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My dying wish is for an owl/camel hybrid, which I call camowl.

New ToyFare gig, plus QUIRKY SURVEY!

I'm hearing loads of "mehs" and "blehs" in response to the new Transformers flick, but I dunno...you've gotta go into it without the expectation that this was made for Transfans, because it simply wasn't. There are millions of Transformers fans, certainly, but there's a big difference between someone who remembers those cooool transforming cars and someone who remembers that Autobot Seaspray talked funny and once had a human girlfriend. The movie was NOT made for the latter type of fan, because there are not enough of those fans to support a gigantic motion picture.

My take: With or without the Transformers ties, a big budget summer flick featuring robot cars pounding the shit out of robot airplanes is probably more worth seeing than debating. The fact that it has those ties is just gravy for those of us who care. Not saying it'll be great, but unlike the Star Wars prequels, I'm not going to walk into the theater feeling like I'm owed what I wished for.

This is how I help myself hedge expectations when people tell me that it's less a movie about Transformers and more a movie about John Turturro making balloon animals.


It's with that perfect segue that I inform you of my latest ToyFare gig -- I'm in issue #120, which is an all Transformers blowout, with a page-long feature about Transformers: The Movie. Not the new one. The old one. The one that's animated. The one with a reverbing Wheelie. Read about the five best moments in the movie, along with sidebars on "Scramble City" and the age old dream battle of Unicron versus the Death Star. Looks like they had to chop out some copy to make space, but so long as the byline stands and the check clears, I'll head into tomorrow just as convictionless as before.

I have to admit, I'm pretty pumped about the Summer Megaparty. (See the previous entry if you don't know what in the fuck I'm talking about.) I've spent most of the night spinning in my chair, looking around my junkyard office for different things to write about. Then I thought about how I could hop in my car with my laptop, drive down the street and review the neighbor's weird lawn ornaments. X-E became whatever it became, but it was built on the freedom to turn anything into content. I'm psyched.

I'll probably let tomorrow slide without a new entry so we can enter the Megaparty cleanly, and knowing that, maybe it's a good time for a survey.

In the comments, list five of your weirdest quirks. Don't fake it. Think about the weird stuff you do, whether it paints you gold or black, and tell the world. Or at least, tell the small part of the world that sifts through comments on my blog. Here's five of mine:

  • I love V8 juice, but I hate drinking it whenever someone else is in the room. When I'm alone, I have visions of the Juiceman and of beautiful beds of tomatoes and parsley. When my concentration breaks, all I can think about is how there must be bits of soil and worms somewhere in the juice.
  • I can write just as quickly upside-down and backwards as I can the standard way. Hard to explain, but picture me leaning across the table and writing you a note. You wouldn't have to flip the paper over to read it. I'm very proud of this.
  • I cannot tie shoelaces. I never learned how. I have trouble with most knots, but shoelaces especially. I rarely buy sneakers for this reason.
  • I have absolutely no appreciation for music. I've listened to the same dozen or so artists/groups for the last decade. Nothing else can get in the rotation and I have no idea why.
  • I'm left-handed, but unlike most left-handers, I've never been able to learn how to use scissors with my right hand. It makes me feel contorted. Thus, I'm very poor at cutting things out with scissors. Perhaps I should invest in a specialty scissor.

Your turn!

Posted by Matt on 06/18/2007. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 381 comments

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That’s like vegetable incest. I like it…

Chestnuts roasted by K- @ 06/20/2007 1:04 AM


Starwenn, I’m into musicals as well, but detest most of them. The whole “we’re singing, singing, let’s dance!” type of musicals — no thank you. The real ones, with an actual storyline — I’m all for.

Chestnuts roasted by xcharislamex @ 06/20/2007 1:06 AM


Megaparty hasn’t even started yet and we hit 200. It is going to be great fun.
Rainbowfeet, I’m happy that someone else has the same problem. Not happy, really, but relieved.
Some of the rest of you need to get out of my head.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 06/20/2007 1:12 AM


1. I’ve been a vegetarian all my life; have never had meat, fish, etc. If I come into contact with anything that I can’t eat I fell filthy. I mean, it’s a dead animal for Christ’s sake!

2. I’ve always got to wash my feet after I cut my toenails.

3. If I pick my nose I have to wash my hands immediately even if I’m all alone, which I often am… anyway.

4. I use shampoo… down there… whenever I take a shower…

5. I only drink bottled water and I can’t drink water with a straw like someone else here.

6. I once cried at the end of Return of the Jedi during the Ewok celebration.

7. I usually don’t even bother with the toys of main characters but rather buy the nameless background characters in masse. Hey, you can’t just have one TMNT Foot Soldier right?

8. If I’m in a chair that feels like a seat in a car to me, I’ll become uncomfortable when I realize that I’m not wearing a seat belt.

9. I sleep for about eight hours a day… I’m pretty normal in that respect.

10. Viewing a marshmallow peep being fried in a microwave oven causes flashbacks to a past life where I was a lonely traveler, wandering the desolate wastelands in search of the fabled Locnar. My only companion, a giant, pink, anthropomorphic rabbit named Captain Harold R. Griswold. Oh, the tomfoolery that was had…

Chestnuts roasted by Darth Poop @ 06/20/2007 1:16 AM


First of all I have to say I love this site! I have been visiting forever, and this is my first comment. I just couldn’t pass on the five quirks challenge. You have never failed me on any 80′s related toy/cereal/cartoon type archive searches and for helping me relive my childhood…thanks.

1. I overdosed on Flintstone vitamins a day before my fourth birthday. I hid under the snack bar and ate an entire bottle. I had to have my stomach pumped and to this day I have a legitimate fear of pills that might have adverse effects. On the bright side I never had a desire to experiment with drugs.

2. I shake my feet to go to sleep. Something about the rocking motion calms me. I also wear a sleep mask and some people think it’s weird, but it really helps.

3. In the past couple of years I have become almost irrational about germs. I even think about how many people have pawed on things I purchase at Wal-Mart. I imagine them touching their cold sore, and then my box of Boo Berry. It totally freaks me out.

4. I have a very healthy addiction to anything Harry Potter. (At least I keep telling myself it’s healthy.)

5. I sometimes think that in a past life I plunged into a huge body of water and drowned inside some type of vehicle. This is how I explain two of my greatest fears… driving and that weightless feeling you get in water. I do drive, but I hate it and I never learned to swim, but I love to float around in a pool.

Chestnuts roasted by iAMYou @ 06/20/2007 1:20 AM


I use shampoo… down there… whenever I take a shower…

Do not use Prell as lubricant. Adam Corolla died for our sins.

Chestnuts roasted by K- @ 06/20/2007 1:20 AM


bloodybrilliantme hey! Welcome back!
I love this thread sooo much
I love this thread, but we’re all completely insane.
–I second both of those
jazzy I want to borrow those books! I wonder if they are still at the library

6. I cannot properly say sounds like “ch” “j” “g” “tion” etc. It’s just a minor lisp, not enough to require speech therapy or anything, but I am entirely embarrassed of it. To the point where I will say different words to avoid those sounds. When I was a barista and had to call out drinks to waiting customers I would get someone else to call out “short chai” for that reason

7. I cannot stand beer. I have never finished an entire one. I was a cashier in a grocery store where I would have to serve smelly drunks who smelled of cheap beer and whenever I try one that thought comes back to me.

8. kinda along the lines of nina I am straight totally and completely, but to me, women are leaps and bounds more nice to look at then men, usually.

9. I find incredible comfort in watching old 80s family sitcoms. Like Cosby, Family Ties etc.

10. The only time I want to be in a climate with weather above 75 degrees is if I am swimming outside. Anything that feels hot to me is pointless.

Chestnuts roasted by kb @ 06/20/2007 1:23 AM


Everyone talking about their spelling mistakes makes me glad I use Firefox — everything I type in text boxes that isn’t spelled right gets underlined in red. :)

11. I absolutely can not stand spicy foods. Anything spicier than taco powder feels like fire in my mouth. Occasionally I can tolerate a medium salsa. I will not eat anything on a menu that uses the word “Zesty” in the description.

12. I have no problem jokingly calling myself “fatty” but if I hear anyone else use that term, I want to tear them limb from limb.

13. I’ve taken tons of typing classes, but still don’t type properly. My left pinky hooks around the keyboard and I keep my right pink up. Instead of memorizing moving from the home row, I’ve memorized all the distances between keys. I currently type 65WPM.

14. I’m not sure if I have a deviated septum, or just one hell of a sinus blockage, but I can only breathe through one nostril at a time. Sometimes I can even feel my nose switching sides.

15. I always think I’m going to be that one in a bajillion person that dies of something totally crazy like spontaneous combustion or some strange disease. Sometimes I’m even scared to pass people on the highway because I’m afraid they’ll chase me down and kill me.

Chestnuts roasted by Mystie @ 06/20/2007 1:26 AM


Wow, I feel so much more like a complete weirdo. I’ve seen a ton of stuff on here that people consider “quirks” that I thought was completely normal. Maybe that’s a quirk in and of itself, thinking that what I do is normal when it’s really not.

Shuanfu, that scan of Optimus Prime for the new Transformer animated series looks truly awful. I sincerely hope that was some sort of practical joke. It looks like it was drawn by a kid in grade school on the back of his notebook.

More quirks-

6. When I was a kid, I was afraid grownups could read minds. Now that I’m grown up, I’m afraid women are mind readers. I would just die if random women (or worse, friends and co-workers) knew all the oddball/perverted stuff in my head. Sometimes a woman will give me a funny look, and I just KNOW that she knows I was thinking about Garbage Pail Kids or wondering what she looks like naked.

7. Unless it’s a single sentence, I feel weird if I write a paragraph or thought using less than three sentences.

8. I’m afraid to ask women out, and I get totally tongue tied around single women that aren’t co-workers. I think it’s just my overwhelming fear of rejection. Even so, I start to act and talk like a complete moron around women that even MIGHT be a possible match for me. I also start to sweat a lot. Think of Beavis when he’s had too much sugar and screaming about “Cornholio” and “TP for my bunghole!” It’s why I haven’t had a date in years, and why my only “relationships” (which were usually very brief) were either fix-ups or when the woman surprised me by asking me out.

9. I get an unreasonable amount of pleasure when people respond to my posts. That includes the embarassing and/or disgusting ones, such as my admission about my unhealthy use of Q-tips near the beginning of this thread. I’m actually hoping that somebody will get pissed about my quirk #6 and tell me that I’m a horrible person for being such a pervert.

10. I like milk- a lot. I’ll drink a gallon in a day or two. But I hate going to the store to get more, so I’ll be out for several days, sometimes more than a week. I don’t know why I don’t just buy a couple gallons when I go. I just can’t bring myself to buy two gallons of milk at once.

Chestnuts roasted by spaz307 @ 06/20/2007 1:34 AM


I’ve taken tons of typing classes, but still don’t type properly.

I only use one of the shift keys and one thumb to hit the space bar. You can see the wear on the right side of it. To capitalize letters like QWEASDZXC I cock my hand back while my pinky presses shift and my ring finger presses the desired letter.

Chestnuts roasted by K- @ 06/20/2007 1:36 AM


Mystie, I’m totally in harmony with your your #12. I make jokes about my own weight all the time, but I get hyper-pissed at someone else even MENTIONING it. I’ve lost friends and stopped talking to people who say something more than a couple times.

Chestnuts roasted by spaz307 @ 06/20/2007 1:41 AM


Hmm. Like others, I’m going to post a 6-10.

6. I get overheated really quickly; in just a short time, my body temperature soars and I get a terrible migraine headache. It’s terrible.

7. I’m a giant hypocrite when it comes to getting music; I hound others for downloading illegally, but almost none of my 1k+ music collection is bought.

8. Like Rob mentioned very far above, I’m a research fiend as well; I look up anything that somebody mentions if I don’t know about it. I’m thankful for Wikipedia.

8. I have a weird sense of humor and like messing up list numbers. :D

10. I’m a great speller; however, some of my friends find it… really annoying that I can spell the words that they have trouble with, so I sometimes restrict myself. Stupid, hmm?

Chestnuts roasted by xcharislamex @ 06/20/2007 1:49 AM


Okay, 5 more I’m willing to share.

6) Every time I wash my hands I sing the entire song “Yankee Doodle.” I was told in the third grade that this was the amount of time needed to sufficiently kill germs.

7) I cannot touch wooden spoons if my hands are wet, however if the spoon is wet itself, I can pick it up no problem. Also, and this one is really out there, I cannot stand to touch a paper towel if my hands are wet. I can only use cloth to dry my hands.

8)I am unusually good at being able to mimic anyone and anything. From people to animals, cartoon characters to just obsolete white noises, I can repeat them with complete authenticity.

9) I can’t stand when people mispronounce the words nuclear or Washington. Just hearing nucular or Warshington is enough to send me into a psychotic rage from which I am nary to return.

10)Once, I dreamt that my cat was giving me lottery numbers. 2 days later the big lottery drawing occurred. If I had followed my kitty’s advice I would have won $10,000. Keep this in mind, cats are down with lotto picks.

Chestnuts roasted by bloodybrilliantme @ 06/20/2007 1:51 AM


Oooh, Comedy Central is playing UHF!

Chestnuts roasted by Mystie @ 06/20/2007 2:02 AM


wow, reading these is weird..there are a lot in common! well, here goes:

1. i chew to music…like if i have a song in my head, i clack my teeth to the song. i even do it while i eat- i chew my food to the beat. ive done that ever since i was little.

2. the sound a car stereo makes when the bass is up really high, (you know, when the people think it is cool to have their rap music playing really loud) hurts me. not in the ears, but all over, and makes me really uncomfortable.

3. i cant touch cotton balls. they make a creaky noise that totally freaks me out.

4. i dont like going alone to a new place that ive never been before. it has to be with someone else, preferably someone who has been there before.

5. i like to touch things…if im in a store and i see something interesting, i have to touch it. also, i have to touch things while im counting them, otherwise i think they might not exist and i wont get an accurate count. also if im looking for something…for example, if im looking for a book on a shelf, i have to touch each spine until i find the right book, otherwise i might miss it because it doesnt exist.
wow, that last one sounds really weird, when i look at it like that.
anyway…

Chestnuts roasted by mpkalypso @ 06/20/2007 2:08 AM


i just thought of another wierd one: i cant eat in front of people, unless they are eating too.

Chestnuts roasted by mpkalypso @ 06/20/2007 2:10 AM


9) I can’t stand when people mispronounce the words nuclear or Washington. Just hearing nucular or Warshington is enough to send me into a psychotic rage from which I am nary to return.

11. If I do something normally right but it’s something that has a subtle wrong way that people will obsess over, I become over cautious and think I’m doing it wrong. Thus, I end up uncorrecting myself and now pronounce it nucular when I used to pronounce it right.

Chestnuts roasted by dohopoki @ 06/20/2007 2:13 AM


About the whole touching everything: I had a professor in college that would touch everything, especially textured surfaces. He claimed that he did it because he wanted to experience everything in the world as much as possible…and I bought it. I find myself touching things as well, especially if they have a strange looking ‘new feel’ to them.

Chestnuts roasted by Shuanfu @ 06/20/2007 2:16 AM


iAMYou, I also have to shake my feet to fall asleep. I do it when I wake up as well.

I thought of another one:

Blue and white checkered material (like Dorothy’s dress on the Wizard of Oz) makes me uneasy. If I start to think about it too much, my throat tightens and my breathing gets all messed up.

Chestnuts roasted by GloomyJack @ 06/20/2007 2:25 AM


I am looking for assisatnce in identifying an obscure toy line from the 80′s.The basic plot of the toy line involved monsters disguised as boulders that would transform (very simple transformation)and eat little monsters with no arms and big butts that veried in different colors. I know vague.

Chestnuts roasted by GhostBuggy @ 06/20/2007 2:40 AM


I want MegaParty to start now!

Chestnuts roasted by the politically correct concerned citizen Josh Ednoff @ 06/20/2007 2:43 AM


ok, i thought of a bunch more:
-when i was little i thought there was a vampire in my closet. i would make sure that my neck and the necks of my stuffed animals were covered up so we wouldnt get bitten. im still slightly afraid of getting attacked or bitten by something if im not covered up when i sleep.

-i still sometimes sleep with a stuffed toy, well, really it is a harry potter doll, but only when im lonely.

-i find myself straightening things. business cards on other peoples desks, pamphlets in the doctor’s office… random things like that. if they are crooked or out of order it drives me crazy. i dont do this at home, just other places.

Chestnuts roasted by mpkalypso @ 06/20/2007 2:49 AM


Spaz, You’re a horibble person.

But not really!

Chestnuts roasted by Tommy Day @ 06/20/2007 2:54 AM


13. I tend to have a lot of web pages open at once. Right now Firefox has 90 tabs open. It’s not uncommon for the number to be twice that.

Chestnuts roasted by Jeff @ 06/20/2007 3:05 AM


Who here does NOT love the tasty piece of candy at the bottom of your cup when you make chocolate milk with a ridiculous amount of powdered mix?

Chestnuts roasted by the politically correct concerned citizen Josh Ednoff @ 06/20/2007 3:13 AM


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