I just came across a bag of souvenirs we bought at Disney World last year and promptly forgot about, I guess proving once and for all that people really don’t “need” stuffed Ewok dolls or packages of Stitch-brand astronaut ice cream. On the other hand, it’s nice to rub out a blog entry using nothing but an old Disney souvenir and the July issue of Cosmo.
I Dig Dinosaurs is a little kit meant to introduce children to the world of dinosaur fossils, and how scientists go about excavating said fossils. You might consider this a strange artifact to find in Disney World; actually, I picked it up in the gift shop exclusive to the “Dinosaur” ride, preferring to spend five bucks on an I Dig Dinosaurs kit to spending ten times that amount for a raptor-themed marionette.
Whether due to all those old book fair books or maybe just Calvin & Hobbes comics, my friends and I often dug for dinosaur bones during our youth. Well, “often” may be a little strong…I remember doing it at least once, when we found this skull that I now recognize as a raccoon skull. Of course, back then, it was clearly the skull of an infant Tyrannosaurus. I only really remember this as the catalyst to a much more prominent and legendary memory: The fight between three young boys who all wanted to keep the baby T-Rex skull in their house. I didn’t win. Truth be told, I was afraid to touch it.
The kit consists of a fairly large, egg-shaped mound of sand and rock pebbles, drenched in some kind of weird substance that holds them together like glue without all the messy gooeyness of real glue. There’s also a plastic “digging tool,” which you’re supposed to use like a scalpel to carefully chip away all of the rocks and pebbles on your way to excavating a dinosaur fossil.
For today only, “dinosaur fossil” is defined as “small rubber dinosaur figure.”
The kit is cheap and knows it, so it’s not coming to you without a few flaws. Number one, the digging tool wears down like an eraser as you use it, going from a serrated super weapon to one of those plastic butterknives you’d get at an outdoor barbecue. This leaves you with no choice but to smash the entire egg against the nearest hard surface, which works approximately 742,000 times better than trying to dismantle it with a two-ounce piece of pliable plastic.
After repeated throws to the floor, I finally started seeing some dino. It wasn’t the kind of cathartic moment that I was hoping for, but then, I’m not three-years-old. On the upside, I can use all of that chopped up pebbly sand to start a wicked bowl motif for my solitary fighting fish. You know, the ones pet shops torture?
Soon, my dinosaur was freed, and he was ALIVE. I think I know the exact species on which the figure was based, but it’s the kind of thing where I’d have to Google around to make sure I’m right, and then I’ll get all caught up in reading about various dinosaurs and about how big the mosquitos were in prehistoric times. This happens every time I try to safety check a dinosaur-related identity guess. I’ve had it. I’m just not going to say it.
All told, there are worse things to blow five bucks on than I Dig Dinosaurs kits. Gruyere cheese, for example. No reason for Gruyere to cost so much more than Swiss. It’s the same shit.
MORE DINO ACTION ON X-E: Oatmeal With Dinosaur Eggs – Purplesaurus Rex Kool-Aid – Dinosaur Sticker Book – Dinosaurs Attack! Cards
Posted by Matt. E-mail me!
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I wish you could put that dino in water and make him grow up into an ugly sponge.