid commercials but gearing them more like the McDonalds adds. You know, Diggem Frog doing push ups and shit. That is what the NY Times said a few months ago.
Then again, they already killed off the cop and dog from Cookie Crisp for some dumb wolf. These are the people who kill Christmas.

Chestnuts roasted by Bill @ 07/19/2007 9:22 PM

The level of the scale-backs keeps increasing, and will probably continue to increase.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 07/19/2007 9:23 PM

I guess it is like the mid 70′s when they decided that crushed lollipop should be left out of the most important meal of the day.

Chestnuts roasted by Bill @ 07/19/2007 9:28 PM

wow i thought bein called cap’n instead of captain was cool enough, now being a banned cap’n…now thats Ball’n

Chestnuts roasted by crisechavez @ 07/19/2007 9:34 PM

I can’t believe this is real. That is terrible. It’s cereal not cigarettes!

Chestnuts roasted by Joker @ 07/19/2007 9:38 PM

That sux. Well, on a good note my business just got Blenheim’s gingerale back in stock. I live in South Carolina and I am the Director of Theater Operations for an art movie house. Blenheim’s is a big deal down here. Does anyone know what this is? Oh by the way, i’ve been coming to this website for YEARS and have never posted. Holla!

Chestnuts roasted by Jerri Blank @ 07/19/2007 9:39 PM

The quickies I linked at the end of the last thread need /index.shtml on them. My bad.

Ryane: Yes, the date in Trace Memory is based off your birthday in the DS memory.

Chestnuts roasted by Knegative @ 07/19/2007 9:40 PM

And RIGHT after they revive Jean LaFoote, too. Fat kids ruin all my fun.

Chestnuts roasted by TRUKK NOT MUNKY @ 07/19/2007 9:41 PM

being impressionable was my excuse for not listening to my parents..and instead to the plight of milk ravished (untimely) cereal. And following the heroic adventures of the Cap’n provided my first insights in non-conformity. there wasnt a 9 to 5 in all the world that could tear the Cap’n away from safeguarding my breakfast.. yargh!

Chestnuts roasted by dphunkt @ 07/19/2007 9:52 PM

We can only hope this ban is a fad which will pass away, much like the blue drink ban.

Chestnuts roasted by Ragnarok @ 07/19/2007 9:53 PM

Dude, for real? I think “they” should track the obesity levels of children once poor old Cap’n’ is sent out to pasture, and then once they realized that it doesn’t make one goddamded bit of difference, they should hall his ass out of retirement and throw the sweet commercials back on!

Chestnuts roasted by Brilliantpants @ 07/19/2007 9:54 PM

I don’t feel much of a loss, personally. I would eat Cap’n Crunch, but it was never one of my favorites. Considering the content and general attitude of this site, I feel I may have committed an act of sacrilege for the sake of truth.

Chestnuts roasted by Thomas @ 07/19/2007 9:54 PM

I just got a box of Cap’n today. But I asked for Raisin Bran o_O

Chestnuts roasted by Knegative @ 07/19/2007 9:55 PM

Man, I’m sad about the Cap’n… First, the Cookie Crisp thing, Sugar Smacks turning into HONEY Smacks, now this… :(

Knegative – awww, that’s a bummer. I thought I was special. :( But thanks for letting me know! Oh yeah, and I’m completely stuck already… I have a gear and don’t know where to put it. I’ve used the metal brush and checked everything out, but, there’s just nowhere to go. Any help? :)

Chestnuts roasted by Ryane @ 07/19/2007 9:56 PM

Ridiculous. The parents today should be held responsible for their children’s weight and no one else. Advertisement has just about as much to do with your child’s current weight as the latest band has to do with school shootings… fuck all. When will this blame someone (or something) else attitude cease? Get your fatass child off his ass and put him on a hockey team. After that leave old Cap’n alone.

Chestnuts roasted by penmissile @ 07/19/2007 9:59 PM

I anxiously await “Free the Cap’n” t-shirts.

Chestnuts roasted by kb @ 07/19/2007 10:02 PM

This is getting out of control. My childhood diet consisted of almost nothing but junk food and I was never overweight. That’s because I would go outside and ride a bike, or dance to Prince in my bedroom. If anything I was too skinny. You can’t blame obesity on the food alone.

A lot of the blame should be placed on the shoulders of lazy parents that would rather stuff their children with McDonald’s rather than a well balanced meal. My family had home cooked meals almost every evening, and fast food was reserved as weekend treats. If you let your child eat poorly and never make them leave the comfort of their video games what should a parent expect? It’s all about moderation. All these “bad” foods they keep harping about have been around forever and not every decade was plagued with obesity problems.

Chestnuts roasted by iAMYou @ 07/19/2007 10:12 PM

This makes me not want to have children. This generation is suffering so much. With Disney Radio, Paris Hilton being a “role model” for young girls, artificial fake everything. I thought they were on top of things with the reduced sugar alternatives to the cereal they released.

And it seems like you have to mail away for goodies cereal wise anymore you don’t get them in the box. And if you do get it in the box it’s a cd rom, not an actual TOY. And I think the problem is when a kid goes out and plays they are actually learning something. If they are inside watching a cartoon (even though some tv is good for kids) your not learning anything and your vicariously living through someone else.

I didn’t have a lot of friends as a kid so I sat at home watching tv a lot. Sucks now because tv became so important to me. Sure if I had money I would go out, but I have actually gotten really upset if I missed a show. A little too upset. I’m blaming my grandparents for that one not tv and the media lol. But hey go down to the lake kids! Go fishing!! Pretend and be imaginative! The imagination helps you in so many other subjects. That is why music in schools is so important. But I degress.

Chestnuts roasted by Goob @ 07/19/2007 10:15 PM

You know why so many kids are overweight? Because raising kids is expensive, and Little Debbies are a lot cheaper than fruit. Nuff said.

Chestnuts roasted by Mystie @ 07/19/2007 10:15 PM

the worst part about this whole mess…. it’s not the cereal! Get your kid off their ass and go outside. That we need a commercial with Shrek and pals telling kids to go outside and play “for just an hour a day” is absurd. Talk about some depressing thursday evening news.

Chestnuts roasted by Double G @ 07/19/2007 10:17 PM

Lol. I just did that a little while ago, Ryane. I’ll give you this hint. Go back to a place you couldn’t get into before. Taking a pic of the rusty plate might be a good idea as well.

I don’t use strategy guides for Adventure games because that really does ruin the entire experience, as opposed to RPGs where the goal is completion and they are willfully making stuff impossible to do on your own, so they can sell guides. It’s TRUE.

I’ve been wanting to get back into the Adventure genre because I really enjoyed it back in the NES days. Deja Vu, Uninvited, and the like. Ashley’s really cool so far. I don’t normally like when they do self-referential stuff like USING A DS IN A DS GAME, but it’s okay.

I hate FF Tactics Advance, because the characters are reading a book called Final Fantasy. What, is Square 311 now? Have to drop their own name?

Chestnuts roasted by Knegative @ 07/19/2007 10:18 PM

What bullshit.

Parents today suck. Take some responsibility and don’t let your kids get fat. Don’t blame big companies because your kid can’t get its fat ass out the door and play.

This issue is bigger than not putting commercials on the air/internet. This is the decline of the human race.

Chestnuts roasted by Denise @ 07/19/2007 10:22 PM

So…let me see if I am understanding this.

Cap’n Crunch, Tony the Tiger, Toucan Sam=not allowed.

Bratz Prostitutes…er…Dolls=Perfectly alright.

As a memorial, I suggest readers listing the best prizes they pulled out of a box of Cap’n Crunch.

Mine: I actually have two. One was a small treasure chest. I think it may have been part of some sort of $1,000,000 contest that I obviously didn’t win.
The other was a two-inch PVC Soggie action figure. If I remember correctly, it glowed in the dark. I also had the Cap’n himself, who was better for throwing at my Zendo figures, evinced by the massive amount of paint missing from his front, making him nearly unrecognizable.

Anybody else remember your prizes?

Chestnuts roasted by Thorzul @ 07/19/2007 10:30 PM

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