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Summer Megaparty: Jolly Rancher Soda!

Jolly Rancher soda has been out for around a year now, so I'm far from the first to report on it. However, I do not care!


The world, or at least, the small fraction of the world personally affected by upstart sodas, got all up in arms last year when Jolly Rancher: The Candy became Jolly Rancher: The Soda. It seemed like a disgusting notion to most, and if you read some of the reviews, it was also a disgusting notion in practice.

The soda brand kicked off with the several typical flavors found in a pack of Jolly Ranchers, and that might've been the problem. If you're basing a soda on straight-up cherry Jolly Ranchers, it's going to be one sour pool of liquid hell. But the newer flavor I have here -- "Cinnamon Cherry Fire" -- seems like an admission from the company that you can't make a good tasting straight-up Jolly Rancher soda. "Cinnamon Cherry Fire" is a strange flavor for a soda, but it's far from a Jolly Rancher.


I'm happy to report that the revised lineup of Jolly Rancher soda flavors are a lot better than the old ones were said to have been. "Cinnamon Cherry Fire" isn't something I'm ever going to drink again, but when you dive into a soda expecting to write a review filled with "cherry vomit!!" hyperbole and whatnot, it's pretty refreshing to just think it's not very good.

Then again, I've never been a fan of fruity sodas. They're fun to look at, and if I ever want to film a spoof on the Star Wars cantina scene, they'd be nice to have around for legit-looking prop cocktails. Drinking them is another matter, and I'm admittedly biased.

All in all, discard whatever vision of the flavor you may have, and settle on this one: "Cinnamon Cherry Fire" tastes exactly like Big Red juice. You know, the gum. Smells like it, kinda looks like it, and definitely tastes like it. Still, despite the fact that the human jaw contains the only muscles in the human body that do not require exercise, I'd rather chew Big Red than drink it.

And that's the scoop! This is Matt, signing off live from the field, using a soda bottle in place of a microphone.

Posted by Matt on 07/12/2007. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 132 comments

I much prefer Jolly Ranchers of the alcoholic persuasion.

Chestnuts roasted by Mystie @ 07/12/2007 9:45 PM

there’s a cotton candy ad on the side here that when I saw scrolling up, I thought for sure I was seeing an add for colorful dildos.

Chestnuts roasted by dohopoki @ 07/12/2007 9:52 PM

Matt,

That reminds me to compliant you on this article. I must have read this about 10 times and I never get tired of it. Especially the part about Donald Pleasence. I always avoided it when scrolling through the old articles because I was always less interested in your vacation blogs, but I really like that one for some reason.

Chestnuts roasted by Cotter @ 07/12/2007 9:53 PM

Wait, what? I had no idea that this existed! Sadly, it doesn’t sound very good. I do love cherry Jolly Ranchers, though- could be my favorite candy.

Thanks for the link to the freezer article, Matt. I was going to look for it, but by the time I got online, I forgot what I was looking for. It also reminds me- one of my friends has been helping her mom clean at their church, and she found an open coffee creamer in the fridge from 2002. Ew. Kids born when that expired are now going into kindergarten.

Chestnuts roasted by Rainbowfeet @ 07/12/2007 9:53 PM

we discovered that holiday spice pepsi was WAY better when mixed with rum.

Chestnuts roasted by K.T. @ 07/12/2007 9:53 PM

Colorful dildos maybe…or finger condoms.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 07/12/2007 9:53 PM

No, seriously this wasn’t that bad. It’s not the “I could really go for a refreshing beverage to quench my thirst” kind of drink. More like the “You know, I wouldn’t mind having some liquid candy right now” kind. Really though, it’s okay. I got it a couple times at the 7-11 I stop at every morning and was actually looking for it today only to discover it was no longer stocked. :(

Chestnuts roasted by Timbo @ 07/12/2007 9:54 PM

I was thinking the plastic just like there way of saying “hey, individually wrapped”.

Chestnuts roasted by dohopoki @ 07/12/2007 9:55 PM

I still can’t imagine drinking anything mint r cinnamon. I would always feel like I am drinking mouthwash.

Did they make a watermelon version? If so I would open it and leave it in my car cup holder. Then my car would smell like the fifth grade. Then again, this might make me regress and try to jump my Element or something…

Chestnuts roasted by Bill @ 07/12/2007 9:59 PM

Cotter that upstate one… it’s defiantly in my top ten, er FIVE!

Doesn’t it make you want to pack up the car and head out the lake? (or where ever your retreat is.) I think I’ll read it right now then arrange something similar this weekend. thanks cotter!

Chestnuts roasted by penmissile @ 07/12/2007 10:00 PM

Matt –
Looking at the article linked to above, about your freezer, prompts this question:
How do you keep your freezer so ice-crystallization-free?

Chestnuts roasted by Old Jim @ 07/12/2007 10:03 PM

Upstate is great. My favorite articles are the ‘adventure’ ones as I like to call them. The Bulba Saga is EPIC and Maine is still my favorite X-E article. I say that, and everytime I get stabbed in the side of the head for forgetting the Full Corey Haim Video Diary review. That makes me laugh more than anything on this planet.

Seriously.

Chestnuts roasted by Knegative @ 07/12/2007 10:05 PM

Wow. Speaking of colorful dildos and finger condoms, guess who’s going to a sex toy party this weekend? I hope there’s door prizes.

Chestnuts roasted by Mystie @ 07/12/2007 10:08 PM

can you link me the Maine and Bulba articles Knegative?

Thanks :D

Chestnuts roasted by penmissile @ 07/12/2007 10:10 PM

Mystie’s going to a fuckerware party! I’ve heard stories.

Chestnuts roasted by Bill @ 07/12/2007 10:11 PM

My favorite articles are still the Wildwood/Bulbasaur ones, which are the ones that made me an X-E fan in the first place. I thought I was the only one who felt that way about the Wildwood Boardwalk.

I’m one of the few people who seem to have liked Holiday Pepsi Spice. It was on sale for most of the Christmas sale that year, and I must have drank my share.

Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 07/12/2007 10:20 PM

The worst soda I ever drank is either Caramel Apple Jones Halloween Soda or Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper. It had 3 things I hated in a soda: Diet, Cherry, and Dr. Pepper.

Holiday Spice vs. Mop that just used sewer fluid as its lubricant

It’s true, 9 out of 10 British Housewives can’t tell the difference between Holiday Spice and a Dead Crab.

Chestnuts roasted by Invader Norbert loves to make Monty Python references @ 07/12/2007 10:23 PM

I could have sworn there were condoms floating in the second photograph. And once I saw the condoms, I had to stare hard to unsee the condoms. It was a very weird optical illusion.

Chestnuts roasted by koikana @ 07/12/2007 10:24 PM

No forums!

penmissle the Bulbasaur articles can be reached from the last part, Venusaur which is here. Click on the pictures at the top for 4 of the other articles. Ommited is Quest for Chinese Bulbasaur which right here. The Maine article is here.

Chestnuts roasted by dohopoki @ 07/12/2007 10:25 PM

Enjoy, Penmissile:

Bulbasaur messages/267.html
Bulabsaur 2 messages/268.html
Ivysaur 1 messages/312.html
Ivysaur 2 messages/313.html
Venusaur venusaur/trip.html
Chinese Bulbasaur messages/365.html
Remote Control Ivysaur messages/522.html
Giant Bulbasaur messages/597

Maine messages/556.html

Chestnuts roasted by Knegative @ 07/12/2007 10:29 PM

I bought Pineapple Sunkist at the International Market thinking it was special or something, and then I found it again on the way home. I actually like it a lot, as it’s not as sweet as ‘original’ Sunkist but still has a kick to it.

Chestnuts roasted by Shuanfu @ 07/12/2007 10:30 PM

I haven’t even heard/seen that Jolly Rancher had a soda. Now I want one. That flavor sounds delicious. Of course, I like fruit sodas.

Cotter: Don’t listen to them. Pepsi Holiday Spice was one of the best sodas ever. Of course, since they’ve been out of production for a couple years, any you find is probably flat icky by now. But when it was fresh it RULED!

Chestnuts roasted by JLAJRC @ 07/12/2007 10:33 PM

Holiday Spice was very nice. In fact, all Pepsi still tastes like it to me. That is a good thing.

Jones Candy Corn soda may turn your teeth yellow, but I still loved the holy hell out of it. I bought several packs after our party to drink for enjoyment o_O

Chestnuts roasted by Knegative @ 07/12/2007 10:36 PM

Matt,
You know you’ve made it when your fans have become nostalgic about articles you wrote about nostalgia. Congrats.

Chestnuts roasted by RYAN @ 07/12/2007 10:44 PM

Wow, I think I’m going to vomit, thinking about drinking cinnamon soda. :? I get the same feeling watching Bear Grylls drink his own pee. Gawd…

Shaunfu – Pineapple Sunkist?? :o Now THAT sounds delicious!

Chestnuts roasted by Ryane @ 07/12/2007 11:01 PM

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