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New ToyFare gig, plus QUIRKY SURVEY!

I'm hearing loads of "mehs" and "blehs" in response to the new Transformers flick, but I dunno...you've gotta go into it without the expectation that this was made for Transfans, because it simply wasn't. There are millions of Transformers fans, certainly, but there's a big difference between someone who remembers those cooool transforming cars and someone who remembers that Autobot Seaspray talked funny and once had a human girlfriend. The movie was NOT made for the latter type of fan, because there are not enough of those fans to support a gigantic motion picture.

My take: With or without the Transformers ties, a big budget summer flick featuring robot cars pounding the shit out of robot airplanes is probably more worth seeing than debating. The fact that it has those ties is just gravy for those of us who care. Not saying it'll be great, but unlike the Star Wars prequels, I'm not going to walk into the theater feeling like I'm owed what I wished for.

This is how I help myself hedge expectations when people tell me that it's less a movie about Transformers and more a movie about John Turturro making balloon animals.


It's with that perfect segue that I inform you of my latest ToyFare gig -- I'm in issue #120, which is an all Transformers blowout, with a page-long feature about Transformers: The Movie. Not the new one. The old one. The one that's animated. The one with a reverbing Wheelie. Read about the five best moments in the movie, along with sidebars on "Scramble City" and the age old dream battle of Unicron versus the Death Star. Looks like they had to chop out some copy to make space, but so long as the byline stands and the check clears, I'll head into tomorrow just as convictionless as before.

I have to admit, I'm pretty pumped about the Summer Megaparty. (See the previous entry if you don't know what in the fuck I'm talking about.) I've spent most of the night spinning in my chair, looking around my junkyard office for different things to write about. Then I thought about how I could hop in my car with my laptop, drive down the street and review the neighbor's weird lawn ornaments. X-E became whatever it became, but it was built on the freedom to turn anything into content. I'm psyched.

I'll probably let tomorrow slide without a new entry so we can enter the Megaparty cleanly, and knowing that, maybe it's a good time for a survey.

In the comments, list five of your weirdest quirks. Don't fake it. Think about the weird stuff you do, whether it paints you gold or black, and tell the world. Or at least, tell the small part of the world that sifts through comments on my blog. Here's five of mine:

  • I love V8 juice, but I hate drinking it whenever someone else is in the room. When I'm alone, I have visions of the Juiceman and of beautiful beds of tomatoes and parsley. When my concentration breaks, all I can think about is how there must be bits of soil and worms somewhere in the juice.
  • I can write just as quickly upside-down and backwards as I can the standard way. Hard to explain, but picture me leaning across the table and writing you a note. You wouldn't have to flip the paper over to read it. I'm very proud of this.
  • I cannot tie shoelaces. I never learned how. I have trouble with most knots, but shoelaces especially. I rarely buy sneakers for this reason.
  • I have absolutely no appreciation for music. I've listened to the same dozen or so artists/groups for the last decade. Nothing else can get in the rotation and I have no idea why.
  • I'm left-handed, but unlike most left-handers, I've never been able to learn how to use scissors with my right hand. It makes me feel contorted. Thus, I'm very poor at cutting things out with scissors. Perhaps I should invest in a specialty scissor.

Your turn!

Posted by Matt on 06/18/2007. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 381 comments

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This is the best topic ever- you guys are so interesting! Wish I had caught it a bit sooner.

Here is my list (I will post my added notes in a few minutes):

1. I like to mix some strange combinations of food- for example: milk in my chicken soup, Spaghetti-O’s in my cottage cheese (not the reverse). Nothing too crazy, but I still get some strange looks.

2. I’m really specific about my books. When I get to shelve them (not often- not enough space), they must be alphabetical by author, then chronological by publication date. There are some exceptions to this, but not many. They must also be as nice looking as possible and fingerprint free.

3. Much of my time is spent bouncing my right leg up and down, sometimes from side to side (when I go to sleep).

4. I have a problem with touching. 99% of the time, if a human touches me (except for hugs), it’s like my skin is crawling. I think that most of this is because of body heat- I’m generally much colder than other people, and if you touch my hand and it warms up, I have to go wash it. I feel bad because I do this to my mom. :(

5. “Purses” are not “purses,” they are “bags.” Unless they’re really small and dainty.

(I can’t wait for the Megaparty!)

Chestnuts roasted by Rainbowfeet @ 06/19/2007 8:51 PM


1. I hate body noises. I am bothered when I hear people breathing, chewing, or scratching their own skin.

2. I hate Star Crunch. The thought of putting one in my mouth makes me gag, because I can feel it clogging the back of my throat.

3. I often have nightmares about large sea mammals touching me while I swim.

4. I have a deathly fear of ‘possums, armadillos, and raccoons. I nearly have heart failure every time I encounter one.

5. I dislike toilets. If I could remodel my bathroom, I would not have the toilet in view of the shower. I can’t feel good about getting clean when the toilet is right there “looking” at me.

Chestnuts roasted by GloomyJack @ 06/19/2007 9:04 PM


I hate it when I tell people I haven’t seen a certain popular movie and they look at me like I’ve just said I kill puppies for fun.

I’m the guy who will make it a point to bring you THAT movie, or THAT album, or THAT game and MAKE you experience it, because you will not be a whole person until you have. I will do this with people I have just met if I know I will be seeing them again (I need to get my stuff back, well usually). This is why I keep extra copies of some albums in my car so I can give them to people who haven’t heard them. The short list is Green Day’s American Idiot, The Ataris’s So Long, Astoria, and My Chemical Romance’s The Black Parade.

Give me a P.O. Box Jazzy, we have some work to do.

Chestnuts roasted by K- @ 06/19/2007 9:05 PM


While I wouldn’t go so far as to say that I’m “afraid” of them, I’m disturbed very much by ocean freighters. There’s something about them that I find really menacing.

Chestnuts roasted by nina @ 06/19/2007 9:10 PM


While I’m straight (as far as I know, anyway), I’ve a tremendous fascination with gay/lesbian culture. I love The L Word, and am constantly on sites like ourchart.com, afterellen.com, and afterelton.com. I’m also super into androgyny.

Chestnuts roasted by nina @ 06/19/2007 9:15 PM


I’m going to break my 1st quark so I can drink one of these fancy new lime green drinks next to our names.

Chestnuts roasted by dohopoki @ 06/19/2007 9:16 PM


Androgyny is pretty cool, says the Final Fantasy fanboy, predictably :P

There is nothing more beautiful in this world than a girl with short hair *sigh*

Chestnuts roasted by K- @ 06/19/2007 9:19 PM


I checked back and this thread exploded! With fun!

Here are some more:

1) The worst sound in the world to me is styrofoam. That squeaking causes winces and goosebumps.

2) Football is my favorite sport to watch. My favorite sport to play, though, is soccer.

3) I love beer. I was surprised at so many non-drinkers in this thread. Enjoying a Sam Adams summer ale as we speak.

4) I identify a lot with the show Dexter. In case you’ve never seen it, it’s about a serial killer.

5) I keep myself updated with video game news even though I rarely buy them. I wait till the games I want drop to 19.99.

Chestnuts roasted by Jeff Mack @ 06/19/2007 9:25 PM


Wow, awesome thread. I’ve only ever posted here once before, but I forgot what it was about. Also, this post is a very long time in coming because I had to read every previous post in this thread first. But on to some more genuine quirks:

1.) I hate seeing, hearing, or touching ice. It’s fine if it’s in a drink already, but I can’t talk to anyone while they’re chewing on an ice cube. Even watching somebody walk across snow on TV gives me the nails-on-a-chalkboard shivers. Thinking about it does the same thing, like I’m doing right now. *shudder*

2.) I have to make my body movements balanced. If I’m moving my left leg back and forth while I’m reading or whatever, I have to have a body part on the right side moving in the opposite pattern.

3.) I love the flavor of onions just as much as I love other spices(which is a lot), but the texture makes me shudder and gag. Doesn’t matter if it’s raw or cooked, the only way to eat it is if there’s really tiny bits of it in the food. If I can actually FEEL it, it’s gone. Thankfully, I married someone who’s the same way, so I can just buy those little onion flakes for the food.

4.) Whenever I hold a lightbulb in my hand, I get this very strong urge to squeeze it until it shatters. I’ve always resisted the temptation, but that might be because I always ask someone else to change the lightbulb for me nowadays.

5.) I get the same strong feeling when riding in a car with an open window. There’s the same incredibly strong urge to grab the most expensive thing I can see and toss it out the window.

@ fistpittingnork – Oingo Boingo = awesome. I actually made that my laser tag handle.

Chestnuts roasted by Toffeecake @ 06/19/2007 9:30 PM


1) I didn’t learn how to drive until I was 19.

I didn’t learn until the age of 21 (which was last year).

Chestnuts roasted by Somethin' Funny @ 06/19/2007 9:36 PM


Here is the rest of what I have to say. I would not be surprised if I comment again.

Penmissile- you’ve reminded me of my childhood fear of digital clocks (which I may or may not have mentioned)- I’d have to run by and/or turn on a light when confronted with one. I am over this now.
Squee- I am so with you on your #1.
Nicole- I also “collect” things. My plan for a lot of crap that’s just not useful is to take a picture of it and then dump it. When I move out, this will be put to the test.
On ice: no, except for H2O and sometimes fountain drinks (only a little). In general, mixing with a carbonated beverage is so gross to me.
Fistpittingnork- “Seasons in the Sun” was a tearjerker for me as a child, too.
ThrGrid- you just reminded me- it took years before I could swallow a DayQuil. NyQuil was okay, but DayQuil would not go down at all- maybe it looked big because it was orange?
I also talk to myself a lot.
As for hand washing in general, I’m better now, but in fourth grade my hands were always bleeding from washing too often.

Nose-picking: I read a book once that said that theoretically, you could die from picking your nose. If you got far enough up there, broke the skin, and were germy enough, you could get infected in your brain are and die. For years after that, if my finger so much as brushed the edge of my nostril, I’d have to rinse my nose with water- sucking it around like I’d rinse my mouth out. I’m surprised that I did not drown.

Alcohol and drugs: nope. I even have to wrap a paper towel around the lighter if I’m handing one to my parents (both smokers).
Steve_E- your #7 is awesome!

Bonus!
6. I won’t touch raw meat, even encased in plastic, nor will I carry the bag that they put it in at the store- the rest of my meat-eating family thinks I’m a baby for this.

7. Because I only tie my shoes once, when new, I sometimes have trouble remembering how to tie them.

8. I’m afraid to try Pepto Bismol again if necessary, because every time I’ve had it, I’ve thrown up within five minutes. Thinking about it now is making me queasy.

9. I used to have this thing about completing things. Like, “I have to read through page 200 in this book by 5:30 or I’m going to die.” I think
I’m over this.

10. I chew pretty much everything on the left side of my mouth.

Welcome to all the lurkers/ first-time posters!

Chestnuts roasted by Anonymous @ 06/19/2007 9:37 PM


Oh, man. This is rapidly becoming my favorite thread ever. You guys all rock.

Except one of you. Your confession has disturbed and angered me, and I don’t think we can go on being friends. You know who you are.

Since quite a few of you are posting five more, you have only yourself to blame for Jedoc’s Screwed Uppedness Round Two. Fight.

1. I wanted to be an oceanographer more than anything until I was nine years old and actually got to go to the beach. In the words of the inestimable Fred Colon: “It’s all bloody lies about the sea. It’s just all yuk with lobsters in it.”

2. I love ketchup, tomato soup, salsa, and spaghetti sauce. But the thought of eating actual tomatoes, what with the slime and the seeds and the weird hollow bits just makes me feel slightly ill.

3. I’m a supertaster, according to the third grade science experiment, but I’ve made an effort to acquire most of the tastes I’m statistically supposed to shun because I’m terrified of someday insulting someone by being unable to eat the food they prepare for me.

4. Once I shut my bedroom door for the night I can’t go back out until morning for fear of finding a blind misshapen dog-like creature dragging itself across my living room carpet. Your guess is as good as mine on this one, but it goes back as far as I can recall.

5. I don’t really like to eat or sleep. I mean, when I’m really in the mood I can certainly enjoy a good meal, and occasionally I get tired enough that going to bed is a bit of a relief, but I’m still waiting for them to invent meals in pill form, and if any of you invent a cure for sleep I’ll be at the front of the line.

Oh, and I was just kidding about that bit at the beginning. You know I can’t stay angry and disgusted at you.

Chestnuts roasted by Jedoc @ 06/19/2007 9:38 PM


Shoot, that Anonymous was me (9:37 pm). Sorry!

Chestnuts roasted by Rainbowfeet @ 06/19/2007 9:38 PM


K-, will you father my children?

Chestnuts roasted by nina @ 06/19/2007 9:39 PM


Hah! I just noticed the martini glasses. Imbriglicated.

Chestnuts roasted by Jedoc @ 06/19/2007 9:44 PM


5) I keep myself updated with video game news even though I rarely buy them. I wait till the games I want drop to 19.99.

That’s me too but be careful were you admit this, it actually seems to piss some people off pretty badly. Goes for used games too.

Chestnuts roasted by dohopoki @ 06/19/2007 9:45 PM


1: I can’t eat a tomato. I have no problem with tomato or BBQ sauce, but if you give me a slice of a tomato I’ll choke on it. I don’t know why, when it starts heading for my throat my body just says “Hey! I see that! Get that crap out of here”

2: I talk to myself all the time. If anyone hears me and asks why I just say that I’m thinking out loud. 99% of the time that works.

3: I have a pathological fear of wasps and hornets. If I see one near me I just panic and try to get away. If one gets into my house I will run to a room, lock the door (yes I will lock the door), and stuff a towle under it until the little bastard has been killed. If I have to be the one to kill it, then I will put on a Devo suit and arm myself with multiple weapons (incase one goes flying out of my hand) to go on the hunt.

4: I can only fall asleep if my body is in some position that would make a circus performer cringe and if the room is nice and cool.

5: When I’m leaving a room after turning the lights off after dark, I’m always on guard for something to come bumrushing me out of the darkness. I know full well that there is nothing there, but I’m still ready incase something right out of Evil Dead is going to chase me down.

Chestnuts roasted by Punisher Bass @ 06/19/2007 9:46 PM


K-, will you father my children?

Well this is an interesting turn of events, innit?

Chestnuts roasted by K- @ 06/19/2007 9:54 PM


Hoo boy, here we go:
1. When I think back on conversations I had, I catch myself mumbling what I’ve said and almost acting out the interaction between the other person and me. I do this by myself usually and not know it.
2. If any blanket covers my neck, I sweat profusely, my girlfriend is sometimes grossed out by this fiasco.
3. I can reference damn near anything to Family Guy, Simpsons, or some random movie, usually of Japanese fare.
4. I tend to laugh at the most ridiculous things. Like a cat on a keyboard in space.
5. I have so much random, useless movie and video game knowledge that I even know movies or games I’ve never played before.

Chestnuts roasted by Josh @ 06/19/2007 10:03 PM


Y’know, this thread has made me feel incredibly sane.

Chestnuts roasted by Mystie @ 06/19/2007 10:09 PM


Yay for all the firsties/rarelies! Stick around for sure, guys.

A margarita sounds so good right now. I salute all you peeps who don’t partake in the drink or the dank, I really do. I hope the thread isn’t about to die, because I dug deep for the really embarrassing ones this time:

6) I (like to think that I) am a really friendly and nice person, but outside of work I probably have more social “interaction” online then anywhere else. Shock of a lifetime!

7) When I hear something clever or funny or interesting on TV, I have to make a little note of it on my PDA for reference. Not really that strange on the surface, but it’s basically the equivalent of those nerdy old dudes that carry around a tiny notebook in their shirt pocket. Except instead of, I dunno, old nerdy guy stuff, it’s stupid stuff like “There’s nothing more dangerous than a retarded bear”.

8) When my mind is wandering/daydreaming, sometimes I can’t shake the feeling that the people around me know exactly what I’m thinking about.

9) If possible, I always listen back to my message if I’m leaving someone a voicemail. In line with Mystie’s vanity, apparently I love the sound of my own voice. I can’t stand photographs of myself though.

10) I got sick of buying clothes that made me feel like I looked like a total dork when I got them home, so I started a habit of keeping certain sitcom characters/celebrities in mind when I go shopping. Like I’ll ask myself, “Would so-and-so wear this?” Aaaand I can’t believe I’m admitting that. :oops:

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 06/19/2007 10:12 PM


I have so much random, useless movie and video game knowledge that I even know movies or games I’ve never played before.

1.) Does the time 6:10:50 mean anything to you?
2.) Who was the 4th SeeD graduate in FF VIII?
3.) In the Matrix: Path of Neo, how many cars are there on the corrupted subway train?
4.) What is Ziggy’s real name in the Xenosaga series?
5.) In LoZ: A Link to the Past, how do you acquire the Good Bee?
6.) In which mansion do you acquire Dracula’s Nail in Simon’s Quest
7.) What name does the protagonist in Breath of Fire II adopt during his stint in the arena?
8.) In Kingdom Hearts, how many slides must you find in the camp in Deep Jungle?
9.) What is the name of Bart’s omnigear in Xenogears?
10.) What is the name of the final weapon in Super Metroid?

These are all pretty easy, though.

Chestnuts roasted by K- @ 06/19/2007 10:15 PM


For those interested, clikc my name for a look at Optimus Prime form the new Transformers cartoon from Cartoon Network coming January ’08.

See, we told you the movie Transformers were not as bad as everyone has been saying they could have been….

Chestnuts roasted by Shuanfu @ 06/19/2007 10:15 PM


I can’t stop myself.

11.- There are several words I cannot spell. Best example: “occasionally.” Yes, I spellchecked and yes my original spelling was wrong. I have used the word “occasionally” at least a thousand times in X-E articles alone. It’s a complete mental block. There are some words I cannot learn to spell.

12.- If I touch my two ankles together, I could almost collapse. I’m not too badly affected by chalk-on-the-blackboard, but placing my ankles together is the same kind of feeling for me, times ten thousand. On the rare occasions (had to spellcheck again) where I accidentally clang them together pretty hard, my entire body feels like a tuning fork after a 500 foot drop onto hard concrete. I’ve never known if this was normal or not.

13.- Lonely people — particularly if they’re elderly — make me unrealistically sad. Case in point: The most depressing movie scene I’ve ever seen was Miss Lonelyheart’s pretend date in Rear Window. I’ve only seen it once, over a decade ago, and the thought of it still puts me in stasis for a minute or two.

14.- I don’t let friends, close or otherwise, know my birthday. If I do, it’s because it’s far enough away that they’d forget anyway. Why? Because I hate birthday parties in my honor. I don’t even like going to a bar or something “because it’s my birthday.” Having the birthday song sung to me, even by my family, is the longest thirty seconds of my life. This has nothing to do with hating birthdays or getting older: I just don’t like the celebration part. No clue why.

15.- Everything in arms reach that won’t go on fire can double as an ashtray for me. Yet, I will cover my plate like I’m protecting it from a grenade blast if I notice a fly in the vicinity. I don’t get how this duality works.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 06/19/2007 10:25 PM


1. Whenever anyone mentions a non-local city, I instantly utter the first three digits of its zipcode and the belt that a package going there belongs on at UPS (worked there for five years).
2. I make random noises when no one is around just to entertain myself. Sometimes I even laugh at them… spooky.
3. I check the time I set the alarm on my clock five times before I go to bed to make sure it’s set.
4. I’ll sneak a whiff of the liner notes on a newly opened CD. Still haven’t caught a buzz…
5. I have dreams about tornadoes when I have money problems.

Chestnuts roasted by Bludge @ 06/19/2007 10:27 PM


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