X-Entertainment.com X-Entertainment UGO
X-Entertainment is still feeling pretty bad about those lobsters.

06/23/2007: Summer Megaparty: The McDonald’s Hulaburger!


Ray Kroc sounds like the name of a professional wrestler in a snakeskin singlet, but he’s actually the guy who bought the McDonald’s franchise for three bucks and a pack a gum, quickly transforming it into the megapower it is today. Kroc was an amazing personality — a capitalist and an opportunist in every way, but also an artist who truly loved everything he exploited.

Still, every hamburger hero has his tragic flaw, and in Ray Kroc’s case, it was the “Hulaburger.”

See, Catholics weren’t supposed to eat meat on Fridays, but Ray didn’t want that to mean that Catholics wouldn’t eat at McDonald’s on Fridays. If the Catholics couldn’t have hamburgers, what could they have? The simple answer is “fish,” but Ray was anything but simple. He didn’t want to serve fish. He wanted to serve pineapples.

Yes, the Hulaburger replaced meat with slices of pineapple, and as you might imagine, the sandwich flopped. Arriving and exiting in the ’50s, the Hulaburger has lived on in every article penned by someone who wanted to make Ray Kroc look like a dummy.

But was he really a dummy? Pineapple burgers, especially when you think of burgers in McDonald’s terms, really don’t sound that bad. Maybe Ray wasn’t insane. Maybe he just overlooked the fact that people who couldn’t eat meat generally went to places other than restaurant chains that sold nothing but meat.

I was determined to know if the Hulaburger was actively bad, or maybe just misplaced. There was only one way to find out.


I had to make a Hulaburger.

The official recipe for the Hulaburger has never been disclosed, but even without any photographic evidence to serve as my guide, I think I can handle “replace meat with pineapple” without too many errors.


Through various articles online, I’ve gathered that the pineapple was grilled in butter to help make it an easier sell as a meat-replacement. So, I sliced some fresh pineapple, greased a pan and sung “Mele Kalikimaka” to my cats as it cooked.

While the pineapples browned, I had the ungodly task of trying to separate the meat in a McDonald’s cheeseburger from the cheese. The cats, who were such a wonderful audience during my impromptu concert moments earlier, each received scraps of torn hamburger and I prepped for the next step of Hulaburger creation.


After slipping the pineapple into the bun, I realized that I likely sliced it a little too thick. Would’ve restarted the process with a thinner pineapple patty, but I was rapidly losing interest.

Upon the first bite, I can’t say that it was either horrible or very good. Thing about it is, even when you take out the meat, McDonald’s cheeseburgers still taste exactly like McDonald’s cheeseburgers. So it was basically like eating a McDonald’s cheeseburger and pineapples at the same time. Slightly wrong, but somehow, slightly right.

The Hulaburger made much more sense in the ’50s than it does today, thanks to the nationwide Polynesian fad that saw Americans regurgitate a foreign culture in the form of raffia table skirts and coconut bras. Pineapple burgers fit right into that mentality. Today, it’s a little harder to look at the photo below and call it “chic.”


I can barely make popcorn without doing something wrong, so my presentation of the Hulaburger really shouldn’t be the barometer. I can kind of see what Ray Kroc was going for, but maybe that’s just because I get giddy thinking about my drunk ancestors stumbling into McDonald’s to order “one a dem Hulaburgers.”

Shit, is today Saturday? I made these last night. That means I spent Friday night dissecting McDonald’s cheeseburgers and refitting them with pineapple slices. HELLO ladies!


Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

Bookmark and Share


Discussion Thread: 191 comments

Eww. Although I bet you could make a badass hamburger with pineapple on it, you’d still want meat, I think.

That crazy Kroc.

Ghosted by Evin @ 06/23/2007 1:40 PM EDT


Truly Disgusting! Cheese + Pineapple = blargh!

Ghosted by Fishstick Gumbo @ 06/23/2007 1:44 PM EDT


Super job, Matt. Over the past couple of years I think I have memorized your bite radius. If you ever assault someone, try not to bite them. Too much evidence. :)

Ghosted by Bill @ 06/23/2007 1:55 PM EDT


eww pineapples :(

Ghosted by dohopoki`s xbox @ 06/23/2007 2:20 PM EDT


Man, that just looks nasty. Of course I can’t stand cooked pineapple at all. Red Robin has a burger with pineapple on top of it and that’s just…eew.
I have heard of the Hula Burger though, and now that I’ve seen one, I’m glad they just went for the delicious Filet o’Fish instead.

Ghosted by Myke @ 06/23/2007 2:21 PM EDT


At first I thought it sounded nasty, but then I remembered that pineapple pizza has bread, tomatoes and cheese and it’s not too bad…

Ghosted by Hey I'm Jeff @ 06/23/2007 2:29 PM EDT


Man, I love pineapples and have been known to succumb to the craving of a McDonald’s chee, but that’s pretty grody. Ew, I just remembered there’s pickles on there! And mustard :x
I alway enjoy seeing the influx of fishy type sandwiches that pop up around February. Not that I would ever eat one.
Happy Saturday everybody! (PS to fellow The Office fans: isn’t the hula gal up there a dead ringer for Kelly Customer Service Kapoor? Just me?)

Ghosted by squee4242 @ 06/23/2007 2:41 PM EDT


Woo, finally, a hulaburger. I can see why the Filet-O-Fish came along (which I like).

I just got back from my gf’s sorority car wash. Yes, good as it sounds…but mainly as a way to get my car cleaned for cheap. I haven’t been in a real car wash in…today’s the 23rd…more than a year ago.

Ghosted by Invader Norbert @ 06/23/2007 2:47 PM EDT


wow, how sad is this? I’m watching old 1970’s Kung Fu movies on Telemundo. Spanish voice over Chinese movies are the only choice I have. It’s like wearing your shoes on the wrong feet. It’s might be close but it could not be more wrong.

Ghosted by Bill @ 06/23/2007 2:52 PM EDT


eh, it doesn’t sound that pleasant to choke down.. hmm..

Ghosted by Andrew @ 06/23/2007 2:58 PM EDT


Ray Kroc also sounds like he could’ve been Batman villian Killer Croc’s alter ego. i’ll bet it would have beeen better if you didn’t use the McDonald’s bought cheeseburger as your base. Freshly prepared I’ll bet it would be pretty good (minus the onion cuz i think it would ruin the pineapple taste). Pineapples are good on pizza so they should be good as part of a “stripped down” cheeseburger in my opinion.

Ghosted by phunqsauce @ 06/23/2007 3:04 PM EDT


You’re a much braver man than I am, Matt.

Ghosted by Phil G. @ 06/23/2007 3:04 PM EDT


Yeah, a burger with pineapple plus the typical beef patty doesn’t sound too bad. Don’t quite know if I’d want it myself. This post has still made me hungry though…

Perhaps they could’ve served fish with pineapple. And for Catholics on other days of the week as well as non-Catholics, perhaps the Hulaburger could make a comeback in the form of a pork McRib with pineapple (since of course pork is standard fare at a luau). Or maybe they could play it safe for Jews, Muslims, and Hindus too and serve mutton like Mickey Dee’s does in India.

That said, heh, IMVHO I think fundamentalist Catholics wouldn’t have had too much of a problem eating McDonald’s standard burgers on Fridays, if you know what I mean. I personally don’t think of McD’s as food so much as “food”.

Ghosted by Andrew @ 06/23/2007 3:05 PM EDT


Pineapples are fucking delicious, especially mashed up in some cottage cheese. I’d probably eat a burger with a big fried hunk of pineapple inside.

My cat was bugging me to wake up too early so she kept meowing and getting all up in my grill and eventually just settled on sleeping on top of my hand.

Ghosted by Mystie @ 06/23/2007 3:09 PM EDT


Ew. Maybe without all the other– nope. Still sounds gross.

Ghosted by Rainbowfeet @ 06/23/2007 3:09 PM EDT


Wow, that looks horrible and tempting all at the same time. Typically I love pineapple, and I can stomach a McDonald’s burger from time-to-time, but could I choke down one of these?

Perhaps.

Ghosted by Magic Toe @ 06/23/2007 3:30 PM EDT


MMM…fried pineapple burger…delicious. I’ve had the Red Robin chicken teryaki pineapple burger sandwich thing and it is very yum. Also pineapple and canadian bacon are my favorite toppings for pizza, and sometimes I throw onions on there too. I love pineapple, especially fresh, raw or cooked it doesn’t matter. I’m also one of those people who like to mix salty and sweet things together, so that burger sounds just right in my opinion. Carl’s Jr., my favorite fast food place, has just come out with a burger + pineapple that I want so bad, but haven’t tried yet. Maybe I can convince my sister-in-law to stop and get me one on the way back. God now I’m very hungry!

Ghosted by Cookiemonstr @ 06/23/2007 3:32 PM EDT


I love Hawaiian Pizza which has pineapple, canadian bacon, regular bacon, and red onion. DELICIOUS!

Ghosted by JLAJRC @ 06/23/2007 3:38 PM EDT


in a burger related story…
Picked up a bag of the “mystery flavor” Doritos X-13D
and came to the conclusion that Frito-Lay figured out a way to powderize a hamburger with ketchup and mustard and sprinkle it on corn chips. Anyone else taste these?

Ghosted by phunqsauce @ 06/23/2007 3:41 PM EDT


As I sit here reading this thread, it occurs to me that I’ve eaten pineapple maybe once or twice in my life. I have no recollection as to whether I enjoyed it or not. The Hulaburger is tempting, but that could just be because I haven’t had lunch yet.

Ghosted by Thomas @ 06/23/2007 3:48 PM EDT


it actually doesnt look too bad at all.

…did you keep the pickles on it?

Ghosted by SerialPsychosis @ 06/23/2007 3:52 PM EDT


For all you west-coast people, Carls Jr. has a new “Teriyaki Burger” that comes with a big Dole pineapple slice and sounds the same as the hula burger only with teriyaki sauce as well. Haven’ tried it yet as it is one of those very large Carls Jr. burgers and i dont have the apetite.

Ghosted by sam @ 06/23/2007 4:25 PM EDT


I don’t know. Pineapple’s not my favorite, but it can be okay. I like Hawian Pizza, and I think I might try that burger at Red Robin, but if the Hula burger was just a cheese burger replacing pineapple for the meat?… Yuck.

Cheese, ketchup, mustard and pineapple? Gross. Are you sure there wasn’t some other kind of combo with the pineapple?

Ghosted by Doug @ 06/23/2007 4:25 PM EDT


Teriyaki burger:

http://biz.yahoo.com/prnews/070523/law062.html?.v=101

Ghosted by sam @ 06/23/2007 4:28 PM EDT


This reminds me of eating fresh Pineapple at McDonalds in Hawaii. Only time I have eaten Pineapple and liked it, actually….

Megaparty SNT?

Ghosted by Cameron T. @ 06/23/2007 4:38 PM EDT


This will double as the SNT, yes. :D

Ghosted by Matt @ 06/23/2007 4:40 PM EDT


Holy crap that looks awful.

Ghosted by Mufu @ 06/23/2007 4:47 PM EDT


I agree with phunqsauce. Made fresh that would probably be very good.

Ghosted by Tetsu Deinonychus @ 06/23/2007 5:03 PM EDT


I too am repulsed yet compelled by this….

I am also a fan of the pineapple on pizza, so how radical could it be?

Happy SNT; be back later to help drink the leftover mixed drinks and clean up a bit ;)

Ghosted by Shuanfu @ 06/23/2007 5:11 PM EDT


Makes me want to lightly toast a bagel, slap some cream cheese on it, put a cooked pinapple ring on that , and top it with the other bagel half. Then eat it while watching a old Kung-Fu movie.

Ghosted by kingklash @ 06/23/2007 5:23 PM EDT


Pineapples actually aren’t all that bad on a pizza — too much is no good, which is why Hawaiian pizza could get a bit tiresome, but one a burger bun? I think I’ll stick with a Big Mac.

Ghosted by Retro Playback @ 06/23/2007 5:27 PM EDT


For some reason I just pictured an 80’s comedy movie style montage of us X-E addicts preparing a SNT Megaparty luau style. I could be the nerd checkin out a babe while painting and end up painting on the person next to me because I’m too busy not paying attention to the task at hand. At some point we would have to have a robot buddy help out but turn out to ruin everything. Robots showed up frequently in movies they didn’t star in back in the 80’s and at the most random times…I’m suprised the robot helper in the Rocky series survived into the 90’s.

Ghosted by phunqsauce @ 06/23/2007 5:30 PM EDT


Carl’s Jr. is Hardees on the east coast. I learned that the other night. I can do w/o a terriyaki burger, thank you. Though, I do love Terriyaki beef jerky, so maybe I will try it.

Too bad they didn’t have soy burgers back in the 50’s, they could have just used those. Wait, did they have them in the 50’s? I wish my McDonald’s still had soy burgers. They remind me of school food. I LOVE school food. I’m crazy, I know.

I WILL BRING THE SMASH MOUTH ALBUMS, phunq!!!!! There was a time when all I wanted was for the world to be one big Tiki-themed pool party. I still want that…in the quiet moments

Ghosted by K- @ 06/23/2007 5:35 PM EDT


Pineapple and sausage. Best pizza. Ever.

Ghosted by citygirl @ 06/23/2007 5:39 PM EDT


I honestly don’t know if I would be brave enough to taste a Hulaburger (mustard, ketchup, pickle, onions and pineapple ???). I’ve heard Hawaiians like Spam so maybe instead of no hamburger on it you could put Spam on it with the pineapple. Hmm…. ‘cuz Spam isn’t really a meat :0.
**No offense to all those Spam lovin’ people out there. HAHA!**

Ghosted by threebeesatdisney @ 06/23/2007 5:46 PM EDT


I absolutely love tiki torches, tiki candles or whatever has a flame outside in a torch-wanna-be container. A few cold brews, a great chair and those flames. That’s livin’!
Wandered around the Polynesian while at Disney last week. Wish I could afford such a place. I forgot to check out their food court area. Do they have one? or is it just sit down service? Food good or bad? Maybe it doesn’t matter after some of those tiki-drinks! :)

Ghosted by threebeesatdisney @ 06/23/2007 5:51 PM EDT


I can’t stand pineapple myself, too sweet but wow that looks entertaining!

Ghosted by Skywalking @ 06/23/2007 5:59 PM EDT


hula burger…..sounds horendous, and would likely only funnel money to Kenny Rodger’s Dole pinnapple slave plantation island if it existed today. 7-11 nachos still rule

Ghosted by the politically correct concerned citizen Josh Ednoff @ 06/23/2007 6:14 PM EDT


Hulaburger? What the hell, I’d try it…

Squee, that totally looks like Kelly Kapoor. Good call! Man, I love that show.

And Phunqsauce, where did you find the X-13D Doritos? I’ve been looking everywhere for them, I’m starting to think they don’t sell ‘em here in Southern Michigan. Was it a big bag or a little one?

Ghosted by Big McLargehuge @ 06/23/2007 6:42 PM EDT


Gweff:
hey man, nope you’re not the only one, and neither am I, there’s at least 3 more dudes that i i know of from st. johns and the surronding erea that read the site religiously, not sure if they post on the blog though, we should have a newfoundland x-e summer bbq!!

Ghosted by JoshC @ 06/23/2007 6:44 PM EDT


Big McLargehuge – I found them at my local Giant Eagle supermarket and they were in a big bag. I live in northeast Ohio so I’m technically regionally close to you so I’m not sure why they wouldn’t sell them in your neck of the woods…then again I don’t make their business decisions. Just imagine you could be eating doritos that taste (to me anyways) like wendy’s hamburgers!

Ghosted by phunqsauce @ 06/23/2007 6:57 PM EDT


Ewwww… that’s just wrong

Ghosted by Ladytink_534 @ 06/23/2007 7:15 PM EDT


Matt – I tried emailing you a couple of days ago. I have some old commercials I was going to send your way.

Ghosted by Rocky @ 06/23/2007 7:25 PM EDT


Thanks Phunq. I don’t think we have any Giant Eagles around here. I tried Polly’s Country Market (local chain I believe), Meijers, and a few convenience stores, but no love…

Ghosted by Big McLargehuge @ 06/23/2007 7:38 PM EDT


Meijer doesn’t carry it?????? I find that fucking AMAZING! that store has EVERYTHING!

Ghosted by phunqsauce @ 06/23/2007 8:21 PM EDT


Blech! Looks awful! If you can choke down a homemade hulaburger, you can throw down some shots of Creamy Cucumber. C’mon! For your fans!

Ghosted by Jack Sparrow @ 06/23/2007 8:25 PM EDT


Well, my plans for the evening began to rearrange themselves so I decided to cancel completely and not go anywhere at all. Guess tonights a good night for an X-E party after all.

Apple-tini, anyone?

Ghosted by Shuanfu @ 06/23/2007 8:31 PM EDT


I’ll eat anything on pizza but anchovies and olives, so Hulaburgers don’t sound too repulsive to me. As someone who is on a diet (and hates MickeyD’s anyway), maybe I’ll try my own version, with real cheese instead of nuclear and no ketchup or pickles.

Ghosted by starwenn @ 06/23/2007 8:35 PM EDT


That sounds intriguing. I am putting it on my “if i ever get a chance to use or own a time machine this is what I am going to do” lists. I love canadian bacon and pinapple pizza, that sounds good right about now. Also we always order combo with pinapple for pizza. My grandma makes sweet and sour on rice and that shit is GOOD. It’s sweet and sour sauce, with chunks of pinapple, chunks of meat you would put in a stew, and chopped up green bell pepper. You pour that on top of white rice. Sounds easy but I have never made it myself. I got the meat once and the sauce (in a bottle at your local grocery store) but the meat went rotten before I got a chance to use it.

I just was stretching my leftovers too long in those days, I was in denial saying “oh I’ll use it before it goes bad, don’t worry” and then it goes rancid on the bottom shelf of my fridge. I just hate the process of thawing out meat within hours instead of just using it after you buy it at the store. I usually plan my meals a few hours before I cook dinner so overnight thawing is not an option when it’s 1 in the afternoon and you don’t have the meat out of the fridge you know what i mean.

Happy SNT everybody, and I am working a temp job on wednesday so hey 9 dollars an hour for one day is better then nothin. So woohoo!

Ghosted by Goob @ 06/23/2007 8:40 PM EDT


I love you Goob. Just to let you know.

Ghosted by Bill @ 06/23/2007 8:51 PM EDT


Add A New Comment!