I picked up Pokemon Battle Revolution for the Wii, and so far, I’m convinced that this is something I shouldn’t have done. For one thing, it’s nearly pointless to own if you don’t have Pearl or Diamond for the DS, and I don’t, so my Pokemon are all shitty rentals with nary a Bulba in sight. I was into the simplistic (okay, brainless) fun of Pokemon Stadium for the N64, but after two whole console generations, they could’ve added a little more to the pot.
Then again, I’m making a lot of blanket assumptions after only a relatively short time playing. You can go online in the game to battle random people or your friends, but my Wii has always been plagued with terrible connection issues, and I haven’t been able to log on. Internet searches tell me that my problem isn’t unique, and that many are having the same problem with Pokemon Battle Revolution. Without a DS game to fill my Pokeranks with, and without the ability to battle some eleven-year-old from Michigan, I’m left unfulfilled and I totally wish I used that 50 bucks on this fucking gorgeous shovelnose shark they have at the Petland up the block.
On the other hand, the game gives me a clear excuse to go buy Diamond or Pearl, which is pretty brilliant, and I don’t even mind, because those games are good enough to fill a void that I’m currently trying to fill with tabletop novelty palm trees.
I went to some junky outlet store last week — the kind of place that sells everything from generic cocktail peanuts to big framed paintings of rose bushes to hot pink indoor fans. Picked up a few critical items while there, not the least of which is seen above: My very own faux palm tree. It lights up! Only cost five bucks, too. While this one stands at a tabletop-scale fifteen inches, they also had a six foot version…but I couldn’t bring myself to fork over fifty bucks for a bunch of well-assembled pipe cleaners and Christmas lights. In retrospect, I’d love to trade the stupid Pokemon game in for that. I’d be like the suburban version of Don the Beachcomber. Matt the Beachcomber?
Yesterday afternoon, I heard a little ruckus coming from outside, looked out my window and saw…that. An old man pushing his grandson down the sidewalk using an American flag on a pole. The kid was sitting in some kind broken tricycle, and the other mystery item appeared to be a weedwhacker. Ever get the sense that God was fucking with you? I still have no idea what was going on with this. They lurked around for about five minutes singing patriotic songs, eventually escaping through the very same dimensional porthole from which they arrived. No, they’re not neighbors — I’ve never seen these people before in my life. I guess, when you’re aiming to push your grandson around using a weedwhacker and a flag pole, you probably want to do it in a neighborhood where the people don’t know you.
SNT Survey: The mafia wants your ass, so you’ve gotta hide out in a shady hotel on the wrong side of the tracks for the next two nights. You’ve got a backpack. What’s inside? This should cover your food, drink, entertainment and protection.
Posted by Matt. E-mail me!
Ghosted by 
I wish I *were* a ninja. Maybe I should add a book or DVD on “How to be a Ninja” into my backpack. 
As I was reading your post about “sell me a game” I was thinking Trace Memory, then you mentioned it! So, I think that’s good enough reason to go out and get that one. I started it, it has a LOT of dialogue, and I haven’t got very far, but it looks promising! And, you might wanna go to your local TRU and see if they have it, because I got it at the one I work at for only 9.98 on clearance. 
I would pack one of those Pur faucet filters so I could safely drink the motel water. For food, a big bag of muffins for sweetness and a big bag of soft pretzels for salt. I think it would be smart to bring a portable dvd player and some mafia-related movies to get pumped up in case something goes down. For protection, I would use one of those small, plug-in chainsaws. I could plug it in, hide under the bed and swipe at whoever walks by.