Summer Megaparty: Pokemon, and bad Doritos!

I live to be shocking, so here’s a new article, exploring, recapping and reviewing the very first episode of the Pokémon cartoon series. Special care was taken to put that little squiggly line above the “e” over 200 times in this article, and I hope you appreciate that. The genesis of this one is that I got the first season on DVD and can’t believe how well the series still holds up. It’s written more or less for people who know nothing about Pokémon, so my apologies to anyone who really didn’t need an explanation of what a Pokéball was. But you know what? You’ll live.

Seems like as good a time as any to get this out of the way. I know it’s old news by now, but it just didn’t feel right to not archive the Doritos X-13D Flavor Experiment chips on the site. Basically, it’s a wonderful promotion of an unnamed “mystery flavor,” in which junk food lovers are supposed to suggest names for a chip that was clearly based on a cheeseburger.

It’s pretty unbelievable…they taste just like McDonald’s cheeseburgers. While “beef flavoring” is a listed ingredient, what you’ll really take home from X-13D chips is the strong flavor of pickles, ketchup and mustard. Knowing that, they’re pretty terrible once you take away their fancy clothes. I assume Doritos has no choice but to release the chips with whatever name is decided upon when the promotion ends, but I don’t expect them to last much longer than that. They’re putrid.

Putrid…like a fox. Twenty years from now, when the Internet comes in special edition colors and is capable of cooking steaks for you, upstart nostalgia websites will likely pay tribute to Doritos X-13D chips. These would’ve made an incredible impression as me as a child, but even as an adult, I can appreciate eating from a bag that looks like a leftover prop from Back To The Future Part II. Just wish they didn’t taste like the asshole of a dead bear.

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134 Responses to Summer Megaparty: Pokemon, and bad Doritos!

  1. k-b says:

    Nothing I have been posting is showing. Which is why I changed up the name. Anyone else having this problem?

  2. dohopoki says:

    I don’t know, am I having that problem?

  3. Thomas says:

    Frakkyfire, you happened to mention Johnny Depp and I read something interesting online earlier. For anyone on here following the progress on J.J. Abrams’ new “Star Trek” movie: what do you think of Johnny Depp playing Spock in the new movie?

  4. k-b says:

    Hmmm, weird. Oh well. I forgot what I said. Except that the new doritos are so bad they must be eaten repeatedly to understand their awfulness.
    Happy SNT!

  5. Each species has its own set of strength and weaknesses, but they’re irrelevant, because everyone knows that you’re supposed to pick Bulbasaur. Frogs with trees growing out of their backs — like a Wuzzle crossbred with Jesus Christ.

    Awesome article. Makes me feel like I was in middle school again watyching it for the first time (yes, I saw that first episode when it first aired oh so long ago)

    While Matt was referring to Bulbasaur in that great paragraph, there actually is a pokemon like that now: Torterra, the final evo of the new Grass starter which is a turtle that literally has a tree growing on its back. All Venusaur had was a flower.

    I was a fan of pokemon up until the craze from the Gold & Silver games died down sometime in 2001…but then restarted last year at the tail end of Ruby/Sapphire/Emerald and now with Diamond & Pearl i’m back up to full fledged Pokegeek.

    Like that there’s currently 493 pokemon right now. And I’m pretty sure those sprites in the pokemon banner in the article are from the FireRed/LeafGreen games.

    On my pearl game…I’m up to Victory Road. So close to the Elite 4! I just need to train a hell of a lot…

    Oh and on the Pokemon front: a friend -who sometimes visits the site- makes the claim that Mewtwo could totally kick Optimus Prime’s ass. Any thoughts on the subject?

    That all depends on which Optimus it is. If it was something like G1 optimus, or the original Optimus Primal, or even the new Movie Optimus, he’d kick some ass. But if it was one like…oh…An optimus from some of the recent series without all of his “combined” attachments, Mewtwo would so kick his ass.

  6. K- says:

    Mewtwo couldn’t kick Rodimus Prime’s ass, that’s for shizzle. Note that I am a horribly biased Roddy fanboy and was glad when Prime kicked it and Ultra Magnus had his shit blown to pieces.

    I love you so much Wreck-Gar, but you put that fucking useless cunt back together, why??????

  7. The Manimal says:

    The last 2 posts are why I sat on the sidelines tonight.

  8. squee4242 says:

    Marowak! My favorite! Awesome article. I wasn’t into the games, but I used to come home from school everyday and watch this show, at least until I got my first serious job and couldn’t anymore. I always preferred Jesse, James and Meowth to Ash and the gang, though.
    Happy SNT guys.

  9. Matt says:

    Manimal: We could add a third topic.

    I’ll start by saying that I’m really happy about the new seasons of Entourage and Big Love.

  10. Matt says:

    kb: I just turned off some of the blog functions which may have been causing that problem. It seemed that some anti-spam things were blocking more good comments than actual spam.

  11. Darth Poop says:

    G1 Optimus Prime would totally own Mewtwo…

    In regards to the article, I was in third grade when Pokemon first came out and it rocked my socks. I remember I was so exited when I finally found some Pokemon toys. I bought every mini-figure from the first wave. You know the ones that came with master balls. Shortly after the Pokemon movie I lost interest though. Meeril, or whatever that blue Pikachu’s name was, was cool but Christ. They just kept adding more and more.

  12. Shawn says:




  13. Matt says:

    To each his own, but I preferred Clamato chips to these.

  14. Mystie says:

    I’m more of a Tato Skins kinda gal. Cheddar & Bacon 4EVA!

  15. Darth Poop says:

    Interesting Darth Poop fact:

    Anything fried gives me the runs, except for potato chips. Now you know!

  16. Matt says:

    Tato Skins are a commodity around these parts, and by that I mean, stores no longer sell them. Whenever we travel and spot a deli with the right touch of magic, most of our luggage consists of sealed bags of Tato Skins.

  17. Magic Toe says:

    Matt –

    So far Entourage has been top notch this season. The first episode, with its mockumentary approach, was outstanding. I’m really looking forward to tonight’s episode to see how Vince takes it when Kevin breaks the news that he thought Medellin was not the blockbuster they had hoped it would be. Or at least it isn’t yet, before editing.

    What I really wanted to say however is this… Have you checked out Flight of the Conchords? I DVR’d the second episode of the season last Sunday and immediately had to follow that with going back to watch the first episode which, thankfully, is on On-Demand. (Also on On-Demand has a nifty 30-minute live show the two guys put on at some theatre in NY – also gold)

    Anyway, since you are already watching Entourage, then I hope you stick around and check out that show. I thought it was pretty brilliant.

    Has anyone else gotten a chance to sample the Kiwi-comedy samplings of Bret and Jemaine?

  18. Matt says:

    Yeah, Entourage was really getting away from its supposed concept before this season began, and while still a great buddy comedy, I much prefer what we’re getting this season: Real Hollywood crap. The chain of episodes where Vince switched to the hot agent seem really out of place and irrelevant now.

    Big Love is a tougher sell for most people, but it’s so well acted and written that it’s tough not to fall for.

    I haven’t seen Flight of the Conchords outside of that one promo which unfortunately did nothing for me, but hey, before Entourage debuted, I hated its promos, too. I’ll give it a looksie.

  19. Magic Toe says:

    Mystie –

    Tato Skins are the absolute best snack in existence. Or at least firmly on the top-10 list.

    I had nearly forgotten entirely of their existence until I blissfully rediscovered them in the lone vending machine in my college dorm. For four straight years my entire diet (post 10 PM) consisted of Tato Skins, Snickers bars, and cans of Tropicana OJ.

    This is of course excluding the rare occasion where we found a sober kid to drive us to Denny’s.

  20. Magic Toe says:

    Matt… do give it a look. I really didn’t think much of it from the previews either. I was setting my DVR to record the latest Entourage episode and decided to give it a go. I am glad I did.

    If you can… watch episode #2 first. Then backtrack to the first. That is how I did it. It seemed to work.

  21. Knegative says:

    Fixed some spam settings, huh? Let’s see if this works.

  22. Bill says:

    Manimal: I’m having a hard time finding a common ground on this thread too. But I think I am just getting old. I just realised this today, I guess. I mean I spent 15 minutes in the tea isle at the grocery store looking for the perfect sleepy tea, my favorite show on TV now is Little People, Big World (I like watching little people play soccer), my hangovers are now two days long, I read for fun, I would buy Triscuits before Doritos, I recently developed a taste for grapefruit, I listen to NPR: All Things Considered, and I have an investment portfolio. This is terribly depressing to realise.
    So I have no opinion about Pokemon either. It’s still a good read.

  23. Chris D. says:

    “Boy oh boy mom you sure can hydrate a Pizza!”

    (maybe the best movie line EVER)

  24. Knegative says:

    So, I’m to believe that you’ve never seen TF: The Movie, Manimal? I can understand never jumping the Poketrain, but I find it hard to believe you can’t talk TF.

    Maybe you just mean combining the two. You really only need to know about one combatant in a fantasy duel. The rest is all bias. Now, I do happen to know that Mewtwo is a very powerful pokemon, but I don’t need to know how strong to just say that a character that I know and love will beat them into a pulp.

    Sure you can try to be scientific about it (a la the Goku vs. Superman article) but at the end of the day it all comes down to “my guy’s better than yours.”

  25. Phil G. says:

    I’m so jealous of all of you that have so many television shows to enjoy… the only show that I am utterly hooked on is Supernatural. Watching it is also awkward sometimes, it is so chick oriented that I have to explain to my friends why I watch it: Creepy ass shit every Thursday. It is like a mini-movie…

    Pokemon, wow, it has been a long time since I have thought about Pokemon. I too was one of those people who abandoned it after it went over 151.

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