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06/30/2007: Summer Megaparty: Pokemon, and bad Doritos!

I live to be shocking, so here’s a new article, exploring, recapping and reviewing the very first episode of the Pokémon cartoon series. Special care was taken to put that little squiggly line above the “e” over 200 times in this article, and I hope you appreciate that. The genesis of this one is that I got the first season on DVD and can’t believe how well the series still holds up. It’s written more or less for people who know nothing about Pokémon, so my apologies to anyone who really didn’t need an explanation of what a Pokéball was. But you know what? You’ll live.


Seems like as good a time as any to get this out of the way. I know it’s old news by now, but it just didn’t feel right to not archive the Doritos X-13D Flavor Experiment chips on the site. Basically, it’s a wonderful promotion of an unnamed “mystery flavor,” in which junk food lovers are supposed to suggest names for a chip that was clearly based on a cheeseburger.

It’s pretty unbelievable…they taste just like McDonald’s cheeseburgers. While “beef flavoring” is a listed ingredient, what you’ll really take home from X-13D chips is the strong flavor of pickles, ketchup and mustard. Knowing that, they’re pretty terrible once you take away their fancy clothes. I assume Doritos has no choice but to release the chips with whatever name is decided upon when the promotion ends, but I don’t expect them to last much longer than that. They’re putrid.

Putrid…like a fox. Twenty years from now, when the Internet comes in special edition colors and is capable of cooking steaks for you, upstart nostalgia websites will likely pay tribute to Doritos X-13D chips. These would’ve made an incredible impression as me as a child, but even as an adult, I can appreciate eating from a bag that looks like a leftover prop from Back To The Future Part II. Just wish they didn’t taste like the asshole of a dead bear.


Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

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Discussion Thread: 134 comments

I go through all this trouble to avoid like-minded/like-styled sites unless I know the people behind them personally so I can stay fresh and clean, and what happens? I make a joke about a skunk’s asshole that somebody else made first.

Ghosted by Matt @ 07/01/2007 3:44 AM EDT

Think nothing of it, Matt. It’s like the old saying, great minds think alike. Especially when it comes to decomposing animal recta.

Ghosted by Hoverbored @ 07/01/2007 3:46 AM EDT

I feel dirty. Like a skunk’s bear’s asshole.

Ghosted by Matt @ 07/01/2007 3:49 AM EDT

My, how the conversation has turned :P

Ghosted by Shuanfu @ 07/01/2007 3:49 AM EDT

Even worse yet, that stupid skunk butt has cost me birthday wishes. I’M STILL HERE!

Ghosted by Mars @ 07/01/2007 3:54 AM EDT

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARS!

Ghosted by Matt @ 07/01/2007 3:54 AM EDT

I borrowed the DVD set from my friend, and i can agree that it’s really great, except for one episode called Bye Bye Butterfree… if i remember correctly, the episode is about Ash’s butterfree trying to find a mate, and Ash and friends trying to help it… but the ending sequence is so horribly ridden with cliches, pointless emotions, and loud, high pitched “FREEEEEEEE” (because it would sound better than BUTTER, i guess)

so maybe skip that episode.

Ghosted by Xavier @ 07/01/2007 3:56 AM EDT

Butterfree brought his share of sad show moments. There’s the one you mentioned, plus that heartache-filled Raticate trade episode…Butterfree is my symbol of pain.

Ghosted by Matt @ 07/01/2007 4:01 AM EDT

Happy Birthday, Mars!

I tried to buy a Wii today, but none of the stores have it in stock! I went down to the target to buy a DS instead, and they were out of those, too! I was reall upset! I felt like the AVGN when he finally beat Ghostbusters on NES. I went through all this trouble and wasted all that time for nothing! On the plus side, I found some new power rangers vehicle toys that were pretty good. I’ll probably have to go to Circuit City tommorrow before work to get A DS. BTW, do any of you guys out there have DS and/or PSP? Which one do you think is better?

BTW Matt, don’t feel to bad about the “skunk” thing. I’m pretty sure this sort of thing happens all the time.

Ghosted by Hoverbored @ 07/01/2007 4:06 AM EDT

Happy birthday Mars :D :D :D

Ghosted by squee4242 @ 07/01/2007 4:08 AM EDT

So true, Matt. When a Butterfree was present in an episode, you knew that the tissues were going to be needed.

On the subject of Optimus Prime vs. Mewtwo… it’s a clear victory for Mewtwo. Sure, Optimus Prime is “great”, but he stands no chance against psychic powers. First of all, let’s focus on the telekineses; being rendered useless in mid-air by Mewtwo’s mystical techniques, he would be an easy target for another attack such as psychic. Moreover, Mewtwo has a forcefield-like object around him, keeping anything from touching him.

To wrap it up, Optimus Prime would be prey to Mewtwo. I think it’s very clear.

Ghosted by xcharislamex @ 07/01/2007 4:19 AM EDT

Happy B-day Mars!!!!

Matt Hey buddy even though the skunk joke scandal probably scared you I suggest you watching as your first angry video game nerd video power glove (my personal fave)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYDuy7wM8Gk

or Ninja turtle (which I can see you being interested in obviously)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjUz8IT0CYg

and uh….I watched Tommy for the first time today. Weird, but I liked it :)

I like all of the thicker potato chips, like kettle chips, potato skins (tater skins and tgi fridays kind)

Ghosted by Goob @ 07/01/2007 4:30 AM EDT

I think I’ll give an impromptu list of last-minute suggestions for the summer jukebox-
All selections are by the Beach Boys unless otherwise noted:

You’re So Good to Me
And Then I Kissed Her
Disney Girls (1957)
Hawaii
Cool, Cool Water (from Brian Wilson’s Smile)
Wind Chimes
Here Comes the Night (disco version; that’s right, a Beach Boys disco song, it’s better than it sounds)
Good Vibrations(why didn’t I think of it before?)
Do It Again
Amusement Parks U.S.A.
Palisades Park (Beach Boys’ version, although the original is good too)
It’s O.K. (I know I mentioned it before)

I know this is a lot of stuff, but I don’t expect all of them to end up on the jukebox. Also, I tended to avoid the more obvious hits in favor of more obscure, but still appropriate material. I’m certainly excited about the jukebox going up soon!

Ghosted by Hoverbored @ 07/01/2007 4:42 AM EDT

I must say, I enjoyed your review of the episode. I’d like to see more, especially of Bulbasaur.

Ghosted by Brandon @ 07/01/2007 8:19 AM EDT

They have a cheeseburger pizza at Stevie B’s that taste exactly like those chips.

Ghosted by Ladytink_534 @ 07/01/2007 11:17 AM EDT

Huh, I always thought that it was Pidegeoto… Still, this article makes me feel better about my own secret love for the early Pokemon.

Ghosted by Jill @ 07/01/2007 9:03 PM EDT

You should review more episodes. Please?

Ghosted by Mike P @ 07/01/2007 10:12 PM EDT

What? No mention of the Pokerap? :(

Speaking of which, here’s the Norm MacDonald Show/Pokemon crossover. Features Nikki Cox and the dad from Alf as Team Rocket:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvKBBUh4fWQ

Ghosted by Luap @ 07/01/2007 10:38 PM EDT

Is it weird that I thought those chips tasted like seafood?

Ghosted by Mary Mary @ 07/02/2007 9:05 AM EDT

Taco Doritos FTW!

Ghosted by Justin @ 07/02/2007 10:59 AM EDT

I heart the chips and was planning on buying a few bags for when they stopped selling them…and then they stopped selling them. Unfortunately, most of the reviews of them say they’re horrible so I don’t hold out much hope for tasting them again.

Here’s another vote for Flight of the Conchords, too.

Ghosted by rowdykatie @ 07/02/2007 1:43 PM EDT

Haha … I’m not normally interested in new chip flavours in a big way, but something about ‘based on a cheesburger’ really makes me want to taste these suckers.

I guess if I’ve missed the boat I can always go kill a bear … and eat it’s dead asshole? (ewww) =x

Ghosted by James @ 07/02/2007 1:50 PM EDT

Damn it! Your spot on reminiscence has got me watching that first series again, and I got my cards out, and I just preordered Pearl (I’m in UK, we don’t have it yet) and you can bet that whatever my trainer looks like, I’m going to be calling him Ash. Again. I’m too old for this, will I never be free? :)

Ghosted by Liveinabin @ 07/02/2007 3:37 PM EDT

The book “Pikachu’s Global Adventure: the Rise and Fall of Pokemon” (sorry, I didn’t do the accented-e) points out there’s a scene in the original Japanese version in this episode that was edited out in the American: after Misty meets Ash for the first time, she slaps him for not taking care of his Pikachu. Of course, this slap means something more: in old-timey movies, when a woman slaps a man, it usually means they’re going to fall in love with each other later on. Foreshadowing!

Ghosted by Ryan W. Mead @ 07/02/2007 6:14 PM EDT

Mental note: Don’t put pictures of food on the blog’s main page that disgust you. Every time I look at that bag, I feel sick.

Ghosted by Matt @ 07/03/2007 12:12 AM EDT

Does anyone else think that this pic…
http://www.x-entertainment.com/articles/pokemon/21.jpg
Looks like Ash is about to use a rolling pin to make a “Pika Pie”? :|

Ghosted by KJS @ 07/03/2007 7:06 PM EDT

An oddly entertaining article on the Pokemon episode. Even more strange is that I’d like to read more poke-reviews.

They’d make great fillers during slow times at the very least.

Ghosted by beaujac @ 07/03/2007 10:47 PM EDT

Nice review. Back when Pokemon was cool. I had such a huge crush on Misty. WAAAH! I MISS MISTY!!

Ghosted by Dragonrider @ 07/04/2007 5:59 PM EDT

Matt, you gave me Pokemon fever, a very very bad case of it.

Ghosted by dohopoki @ 07/05/2007 1:31 AM EDT

I have lots of Pokemon VHS’ from 96-98 in a box at my new house. All the gym leader episodes in an article would make ME cut off my Voltorbs.

Ghosted by Ian @ 07/05/2007 4:15 PM EDT

I remember my very first Pokemon episode – it was the one with the giant Tentacruel that used Team Rocket’s Meowth as a speaking platform. I was hooked after that, as well. But I think a lot of the magic was gone when the show made the jump to the WB. The First Movie was the climax of that rabid, RABID fandom I use to possess – it all went significantly downhill after that.

Suddenly, I remember why I was such a geek in grade school :/

Ghosted by ShameOnPretzel @ 07/06/2007 9:40 AM EDT

People don’t realize the dark underworld Pokemon has in Japan. One episode refers to “weird gym equipment” (refers to the torture lab in “Holy Matrimony”), James crossdressing, and a bunch of other things.

And this is the stuff rated Y!

Ghosted by Service Merchandise @ 07/15/2007 4:35 PM EDT

well pikachu acts dead why dont you make the yogi bear balloon from 1985 or 86.

Ghosted by kenneth @ 05/06/2009 9:48 PM EDT

Always becareful of spearows they have real tempers and dont ever confuse them with the more milder pidgeys even though their the same size

Ghosted by staravia @ 11/17/2009 1:37 PM EST

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