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Summer Megaparty: Jolly Rancher Soda!

Jolly Rancher soda has been out for around a year now, so I'm far from the first to report on it. However, I do not care!


The world, or at least, the small fraction of the world personally affected by upstart sodas, got all up in arms last year when Jolly Rancher: The Candy became Jolly Rancher: The Soda. It seemed like a disgusting notion to most, and if you read some of the reviews, it was also a disgusting notion in practice.

The soda brand kicked off with the several typical flavors found in a pack of Jolly Ranchers, and that might've been the problem. If you're basing a soda on straight-up cherry Jolly Ranchers, it's going to be one sour pool of liquid hell. But the newer flavor I have here -- "Cinnamon Cherry Fire" -- seems like an admission from the company that you can't make a good tasting straight-up Jolly Rancher soda. "Cinnamon Cherry Fire" is a strange flavor for a soda, but it's far from a Jolly Rancher.


I'm happy to report that the revised lineup of Jolly Rancher soda flavors are a lot better than the old ones were said to have been. "Cinnamon Cherry Fire" isn't something I'm ever going to drink again, but when you dive into a soda expecting to write a review filled with "cherry vomit!!" hyperbole and whatnot, it's pretty refreshing to just think it's not very good.

Then again, I've never been a fan of fruity sodas. They're fun to look at, and if I ever want to film a spoof on the Star Wars cantina scene, they'd be nice to have around for legit-looking prop cocktails. Drinking them is another matter, and I'm admittedly biased.

All in all, discard whatever vision of the flavor you may have, and settle on this one: "Cinnamon Cherry Fire" tastes exactly like Big Red juice. You know, the gum. Smells like it, kinda looks like it, and definitely tastes like it. Still, despite the fact that the human jaw contains the only muscles in the human body that do not require exercise, I'd rather chew Big Red than drink it.

And that's the scoop! This is Matt, signing off live from the field, using a soda bottle in place of a microphone.

Posted by Matt on 07/12/2007. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 132 comments
1 2 3 … 6

cinammon soda sounds gross

Chestnuts roasted by Eddie Lightning Frog @ 07/12/2007 9:01 PM

This looks like another I’d like to try, but probably never will. And that’s okay.
Hey, Matt, what was the blog or article that you played that triumphant music while pouring? Why that made me laugh so hard I don’t know. But I wanna watch it again.

Chestnuts roasted by kb @ 07/12/2007 9:02 PM

kb: You can watch that movie at the end of the Mountain Dew Pitch Black II review.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 07/12/2007 9:05 PM

Cinnamon-flavored soda, eh? I’m having flashbacks to Pepsi Holiday Spice.

Chestnuts roasted by Review the World @ 07/12/2007 9:06 PM

You know, it kind of does taste a wee bit like ol’ PH Spice — but nowhere near as spicy.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 07/12/2007 9:07 PM

I’m almost positive that atleast two years ago i bought a six-pack of watermelon soda at a dollar store for, brace yourself, a dollar. I remember it being absolutely terrible, and ended up throwing five bottles away.

Chestnuts roasted by Miguel @ 07/12/2007 9:08 PM

Matt, have you tried any of the five Kool-Aid Aquas Frescas flavors yet?

Chestnuts roasted by Review the World @ 07/12/2007 9:08 PM

Any drink that includes “Cinnamon” as part of the flavoring is most likely pretty worthless. A little cinnamon in my hot chocolate? Acceptable. Cinnamon soda? Thanks, I’ll pass. Isn’t that what “Hot Damn” is for, to make us regret drinking cinnamon flavored anything beyond the milk at the bottom of a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch?

Chestnuts roasted by beaujac @ 07/12/2007 9:09 PM

I hadn’t seen the triumphant soda pouring movie previously, but kb made me curious. Unfortunatly it seems the link in the article to the movie is broken.

Chestnuts roasted by Zoe @ 07/12/2007 9:10 PM

I haven’t yet, but I’ve got the packets. Sadly, I’m loyal to plain old Cherry and drink that pretty strictly when I’m not reviewing the flavor. (Though, if I had an endless supply, it’d be Incrediberry constantly.)

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 07/12/2007 9:10 PM

Zoe: Vid still works for me. It’s odd to watch a video of soda I drank two years ago.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 07/12/2007 9:13 PM

Pepsi Holiday Spice is actually… spicy!? I thought that was just a cute name to attract the kiddies. My whole world has gone into question… I must have Holiday Spice.

Chestnuts roasted by Cotter @ 07/12/2007 9:21 PM

I tried the flavor you just reviewed, Brian. Wait, why aren’t I telling you this on your blog?

Oh yeah, because I’d rather make TF references on yours….and everywhere else.

Chestnuts roasted by Knegative @ 07/12/2007 9:22 PM

I liked Mountain Dew Pitch Black, and I love Mountain Dew LiveWire, but I’m staying far away from any pop with the word cinnamon in it.

Chestnuts roasted by iAMYou @ 07/12/2007 9:23 PM

Cotter: Don’t do it. You’ll regret it forever. It’s like Pepsi mixed with Pine-Sol.

There will be some people in here shortly telling you different. People you thought were your friends. People you trust. But know that they are lying to you. Because sometimes, in order to hurt somebody very badly, you have to tell that person terrible, terrible lies. And these people, who are otherwise good people, these people relish your suffering at the hands of Pepsi Holiday Spice.

You’ve been warned.

Chestnuts roasted by Jedoc @ 07/12/2007 9:25 PM

Matt, I have a question concerning your archives. I’m not sure if you’ve already answered this, so if that’s the case I apologize.

Where are they? Once in awhile you’ll throw us a link to the past and I simply love it. I keep imagining thousands upon thousands of oldsk00l (yeah that’s right) unread X-E articles waiting for me.

Do you not link them for bandwidth issues? Or do you enjoy my agony as I type random article numbers in the url? :P .

Chestnuts roasted by penmissile @ 07/12/2007 9:28 PM

Cotter — Jedoc’s right. It was pretty terrible. Some liked it, but it tasted like Pepsi with errant, unholy spices of indiscernible origin thrown in.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 07/12/2007 9:28 PM

Oh God, now I NEED to know how it tastes!

Flavor Comparison:

Holiday Spice vs. Mop that just used sewer fluid as its lubricant

Chestnuts roasted by Cotter @ 07/12/2007 9:29 PM

penmissile: I’m going to rebuild a certain amount of the archives eventually, but in a lot of cases I just don’t like the old articles enough to promote. They’re all up there…I just don’t draw attention to ‘em.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 07/12/2007 9:30 PM

Turned out it was just a browser problem with the video, priceless how the music cues up so perfectly!

Chestnuts roasted by Zoe @ 07/12/2007 9:33 PM

Matt,

I still don’t understand this don’treadmyoldarticlesphobia you seem to have. All of your articles are fantastic, and believe or not, have a certain value of nostalgic value to them already. It’s fun to see the writing develop and the site point more in different directions.

By the way, I recently checked the URL of the TMNT article… article #1,000 is just about 40 away!

Chestnuts roasted by Cotter @ 07/12/2007 9:34 PM

I know where they are, Matt. Does that scare you?

Also, the wayback machine worked the last time I tried it. I can’t remember the link, though. Can anyone help penmissile?

Chestnuts roasted by Knegative @ 07/12/2007 9:35 PM

I never understood your displeasure with your old stuff. Well, I kind of understand it but you must realize it’s what got a lot of us here. And it is REALLY hard to get to some of the older articles, particulary 2001 to 2003.

Chestnuts roasted by dohopoki @ 07/12/2007 9:36 PM

If anyone is ever looking for a particular old article, e-mail me!

Also: The Jolly Rancher soda review came to be because I was looking through the fridge/freezer and it was beginning to look a lot like it did in this article. It may almost be time for a Part 2 to that. I’ve still got Shamrock Shakes in there from forever ago.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 07/12/2007 9:39 PM

I have to say that I can’t think of an article that isn’t worth reading at least 7 times. Some of the old layouts are just fantastic. I especially liked it during the era of Corey Haim’s Tooth and the Quickies.

Chestnuts roasted by Knegative @ 07/12/2007 9:43 PM

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