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Summer Megaparty: Jolly Rancher Soda!

Jolly Rancher soda has been out for around a year now, so I'm far from the first to report on it. However, I do not care!


The world, or at least, the small fraction of the world personally affected by upstart sodas, got all up in arms last year when Jolly Rancher: The Candy became Jolly Rancher: The Soda. It seemed like a disgusting notion to most, and if you read some of the reviews, it was also a disgusting notion in practice.

The soda brand kicked off with the several typical flavors found in a pack of Jolly Ranchers, and that might've been the problem. If you're basing a soda on straight-up cherry Jolly Ranchers, it's going to be one sour pool of liquid hell. But the newer flavor I have here -- "Cinnamon Cherry Fire" -- seems like an admission from the company that you can't make a good tasting straight-up Jolly Rancher soda. "Cinnamon Cherry Fire" is a strange flavor for a soda, but it's far from a Jolly Rancher.


I'm happy to report that the revised lineup of Jolly Rancher soda flavors are a lot better than the old ones were said to have been. "Cinnamon Cherry Fire" isn't something I'm ever going to drink again, but when you dive into a soda expecting to write a review filled with "cherry vomit!!" hyperbole and whatnot, it's pretty refreshing to just think it's not very good.

Then again, I've never been a fan of fruity sodas. They're fun to look at, and if I ever want to film a spoof on the Star Wars cantina scene, they'd be nice to have around for legit-looking prop cocktails. Drinking them is another matter, and I'm admittedly biased.

All in all, discard whatever vision of the flavor you may have, and settle on this one: "Cinnamon Cherry Fire" tastes exactly like Big Red juice. You know, the gum. Smells like it, kinda looks like it, and definitely tastes like it. Still, despite the fact that the human jaw contains the only muscles in the human body that do not require exercise, I'd rather chew Big Red than drink it.

And that's the scoop! This is Matt, signing off live from the field, using a soda bottle in place of a microphone.

Posted by Matt on 07/12/2007. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 133 comments
1 … 4 5 6

I celebrated Friday the 13th by watching… Friday the 13th. And I even totally forgot that it was Friday the 13th, too. That’s fate for you. Unfortunately, I only watched about 5 minutes because it was my shitty old VHS that looked like shit and (for lack of better word) skipped every 3 seconds.

Fist

Thanks for the info. If Holiday Spice comes out again this year I’ll be first in line. I tried the Pitch Black icee… how bad could Holiday Spice be?

Chestnuts roasted by Cotter @ 07/13/2007 5:33 PM

I’mma watch me probally Friday the 13′th Part 4, Since Tommy Jarvis is like my god and I had watched part 6 too recently.

Just finished making a Michael Myers vs Ultimate Warrior Stop Motion video. Click my name for the link. 5 stars and positive comments make me feel happy.

Chestnuts roasted by Ranger Joe @ 07/13/2007 5:54 PM

I completely forgot it was Friday the 13th! Is there anything the X-E blog can’t do? Time to bust out the DVD box set! Thanks for the reminders, people.

Chestnuts roasted by Bludge @ 07/13/2007 6:18 PM

I’m amongst those that say that Pepsi Holiday Spice is the only soda ever to do spicy right in any way, shape or form. Question is, has anyone ever tried to mix up their own version of that? By say, plunking a few dozen of those little cinnamon hearts into a bottle of Pepsi? That sounds like it’d make a good X-E article.

Chestnuts roasted by DocDragon @ 07/14/2007 12:04 AM

Oh, man, I’m glad I read through the comments thread for this one. I’m a born and bred Mainer, and that Maine article was great. As someone who ate my first lobster when I was too young to remember, I found the perspective of an adult trying his first one hilarious. And I’ve never heard anyone claim that the tomalley (green stuff) was shit before! (It’s the liver.) (And yes, it is edible.)

I never noticed all the Pepsi ads, but now that I think about it . . . but, hey! We don’t only advertise Pepsi! Sometimes we advertise Budweiser! And the really classy bars advertise Corona.

Thanks for the laughs. Now if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go feed the moose.

Chestnuts roasted by Cathryn @ 07/14/2007 2:58 AM

Twelve years ago, when i was in sixth grade, I was stopped by some sort of professional corporate survey taker at the mall. She showed me a bunch of pictures of something called “Jolly Rancher Juice” and asked me questions about what I thought of the advertisements and would I drink it based on the pictures. I gave the advertisments mostly positive reviews. They also showed me a potential product called Kool-Aid Soda, which looked kind of gross. Anyway, neither of these products ever made it to market, but I guess Jolly Rancher soda is probably the same as the juice they showed me, except with carbination. Man, that took a long time.

Chestnuts roasted by John @ 07/14/2007 3:11 AM

I don’t see why people dislike the Jolly Rancher Sodas. I had a Blue Berry Jolly Rancher Soda and is was very tasty and might I add a good idea. I was disappointed when I went back to my local convenience store, only to find out it had been discontinued.

Chestnuts roasted by O_O @ 12/29/2011 8:21 PM

that soda would probably taste horrible so why are you doing a report on it and from the looks of it i do think that it would be a good idea for a prop in a movie and i would never ever drink that wat ever it is

Chestnuts roasted by Anonymous @ 03/14/2012 7:55 AM

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