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06/12/2007: New Article: X-E Goes On A Cruise!


A new article, as promised. Click here to read my review/recap/diatribe/whatever on our recent cruise vacation, which is really just a hodge podge of useless thoughts and information on everything from Cuban cigars to ghost crabs. After writing and editing, I still felt like something was missing. Finally, it hit me. “Coherence!” I didn’t fix it to add coherence, but it’s nice to be cognizant. Being cognizant gives me the excuse to use the word “cognizant.” It’s a fun word. Try being cognizant sometime, so you can use it too.


Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

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Discussion Thread: 196 comments

yay! new article

Ghosted by Kevin @ 06/12/2007 10:10 PM EDT

Mr. Wizard died. :cry:

Ghosted by K- @ 06/12/2007 10:10 PM EDT

whoa…no offense but the cruise seems a little gutterbutt-ish

Ghosted by Kevin @ 06/12/2007 10:12 PM EDT

I guess it was on the cheap side.

Ghosted by Matt @ 06/12/2007 10:16 PM EDT

thats cool…cruises are overrated. I’m surprised you didn’t go on a Disney cruise.

Ghosted by Kevin @ 06/12/2007 10:20 PM EDT

Lovebugs are also a Georgia specialty. They suck.

Ghosted by Andy @ 06/12/2007 10:23 PM EDT

Adventure articles are my favorites.
This one was long, hilarious, and poignant in that subtle way you do so well.

You do the math.

Ghosted by K- loves ya baby @ 06/12/2007 10:37 PM EDT

I am about to read the article but before I do, that seagull at the top cracks me up.

Ghosted by The Manimal @ 06/12/2007 10:38 PM EDT

I think your chips are going to be my new wallpaper. Yes, they are.

Ghosted by K- @ 06/12/2007 10:51 PM EDT

Awesome article. I was asked what I was doing twice due to laughter. Cruises have never really interested me very much. I’ve been on, like, 8012 whale watches and kinda figured a cruise might feel like a very long whale watch, without the whales to keep me interested. However, after reading the article, I MUST BOOK A CRUISE. I want to buy duty free cigs in that adorable packaging. I now have a vision of creating a little man out of the double carton box, using Potato Head parts, then standing it up in my freezer. That way, I can have a happy little cigarette man to greet me when I go to retrieve a full pack.

Ghosted by MissJess @ 06/12/2007 10:53 PM EDT

Whoa- I just came by to check the blog, forgetting that it was the promised TUESDAY. Thanks for the article, Matt- you rock. Now, on to read another XE adventure!

Ghosted by Muppet Baby @ 06/12/2007 10:58 PM EDT

Wow, sounds like if I ever get the chance to go on a cruise, I should…totally pass it up. Smoking, drinking, and gambling ain’t my bag. :P

Anyway, nice article. Well worth the wait.

Ghosted by Annette @ 06/12/2007 11:05 PM EDT

One day i wanna go on the Disney cruise…a girl can dream

Ghosted by Amanda @ 06/12/2007 11:11 PM EDT

hmm in noticed that i posted that at 11:11..in that case, I will make a wish. I wish to go on the Disney cruise.

Ghosted by Amanda @ 06/12/2007 11:11 PM EDT

The new article is awesome, Matt! Definitely worth the wait.

I loved Mr. Wizard, what a great show. He was one of the first people to make science “cool”.

Ghosted by Justin @ 06/12/2007 11:13 PM EDT

Both posts were at 11:11. Wish again.

Ghosted by 11- @ 06/12/2007 11:18 PM EDT

You can’t double wish.It’s bad luck! EEK!

Anyways,glad to see a new article. aAnother X-E adventure I’ll probably never get to experience myself,but I do thank you Matt for showing me what the world has to offer,and that it is cruel.
I wonder if the crab knows he is famous now?

Ghosted by shortcake 79 @ 06/12/2007 11:26 PM EDT

New article? Sweet.

Ghosted by Retro Playback @ 06/12/2007 11:27 PM EDT

Nuh-uh, you can have up to three. I heard that somewhere.

Ghosted by K- @ 06/12/2007 11:35 PM EDT

K-, only if the Double Double Wish was for more wishes, then it would work.

This was a great article, Matt! You still got it! (you never lost it in the first place, but still…).

I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I laughed at that picture of the Towel Dog for a good 5 minutes.

Ghosted by Invader Norbert @ 06/12/2007 11:41 PM EDT

I was offered a free cruise (let’s not get into details why, it’s a little… odd) but it’s from Florida to the Bahamas and psshhhh I ain’t flying down to Florida just to drink in the middle of the ocean for a few days.

Ghosted by Mystie @ 06/12/2007 11:44 PM EDT

Great article, Matt. I never stop looking for sharks in the ocean either.

Ghosted by Bill @ 06/12/2007 11:45 PM EDT

I’m the cognizant engineer on a whole bunch of stuff at work. Frankly, I now detest the word “cognizant.” Everything that I’m cognizant of is another pain in the butt.

Down with cognizance!

Ghosted by spaz307 @ 06/12/2007 11:47 PM EDT

Mystie-I don’t even think it’s a few day cruise from FL to the Bahamas. When I lived there I had a friend who was Bahamian and she’s fly back home often and it only took a few hours.

Ghosted by MissJess @ 06/12/2007 11:58 PM EDT

Well I was more coming at it from the angle of wishes usually coming in 3s. It of course follows that she would only be allowed 3 if she had 3 posts within that minute.

Something I wouldn’t put past someone who double posted just to say they were going to wish for something.

Q.E.D. :P

Ghosted by K- @ 06/12/2007 11:58 PM EDT

Great article. The part about the towel animals…genius. I laughed out loud. Worth the wait dude.

Ghosted by Brandon @ 06/13/2007 12:06 AM EDT

Awesome, you know an article is a sucess when people around me think I’m looking at something dirty because I’m laughing.

Ghosted by mrjayberry @ 06/13/2007 12:13 AM EDT

The idea of FLOATING from NYC to Florida and the Bahamas just blows my mind- awesome. Just like the olden, olden, OLDEN days.

I have had that Big Red commercial song in my head for 2 days now “your fresh breath goes on and on while you chew it- so say goodbye a little longer, make it last a little longer, its long lasting freshness.. with big red!” or something like that…

Ghosted by Muppet Baby @ 06/13/2007 12:13 AM EDT

Okay, is it just me or is every single woman in that picture of the taco buffet overweight?

Ghosted by Shaun @ 06/13/2007 12:15 AM EDT

i don’t know what you’re talking about matt that article was no incoherent or cognizant or whatever word describes it. i thought it was well written, really funny, and had nice sarcastic random humor which i think any of us can appreciate.

Ghosted by danny @ 06/13/2007 12:21 AM EDT

Sad to hear Mr. Wizard is gone. :(

But another awesome article, Matt. If that next to last paragraph isn’t 21st century romanticism, I don’t know what is.

Yes, I’m an English nerd who analizes writing for fun. Wanna fight about it?!

Ghosted by Cameron T. @ 06/13/2007 12:24 AM EDT

Muppet Baby
Damn you DAMN YOU for getting that accursed ad stuck in my head!

Ghosted by Cameron T. @ 06/13/2007 12:26 AM EDT

Cameron T- Hey man, misery loves company! I swear, that ad was stuck in my head for 3 years once…at least I am not the only one now! MUH HA HA!

Ghosted by Muppet Baby @ 06/13/2007 12:41 AM EDT

It wasn’t disjointed, it was episodic.

REALLY funny. 2 standouts: The whole Towel Dog bit and the “..you gotta roll the dice somewhere.” :)

Ghosted by The Manimal @ 06/13/2007 12:41 AM EDT

Glad to see another Shaun noticed the same thing that I did…

My Dad went on a Disney cruise a month or so ago and came home saying he loved every minute of it, and the biggest thing he talked about was the food as well. He said they would ask for things just to see if the cooks would make it and, to his surprise, they did…each and every item and every time he asked….

Ghosted by Shuanfu @ 06/13/2007 12:42 AM EDT

One unexpected taco is worth far more than one expected taco

That really speaks to me. Confucius can fuckin’ hang.

Ghosted by Bill @ 06/13/2007 1:16 AM EDT

The whole love bug thing is pretty weird, actually. They went from being a pretty rare and unstudied species prior to the 1940’s, to being a total plague every spring and summer for the entire gulf coast. No one is all that sure why that happened, although some theories hold that logging in east Texas and west Louisiana helped distribute the little bastards everywhere. We’ve pretty much had them here (Northwest Louisiana) for as long as anyone can remember though. I guess we decided to share the fun with the rest of the south.

All I know for sure is this: They are legion, and they are unstoppable. Frogs and birds do not eat them. They will turn your car into rolling mass of bug guts after one interstate ride.

Ghosted by Wukong @ 06/13/2007 1:20 AM EDT

I don’t drink, smoke, or gamble, so I don’t think a cruise is for me. Disney cruises intrigue me though.

Ghosted by Tommy @ 06/13/2007 1:35 AM EDT

I know exactly what you mean about the lovebugs — having just been down at Disney last month, I can concur that those things are everywhere! And there’s never just one of ‘em, they are always stuck in pairs. It’s like a massive bug orgy.

Ghosted by Review the World @ 06/13/2007 1:38 AM EDT

Lets see.. during my cruise on a carnival, I ran a underground Air Hockey league with my cousin and all the other punkkids on the cruise ship, almost got in a fight with a 11 year old also XD was pretty funny, and I won about.. 200$ in the casino playing blackjack, I felt good, got cocky, an lost it ;.; sides that it was a fun trip X3

Ghosted by DashiKun @ 06/13/2007 1:42 AM EDT

Never been on a cruise, but it would be fun for the umbrella drinks

Ghosted by the politically correct concerned citizen Josh Ednoff @ 06/13/2007 2:37 AM EDT

Superstar article, Matt! You get 25 points.

Ghosted by Brandon @ 06/13/2007 2:48 AM EDT

The Disney HOTEL sure as fuck didn’t hide the lovebugs. Funniest of all was sitting around watching the things randomly change partners when you managed to kill one of them.

That said, I enjoyed the article. I about died laughing several times and made sure to share with friends over AIM the passages I loved the best.

And Flying Fish. That mention made the C.S Forester fan in me go all swoony.

Ghosted by Skywalking @ 06/13/2007 3:01 AM EDT

Nice article. I now know that I never ever want to go on a cruise.

Quick question: Will you ever make the entire catalog of X-E articles accessable from the home page?

Ghosted by jimmy zer0 @ 06/13/2007 6:37 AM EDT

Mr. Wizard died.

I thought he’s been dead for years.

Ghosted by dohopoki @ 06/13/2007 8:57 AM EDT

A few years ago I went on a Carnival cruise. After I got back, a rich friend of mine tried to convince me that I took the shittiest cruise possible, and that Carnival was the “Kmart of cruise lines,” as he put it. Even though I had an awesome time, he made me feel bad. After reading your article, I realize that we had identical cruise experiences, so I feel a lot better now. Thanks, mang!

Ghosted by tanta07 @ 06/13/2007 9:14 AM EDT

To all of those who don’t “drink, smoke, or gamble…”
What do you do on vacations?!? :-)
Frankly, until I am tied down by kids, I fully expect to hit two out of three of those recreational activities on most weekends, but definitely every vacation.

Ghosted by mowntandew @ 06/13/2007 10:26 AM EDT

Awesome article, Matt. It’s filled with all the reasons we, your loyal/slightly rabid fanbase, keep coming back for more. I wouldn’t want to go on a cruise, really…being out on open water terrifies me…but I am jealous you got to take a week’s vacation all at once and do something that didn’t involve sitting on your ass in PJs for the week, which is how I usually spend my vacation days. Oh well. I just adopted the first kitty cat of my very own this weekend. His name is Cody and he’s a 13.5-lb. long-haired orange tuxedo ball of cuddles and fluff. He’s the love of my life and I couldn’t be happier…now I’m just about 99 adoptions away from being a crazy cat lady!! :)

Ghosted by Nicole @ 06/13/2007 10:31 AM EDT

My cousins went on this cruise where ya had to dress up for dinner and pose for a souvenier portrait with your family. They went to the bahamas and Universal Orlando.

I was gonna have a Disney Wedding cruise. Then my husband almost died of diverticulitis so our money went to his surgery

Ghosted by mandy_reeves @ 06/13/2007 10:37 AM EDT

Way to get back into the writing swing. Of things.

My husband decided on Sunday that we have to go to Disney World, since my fam was po’ and I’ve never been. I am so, so geeked and can’t wait to start my research. I even spent all of yesterday afternoon mesmerized by a string of shitty Disney World specials on the Travel Channel.Questions: Should we invite friends, or go alone? What’s the best time of year to go, keeping in mind that we are mostly antisocial, crowd-hating people?

Ghosted by Jessica Marie @ 06/13/2007 10:40 AM EDT

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