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My dying wish is for an owl/camel hybrid, which I call camowl.

Another new article! And snowcones!

Would you believe me if I told you I published two new articles in less than a week? Miracles happen. Here's a look at five random '80s toys, which is an article I started seventeen years ago, got bored of and left to die. In the spirit of making X-E seem less like a marked grave and more like the party capital of Reno, I've dusted it off.

I would've put a little more into the ending, but I found myself distracted as the silver bells of a Lickedy Split ice cream truck blared through the open windows this afternoon. While such trucks usually have nothing but soft swirl cones, I had a hunch that this was going to be a special day. Hello, snowcone.


The snowcone is nature's perfect food. Ice, colored and flavored by liquid sugar. Visions of fireflies, of wiffle ball and of smashing fireflies into the pavement with a wiffle ball bat, because those were some cool ass looking bug guts.

Nothing can compare to the official ice cream truck snowcone, which arrives in a conical paper wrapper with the ice divided into three colorful flavors. On a good day, you'll get red, yellow and blue. On a better day, these three flavors will join hands to create a holy purple ice just beneath the outer surface -- a holy purple ice that pretty much tastes like whatever fruit you tell it to taste like.

Me and the snowcone are heading downstairs to my walk-in freezer. He thinks I'm trying to help him not melt, but I just want to eat him without getting juice on my pants.

Posted by Matt on 06/15/2007. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 97 comments

Actually,Invader Norbert, I don’t think Snorlax ever was the biggest Pokémon… I believe that honour went to Onix during the first generation. Then, when GSC came around, it was Steelix and now Wailord…

Oops…when I said “Biggest,” I meant “Heaviest.” I was fully aware that Onix was the Biggest in size at the time, but Snorlax was the heaviest, and the only one that came remotely close was Golem.

Now the Top 5 heaviest in terms of weight are:

Snorlax (1041.1 lbs)
Metagross (1212.5 lbs)
Dialga (1505.7 lbs)
Giratina (1653.5 lbs)
and Groudon (2094.4 lbs)

Golem (662 lbs) doesn’t even come close anymore, beaten by 10 more pokemon between it and Snorlax. and Wailord only weighs 877.4 lbs, but is still the longest at 47 feet, followed by Steelix, and then Onix.

Chestnuts roasted by Invader Norbert @ 06/16/2007 2:18 PM


Ooh, I have a copy of Be Somebody or Be Somebody’s Fool! A double threat.

Chestnuts roasted by Jessica Marie @ 06/16/2007 2:25 PM


A walk-in freezer? Jesus Christ, in Manhattan?

Chestnuts roasted by Tommy Day @ 06/16/2007 2:37 PM


I don’t have a walk-in freezer. Artistic license. I’m also seven feet tall.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 06/16/2007 2:39 PM


I said to myself JUST last week, “WTF has Matt been doing…the front page still says Christmas! Christmas in July!!….june…summer months. Whatever.”

The “Sno-Cone Man” lives just a block down from me. He has a rickety white van with a window that doesn’t close and he has a cooler full of shaved ice and a ton of jars full of kool-aid with 3x the legal dose of sugar in a rack in the back of the truck. Come to think of it, I’m not sure how they stay in place when he drives. Meh. But they’re $1 each which is super rad and he even has a gumball machine bolted down next to the window! So that if you’re 20 years old, you’re tall enough to insert a quarter and get your own gumball, while the rest of the 6 year olds you fought for the front of the line have to ask for one.

No sno-cone man is getting his dirty hands on MY gumball.

Also, LOL at Meteorbs.

Chestnuts roasted by Brian @ 06/16/2007 2:47 PM


The Colonel’s computer is fried, if anyone was curious. He’ll be back as soon as he fixes it…somehow.

Chestnuts roasted by K- knows you were dying to know @ 06/16/2007 3:20 PM


I have a copy of the Computer Warriors program. Bought the tape at a second-hand store. Not only does it have the piolot, but a behind the scenes program. Carl Macek is the man behind this Tron/AutoMan cartoon adventure. But what I really learned is that little white boys and the actors playing their dads shouldn’t try to rap. If you have the tape, you know what I mean.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 06/16/2007 4:55 PM


Yay for two new articles! Always happy to see that, thank you. (The last time I bookmarked X-E, I made sure to do it on the day it said “X-Entertainment updated twice this week, you know,” so even when there aren’t any updates, I’m still happy.)

I know that some of my toys became “pets,” but I’m having trouble remembering which ones right now. That description totally hits the nail on the head, though.

Chestnuts roasted by Rainbowfeet @ 06/16/2007 8:45 PM


Holy shit! I thought I was the odd man out for the Snow Cone! Every kid would get a Ninja Turtle ice cream or the infamous Buffalo Bill ice cream, with the teeth shattering gum ball nose!
And yes, the lovely purple, damn near black, liquid of all the colors combined was my favorite part of the snow cone eating experience.
My crowning achievement was eating a Ninja Turtle pudding pie from the time it took my mom to drive me to the local Welsh Farms (drive-thru convenience store) then to my bus stop, which was literally two blocks away.
Good green times.

Chestnuts roasted by Josh @ 06/16/2007 9:14 PM


What a great article! I always love Matt’s toy articles but this one went above and beyond. As a huge transformers fan, even as a youngun, I always dug the comett/egg animals.
And then there’s Computer Warriors. I’m so glad other people remember this toy line. An American counterpart to Japan’s Microman Microchange line. I just wish I had the toys. Even the tape, no matter how much it sucks.

Chestnuts roasted by Xabungle @ 06/16/2007 10:46 PM


I just want everyone to know it is raining hard here in san antonio, tx. I don’t want any one to worry I am taking precautions. I am safe thank you for asking. But most importantly my NINTENDO WII is safe.

Chestnuts roasted by Mufu @ 06/16/2007 11:33 PM


We need an SNT. I have something important to say.

Chestnuts roasted by dohopoki @ 06/16/2007 11:46 PM


Kinda fitting that there’s an article on 80s toys, since I had a lot of stuff happening involving 80s toys today. I sold Transformers, bought M.U.S.C.L.E s of both the flesh-colored and re-colored variety,and read collections of comic strips from the 80s. Ah, the 80s.

Chestnuts roasted by DocDragon @ 06/16/2007 11:47 PM


I’m pretty sure this thread is doubling as SNT.

Chestnuts roasted by Mystie @ 06/17/2007 12:01 AM


We’ll see about that!

Chestnuts roasted by dohopoki @ 06/17/2007 12:04 AM


Gotcha, Matt.

Anyone know how to get rid of bats? My finace’s farmhouse is swarming with them lately, and we’re pretty sure we’re all going to get rabies and die.

Chestnuts roasted by Tommy Day @ 06/17/2007 12:10 AM


here is some bat information that may be relevant to current conversation.

Chestnuts roasted by dohopoki @ 06/17/2007 12:15 AM


doho I am curious now, what do you have to say?
I moved today. Just above a cafe. FREE WIFI!!!!! I am so happy. I also got a job today. Today is a great day.

Chestnuts roasted by kb @ 06/17/2007 12:18 AM


I was going to say “Wait thirty minutes. For food + drink.”

Chestnuts roasted by dohopoki @ 06/17/2007 12:23 AM


RE: Bats. Use bug spray. I mean, they’re giant bugs, right?

I miss Calvin & Hobbes

Chestnuts roasted by Cameron T. @ 06/17/2007 12:29 AM


Don’t kill ‘em… I love bats. :(

Chestnuts roasted by Ryane @ 06/17/2007 2:00 AM


Of all the nights I cannot sleep this is the worst. and xe’s kinda dead too. ugh.

Chestnuts roasted by kb @ 06/17/2007 2:14 AM


Our friendly neighborhood ice cream trucks are progressively weirder in the place we moved to. The regular truck features, in addition to the cute tinkly music, a voice over loudspeaker that shouts HELLO! repeatedly.

The other ice cream truck…is an ice cream minivan really. Seriously. This minivan with the ice cream pictures plastered all over it. It also shouts Hello and has recently come back with music but for a while there, all it did was beep like a car alarm repeatedly.

Interesting times as I sit in here playing with my Victor Von Doom action figure. …Anyone else see Fantastic Four yet? I wasn’t a fan of the comics so nothing in my past has been needlessly raped either time and I vaguely liked Silver Surfer better than the first one.

Vaguely liked in the way I vaguely liked Snakes on a Plane! but you know..

Chestnuts roasted by Skywalking @ 06/17/2007 2:42 AM


I haven’t heard the ice cream man come by at all this season. Especially weird since last summer we had two competing ice cream trucks — Mr. Softee and Angel’s. I also haven’t seen any lightening bugs yet. It’s about time for lightening bugs, right?

As far as bats, I recommend chasing them around in a zany and hilarious frenzy ala The Great Outdoors.

Chestnuts roasted by Mystie @ 06/17/2007 3:18 AM


holy shit you did a review on the computer warriors. i totally had the computer base playset. thats fucking sweet. my mom must have gotten them at a garage sale or something cuz i was like two in 89. unbelievable though i had completly forgotten how awesome those things were.

Chestnuts roasted by evan @ 06/17/2007 3:57 AM


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