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Another new article! And snowcones!

Would you believe me if I told you I published two new articles in less than a week? Miracles happen. Here's a look at five random '80s toys, which is an article I started seventeen years ago, got bored of and left to die. In the spirit of making X-E seem less like a marked grave and more like the party capital of Reno, I've dusted it off.

I would've put a little more into the ending, but I found myself distracted as the silver bells of a Lickedy Split ice cream truck blared through the open windows this afternoon. While such trucks usually have nothing but soft swirl cones, I had a hunch that this was going to be a special day. Hello, snowcone.


The snowcone is nature's perfect food. Ice, colored and flavored by liquid sugar. Visions of fireflies, of wiffle ball and of smashing fireflies into the pavement with a wiffle ball bat, because those were some cool ass looking bug guts.

Nothing can compare to the official ice cream truck snowcone, which arrives in a conical paper wrapper with the ice divided into three colorful flavors. On a good day, you'll get red, yellow and blue. On a better day, these three flavors will join hands to create a holy purple ice just beneath the outer surface -- a holy purple ice that pretty much tastes like whatever fruit you tell it to taste like.

Me and the snowcone are heading downstairs to my walk-in freezer. He thinks I'm trying to help him not melt, but I just want to eat him without getting juice on my pants.

Posted by Matt on 06/15/2007. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 97 comments

I second Crowncombo. She has an article on Sweet Secrets (which I adored, and that’s right I’m male) and a bitchin’ repaint of Optimus Prime. Purple and pink, Prime never looked so good.

Chestnuts roasted by K- is deadly serious @ 06/15/2007 10:36 PM


“The snowcone is nature’s perfect food. Ice, colored and flavored by liquid sugar. Visions of fireflies, of wiffle ball and of smashing fireflies into the pavement with a wiffle ball bat, because those were some cool ass looking bug guts.”

Is it weird if I think this sounds like a stand-alone poem in and of itself?

Chestnuts roasted by Spruce @ 06/15/2007 11:40 PM


This is a damn nice surprise after a shitty shift at work- I love getting home late and having XE cheer me up! Thanks, Matt.

Chestnuts roasted by Muppet Baby @ 06/15/2007 11:45 PM


That Gridd dude looks a whole lot like Hondo MacLean that came with Hurricane from M.A.S.K. Seriously…like way too much. I’m looking at him right now while he stands next to Hurricane on my desk…along with dozens of other M.A.S.K. things, Centurion things, M.U.S.C.L.E dudes, MOTU things, etc. Hooray geekdom!

Chestnuts roasted by Justin @ 06/15/2007 11:48 PM


Wait…what? You have a walk-in freezer in your basement?! That’s the greatest thing I’ve ever heard. Now I want one, but I need a basement first.

Chestnuts roasted by Justin @ 06/15/2007 11:52 PM


I definately had a bad case of worms.

Chestnuts roasted by Muppet Baby @ 06/16/2007 12:05 AM


Two in one week! Those of us that read X-E more diligently than other people who read X-E are getting spoiled.
It’s funny, the toys that made great fake pets were never the most fancy or expensive ones, for me anyway. It was usually some little glow in the dark cheapo Chuck E. Cheese prize.
Happy Friday everybody!

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 06/16/2007 12:33 AM


Wow.. I definetly had one of those little green cases of Worms. Not sure what happened to ‘em, but the case stuck around my toy chest for the long haul.

Chestnuts roasted by Review the World @ 06/16/2007 12:56 AM


I had the Crocobite Meteorb, it was one of my favorites when I was a kid

Chestnuts roasted by Crocobite @ 06/16/2007 1:14 AM


Did Matt’s impulse purchase of the re-animator get a urge to watch the movie again? Click on my name for an urge release. I recemmend the downloading option because that site crashes sometimes if it streams. But it’s my new favorite site now. Oh la la. :D

Chestnuts roasted by Goob @ 06/16/2007 2:55 AM


Speaking of my Opty repaint, I’m working on a buddy for him right now, and I’m fucking cross-eyed from paint fumes. I opened up my windows and turned the fan on, but there’s no screens in my windows right now cuz the wind blew them half-off and we’re in the process of replacing them. Needless to say, bugs are quite happily inviting themselves in. I’m going to have to stuff my orifices with mothballs before I go to sleep.

Chestnuts roasted by Mystie @ 06/16/2007 4:02 AM


I got a Reactor for my birthday once. I was pretty jazzed, because at that age I fully supported anything that involved glowing power rods.

Anyhoo, I got the thing, and when I inserted the power rod, it only went backwards. No forwards movement, just reverse. After ten minuted of this, not only had I realized this toy would suck if worked the way it was supposed to, but it sucked even more because it couldn’t even do the one thing it was supposed to do correctly.

So I smashed it with a hammer.

Chestnuts roasted by Wukong @ 06/16/2007 6:10 AM


Haven’t read the article, but had to go back to Jessica Marie’s fabulous, impending Orlando trip for a sec. February isn’t that rainy here, but it can get cold (depending on how Mother Nature is feeling that year, of course; this year it was fucking hot). Anywho, if you like marine life, Sea World isn’t so bad. Just don’t expect it to last the whole day. If you LOVE marine life, you might want to visit the super expensive, must-make-reservations-in-advance sister park, Discovery Cove. For a ridiculous amount of money, you can actually swim with dolphins. For less money, you can swim with…other animals, not dolphins (but why would you??). Have never been myself, but prolly worth looking into.

I think a week is good, assuming you only do one park per day: MGM, Magic Kingdom, Animal Kingdom (my least fave), Epcot, Sea World/Discovery Cove, and both Universal parks. You’ll drop a lot of money but jesus, will you have a good time!

Chestnuts roasted by purplegirl247 @ 06/16/2007 8:07 AM


Why is it that all MOtU material was written in passable if florid English except the character blurbs, which all appear to have been written by the crazy old man at the shady Chinese restaurant next to the transmission shop? Or am I the only one who reads “Heroic mammoth busts force-fields with tusks!” in an early Jackie Chan accent?

Oh, and happy birthday, Tutsoro. Remember, if the restaurant sits you down before you order and you get real silverware, they owe you free cake. Don’t take any guff from these swine.

Chestnuts roasted by Jedoc @ 06/16/2007 8:35 AM


I distinctly remember watching cartoons with Ripper Snapper. As a child I never owned a complete combiner team, but that did nothing to hinder the love I had for him. Same goes for Street Wise and Nosecone. Story of my life. Always the apendages, never the torso.

Chestnuts roasted by 9-Line @ 06/16/2007 10:41 AM


Sno-Cones you say? Then does anyone remember the Snoopy Sno-Cone Machine? Snoopy’s dog house that magically churned out a sno-cone with Snoopy and Woodstock sitting on top. Come on and sing along the commercial: “You put an ice cube in, pull a sno-cone out, yum-yum fun is what it’s all about (Kids in commercial: ‘Thanks Snoopy’) It’s the Snoopy Sno-Cone Machine!”

Chestnuts roasted by the politically correct concerned citizen Josh Ednoff @ 06/16/2007 10:46 AM


Indeed, Mr. Ednoff. In fact, Matt has already written an article on that particular subject.

Chestnuts roasted by Mystie @ 06/16/2007 11:09 AM


Mystie, reading Matt’s article brought a tear to my eye. Thank you for bringing this pilgrim to Mecca!

Chestnuts roasted by the politically correct concerned citizen Josh Ednoff @ 06/16/2007 11:32 AM


Actually,Invader Norbert, I don’t think Snorlax ever was the biggest Pokémon… I believe that honour went to Onix during the first generation. Then, when GSC came around, it was Steelix and now Wailord…

Chestnuts roasted by Trike123 @ 06/16/2007 12:44 PM


Yeah, I didn’t stick with Pokemon once it went past the “original collection.” Bought a couple of the games, but, well, I guess I wasn’t into it for a long enough time to accept that I had to now get acquainted with double the number of Pokemon. And then it became triple, and quadruple, and by the time everything was said and done, I felt pretty stupid for permanently grafting an image of Bulbasaur onto my leg.

Actually got into Pokemon by accident. When I bought my first computer (not the first computer I ever had — the first computer I ever bought), it came with a DVD player. That would be my first DVD player, and I was itchy to get my first DVDs. Unfortunately, I chose to do this at a really rundown Circuit City that had a terrible DVD assortment. Without much to choose from, I went with Run Lola Run and Pokemon: The First Movie. Once I saw Bulbasaur sing Togepi the “Bulbabye,” I knew I was in for life.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 06/16/2007 12:54 PM


purplegirl – I didn’t know Discovery Cove was a seperate venture. We might skip Universal or MGM, depending on H’s vacation schedule, but we’ll see.
Anyone know the policies about bringing food to the resort/park and how far in advance I can book a vacation? The rates for 2008 aren’t even up yet, but I don’t want to miss it when they do.

The running joke among my friends, if someone says something stupid or indiscernible, is to say “Yeah…I’m not really into Pokemon.” That’s all I have to contribute on the subject of Pokemon.

Chestnuts roasted by Jessica Marie WILL swim with dolphins @ 06/16/2007 1:07 PM


Does anyone else think the box from the first toy is a carbon copy of any Nintendo product box of that era?
Thanks again Matt! As always, well worth the wait.

Another Matt

Chestnuts roasted by Another Matt @ 06/16/2007 1:54 PM


Speaking of Pokemon, does anyone know of good but inexpensive router I could buy? I’m switching broadband providers and they’re taking back my free one.

Chestnuts roasted by dohopoki @ 06/16/2007 2:07 PM


I’m sure others will have something to say, but I got a Linksys router from Wal-Mart for a decent price (that I can’t recall off the top of my head; sorry) that works great with both the DS and Wii…works throughout my entire house….be sure to check the Nintendo site to make sure you get one that they recommend; a friend recently bought one without checking and it’s one of the few that aren’t compatible at all….

Chestnuts roasted by Shuanfu @ 06/16/2007 2:13 PM


As always, you have triggered flashbacks to friends birthday parties in the 4th grade, down in their dingy basements, playing with all of these random toys scattered throughout…I especially remember legions of power..

Matt, how would I go about sending you something? I have a copy of Mr. T’s Commandments…the preachy “don’t do drugs or talk to strangers” rap album that he released in the late 80′s….figured you would appreciate it..

Chestnuts roasted by Gweff @ 06/16/2007 2:15 PM


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