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New ToyFare gig, plus QUIRKY SURVEY!

I'm hearing loads of "mehs" and "blehs" in response to the new Transformers flick, but I dunno...you've gotta go into it without the expectation that this was made for Transfans, because it simply wasn't. There are millions of Transformers fans, certainly, but there's a big difference between someone who remembers those cooool transforming cars and someone who remembers that Autobot Seaspray talked funny and once had a human girlfriend. The movie was NOT made for the latter type of fan, because there are not enough of those fans to support a gigantic motion picture.

My take: With or without the Transformers ties, a big budget summer flick featuring robot cars pounding the shit out of robot airplanes is probably more worth seeing than debating. The fact that it has those ties is just gravy for those of us who care. Not saying it'll be great, but unlike the Star Wars prequels, I'm not going to walk into the theater feeling like I'm owed what I wished for.

This is how I help myself hedge expectations when people tell me that it's less a movie about Transformers and more a movie about John Turturro making balloon animals.


It's with that perfect segue that I inform you of my latest ToyFare gig -- I'm in issue #120, which is an all Transformers blowout, with a page-long feature about Transformers: The Movie. Not the new one. The old one. The one that's animated. The one with a reverbing Wheelie. Read about the five best moments in the movie, along with sidebars on "Scramble City" and the age old dream battle of Unicron versus the Death Star. Looks like they had to chop out some copy to make space, but so long as the byline stands and the check clears, I'll head into tomorrow just as convictionless as before.

I have to admit, I'm pretty pumped about the Summer Megaparty. (See the previous entry if you don't know what in the fuck I'm talking about.) I've spent most of the night spinning in my chair, looking around my junkyard office for different things to write about. Then I thought about how I could hop in my car with my laptop, drive down the street and review the neighbor's weird lawn ornaments. X-E became whatever it became, but it was built on the freedom to turn anything into content. I'm psyched.

I'll probably let tomorrow slide without a new entry so we can enter the Megaparty cleanly, and knowing that, maybe it's a good time for a survey.

In the comments, list five of your weirdest quirks. Don't fake it. Think about the weird stuff you do, whether it paints you gold or black, and tell the world. Or at least, tell the small part of the world that sifts through comments on my blog. Here's five of mine:

  • I love V8 juice, but I hate drinking it whenever someone else is in the room. When I'm alone, I have visions of the Juiceman and of beautiful beds of tomatoes and parsley. When my concentration breaks, all I can think about is how there must be bits of soil and worms somewhere in the juice.
  • I can write just as quickly upside-down and backwards as I can the standard way. Hard to explain, but picture me leaning across the table and writing you a note. You wouldn't have to flip the paper over to read it. I'm very proud of this.
  • I cannot tie shoelaces. I never learned how. I have trouble with most knots, but shoelaces especially. I rarely buy sneakers for this reason.
  • I have absolutely no appreciation for music. I've listened to the same dozen or so artists/groups for the last decade. Nothing else can get in the rotation and I have no idea why.
  • I'm left-handed, but unlike most left-handers, I've never been able to learn how to use scissors with my right hand. It makes me feel contorted. Thus, I'm very poor at cutting things out with scissors. Perhaps I should invest in a specialty scissor.

Your turn!

Posted by Matt on 06/18/2007. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 381 comments

Wrote almost every writing assignment in college in reverse order (Final draft first, rough draft second with key points deleted and punctuation errors added, and outline last generalizing detailed points from the final draft.  I majored in History and minored in journalism).  I was always able to nail my best ideas on paper immediately, and only did the other two steps because they were required steps for most assignments.  It worked out OK, I finished with a 2.9 GPA and finished in 5 years.

I do the same thing, minus the additional drafting. I turn in my first shot on EVERYTHING, written the night before it is due. This saves me an amazing amount of time and leaves all but about 20 hours of my semester free and open for video games, movies, and music. You guys HAVE TO TRY THIS.

For reference, I finished my undergrad in 5 years but with a 3.9, so you can be successful at it!!

Chestnuts roasted by K- @ 06/19/2007 10:51 AM


Another thing about me, that I’ve recently built up the courage to start sharing with people, is I think I’m a sexsomniac, I suffer from sleep sex. It’s not official as I haven’t been able to find a doctor who knows anything about it yet to officially classify me as such.

How can anyone suffer from sex you ask? I’ll explain. Doesn’t it sound cool to have sleep sex? Sounds cool, is it cool? No.

There were several times when my ex would tell me stories the next morning about how I was feeling her up or sticking my hand inside her underwear and even sometimes I’ve woke up and I’m in the middle of passionate business. It’s been going on for about 4 years now and there have been 2 other girls who have told me about it. These things happen in middle of the night and I remember nothing the next day.

Luckily, I’m an easy going person, I love sarcasm and I’m a huge pervert (not peeping through your windows pervert, but “HAHA! THAT POTATO LOOKS LIKE MY JOHN!” pervert). The 3 girls, including my ex, know me really well and we’re all close so it doesn’t bother them and they thought little of it.

But it bothers me… big time… For the longest time, actually from when it started until less than a year ago, I could find nothing on the subject online. I wasn’t sexually assaulted or abused as a child, so I knew that wasn’t the cause of it, but then I started stressing myself out hardcore thinking well maybe I’m a pervert, what if I grow up to be a rapist or something?! So it quickly went from being funny and hearing “haha you touched my boobies in your sleep last night” to me losing 10 lbs, feeling like I’m two steps away from a mental breakdown, too scared to tell anybody, too scared to meet a new girl, all because I thought I was turning into a rapist pervert and I couldn’t help it and had no idea how to stop it.

Finally I found an article in a mag about 8 months back that discussed it and gave some helpful links and information. It explained that less than 1% of the American population suffers from this, and even less percentage suffers from “sleep sex” like me rather than most of the people just masturbate in their sleep. It explained that it isn’t a pre-cursor to being a sexual predator, but a pre-cursor to muscle deterioration as odd as that sounds. It explains that it mostly happens in the first 2 hours of sleep, REM sleep, and has nothing to do with sex, that mentally, I’m asleep, which is why I have no obvious thought process or recollection, but my muscles are still wide awake.

I’ve been trying to find a Dr in Oklahoma who knows something about this but it’s lead to constant dead ends. I even saw the Montel Show was looking for sexsomniacs a few months back but couldn’t find enough patients to do a show about it so they ditched the idea.

I’m basiaclly using you guys as a test audience, sorry, I know it isn’t appropriate, my apologies go to Matt and X-E readers who might be offended, but I’ve only recently built up enough courage to talk about it and I’m yet to tell my parents. So far, only my brother, 3 friends, and you guys know… I’m scared my friends and family might not fully believe me. I’m a confident person and I’m for the most part happy with who I am, but when it comes to that, I can’t handle the people I’m close with judging me.

So, again, sorry to spew, but I appreciate anybody who actually took the time to read that.

Nicole

The ex I mentioned in this post twirls her hair around her finger constantly, and supposedly it’s related somehow to trichotillomania, which is where you literally pull your hair out, but obviously in the case with you and her, it’s not that extreme.

Chestnuts roasted by fistpittingnork @ 06/19/2007 10:56 AM


fistpittingnork, I just looked up trichotillomania on Wikipedia and it makes a lot of sense to me. I’ve been discovering lately just how much anxiety I’ve dealt with my whole life and this seems like just another piece of the puzzle. Thankfully I don’t yank out my hair, though…ouch! And, thank you for sharing something so personal with us all…it sounds scary and I can understand why you’d be so upset. I’m glad you’re discovering something about what it is, though, and that it’s easing your mind about it some. My ex had a bad habit of whacking me in the face, arm, leg, whatever body part he could reach, in his sleep as he was flailing about. Once I honestly thought he broke my nose, and all I could think in my pained half-sleep state was that I was going to have to go to the hospital and then explain to my dad that my boyfriend hit me in his sleep…yeah right, he’d say. Lol. :)

Chestnuts roasted by Nicole @ 06/19/2007 11:16 AM


1) If there are tomatoes in a sandwich I’m eating and they fall out, I won’t touch them. I hate tomatoes, and will only eat them in something that masks their taste (or lack thereof).
2) I can’t blow bubbles with gum.
3) I have written two chapters of a Watership Down/Star Wars crossover (and done artwork to coincide with it).
4) I smell EVERYTHING I touch. I’ll be in a store and pick up a shirt, a pencil, a book, anything, and smell it.
5) I can’t look at guys in shorts, regardless of how wonderful their legs are.

Chestnuts roasted by nina @ 06/19/2007 11:33 AM


1.Trichotillomania(under control, I ain’t bald yet)
2.I can’t stand to look at people with lazy or glass eyes. I need symmetry if I’m gonna make eye contact
3.I make a really wierd noise when I yawn, like burping in.
4.I can burp louder longer and deeper than anyone I’ve met or seen on TV, was a point of pride till I was 15 or 16 then I realized this was not going to get me laid.
5.I remember names REALLY easily, so people I met once 5 years ago tend to think I’m a creepy stalker when I bump into them again years later.

Chestnuts roasted by vanbilderass @ 06/19/2007 11:37 AM


There are some good ones on here. I’ll try not to repeat any.

1) Can’t pee if anyone else is in the room. This is particularly troublesome at sporting events.

2) Terrified of heights. When my friends moved into a sixth floor apt, I had to literally crawl out onto the balcony the first couple of weeks.

3) I’ll shuffle a deck of cards, put them in order, and repeat. No deck of cards of mine is ever put away out of order.

4) I can name every principle character and the actor that played them in pretty much every show I’ve ever watched. I won a trivia contest for naming the seven actors on Gilligan’s Island off the top of my head.

5) High pitched tones drive me absolutely batshit. A fork across a plate can bring me to my knees in agony.

I too loved the Robot Chicken Star Wars Special. The finale was just awesome.

Chestnuts roasted by Chris Martin @ 06/19/2007 11:39 AM


“the opposite of scottish is irish” – DarthPez

I am Scottish AND Irish! Gaaaa – (Evaporates in a puff of logic.)

Chestnuts roasted by Ness @ 06/19/2007 11:39 AM


K-

I don’t do ice either. The only time I do ice is at home and I’m making a glass of freshly made kool-aid that hasn’t had time to cool in the fridge. Other than that, fountains drinks are always cold enough so I never get/need ice and always ask for no ice in drive-throughs. Most of the time they’ll fill it to the brim too so I get an extra gulp or two over the fans of ice…. suckers!

When it comes to frost in a freezer, or on the body/windshield of a car, I can’t touch it. I can’t watch or hear other people touch it either. It sends chills through my body just like nails on a chalkboard do to most other people, but nails on a chalkboard don’t bother me.

I can’t stand to have dried out hands or chapped lips. I’m probably the reason Burt’s Bees stays in business. I always have Burt’s Bees chapstick, almond milk hand creme, and carrot lotion on hand. The chapstick never leaves my pocket except at night when it set it on my nightstand. My house has both hand creme and lotion, my truck has it’s own travel size carrot lotion, and my work also has both hand cremes and lotions. For that reason, I never wash my hands after using a public bathroom because that neon pink smells-like-shit soap dries my hands out and I can’t stand it. I always have hand sanitizer gel and I use it instead, and then apply lotion. I deal with a lot of paperwork, and the one thing that is worse than the feeling of my dry hands touching any cloth or denim is my dry hands touching paper.

I’m not afraid of the dark, yet when I’m leaving a room a night, I put my hand on the light switch and I will wait to turn the light off until my finger can no longer stay in contact with the switch. I hate having my back turned to a dark, empty room.

spaz307

I, too, can’t stand mayo, but can’t get enough Miracle Whip.

Chestnuts roasted by fistpittingnork @ 06/19/2007 11:47 AM


Aw man I left out good ones!

I am terrified of airplanes, rollercoasters, some bugs, heights in general, being buried alive/locked in a closet, I HATE riding in cars when I’m not driving(maybe everyone I know drives like an idiot) I don’t like talking to people I don’t know as such I don’t meet alot of people, I’ve never lived more than 8 miles from the hospital I was born in… and I’m fucking weird.

Chestnuts roasted by vanbilderass @ 06/19/2007 11:49 AM


OH and I can’t touch cardboard. ever

Chestnuts roasted by vanbilderass @ 06/19/2007 11:50 AM


My quirk is that I write “ad libs” on newspaper pictures. Like for example, they have pictures of that DA Nifong who got disbarred on the front page of every newspaper so I “add” a little thought balloon next to his picture & put something like, “Gee I wonder if McDonalds is hiring.” or “I am SO royally screwed!”

Chestnuts roasted by Larry @ 06/19/2007 12:00 PM


I’m going to start getting charged for posting if I don’t slow down.

But,…

I shower in the dark.

I brush my teeth for 5 minutes, never any less. If I run out of toothpaste during that session, I’ll rinse off my toothbrush, rinse my mouth out, and apply more toothpaste and brush for the remainder of the 5-minute session.

Fox and the Hound (where Todd is left in the woods) and Terry Jacks “Seasons in the Sun” made me cry as a child.

I have to have a certain craving for chocolate. Very rarely will I ever eat plain chocolate, once a year maybe. Other than that, my chocolate has to have caramel, peanuts, walnuts, pecans, almonds, and/or peanut butter in it, but I don’t like Milky Ways or 3 Musketeers… too plain even though it’s more than just chocolate. I can’t stand plain chocolate cake or chocolate ice cream, but I fucking LOVE chocolate milk.

Chestnuts roasted by fistpittingnork @ 06/19/2007 12:02 PM


Best. Thread. Ever.

Chestnuts roasted by Mystie @ 06/19/2007 12:12 PM


1) I’m a huge animation buff, so that’s about all I watch.

2) I constantly have cool ideas but don’t follow through on them.

3) I never had a pet until last summer (I’m 21)

4) I don’t like to drink water through a straw.

5) I appreciate the Muppets on a much deeper level than you do.

Chestnuts roasted by Tommy Day (not tommy) @ 06/19/2007 12:35 PM


I’m looking forward to the transformer movie a lot. I am concerned that they will preview the movie to death though. I seen way to many of them that have different content. As such I refuse to watch any more of them. Despite the fact that I have read the book.

Quirks:
As mentioned, I read the movie adaption to a lot of movies, many times before seeing the movie. It does not ruin it for me but I keep my mouth shut to others.

I pace when I talk on the phone. Room to room, it drives my wife crazy.

The only things that I will eat that are green are salad, green beans and pees. the last two only if they are canned. If the food is normally not green and food coloring is added I won’t eat that either.

Chestnuts roasted by Wenthral @ 06/19/2007 12:36 PM


So many of yours reminded me of some of mine. I guess I now have to narrow it down and be ever so thankful that none of you actually know me personally so I don’t have to look you in the eye after admitting these things.

1) This is probably the biggest (and longest.) When I was a kid I spent a lot of time alone and I had a vast imaginary world. It ran the gamut from imagining a hidden country where I was a TV/pop star to imagining that the Christmas lights were living entities that hibernated in the attic and woke up for the holidays to imagining that my body was actually a little factory and that it was run by tiny little people. I spent countless hours imagining these things in astonishing detail. The thing is, they became so ingrained in me that I haven’t been able to fully let them go. I don’t spend the time on it I did when I was a kid, but, for example, every Christmas I still think of my “friends” and do the math to think of how old their kids would be now, or I sometimes walk around the house imagining myself giving in an interview about my career. And if a thought crosses my mind about any of these worlds that doesn’t quite make sense to me, I’ll sit down and write it out until it does (my pretend worlds have to have some sort of logic) and I keep all these papers hidden in the garage with all my crap that my husband doesn’t go near. It’s embarrassing to me to still think about this stuff, but I honestly can’t help it. I’m so afraid I’m going to die unexpectedly and my family’s going to go through my stuff and find my secret shame.

2) I have to buy “Your Prom” every year. The first issue came out in 1992 and I loved looking at all the sparkly dresses so I convinced my mom to get it for me. I about wore it out looking at it so much, so imagine my excitement when they did it again the next year (and the next, and the next…) Now I’m almost 28 and when I see the new issue at the checkout, I can’t help it. I feel 13 again and I just have to have it. Oh yeah, and I have to keep them all.

3)When I look at a word, I like to dissect it. It started when I was in middle school and took to reading everything backwards, now I just see what words (real or imaginary-but-cool-sounding) I can make out of any given word.

4)I like the feeling of rubbing the tip of my pinky nail across the ridges of my thumb and do it all the time. I hate it when my nails are freshly cut and the nail doesn’t extend far enough past my finger tip to do that.

5)When I’m thinking intensely, I tend to chew my tongue. I don’t even realize I’m doing it. Teachers always thought I had gum.

Chestnuts roasted by Lori @ 06/19/2007 12:38 PM


1) I didn’t learn how to drive until I was 19.
2) I love soundtrack music, including Disney songs.
3) I sleep with a certain pillow that I use to put over my face or just hold it and I can’t sleep without it. I’ve even smuggled it into a carry-on bag on a plane.
4) My food can’t touch each other on the plate or I won’t eat it.
5) I can’t stand to have dry hands it actually hurts! I carry a bottle of lotion with me wherever I go and have to put it on whenever I wash my hands.

Chestnuts roasted by Jen @ 06/19/2007 12:50 PM


I love this thread sooo much. Here’s five more of mine…

6.- Joining the “no mayo” club. I cannot eat if I’m sitting across from someone who uses mayonnaise. I hate it that much. If I order something and it comes with mayo, it’s either sent back or thrown away. There is no room for discussion or debate on this subject. Similarly, if I order a platter that comes with that little paper cup full of coleslaw, and the coleslaw spills over even slightly onto anything else on the platter…it’s buhbye platter.

7.- I put on Friday the 13th movies at night much for the same reason people put on CDs full of white noise and ocean sound effects.

8.- I am extremely polite to toll booth operators, probably more so than to any other group of people on the planet. And this is for absolutely no real reason. I feel no kinship.

9.- When I think about what animals I’m obsessed with — sharks, squids, spiders and whatnot — I realize that they’re animals that I’m deathly afraid of, without exception. I don’t give a shit about lions or tigers or bears or whatever…is it because I have no rational fear of them?

10.- I’ve been a webmaster for nearly a decade, and yet, I don’t know how Bit Torrent works, don’t know what an RSS feed really is, and can barely change the html for font sizes without blowing up half the servers in Kentucky. Speaking of which, I’m not really sure what a server is. I kind of consider it as a gigantic external hard drive.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 06/19/2007 12:51 PM


* I Talk in my sleep. Loud, apparently.
* I can’t sleep unless I do a Sudoku or play with a Transformer first. Otherwise I have terrible insomnia.
* I absorb trivia like a sponge- particularly of the completely useless variety.
* I will pick up random things and play with them (pens, straws, batteries)
* I will buy stuff I don’t need or even want if it’s at a reasonable price, my room is full to bursting with useless junk that I got for less than a buck apiece.

Chestnuts roasted by Nightboomfer @ 06/19/2007 1:06 PM


“I am extremely polite to toll booth operators”

Me too!! Why? I also have no idea…

Chestnuts roasted by Mary Mary @ 06/19/2007 1:07 PM


Man, this thread is better than therapy!

1. I’m right handed, but when I eat, I usually just keep the fork in my left hand. That way, I can keep shoveling without having to put down my knife.

2. A dog in pain is my worst nightmare. I cannot tolerate the squeaking noise, the whimpering, anything. If I flip past Animal Precinct on Animal Planet and see one sad looking dog, I cry.

3. I constantly find myself lining up the objects at my cube so they are straight/parallel with each other.

4. I drink everything through a straw. Coffee, tea, milk, beer, alcohol, soda, you name it. The Starbucks in my building automatically gives me a straw in my grande coffee each morning.

5. I refuse to step on manholes and grates on the sidewalk and street.

However, like Stuart Smalley I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me! :)

Chestnuts roasted by eliza @ 06/19/2007 1:20 PM


I had to add this because i’m surprised no one has posted it yet.

After using the bathroom, i was my hands thoroughly, then roll down the paper towel with my elbow, dry off my hands, then open the door with aforementioned paper towel to make sure my clean hands never come in contact all the accumulation of things in the restroom (i’m sure you can imagine). If there is no trash can for me to dispose of the towel near the vicinity of the door, i just drop it on the floor. It’s terrible, but they should put a trashcan near the door for people who don’t want pee hands.

Chestnuts roasted by IAmSeekingTheWay @ 06/19/2007 1:20 PM


I….
-Don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t drug, what do I do?
-Have relatively few movies on DVD and video, due to….
-My ability to absorb and retain information in large chunks, but the downside is I replay the info back in large chunks, making me seem like a bigger nerd/geek than I usually am.
-Anything beyond simple addition/subtraction makes my brain bleed.
-MELTING GRIMACE!

*Bonus Quirk* If I ever get the courage to get a tattoo, it will be a Green Lantern symbol on my right ring finger, even if I get a real replica Power Ring. I even have my own oath made up.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 06/19/2007 1:25 PM


I was half asleep when I posted my quirks and I don’t feel like I was totally honest. Here’s some more…
- I always introduce myself to people who wear name tags.
- When I take my shoes off, they have to face the same way as if they were on my feet.
- If I turn in a complete circle I feel it necessary to reverse it by spinning in the opposite direction.
- I go insane when other people chew their ice.
- When I am sick I watch “What about Bob”
- I fly for a living but i can not drive stick shift. very embarrassing.

Chestnuts roasted by Bill @ 06/19/2007 1:27 PM


1- obsessed with ‘The Joker’ from Batman. He has been my ‘power animal’ ever since I was little.

2- I talk to myself sometimes

3- After getting out of the shower I dry my hair by putting a hat on for an hour or so.

4- Come October I suddenly love Apple Cider more than any other drink. The rest of the year, ‘meh’

5- Sometimes I impulsively cut my hair, just a snip.

Chestnuts roasted by Joker @ 06/19/2007 1:30 PM


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