I'm sick as a dog. Maybe I should bark. I'm not really sure how to define my latest disease; I'm achy and alternating between massive chills and sweating like a mofo, but I don't have a temperature and I'm not sneezing or anything. Perhaps I'm being punished by a higher power for dodging work all day to catch up on Entourage reruns. Drama, you card.

Fortunately, the woman called on her way home to inform me that I wouldn't need to stress too hard about today's blog post, as she picked up two perfect little somethings that are just right to gush about when your soul is only at half-mast. Shake hands with Doritos Collisions!

I'm a little surprised that Doritos would try something this unusual so soon after those X-13D mystery chips, but at least these are palatable for more than their novelty factor.

Summing up the idea, you get two distinct Doritos flavors in each bag. I love how the packaging design is split down the middle, but don't take that to mean that you're getting compartmentalized chip flavors -- once you rip the bag open, the chips are all mixed together. I was hoping for the chip equivalent of Nintendo Cereal System, but no such luck.

To make sure the two flavors remain distinct even when swimming together, Doritos has picked two pairs of totally non-dilutive flavors. One of the Collisions "sets" includes "Hot Wings" and "Blue Cheese" Doritos, while the other blends "Zesty Taco" with "Chipotle Ranch." Note that the pairings weren't arbitrary -- the flavors were designed to compliment each other.

The pairings work really well and keep your tastebuds alert. I've gotten into the habit of closing my eyes before pulling out each chip, trying to guess the flavors before putting 'em to my tongue. This is how people stay amused when they're shut-in losers.

It's strange to think about all of the random, strange junk food spinoffs to arrive in recent years, especially if you grew up during a time when every arriving flavor was treated like the second coming of Christ. I think that's mostly due to the fact that watchdogs have "forced" society to cut the balls off of junk food advertising. You'll rarely see Doritos advertised during children's programming, and when you finally do catch a commercial, you're often left wondering why in the fuck Frito Lay would buy time for a Doritos ad during that particular show. So, instead of relying solely on that, they've gone viral -- the weirder and less coherent a brand is, the more people like me will tell people like you about it.

Doritos Collisions are a neat idea overall. They're also the only bags of chips that remind me of the Face/Off movie logo.

I want to take...his face...off.

Posted by Matt on 07/17/2007. E-mail me!