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06/15/2007: Another new article! And snowcones!

Would you believe me if I told you I published two new articles in less than a week? Miracles happen. Here’s a look at five random ’80s toys, which is an article I started seventeen years ago, got bored of and left to die. In the spirit of making X-E seem less like a marked grave and more like the party capital of Reno, I’ve dusted it off.

I would’ve put a little more into the ending, but I found myself distracted as the silver bells of a Lickedy Split ice cream truck blared through the open windows this afternoon. While such trucks usually have nothing but soft swirl cones, I had a hunch that this was going to be a special day. Hello, snowcone.


The snowcone is nature’s perfect food. Ice, colored and flavored by liquid sugar. Visions of fireflies, of wiffle ball and of smashing fireflies into the pavement with a wiffle ball bat, because those were some cool ass looking bug guts.

Nothing can compare to the official ice cream truck snowcone, which arrives in a conical paper wrapper with the ice divided into three colorful flavors. On a good day, you’ll get red, yellow and blue. On a better day, these three flavors will join hands to create a holy purple ice just beneath the outer surface — a holy purple ice that pretty much tastes like whatever fruit you tell it to taste like.

Me and the snowcone are heading downstairs to my walk-in freezer. He thinks I’m trying to help him not melt, but I just want to eat him without getting juice on my pants.


Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

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Discussion Thread: 95 comments

Matt,

Yes! Been waiting months for this! Link on main site links to cruise article, though…

FIRST!

Ghosted by Me @ 06/15/2007 5:44 PM EDT


Caught and fixed the links on the main page. Thanks!

Ghosted by Matt @ 06/15/2007 5:45 PM EDT


I wouldn’t even look at this article if it didn’t have a stone wall background.

Ghosted by dohopoki @ 06/15/2007 5:53 PM EDT


Come back to X-E to find a ton of new posts! It’s been a good day. Thanks Matt!!

Ghosted by Joker @ 06/15/2007 5:56 PM EDT


I wouldn’t even look at the article full of boys’ toys if Matt didn’t promise a nice, long review of Rainbow Brite and the Star Stealer.
oKay, I’ll read it anyway.

Ghosted by Jessica Marie @ 06/15/2007 5:58 PM EDT


I just totally creamed myself. An article about toys AND snow cones!? Holy crap in a hat this is the best day ever!!! : D

Ghosted by Darth Poop @ 06/15/2007 6:07 PM EDT


lol, i’m with you, Jessica. Time for a girly article!
Having said that, I sure am glad to see you writing articles again, Matt.

Ghosted by Cerianna @ 06/15/2007 6:19 PM EDT


Mmmm snowcones! Those are even better than the ones you can get at the snowcone stand that they have down here. Thanks for the article!

Ghosted by Jen @ 06/15/2007 6:30 PM EDT


Coming on here to see another new article is like incidentally finding out your favourite bands coming to town. Thanks Matt!

I like that Pepsi Can thing. And for a moment I thought that Legions of Power line was the same one that had this weird, customizable robot/tractor thing my friend used to have. Man, what was that thing?

New X-E posts, Subway Series starts tonight, birthday tomorrow. Very good day Joker, its fuckin’ awesome.

Ghosted by Tutsuro @ 06/15/2007 6:32 PM EDT


Ahh, the Ice Cream Truck. That brings up some odd memories of last summer, hearing them drive by at like 10:00 at night and about every ten minutes after, and once even on Christmas morning. Yeah it’s hot at 10:00 in Vegas, but Christmas morning? Oh those wacky Mexicans.

Ghosted by citygirl @ 06/15/2007 6:35 PM EDT


Jessica Marie and Cerianna – I’m with you girls. We want a girly article! :)

Ghosted by Denise @ 06/15/2007 6:37 PM EDT


I’ve been thinking about X-E a lot recently, and it’s great to see all these new articles/posts!

As a matter of fact, I just read that this week Pepsi is releasing a new summer flavor called “Pepsi Ice Cucumber” -sadly, only in Japan. Also, BoingBoing has been running a bunch of weirdly malformed cartoon based popsicles lately and I noticed a link to your site there too.

But most of all, I’ve been seriously considering buying the complete original line of McDonald’s changables- and that’s exactly what lead me to X-E for the very first time a few years back.

Ghosted by GloriousKyle @ 06/15/2007 6:45 PM EDT


Where in Gods unholy name did u find all those wonderful toys! And the worms(in a briefcase?!) I had that crap when I was a wee lad. Memories…

Ghosted by Mufu @ 06/15/2007 6:46 PM EDT


Is X-E entering a new golden age?? :shock:

Man, those toys are craptacular. The only ones I ever heard of was the METERORBS (of which I never had :( )

Ghosted by The Manimal @ 06/15/2007 6:47 PM EDT


The toy line I was thinking of was Battle Builders.The “Mega Rig” specifically,from about 96…in case anyone cared :P

Ghosted by Tutsuro @ 06/15/2007 7:04 PM EDT


oh hell yes, thats a manly article. yay snowcones, too!

Ghosted by Eddie Lightning Frog @ 06/15/2007 7:11 PM EDT


Hey Matt,

Since you seem the purveyor of all things retro and interesting from our collective youths, where would people send you presents to add to your collection (possibly pieces to use for future article fodder)?

Great stuff as always,
Rp

Ghosted by The Messiah @ 06/15/2007 7:12 PM EDT


Had the Pepsi can, yes I did. Still around here somewhere, I assume.

Ghosted by K- @ 06/15/2007 7:29 PM EDT


Matt, I too would like to see a review of Rainbow Brite and the Star Stealer. Bwahaha…

Anyway, that was a highly entertaining article. I thought that Pepsi can dude was kind of awesome.

Ghosted by Annette @ 06/15/2007 7:34 PM EDT


Man, everyone is happy with the articles (as am I), but the Meteorbs came out as I was approaching the non-toy-buying age of 13. This made them even more bittersweet, because just as the He-Man line was dying out, so was my socially acceptable ability to buy toys. Stupid society!

Ghosted by Bludge @ 06/15/2007 7:36 PM EDT


This was another great article, Matt!

Never heard of any of them…but the Meteorbs sound awfully familiar. The closest thing that I can relate to those now would be the protoform Optimus & Starcream from the new Movie Figures.

And while I love the pokemon references…I think it’s about time to do some research, as there are now 493 pokemon now, no longer the familiar 151. Snorlax, while familiar and relatable, is no longer the biggest of them all. That title is now held by Wailord (the evolved form of Wailmer), and Steelix now comes in 2nd in terms of weight, I think.

Ghosted by Invader Norbert @ 06/15/2007 7:52 PM EDT


Matt may be content to limit himself to the original generation of Pokemon. Sometimes we have reasons for no longer following a particular series/franchise.

I’m still looking for someone to provide me with the correct declension(??)/conjugation for OLD in latin to plug into Fabula Nova Crystalis in place of Nova.

Because in 5 years I’ll still be making references to Squall and Locke, fuck this Lightning idiot.

Ghosted by K- @ 06/15/2007 8:05 PM EDT


While a girl-related article would be nice (coming from another lady here), hell, I played with boys’ toys too, and two articles in less than a week from Matt is nothing short of a miracle. (And two of the funniest he’s written in a while, to boot.)

I don’t remember ever hearing of any of the toys mentioned here. Most obscure toy lines never really found their way to Southern New Jersey. I may have seen the Metororbs around, and the Pepsi can rings minor bells (and is a way cool vehicle), but by 1987, I was more into She-Ra than her brother…and by 1989, I was more into Turtles (and not really into most toys anymore).

Ghosted by starwenn @ 06/15/2007 9:10 PM EDT


I thought all these would be unfamiliar to me. Then I got to the Bad Case of Worms. I way like, “hey I remember those” Then I kept reading and I only remembered it from the xe blog. :P
I want that Pepsi Can toy.

Ghosted by kb @ 06/15/2007 10:03 PM EDT


Jessica, Cerianna and Denise:You should check out our own Mystie’s Crowncombo.com for girly articles. She compliments what Matt should not write about. Plus she is funny as Hell. Should I capitalize Hell?

I think this is the sign of the apocolypse. Two articles in a week and a day before SNT? Matt, you should really stretch before you do that.

I feel like I acquired the “Hero Mechanic Specialist” from a doctors office waiting room as a kid.

Ghosted by Bill @ 06/15/2007 10:31 PM EDT


I second Crowncombo. She has an article on Sweet Secrets (which I adored, and that’s right I’m male) and a bitchin’ repaint of Optimus Prime. Purple and pink, Prime never looked so good.

Ghosted by K- is deadly serious @ 06/15/2007 10:36 PM EDT


“The snowcone is nature’s perfect food. Ice, colored and flavored by liquid sugar. Visions of fireflies, of wiffle ball and of smashing fireflies into the pavement with a wiffle ball bat, because those were some cool ass looking bug guts.”

Is it weird if I think this sounds like a stand-alone poem in and of itself?

Ghosted by Spruce @ 06/15/2007 11:40 PM EDT


This is a damn nice surprise after a shitty shift at work- I love getting home late and having XE cheer me up! Thanks, Matt.

Ghosted by Muppet Baby @ 06/15/2007 11:45 PM EDT


That Gridd dude looks a whole lot like Hondo MacLean that came with Hurricane from M.A.S.K. Seriously…like way too much. I’m looking at him right now while he stands next to Hurricane on my desk…along with dozens of other M.A.S.K. things, Centurion things, M.U.S.C.L.E dudes, MOTU things, etc. Hooray geekdom!

Ghosted by Justin @ 06/15/2007 11:48 PM EDT


Wait…what? You have a walk-in freezer in your basement?! That’s the greatest thing I’ve ever heard. Now I want one, but I need a basement first.

Ghosted by Justin @ 06/15/2007 11:52 PM EDT


I definately had a bad case of worms.

Ghosted by Muppet Baby @ 06/16/2007 12:05 AM EDT


Two in one week! Those of us that read X-E more diligently than other people who read X-E are getting spoiled.
It’s funny, the toys that made great fake pets were never the most fancy or expensive ones, for me anyway. It was usually some little glow in the dark cheapo Chuck E. Cheese prize.
Happy Friday everybody!

Ghosted by squee4242 @ 06/16/2007 12:33 AM EDT


Wow.. I definetly had one of those little green cases of Worms. Not sure what happened to ‘em, but the case stuck around my toy chest for the long haul.

Ghosted by Review the World @ 06/16/2007 12:56 AM EDT


I had the Crocobite Meteorb, it was one of my favorites when I was a kid

Ghosted by Crocobite @ 06/16/2007 1:14 AM EDT


Did Matt’s impulse purchase of the re-animator get a urge to watch the movie again? Click on my name for an urge release. I recemmend the downloading option because that site crashes sometimes if it streams. But it’s my new favorite site now. Oh la la. :D

Ghosted by Goob @ 06/16/2007 2:55 AM EDT


Speaking of my Opty repaint, I’m working on a buddy for him right now, and I’m fucking cross-eyed from paint fumes. I opened up my windows and turned the fan on, but there’s no screens in my windows right now cuz the wind blew them half-off and we’re in the process of replacing them. Needless to say, bugs are quite happily inviting themselves in. I’m going to have to stuff my orifices with mothballs before I go to sleep.

Ghosted by Mystie @ 06/16/2007 4:02 AM EDT


I got a Reactor for my birthday once. I was pretty jazzed, because at that age I fully supported anything that involved glowing power rods.

Anyhoo, I got the thing, and when I inserted the power rod, it only went backwards. No forwards movement, just reverse. After ten minuted of this, not only had I realized this toy would suck if worked the way it was supposed to, but it sucked even more because it couldn’t even do the one thing it was supposed to do correctly.

So I smashed it with a hammer.

Ghosted by Wukong @ 06/16/2007 6:10 AM EDT


Haven’t read the article, but had to go back to Jessica Marie’s fabulous, impending Orlando trip for a sec. February isn’t that rainy here, but it can get cold (depending on how Mother Nature is feeling that year, of course; this year it was fucking hot). Anywho, if you like marine life, Sea World isn’t so bad. Just don’t expect it to last the whole day. If you LOVE marine life, you might want to visit the super expensive, must-make-reservations-in-advance sister park, Discovery Cove. For a ridiculous amount of money, you can actually swim with dolphins. For less money, you can swim with…other animals, not dolphins (but why would you??). Have never been myself, but prolly worth looking into.

I think a week is good, assuming you only do one park per day: MGM, Magic Kingdom, Animal Kingdom (my least fave), Epcot, Sea World/Discovery Cove, and both Universal parks. You’ll drop a lot of money but jesus, will you have a good time!

Ghosted by purplegirl247 @ 06/16/2007 8:07 AM EDT


Why is it that all MOtU material was written in passable if florid English except the character blurbs, which all appear to have been written by the crazy old man at the shady Chinese restaurant next to the transmission shop? Or am I the only one who reads “Heroic mammoth busts force-fields with tusks!” in an early Jackie Chan accent?

Oh, and happy birthday, Tutsoro. Remember, if the restaurant sits you down before you order and you get real silverware, they owe you free cake. Don’t take any guff from these swine.

Ghosted by Jedoc @ 06/16/2007 8:35 AM EDT


I distinctly remember watching cartoons with Ripper Snapper. As a child I never owned a complete combiner team, but that did nothing to hinder the love I had for him. Same goes for Street Wise and Nosecone. Story of my life. Always the apendages, never the torso.

Ghosted by 9-Line @ 06/16/2007 10:41 AM EDT


Sno-Cones you say? Then does anyone remember the Snoopy Sno-Cone Machine? Snoopy’s dog house that magically churned out a sno-cone with Snoopy and Woodstock sitting on top. Come on and sing along the commercial: “You put an ice cube in, pull a sno-cone out, yum-yum fun is what it’s all about (Kids in commercial: ‘Thanks Snoopy’) It’s the Snoopy Sno-Cone Machine!”

Ghosted by the politically correct concerned citizen Josh Ednoff @ 06/16/2007 10:46 AM EDT


Indeed, Mr. Ednoff. In fact, Matt has already written an article on that particular subject.

Ghosted by Mystie @ 06/16/2007 11:09 AM EDT


Mystie, reading Matt’s article brought a tear to my eye. Thank you for bringing this pilgrim to Mecca!

Ghosted by the politically correct concerned citizen Josh Ednoff @ 06/16/2007 11:32 AM EDT


Actually,Invader Norbert, I don’t think Snorlax ever was the biggest Pokémon… I believe that honour went to Onix during the first generation. Then, when GSC came around, it was Steelix and now Wailord…

Ghosted by Trike123 @ 06/16/2007 12:44 PM EDT


Yeah, I didn’t stick with Pokemon once it went past the “original collection.” Bought a couple of the games, but, well, I guess I wasn’t into it for a long enough time to accept that I had to now get acquainted with double the number of Pokemon. And then it became triple, and quadruple, and by the time everything was said and done, I felt pretty stupid for permanently grafting an image of Bulbasaur onto my leg.

Actually got into Pokemon by accident. When I bought my first computer (not the first computer I ever had — the first computer I ever bought), it came with a DVD player. That would be my first DVD player, and I was itchy to get my first DVDs. Unfortunately, I chose to do this at a really rundown Circuit City that had a terrible DVD assortment. Without much to choose from, I went with Run Lola Run and Pokemon: The First Movie. Once I saw Bulbasaur sing Togepi the “Bulbabye,” I knew I was in for life.

Ghosted by Matt @ 06/16/2007 12:54 PM EDT


purplegirl – I didn’t know Discovery Cove was a seperate venture. We might skip Universal or MGM, depending on H’s vacation schedule, but we’ll see.
Anyone know the policies about bringing food to the resort/park and how far in advance I can book a vacation? The rates for 2008 aren’t even up yet, but I don’t want to miss it when they do.

The running joke among my friends, if someone says something stupid or indiscernible, is to say “Yeah…I’m not really into Pokemon.” That’s all I have to contribute on the subject of Pokemon.

Ghosted by Jessica Marie WILL swim with dolphins @ 06/16/2007 1:07 PM EDT


Does anyone else think the box from the first toy is a carbon copy of any Nintendo product box of that era?
Thanks again Matt! As always, well worth the wait.

Another Matt

Ghosted by Another Matt @ 06/16/2007 1:54 PM EDT


Speaking of Pokemon, does anyone know of good but inexpensive router I could buy? I’m switching broadband providers and they’re taking back my free one.

Ghosted by dohopoki @ 06/16/2007 2:07 PM EDT


I’m sure others will have something to say, but I got a Linksys router from Wal-Mart for a decent price (that I can’t recall off the top of my head; sorry) that works great with both the DS and Wii…works throughout my entire house….be sure to check the Nintendo site to make sure you get one that they recommend; a friend recently bought one without checking and it’s one of the few that aren’t compatible at all….

Ghosted by Shuanfu @ 06/16/2007 2:13 PM EDT


As always, you have triggered flashbacks to friends birthday parties in the 4th grade, down in their dingy basements, playing with all of these random toys scattered throughout…I especially remember legions of power..

Matt, how would I go about sending you something? I have a copy of Mr. T’s Commandments…the preachy “don’t do drugs or talk to strangers” rap album that he released in the late 80’s….figured you would appreciate it..

Ghosted by Gweff @ 06/16/2007 2:15 PM EDT


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