06/12/2007: New Article: X-E Goes On A Cruise!
A new article, as promised.
Click here to read my review/recap/diatribe/whatever on our recent cruise vacation, which is really just a hodge podge of useless thoughts and information on everything from Cuban cigars to ghost crabs. After writing and editing, I still felt like something was missing. Finally, it hit me. "Coherence!" I didn't fix it to add coherence, but it's nice to be cognizant. Being cognizant gives me the excuse to use the word "cognizant." It's a fun word. Try being cognizant sometime, so you can use it too.
Discussion Thread: 196 comments
yay! new article
Posted by
Kevin @ 06/12/2007 10:10 PM EDT
Mr. Wizard died. 
Posted by
K- @ 06/12/2007 10:10 PM EDT
whoa…no offense but the cruise seems a little gutterbutt-ish
Posted by
Kevin @ 06/12/2007 10:12 PM EDT
I guess it was on the cheap side.
Posted by
Matt @ 06/12/2007 10:16 PM EDT
thats cool…cruises are overrated. I'm surprised you didn't go on a Disney cruise.
Posted by
Kevin @ 06/12/2007 10:20 PM EDT
Lovebugs are also a Georgia specialty. They suck.
Posted by
Andy @ 06/12/2007 10:23 PM EDT
Adventure articles are my favorites.
This one was long, hilarious, and poignant in that subtle way you do so well.
You do the math.
Posted by
K- loves ya baby @ 06/12/2007 10:37 PM EDT
I am about to read the article but before I do, that seagull at the top cracks me up.
Posted by
The Manimal @ 06/12/2007 10:38 PM EDT
I think your chips are going to be my new wallpaper. Yes, they are.
Posted by
K- @ 06/12/2007 10:51 PM EDT
Awesome article. I was asked what I was doing twice due to laughter. Cruises have never really interested me very much. I've been on, like, 8012 whale watches and kinda figured a cruise might feel like a very long whale watch, without the whales to keep me interested. However, after reading the article, I MUST BOOK A CRUISE. I want to buy duty free cigs in that adorable packaging. I now have a vision of creating a little man out of the double carton box, using Potato Head parts, then standing it up in my freezer. That way, I can have a happy little cigarette man to greet me when I go to retrieve a full pack.
Posted by
MissJess @ 06/12/2007 10:53 PM EDT
Whoa- I just came by to check the blog, forgetting that it was the promised TUESDAY. Thanks for the article, Matt- you rock. Now, on to read another XE adventure!
Posted by
Muppet Baby @ 06/12/2007 10:58 PM EDT
Wow, sounds like if I ever get the chance to go on a cruise, I should…totally pass it up. Smoking, drinking, and gambling ain't my bag. 
Anyway, nice article. Well worth the wait.
Posted by
Annette @ 06/12/2007 11:05 PM EDT
One day i wanna go on the Disney cruise…a girl can dream
Posted by
Amanda @ 06/12/2007 11:11 PM EDT
hmm in noticed that i posted that at 11:11..in that case, I will make a wish. I wish to go on the Disney cruise.
Posted by
Amanda @ 06/12/2007 11:11 PM EDT
The new article is awesome, Matt! Definitely worth the wait.
I loved Mr. Wizard, what a great show. He was one of the first people to make science "cool".
Posted by
Justin @ 06/12/2007 11:13 PM EDT
Both posts were at 11:11. Wish again.
Posted by
11- @ 06/12/2007 11:18 PM EDT
You can't double wish.It's bad luck! EEK!
Anyways,glad to see a new article. aAnother X-E adventure I'll probably never get to experience myself,but I do thank you Matt for showing me what the world has to offer,and that it is cruel.
I wonder if the crab knows he is famous now?
Posted by
shortcake 79 @ 06/12/2007 11:26 PM EDT
New article? Sweet.
Nuh-uh, you can have up to three. I heard that somewhere.
Posted by
K- @ 06/12/2007 11:35 PM EDT
K-, only if the Double Double Wish was for more wishes, then it would work.
This was a great article, Matt! You still got it! (you never lost it in the first place, but still…).
I'd be lying if I didn't say that I laughed at that picture of the Towel Dog for a good 5 minutes.
I was offered a free cruise (let's not get into details why, it's a little… odd) but it's from Florida to the Bahamas and psshhhh I ain't flying down to Florida just to drink in the middle of the ocean for a few days.
Posted by
Mystie @ 06/12/2007 11:44 PM EDT
Great article, Matt. I never stop looking for sharks in the ocean either.
Posted by
Bill @ 06/12/2007 11:45 PM EDT
I'm the cognizant engineer on a whole bunch of stuff at work. Frankly, I now detest the word "cognizant." Everything that I'm cognizant of is another pain in the butt.
Down with cognizance!
Posted by
spaz307 @ 06/12/2007 11:47 PM EDT
Mystie-I don't even think it's a few day cruise from FL to the Bahamas. When I lived there I had a friend who was Bahamian and she's fly back home often and it only took a few hours.
Posted by
MissJess @ 06/12/2007 11:58 PM EDT
Well I was more coming at it from the angle of wishes usually coming in 3s. It of course follows that she would only be allowed 3 if she had 3 posts within that minute.
Something I wouldn't put past someone who double posted just to say they were going to wish for something.
Q.E.D.
Posted by
K- @ 06/12/2007 11:58 PM EDT
Great article. The part about the towel animals…genius. I laughed out loud. Worth the wait dude.
Posted by
Brandon @ 06/13/2007 12:06 AM EDT
Awesome, you know an article is a sucess when people around me think I'm looking at something dirty because I'm laughing.
Posted by
mrjayberry @ 06/13/2007 12:13 AM EDT
The idea of FLOATING from NYC to Florida and the Bahamas just blows my mind- awesome. Just like the olden, olden, OLDEN days.
I have had that Big Red commercial song in my head for 2 days now "your fresh breath goes on and on while you chew it- so say goodbye a little longer, make it last a little longer, its long lasting freshness.. with big red!" or something like that…
Posted by
Muppet Baby @ 06/13/2007 12:13 AM EDT
Okay, is it just me or is every single woman in that picture of the taco buffet overweight?
Posted by
Shaun @ 06/13/2007 12:15 AM EDT
i don't know what you're talking about matt that article was no incoherent or cognizant or whatever word describes it. i thought it was well written, really funny, and had nice sarcastic random humor which i think any of us can appreciate.
Posted by
danny @ 06/13/2007 12:21 AM EDT
Sad to hear Mr. Wizard is gone. 
But another awesome article, Matt. If that next to last paragraph isn't 21st century romanticism, I don't know what is.
Yes, I'm an English nerd who analizes writing for fun. Wanna fight about it?!
Posted by
Cameron T. @ 06/13/2007 12:24 AM EDT
Muppet Baby
Damn you DAMN YOU for getting that accursed ad stuck in my head!
Posted by
Cameron T. @ 06/13/2007 12:26 AM EDT
Cameron T- Hey man, misery loves company! I swear, that ad was stuck in my head for 3 years once…at least I am not the only one now! MUH HA HA!
Posted by
Muppet Baby @ 06/13/2007 12:41 AM EDT
It wasn't disjointed, it was episodic.
REALLY funny. 2 standouts: The whole Towel Dog bit and the "..you gotta roll the dice somewhere." 
Posted by
The Manimal @ 06/13/2007 12:41 AM EDT
Glad to see another Shaun noticed the same thing that I did…
My Dad went on a Disney cruise a month or so ago and came home saying he loved every minute of it, and the biggest thing he talked about was the food as well. He said they would ask for things just to see if the cooks would make it and, to his surprise, they did…each and every item and every time he asked….
Posted by
Shuanfu @ 06/13/2007 12:42 AM EDT
One unexpected taco is worth far more than one expected taco
That really speaks to me. Confucius can fuckin' hang.
Posted by
Bill @ 06/13/2007 1:16 AM EDT
The whole love bug thing is pretty weird, actually. They went from being a pretty rare and unstudied species prior to the 1940's, to being a total plague every spring and summer for the entire gulf coast. No one is all that sure why that happened, although some theories hold that logging in east Texas and west Louisiana helped distribute the little bastards everywhere. We've pretty much had them here (Northwest Louisiana) for as long as anyone can remember though. I guess we decided to share the fun with the rest of the south.
All I know for sure is this: They are legion, and they are unstoppable. Frogs and birds do not eat them. They will turn your car into rolling mass of bug guts after one interstate ride.
Posted by
Wukong @ 06/13/2007 1:20 AM EDT
I don't drink, smoke, or gamble, so I don't think a cruise is for me. Disney cruises intrigue me though.
Posted by
Tommy @ 06/13/2007 1:35 AM EDT
I know exactly what you mean about the lovebugs — having just been down at Disney last month, I can concur that those things are everywhere! And there's never just one of 'em, they are always stuck in pairs. It's like a massive bug orgy.
Lets see.. during my cruise on a carnival, I ran a underground Air Hockey league with my cousin and all the other punkkids on the cruise ship, almost got in a fight with a 11 year old also XD was pretty funny, and I won about.. 200$ in the casino playing blackjack, I felt good, got cocky, an lost it ;.; sides that it was a fun trip X3
Posted by
DashiKun @ 06/13/2007 1:42 AM EDT
Never been on a cruise, but it would be fun for the umbrella drinks
Posted by
the politically correct concerned citizen Josh Ednoff @ 06/13/2007 2:37 AM EDT
Superstar article, Matt! You get 25 points.
Posted by
Brandon @ 06/13/2007 2:48 AM EDT
The Disney HOTEL sure as fuck didn't hide the lovebugs. Funniest of all was sitting around watching the things randomly change partners when you managed to kill one of them.
That said, I enjoyed the article. I about died laughing several times and made sure to share with friends over AIM the passages I loved the best.
And Flying Fish. That mention made the C.S Forester fan in me go all swoony.
Posted by
Skywalking @ 06/13/2007 3:01 AM EDT
Nice article. I now know that I never ever want to go on a cruise.
Quick question: Will you ever make the entire catalog of X-E articles accessable from the home page?
Posted by
jimmy zer0 @ 06/13/2007 6:37 AM EDT
Mr. Wizard died.
I thought he's been dead for years.
Posted by
dohopoki @ 06/13/2007 8:57 AM EDT
A few years ago I went on a Carnival cruise. After I got back, a rich friend of mine tried to convince me that I took the shittiest cruise possible, and that Carnival was the "Kmart of cruise lines," as he put it. Even though I had an awesome time, he made me feel bad. After reading your article, I realize that we had identical cruise experiences, so I feel a lot better now. Thanks, mang!
Posted by
tanta07 @ 06/13/2007 9:14 AM EDT
To all of those who don't "drink, smoke, or gamble…"
What do you do on vacations?!?
Frankly, until I am tied down by kids, I fully expect to hit two out of three of those recreational activities on most weekends, but definitely every vacation.
Posted by
mowntandew @ 06/13/2007 10:26 AM EDT
Awesome article, Matt. It's filled with all the reasons we, your loyal/slightly rabid fanbase, keep coming back for more. I wouldn't want to go on a cruise, really…being out on open water terrifies me…but I am jealous you got to take a week's vacation all at once and do something that didn't involve sitting on your ass in PJs for the week, which is how I usually spend my vacation days. Oh well. I just adopted the first kitty cat of my very own this weekend. His name is Cody and he's a 13.5-lb. long-haired orange tuxedo ball of cuddles and fluff. He's the love of my life and I couldn't be happier…now I'm just about 99 adoptions away from being a crazy cat lady!!
Posted by
Nicole @ 06/13/2007 10:31 AM EDT
My cousins went on this cruise where ya had to dress up for dinner and pose for a souvenier portrait with your family. They went to the bahamas and Universal Orlando.
I was gonna have a Disney Wedding cruise. Then my husband almost died of diverticulitis so our money went to his surgery
Way to get back into the writing swing. Of things.
My husband decided on Sunday that we have to go to Disney World, since my fam was po' and I've never been. I am so, so geeked and can't wait to start my research. I even spent all of yesterday afternoon mesmerized by a string of shitty Disney World specials on the Travel Channel.Questions: Should we invite friends, or go alone? What's the best time of year to go, keeping in mind that we are mostly antisocial, crowd-hating people?
Jessica Marie:
Don't invite friends cause then someone has a damn problem with waiting in a line or a certain part of Disney World and then ruin it for you. As for the best time, a Wednesday on a non-descript week nowhere near a holiday. That way you may only wait an hour in a line rather than 3 hours.
And when the 2 o'clock or so parade zooms by Thunder Mountain, skip the parade and get trapped on the Thunder Mountain side. You'll be able to ride it about 5332543645 times in a row without any wait. AND, make sure you are in the last seat of the coaster cause it is by far the best seat. The way the coaster is set up, when it goes down a hill, the front has to wait for the back and so you slowly go down if you are in the front, as opposed to flying off your seat in the back.
Good article Matt.
Posted by
meepy @ 06/13/2007 10:59 AM EDT
It's times like these that my thoughts turn to days of yore and Stacy. You remember Stacy, right? The hostess for that bedeviled Disney video.
My thoughts on the subject back in the day:
Kryssa is so much better than Stacy. Probably just because of the hair, but better nonetheless.
When Kryssa says "surfs up dude", I believe her, when Stacy says it, all I hear is "I will make your life a living hell, and you can never leave me…I mean the Magical Kingdom, NEVER NEVER".
Posted by
K- @ 06/13/2007 11:10 AM EDT
TRIPLE WISHES? i don't wanna jinx it but…i have a good feeling…
Posted by
Amanda @ 06/13/2007 11:13 AM EDT
Thank you for that. Great article. I was wondering about the mouthwash, as I looked at the pictures first, before reading. Nice. I think sneaking liquor is far better than buying and drinking it legally. But that's in part cause any form of rebellion in my "old age" is rare.
Posted by
kb @ 06/13/2007 11:16 AM EDT
K-
What are you talking about?
Posted by
meepy @ 06/13/2007 11:17 AM EDT
Someone needs to read the blog archives
http://x-entertainment.com/updates/index.php?p=789
Posted by
K- @ 06/13/2007 11:23 AM EDT
Like I said! Just haven't begun my research yet…
Loved the article, Matt. Good stuff. I spent last Thanksgiving up in Vancouver drinking absinthe and smoking Cubans. I don't remember too much of it, really. But judging from the crippling hangover, I think I had a good time.
Do you have your own special spoon for the absinthe? I lost mine on that Vancouver trip. The best part was calling the hotel the next day and asking if they'd found a big spoon with holes in it. They claimed not to have. Liars.
Posted by
Chris Martin @ 06/13/2007 11:52 AM EDT
Research smesearch…been going to Disney all my life and I never researched…only by experience may one learn, hence the great Thunder Mountain trick I told you about.
Posted by
meepy @ 06/13/2007 12:16 PM EDT
I have some weird pictures half loading issues with the site at the moment.
Posted by
dohopoki @ 06/13/2007 12:31 PM EDT
mowntandew, I've never been on a real vacation before. So…I don't really know what I'd do if I ever did go on one. o_O
Posted by
Annette @ 06/13/2007 12:33 PM EDT
Meepy - I appreciate your wisdom, that's what I'm looking for after all.
Matt, I find it suprising that you and your buddy didn't have a drunk night of wearing life perservers, running up and down the hall yelling, "Everyone to the right side of the boat!!!" But then again you would probably be writing an article about the brig and not ghost crabs.
Jessica: I'm excited about your trip to Disney. Make sure to stay at a Disney resort and not on International Drive. It's great to drive through, however.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/7423394@N07/
Posted by
Bill @ 06/13/2007 12:40 PM EDT
Though and however is a redundant statement. I throw myself at the mercy of all english majors. It will never happen again. never
Posted by
Bill @ 06/13/2007 12:53 PM EDT
I've been all over the world, and cruises never really interested me. For that kinda money, I wanna check off a "thing to see before I die" not pasty fatties hording crab legs.
I did, however, enjoy the article. X-E trips are always my favorite to read.
Matt, I missed your articles, for the past few months my work has been monotonous, and I've even taken to reading our crappy local newspaper. I'm so very happy you've written again, and hopefully will write again soon.
Posted by
random bob @ 06/13/2007 1:43 PM EDT
Bill - Your hatred for Radio Shack and your pictures of that arcade room are both frightening.
I'm not sure where to stay yet. The marine biologist/zoologist in me (I even started as a bio major before switching to writing) is 2 seconds away from booking a room at the Animal Kingdom resort. Then again, I'm 26.
Matt - What a great article. I've never been on a cruise, but now I want to try one. Oh yeah, I'm still trying to find the hidden links to the other articles. 
Posted by
Doug @ 06/13/2007 2:32 PM EDT
Hidden links to other articles?
SHENANIGANS!
Posted by
K- @ 06/13/2007 2:59 PM EDT
Great article Matt. I went on a cruise a little over a year ago and this was a great reminder of all the things we experienced. Lots of memories rehashed. The best part of a cruise? No one gives you dirty looks when you are drinking at 11 am. Yup, good times. My schedule was…
11am - 4pm: Fruity drinks (margaritas, etc)
4pm - 9pm: Beer (either Coronas at the pool bar or Boddington's in the pub)
9pm - 1am: Hard liquor (Usually something like Glenfiddich)
Oh yeah, we also did things like swim, go to beaches at the ports of call (where we saw fat, old, very naked men… yeah, a nude beach), take pictures of the towel animals, curse at the extremely small showers, and try to not waste too much money on silly souvenirs.
As for eating… I think I actually ate less that week than I typically do. The only night I overate was the night they served lobster tails for dinner. Our waiter just kept 'em coming. How many times do you get all you an eat lobster tails? Yeah, I had a lot.
My lady really wants to go back someday. Considering I enjoyed it much more than I thought I would, I certainly wouldn't mind it either. BTW, we were on a Royal Carribean Cruise, the Navigator of the Seas to be precise.
So, nice article! I love how you touched on all the little things that make a cruise so different.
Posted by
Magic Toe @ 06/13/2007 3:13 PM EDT
"We need another Timmy!"
Ghost Crab, starring Forrest Whittaker.
Posted by
kingklash @ 06/13/2007 3:16 PM EDT
Oh, one last thing… for those that think all people on cruise are unattractive… I would beg to differ.
Sure you have your fair share of 40-something, doughy, office workers who will slap your hand if you try to grab the last rasberry danish at the breakfast buffet. But there were also PLENTY of very gorgeous girls hanging out near the pool on the boat and at the beaches in the ports. I love my girl, and would never stray, but I think I saw the most beautiful girl on our cruise. She wasn't American, that I could tell from her accent, but she was absolutely stunning. She hung out at the semi-nude beach… but no luck. Made me very sad. One of the only times in my life I would have been allowed to be in the presence of a naked girl, besides my lady, and she couldn't have gotten upset! So close.
Posted by
Magic Toe @ 06/13/2007 3:20 PM EDT
K: yeah, Matt mentioned it in the recap of the article on the home page. It's a great way to kill time at work. Even if they only turn out to be ghost links. Boo!
Posted by
Doug @ 06/13/2007 3:42 PM EDT
Great article. I recently came back from a cruise myself. I was amazed at how you could leave your room for 5 minutes, and come back and your room would be cleaned and bed would be made. I swear they were like Ninjas.
Did your cruise not have the formal dinners, or did you not do it? Those were pretty fun, and my wife loved the Chocolate Melting Cake on the Carnival ship.
Posted by
Scott @ 06/13/2007 4:07 PM EDT
Well that's sneaky. I reiterate:
What is this main page you speak of? My bookmark goes straight to the blog
You hear that Matt? You wanna talk shit about me just do it on the main page and I will NEVER see it
Posted by
K- @ 06/13/2007 4:13 PM EDT
I love ghost crabs, and I love this article. It leaves an aftertaste of the good old days of Profanity-Ridden Matt (…with cigarette-flicking action and six unique catch phrases! Now only $24.99!)
Posted by
Katherine @ 06/13/2007 4:17 PM EDT
Jessica Marie, if your an animal lover in the least, then you would never regret staying at the Animal Kingdom resort. Just make sure you get a room on the side that actually, you know, has a view of the animals. A bit more costly, but totally worth it. I got to stay a few nights in the place once and each morning I would wake up to a giraffe just outside the window. And when we walked around the path, a giraffe seemed to always follow us. I think he wanted to eat us.
And if you do stay there, try not to ask what the round, walled-off areas on the property are for -it made me worry a bit
Posted by
Shuanfu @ 06/13/2007 4:21 PM EDT
Thanks for the input, Shaunfu. I was afraid it would be lame, but you have put my fears to rest. Now to convince my husband.
Speaking of Disney, did anyone watch the E! THS on the Mickey Mouse Club? I like seeing what people I used to watch are doing and look like now.
Another great article. Did you get any souvenears besides cigarettes and cigars?
I was on a cruise ship in Chicago as part of a school trip once for a couple hours. After the ship tour, all we did was eat from a buffet and dance.
Posted by
JLAJRC @ 06/13/2007 5:10 PM EDT
Jessica Marie, I can't really say anything about the Disney Resorts, cause I didn't stay in one, but I can give you some advice about when to go. I went in February (several years ago), and it was wonderful. That's kind of an off time, so there weren't as many people around as say, spring break.
Another bit of advice–if it's rainy one day while you're there, don't just stay inside. Go to the Magic Kingdom that day. It seems to usually be about the busiest, but that's what happened when I was there, and it really seemed like not all that many people were in the park. I remember walking up to the Pirates of the Caribbean ride and getting right on–no line, and we got one of the boats all to ourselves. It was awesome
Posted by
snowfire @ 06/13/2007 6:25 PM EDT
Jessica: The AK Lodge is supposed to be really nice, but it's pricey. I'd give some consideration to the Boardwalk area (I can't recall the hotel name at the moment) if the AK Lodge is in your price range. From what I've been told, that place is a vacation within itself.
Posted by
Matt @ 06/13/2007 6:44 PM EDT
After checking on the room rates, the lodge *could* be in my price range…it depends on how much we would want to save, I guess. This is so complicated! Is it the Boardwalk Inn you're thinking of? The rates for that, during the time we're thinking of going, are even higher than the Lodge, though it looks like a freaking birthday party to stay there. This is going to take more planning than I expected.
And I want to go to Sea World, the last time I was there was to the Ohio one when I was in second grade. I bought a fanny pack with Shamu on it.
Sorry for the double post, but snowfire - I'm glad to hear that February's good, because that's the time we were considering. Early February, probably. My northern European self can barely survive a vacation at Hilton Head Island, let alone in Florida.
Jessica: Definitely put some real thought and research into where you stay, because it can make or break the vacation. We spent our first three nights at the Polynesian last year, and totally loved every second of it — enough to where I could go back there, not hit the parks and still feel like I went on a great vacation. The last three nights, we were at the Grand Floridian, which despite its reputation was completely boring, sparse, stuffy and sucky.
Also remember that the sum of the World is a big place; some hotels are closer to certain parks than others. Not a big deal on the surface, but to give you an example, we could get to the Magic Kingdom via the Monorail or a five minute boat ride. Guess which park we were at most.
Of course, you don't have to go that extravagant. There are definitely cheaper hotels that are still Disney hotels. I'm the kind of person who doesn't like being on the run every second of a vacation, so where we stayed was important to me. If you think you're more prone to use your hotel for sleeping, breakfast and not much else — maybe it's worth it to save some bucks and put it towards park hoppers.
And yes, I was referring to the Boardwalk Inn. The theme of that area is so far different from anything in the parks (or Universal, or Sea World) that there's no way you won't appreciate it. And, if I remember what people told me correctly, it stays pretty lively even after the parks close.
Posted by
Matt @ 06/13/2007 7:24 PM EDT
Matt, you and your lady are missing out if you are too afraid to go in the ocean. Ocean sex is fucking divine. I once had sex with a beautiful woman in the waters of the Bahamas. Ended up marrying her. I don't believe in the spiritual nor the supernatural, but I've touched the rocks at Stonehenge and I've made love to my wife in the ocean. And those two experiences are the closest I've ever come in my life to believing in magic. Do yourself a favor, man. Take my word.
Posted by
Chris @ 06/13/2007 7:46 PM EDT
She's not afraid, I am. She has a camera full of underwater photos of, I presume, sharks that were about to kill her, and dangerous jellyfish.
Posted by
Matt @ 06/13/2007 7:48 PM EDT
JessicaI stayed at The Pop Culture rooms in the 70's building, I'm pretty sure it's on the cheeper side and I have no complaints. Of course I can't really base it off anything else b/c it was my first time at WDW and it was my honeymoon, I would have been happy anywhere!
I felt left out, so yeah, that's my two cents.
Posted by
IHAQ @ 06/13/2007 7:51 PM EDT
Wait, I thought having sex underwater introduced (harmful) bacteria into the uteral region, or something.
Oh Mythbusters, I have GREAT assignment for you!!!!!!
Posted by
K- @ 06/13/2007 7:54 PM EDT
You smoke Marb Lights?!! I would sooner fire up the car and puff on the tailpipe. Those are F*O*U*L. The cute packaging almost makes up for the awful taste and unbearable aroma as well as the feeling of inhaling gaseous sandpaper. Only the smooth smooth flavor of Camels for me.
Posted by
Lethargi @ 06/13/2007 9:03 PM EDT
For someone who wanted to be a marine biologist, I'm way to petrified to go into the ocean. I freak myself out by imagining myself in the water with a whale shark - speaking of which, those dead whale sharks at the Georgia Aquarium make me shudder, just imaging those massive carcasses is terrifying.
IHAQ - I'll definitely check it out. I'm fine with cheaper, cheesier, whateverer, as long as it's comfy and has a clean bathroom. The Polynesian is starting to look better and better as well. Decisions, decisions…
Ocean sex does seem like a great way to contract something nasty, but if it worked for you, that's awesome.
Jessica Marie- Screw the hotel- spend all your $$$ on park passes, food at great restaurants, cheesy souvenirs, etc. Spend all your time out and about, and only come back to the hotel to crash. Its the best way to make the most of your trip. After all, its not like you have never spent a few days in a hotel or never will again…been there, done that. You will be in FLORIDA- get out there and have fun!
I think the fancy hotels are for VETERAN Florida go-ers. They have done every ride and seen it all before, so the hotel and the stay become the attraction more so than the other stuff. After a few times at Disney, I would look to spend more $$$ on a room, and less on Goofy. For the first trip, though? Forget about it!!
Posted by
Muppet Baby @ 06/13/2007 9:35 PM EDT
Hmm. Sweet. Underwater sex. That's going to have to go on my list of things to do before I die.
Posted by
Doug @ 06/13/2007 10:21 PM EDT
Muppet Baby - If the pacing of the words in your post reflect the speed of my vacation, I'll need another week to recover from it! Thanks for the suggestion though. I'm not one for constant activity, though - being an introvert and needing to recharge and all that - but you're right about having been to hotels before and not needing it to add even more to the experience. I'll definitely think on it. Like I can help it! Everyone's getting me so excited with their responses and advice that I can't stop.
Jessica Marie: Muppet Baby is awesome but I live in Florida and I can tell you that there is no income tax for residence so you will find that no matter what you do, as a tourist, it will be expensive. Spend the 40 dollar difference and stay at a Disney hotel. Trust me, it makes the stay that much more memorable.
Becareful of ocean sex. Seacows are everywhere.
Posted by
Bill @ 06/13/2007 11:20 PM EDT
That reminds me of Conan's hornymanitee.com
Posted by
Shuanfu @ 06/13/2007 11:27 PM EDT
I'm not so big on the underwater sex, but I totally want to mack it in outerspace. I also want to hit up every character represented in the full line of the Village People. So far I have the construction worker and the military guy crossed off the list, but I think the Indian Chief is going to present some challenge.
Posted by
Mystie @ 06/14/2007 12:06 AM EDT
Mystie: The simple fact that you got them to switch hit is testament to the ease you will have finding a Chief. God bless you.
Space sex: I keep picturing Tang bubbles floating and….you know what? Never mind.
Posted by
Bill @ 06/14/2007 12:27 AM EDT
Wow, you backed me up, even though I was technically shitting on his parade. I love you guys 
I'll stick with masturbating in the jacuzzi.
Posted by
K- doesnt have a jacuzzi fool! @ 06/14/2007 12:33 AM EDT
Matt- Does absynthe have a liquorice flavor? I have a friend that has a bottle, and I was all for trying it, but then I smelled the shit, and it smelled like black liquorice. I fucking hate black liquorice! Also…how do sugar cubes come into play? I am fascinated with this green stuff that I have not had the guts to try!
Posted by
Crazy_Mainer @ 06/14/2007 12:47 AM EDT
Jessica Marie,
If I may add my 2 cents: I, being a native Floridian, can't speak much on the hotel issue because we rarely stayed in one. However, I think Bill is right: You guys may regret NOT staying in a "fun" hotel.
I can vouch for Meepy's statement that you HAVE TO sit in the back on BIG THUNDER MOUNTAIN RAILROAD. The front is a waste.
February or October. Less crowds, less heat.
Also, FAST PASS. Without it, there will be no SPACE MOUNTAIN or SPLASH MOUNTAIN.
Finally, beware of hitch-hiking ghosts in the HAUNTED MANSION 
Posted by
The Manimal @ 06/14/2007 1:02 AM EDT
Before I moved to Florida, I used to stay on property at Dixie Landings. I don't even know if they still have Dixie Landings, but I liked it quite a bit.
Underwater sex…meh. Mystie-Have you tried hanging out at Casinos? I bet you could find your Indian Chief there!
Posted by
MissJess @ 06/14/2007 2:21 AM EDT
Crazy_Mainer,
Absynthe does have a licorice-like taste (think Jager), however, the most prominent aspect taste-wise is its extreme bitterness. Hence the sugar cubes. The licorice taste, unless I'm mistaken, comes from the anise (annise?). Last I checked, it was pretty damn hard to buy a bottle of real absynthe, complete w/ wormwood (the hallucinogenic ingredient). The last time I had any it was just very foul-tasting, very strong, liquor.
Anyway, great article Matt, good to have you back. Procrastination will be fun again…
Posted by
Ryan @ 06/14/2007 3:26 AM EDT
Wait, I thought having sex underwater introduced (harmful) bacteria into the uteral region, or something.
current girlfriend says that too but the last several didn't
(dunno if it's the same for pools though?)
As a very paranoid human being who is also somewhat of an environmentalist, the idea of chlorine in that region makes me wince. Who knows though.
Bill - I'm definitely more inclined to pay a bit more for convenience or extra flash, so your advice will be taken to heart. Or I'll just move to Florida, burn like a lobster, and live without tax.
Manimal - Thanks for all the advice. We hadn't considered October before, but my husband's birthday is right in the beginning, that would be kind of awesome. By some miracle he hasn't used any of his vacation time this year (4 weeks worth!) so maybe October is doable.
Cognizant-schmognizant. Fabulous article, Matt.
Bill: What's a seacow??
Posted by
Mary Mary @ 06/14/2007 9:59 AM EDT
about the lovebugs, back in '97 me and my family went to Florida and those bugs were absolutly everywhere, but you're right…once we got within the DisneyWorld resort…zero..
Our flight out was super early in the morning so we were driving out of the resort at like 5am and we saw these trucks driving all around the resort spraying what looked like some sort of pecticide into the air, we wondered if that had something to do with it, someone call Al Gore!!!
Great article!
Posted by
Gweff @ 06/14/2007 11:31 AM EDT
Mary Mary: It's a manitee.
Posted by
Bill @ 06/14/2007 11:31 AM EDT
Some tribes these days don't have chiefs, per se. More like elected officials. But, if you do some quick research, you might just luck out with at least the dude in charge of the casino money. It'd be a start. Just doing my bit to help Mystie get lucky with my fellow Native Americans.
Posted by
kingklash isn't a chief @ 06/14/2007 11:55 AM EDT
Ohhhhh…a manitee…Hmm. That would certainly dampen the mood if one of those were to show up…
Posted by
Mary Mary @ 06/14/2007 11:55 AM EDT
Mary Mary and Bill,
You asked for it. Click my name
Wow, that ship had some madd air brush graphix on the side, yo, totally pimped, ya dig?
I'm by no means a doctor, but I seriously doubt you're going to have any long lasting negative effects from having sex in the ocean. The vagina is a very efficient self cleaning organ. Most vaginal/uterine infections are caused by toying with the natural, healthy chemical balance; over-cleaning, especially with unnecessary antibiotics or douche, is a major cause of infection. The environment of a human vagina is a hell of a lot different than a oceanic salt water environment, chemically speaking. Unless you're swimming in the middle of an off-shore sewer/storm drain outlet, you ladies are more likely to get something from the guy you're having sex with or from any after-sex cleansing you may go through than you are from the ocean itself.
Please note that I'm talking about the ocean here. I don't know about pools, and I can't think of anything more filthy than hot tubs, so those could be risky for all I know. Natural freshwater bodies are KNOWN to carry hazardous organisms, so I'd think twice about getting your groove on in a lake or pond, especially if there are fish or aquatic mammals present. Although rare, there have been reports of severe Edwardsiella tarda vaginal infections which can lead to death if left untreated or misdiagnosed.
Posted by
Chris @ 06/14/2007 2:16 PM EDT
I'm always amazed at where the threads go by the 100 comment mark. Ocean sex for everyone!
Posted by
Matt @ 06/14/2007 2:19 PM EDT
I've been afraid of natural water sex after watching that stuff about people pissing underwater and those "things" (not sure what they are) follow your piss stream up and into your tally whacker.
I know cucumber dressing was in the last thread, but has anyone seen Pepsi's Cucumber Ice soda? Sorry if it's already been brought up, but man…this makes me want to gag a little.
Mary, seacows shouldn't effect the mood too bad. They just like to watch. You know, they are known as "the voyeurs of the sea."
Chris: You put the sci in the sci-fi guys.
Posted by
Bill @ 06/14/2007 3:00 PM EDT
This feels kind of weird to bring this up amidst the ocean sex topic, but I about shat myself when I saw the "Droa" straw bag. Being that my daughter has just turned 2 and the dear hub told everyone that she loves Dora, we are now swimming in a sea of the bilingual brat. I would gladly make a deal for that bag though… I think because it has a somewhat anti-Dora vibe. Droa is my new favorite character!
Posted by
Heather @ 06/14/2007 3:04 PM EDT
See, Manimal knows about Thunder Mountain…something I guess us Floridian's know about since we've gone a gazillion times. Im also with him about the hotels….Ive only once as a tiny lad stayed in one of the fancy Disney ones, but being a native we just stayed in a small hotel in Kissimmee cause it was cheap…at first I was going to recommend the same, but if you've never been and its actually a big deal cause you dont live around the corner, I change my mind and say go for the Disney Hotel. Make the whole trip an experience!
Posted by
meepy @ 06/14/2007 3:12 PM EDT
Bill and Mary Mary,
You asked for it. Click my name
And skip Seaworld and go to Islands of Adventure.
Posted by
meepy @ 06/14/2007 3:16 PM EDT
That pretty much sums up all cruises. I have been on a few and they all seem to be pretty much the same. Except the last one I went on was part of the World Poker Tour, so everyone pretty much played Poker all day, which was cool.
Posted by
Joker @ 06/14/2007 3:25 PM EDT
Space sex would rule. Imagine a whole new Kama Sutra with chapters named after us. The Mystie-mash. The 69-line. The Matt-sterpiece. The K- gravity. (Get it? Minus gravity? Hello?) The possibilities are endless. Now I realized what caused the sudden "computer failure" on the ISS.
Posted by
9-Line @ 06/14/2007 3:36 PM EDT
Wow, the words new and article come up in the same header and already after a day almost 130
Posted by
Me @ 06/14/2007 3:49 PM EDT
Nonononono, Meepy don't tell me to skip Sea World. Is it really bad? I have such good memories of the Ohio version.
I went to Disney World a few years back and whatever you do, do not stay at Shades of Green. It is the most boring, unoriginal "resort" I'm sure Disney World has to offer. Plus it was stuffed with old retired military people who are just rude and frumpy.
The only plus to the hotel I found was one of the maids for some reason had a 6-pack of wine coolers on her cleaning cart, so I waited for her to go into a room and I walked by and snatched it up, pounded them down and went swimming. When you're 17 that was cool, even though being 24 I'd still probably do it. But I just got back from a week and a half in Cancun 4 days before I left for Disney World, so I still had alcohol = sexy fun in my mind.
Jessica: If you're into fish, stick with Sea World! It's just that it can't compare on excitement-per-minute to any of the other parks. Sorry if you've mentioned this, but how many nights are you planning to go for? That's a factor.
Posted by
Matt @ 06/14/2007 3:57 PM EDT
Hey buddy, my wife's a sea cow!
Posted by
Nyawr @ 06/14/2007 4:01 PM EDT
Like Matt said, length of stay is a factor in deciding where to go.
With Disney World being broken into 4 or 5 parks now, Universal Studies having Islands of Adventure which is seperate, and Sea World, you need 1 day per park to visit them all and there will still be stuff you won't be able to do.
***Disney World Spoiler***
Maybe it was just the time I went, but did anybody else feel ripped off that Mickey, Goofy, and the gang don't openly walk around the parks waving at people, surprising them from behind, and tossing out hugs like candy in a parade?
I guess it makes sense so they're not getting ambushed by screaming fat kids with melted bomb pops on their hands, but it still took away from the whole magical experience like Hollywood makes it seem to be.
***End of spoiler***
Moar Plz!
Posted by
Scamp @ 06/14/2007 4:31 PM EDT
I'm heading to Disney World the second week of October for my honeymoon. We're staying at the Wilderness Lodge for a whole week. And it's all your fault! After I read the 'X-E goes to WDW' article last year, I realized I just had to go, and my honeymoon would be the only time I could justify the expense (I don't normally spend that much money on a vacation). And I'm going to using the article as a to-do list, especially the 'Drinking around the World' part…
to 'use'… Proof-reading is hard.
Posted by
Big McLargehuge @ 06/14/2007 4:51 PM EDT
Awesome, Big M! October is a nice time to be there. Lots of Halloween themes throughout. And not as much kill-you-dead weather.
Remember, go to the RIGHT when you enter Epcot's nations. You want to start off drinking beer from yardstick glasses and end on sugared-down margaritas, not the other way around.
Posted by
Matt @ 06/14/2007 4:53 PM EDT
We've lived in Orlando for ten years, have had annual passes since we were kids, and hubby is a cast member of both Universal and Disney. So if you guys have any questions about theme parkian stuff, feel free to drop me a line!
P.S. Jessica Marie, February would be awesome. Could still be sorta hot in October, not to mention hurricane season doesn't end here ’til November. Always a consideration, methinks! And the Disney hotels are awesome: I'd recommend Port Orleans (what used to be Dixie Crossings, like someone said), Polynesian, or even the cheaper Music, Sports, or Movies resorts (waaaay more ankle biters though; beware!). And they have this newish thing called the Disney Dining Plan that you can get added on to your room; TONS of food to be had. Be sure to check that option out!
Oh, how I love people going to Disney! I'm a born and bred Florida native/Disneyphile. Hubby and I even got married there (at the Yacht Club resort, which is near Boardwalk. I don't recommend Yacht Club, by the way. SUPER stuffy and no night life at all!). Wow, long post. Sorry!
Posted by
purplegirl247 @ 06/14/2007 5:06 PM EDT
We're thinking of staying for 6 or 7 nights. Since we both work from home we can hopefully go right back to work with fewer side effects. Is a week a decent amount of time? I want it to be long enough to enjoy and short enough that I'm not sick of it by the end.
Big Mc - Congratulations on the wedding! Getting married is what the cool kids do after all.
purplegirl - Thanks for the input about hurricane season - we'll *definitely* do February. I'm glad there are so many experienced Disney people/Floridians here.
Thanks Matt, that's definitely the way to go.
And thanks, Jessica Marie. By the time we are married, we'll have been a couple for 10 years. It's probably time…
Loved it!
Posted by
Kyjlm @ 06/14/2007 6:20 PM EDT
Matt- START with the beer at Epcot? I thought it was "beer before licqour, never sicker…licquor before beer, never fear!"
Christ, I HAVE to go back to Florida now that I am over 21…
Posted by
Muppet Baby @ 06/14/2007 6:24 PM EDT
Yes, but the margaritas in Epcot…I wouldn't call them liquor!
Posted by
Matt @ 06/14/2007 6:26 PM EDT
New article woo yeah awesome!
Posted by
UncleGramps @ 06/14/2007 6:27 PM EDT
"Im not going to eat you crab, Im going to be your father." HA! Classic! Matt, glad you and the "special lady" had a good time. Cant wait to make-out by the ocean and "smoke" with the locals myself. 
)
Posted by
citygirl @ 06/14/2007 7:35 PM EDT
I wish I could get myself one of those awesome cigarette cartons. Do you think that we can't get those in the states because they look to much like pillow people?
Posted by
Scotty @ 06/14/2007 8:31 PM EDT
Pillow People = creepy.
Cigarette pillow-people = ?
Pillow People were ok….they had nothing on Wrestling Buddies, though! YEAH!
Posted by
Muppet Baby @ 06/14/2007 11:17 PM EDT
I have nothing to say about Disney, I have been to both and did minimal amounts at both. Mostly cause I was younger. BUT I was just packing up my apartment and found my mexican Kool-Aid and was wondering if the Kool-Aid series is done or can we expect more?
Posted by
kb @ 06/14/2007 11:58 PM EDT
Aw, I'm way late to the party. I've had the worst fucking cold this week
I feel like I've said "awesome article!" so many times that it's cheap now, but damn if they don't just keep being awesome. Always with the hilarity, and then the sneak attack poignant ending. DROA the Explorer…LOL.
I actually thought 8MM was one of Nicolas Cage's better movies.
Posted by
squee4242 @ 06/15/2007 12:34 AM EDT
I'm also late to the party. Let's just say I've had a long week.
Despite growing up in several New Jersey resorts and my biological father being a cruise ship captain for as long as I can remember, I've never been on a cruise ship myself. They're just too damn expensive for someone who can barely afford the bus ride to New England in July. My mom had a brochure for Carnival cruises in the 80s and early 90s I looked at whenever I felt like I needed something more exotic than New Jersey in my life. I remember how glamorous and exciting the cruise ships looked in the pictures, admittedly more than Matt's Not-So-Good-Ship-Norwegian Spirit.
The closest I've gotten to being on a cruise ship is trips across the Delware Bay on the Cape May-Lewes Ferries. The ferries were initially a sitting area, game room, food area, decks, car parking, and not much else. Some of them still are, but a few were remodeled in the 90s to include an upper-deck bar, larger and more elaborate game rooms, more comfortable seating, and actual lobbies with panneled walls.
My mom and stepdad took my sisters and I on the ferries in the 80s on the way to visit my aunt in the Washington DC suburbs, or to the outlet malls in Rehoboth Beach. When I got into my teens and we moved into North Cape May, a mere five minutes from the docks, I'd take the ferry (and sometimes a friend or two) to Lewes, a historic town on the edge of Delaware that's similar to Cape May, but quieter and far less touristy.
Posted by
starwenn @ 06/15/2007 12:49 AM EDT
There is nothing like ending the day by making a royal ass out of yourself. I was at work and we started talking about who our favorite comedians are. I said mine was Mitch Hedberg and next time he comes to town I'm totally going.
He's been dead for two years. Some fan I am.
Posted by
Bill @ 06/15/2007 12:52 AM EDT
I noticed the 'Man vs. Wild' ad on the main page. Bear Grylls is totally on my list of people to have with me on the plane when it crashes, replacing that chubby guy from 'Suvivorman'….
I'm gonna make a list of '5 people I want on the plane if it crashes'(or 'if the boat gets shipwrecked' to keep it on topic ); that may come up in conversation one day….
Any suggestions?
Posted by
Shuanfu @ 06/15/2007 1:15 AM EDT
Matt, you magnificent bastard, you've done it again! I have to absolutely agree with Cameron T on the whole romanticism aspect of it: sunsets, the ocean, Coronas and Mai Tais, the slots and the duty-free. I don't know, all these things just get to me. Very cool, and well done.
Ocean sex is fucking divine Chris, what a great line. And my thought on the whole infection thing is, if this shit'll get you with sex, wouldn't it get you just from being in the water? Anyways.
fistpittingnork- hey, I can clarify something! From working in a hotel last summer, I can tell you that the chambermaid probably had the coolers on her cart because she got them from a room. Guests frequently leave tons of liquor, and it gets divied up among employees. I got like 20 bottles in my 2 month tenure, everything from Kokanee to Mike's Hard.
And on Mai Tais- does anybody think I should get one when I go to the bar for my 18th on Saturday? I've drank before, but I've never tried one. Thoughts?
Posted by
Tutsuro @ 06/15/2007 1:40 AM EDT
Thanks for the article, Matt! I always love reading about your vacations, and I envy you for being able to sneak your absinthe on board. Glad you had a good time!
Posted by
Megan @ 06/15/2007 2:23 AM EDT
Shuanfu–
MacGyver.
Posted by
DeeJay @ 06/15/2007 8:12 AM EDT
Shaunfu - I think that the boat crash list would be more about who could help you survive, and the plane crash list is who do you really want to die, because really…how many people survive plane wrecks?
Charles Ingalls on my boat. The man can build a house in like 3 days. Ideally, I think a boat filled with Amish people would do the trick.
Shuanfu: I would say Paris Hilton. I'm pretty sure she would die off first and I would not feel too guilty eating her.
Posted by
Bill @ 06/15/2007 9:48 AM EDT
There is no way Paris Hilton is healthy for you though. I think I'd want both Mythbusters. Those guys are sure to come in handy.
Posted by
9-Line @ 06/15/2007 11:35 AM EDT
9-Line, that's a good one. They'd be handy AND entertaining.
Posted by
Annette @ 06/15/2007 1:11 PM EDT
Good Vibes and Well Wishes to Big McLargehuge! I hope you and Blast Hardcheese have many happy years together.
As for a shipwreck crew, I'd have to consider a good balance of brains, brawn, and the fact that one would have to stand being near them for extended periods. Wonder Woman, Xena, Storm, BlackArachnia, Spider Man, MacGuyver with a Guyver Unit, Brock Samson, and a mid-size luxury yacht to shipwreck with. There's you an adventure. Especially in the Bermuda Triangle or the Grand Line.
Posted by
kingklash @ 06/15/2007 1:17 PM EDT
And let's not forget Bruce Campbell.
Sea World is boring…again, skip it. Spend the extra day doing something much more fun. But that's easy to say I guess with the Miami Sequarium in my backyard when I grew up. Maybe its cool if yer in one of these land locked places.
Posted by
meepy @ 06/15/2007 1:39 PM EDT
And good luck, its always HOT in Florida, or raining, or both.
Posted by
meepy @ 06/15/2007 1:42 PM EDT
That boat full of Amish people would stink so bad you'd wish for a shipwreck. and on to the 3rd place I've spent part of my life. Miami, Las Vegas, then South Central PA….*sigh*
Posted by
meepy @ 06/15/2007 1:44 PM EDT
BILL, Mitch Hedberg fuckin rocks! I loved that guy! BTW, I'll fight ya for a scrap of Hilton's chicken legs. Plenty o' protein in that one.
BIG: Congrats to you and Mrs. McLargeHuge.
But have you ever thought about maybe changing your name to Bolt Vanderhuge, Thick McRunfast, or maybe even the ever popular Bob Johnson… )
Posted by
citygirl @ 06/15/2007 2:03 PM EDT
Sorry for the double post, but how hot is it in Florida now? We hit 107 in Vegas yesterday. BLAH! I still feel sticky!
Posted by
citygirl @ 06/15/2007 2:05 PM EDT
9-Line - The December 2006 edition of Outside magazine has an article entitled "The Zero-G Spot" dedicated to one man's quest to get laid in space. The online counterpart to the article can be found here: http://outside.away.com/outside/culture/200612/michael-behar...
Bill - Sucks about Mitch, huh? He died very near April Fool's Day, so I thought it was a joke when I heard it. It took a month of reading about his death to finally convince me that he had moved on to that big Doubletree in the sky.
Shanfu - The Professor. He's been stranded on a desert island before, so he knows the ropes. Any man that can repair a busted radio with some palm fronds and a fucking coconut can shipwreck with me any day. If I can't have him, I'll take Evangeline Lilly. She also has desert island experience, and even if she can't do anything useful I still get to be stranded on a desert island with Evangeline Lilly.
Tutsuro - Glad you liked the line. I hope to start writing for Hallmark in the fall.
Posted by
Chris @ 06/15/2007 2:06 PM EDT
I'd prefer to be on a boat with an Army squadron. With 50 pairs of air-tight BTU's on board that's surely enough to float me home.
I know I make myself out to be a slob on X-E, considering 90%+ of my posts have something to do with food, but taking a look at my myspace immediately proves otherwise, but on my hunt for Java Monsters I came across Dill Pickle (David brand) sunflower seeds and I'm not sure what I think about these yet. Oh, and still no luck finding the Java Monsters…
"slob" = "fat slob", and no offense to anybody suffering from obesity, I just mean I make myself out to be the stereotypical fat slob..
I'll shut up now.
Meepy - Why is Sea World boring? You never expounded. Keep in mind that I would rather watch the deep ocean episode of Planet Earth and read about studies in octopus personalities than ride a roller coaster.
Also, you may have spent part of your life in PA, but I've never lived anywhere else. My mom lives in Lancaster, I grew up in DuBois…I'm quite familiar with the Amish, not in a "I went to a tourist trap and bought a book" way, but in a "I went to their doctors" kind of way. I'm prepared for the stench, it's a small price to pay for my survival!
Dill pickle flavor sounds bad, but tastes stupendous. I like foods that cause conflicts between my senses. Except green ketchup. The eyes won that battle. And as far as the shipwreck thing goes are we keeping it to real people or characters? Becuase I would so trade both the mythbusters for Omega Supreme. That way I get a rocket AND a tank.
Posted by
9-Line @ 06/15/2007 3:02 PM EDT
I don't know how hot it is in Florida now, but I know when I lived in Vegas that at least there it got cool or cold some of the time, forget about that in Florida.
If you prefer seeing a whale splash you with water and see a buncha fish behind glass, then by all means, I suppose Sea World is good for that. Me, I wouldn't travel farther than Baltimore to see fish. But again, I've spent most of my life in Miami, surrounded by fish, and making a gazillion trips to all the parks in Florida.
As for the Amish, I remember when they crowded our small State building in Harrisburg for a hearing and while it was quite an experience to see them all march off into the distance afterwards (and wonder how they were getting back to Lancaster), the smell in the building took quite a while to dissipate. I could find other ways to survive.
Posted by
meepy @ 06/15/2007 3:04 PM EDT
I guess that smell would traumatize anyone. As far as Sea World, how can I *not* go? a)I love marine life b) the last time I was there I was 7 and 3) If Florida is as hot as you say, I will enjoy nothing more than being drenched by a captive killer whale and having it evaporate for awhile. But I do appreciate the input.
You have a point about the heat and the drenching…though knowing that it rains so much in Florida, you can probably expect that anyway! Free Willy!
Posted by
meepy @ 06/15/2007 3:45 PM EDT
Citygirl: It's tempting, but Big fits. If I were to change my name, I'd stick to my fake heritage and go with Gristle McThornbody. But I'm glad that you and Kingklash got the reference.
And here I was going to say congrats to you and Dr. Lady. (Congrats for real, not just as an excuse to make MST references!)
LOL Chris I was going to put Sawyer on the top of my list. So we could start a book club, of course.
Speaking of YTMND (in the article), this cracked me up (spoilers): http://lostsopranosending.ytmnsfw.com/
"He triiied to kill me with a forklift! Ole'!"
Posted by
kingklash @ 06/15/2007 4:23 PM EDT
Big McLargehuge
After several "man-related" accidents during my BMX days my friends started calling me Slap Nutz, but after the whole Big McLargehuge and etc.. references, they started calling me "Crunch Buttsteaks" or something like that, which I think is from the whole Mystery Science Theater name calling.
Sorry for the double post, again, but this is an incredibly busy Friday and I really shouldn't be here, but in reference to my above post, I was going no where with that, I just thought Big McLargehuge might appreciate it.
Nork: Watch MST3K "Space Mutiny". You will never be the same again. I just have to say I love X-E because I have never known ANYONE to get any MST3K refs. EVER! I..dont..feel alone.. anymore!!
Posted by
citygirl @ 06/15/2007 4:34 PM EDT
Shaunfu- take Martha Stewart or Heloise. They could both make being kept fed much easier.
Posted by
kb @ 06/15/2007 4:34 PM EDT
"Put your helmet on! We will be reaching speeds of…3!" Sorry Im done now.
Posted by
Anonymous @ 06/15/2007 4:43 PM EDT
citygirl
I tried to make sure I had all episodes burned to DVD's and I thought I've seen them all, but this episode doesn't sound familiar to me so I'll make sure I have it burned and then I'll make sure I watch it.
I love Mystery Science Theater and I'm a huge fan of sarcastic name calling (seeing a scrawny white kid with his arms bowed out automatically makes me pop off the comment "Get 'em there, Buff McStuff!") so it sounds like this one might be at the top of my fav list, perhaps making #2 underneath the Manos: Hands of Fate episode, which is one of my favorite movies of all time, with or without MST3k's influence.
Favorite MST3K of all time? "Time of the Apes" hands down….but I must check out "Space Mutiny"….
Posted by
Shuanfu @ 06/15/2007 4:57 PM EDT
Strange that Mitch Hedberg would come up here- I was watching a special of his last night.
Kindof on the subject, there was a line in Seinfeld, where Kramer said "These comedians, they're sick people!", and it seems to be true. Why does it seem so many comedians are wrapped up in problems? Psychological disorders, way into drugs, suicide. I remember when I found out Richard Jeni killed himself a few months ago. It was terrible. Same goes for Mitch.
Its so unfortunate.
Posted by
Tutsuro @ 06/15/2007 5:02 PM EDT
At Subway, ducks eat free.
Fruit on the bottom, Hope on top.
Hey look, it's a frog!
Mitch was a favorite.
Posted by
kingklash @ 06/15/2007 5:25 PM EDT
What really bothers me is the comedians who won't kill themselves. I mean, Mitch Hedberg, a true comedian and a really great guy, is dead and gone, but we can't get a shotgun barrel or lethal overdose down the throats of Wanda Sykes or Carlos Mencia. The world's just not fair, I tell ya.
Posted by
Chris @ 06/15/2007 5:36 PM EDT
To be honest matt, I'm jealous of your cruise and can't contribute to this convo.
Posted by
Muchacha @ 06/17/2007 3:44 PM EDT
I fucking own a website that on most days, is more popular than your own, yet I can't match the aweseomeness of your cruise. Go Matt. Real fan here. Sorry, blame it on the cheap wine.
Posted by
Dawn dead @ 06/17/2007 3:45 PM EDT
Absinthe. I rarely go anywhere without it myself. However, if you really don't like the taste, mix less in, with more sugar. Fuck the cubes. Pour in as much (or as little) sugar as you want/need. Also, it stirs in faster if you are of the impatient sort who would otherwise have to start the cube melting on your second glass before you've sipped from your first.
Also, as an aside, many of the swiss white absinthes aren't quite as anise-y, and a little easier on your taste buds. I've not had sebor, but it appears to be a czech absinthe, which generally translates into lighter fluid. Do a little shopping online, find something from switzerland or france. People more in the know (read: have more money to try different things) have indicated that there ARE some decent czechs out there, but they're few and far between.
Regardless, it's such a pain to get it in this country these days, but sadly I don't see that changing anytime soon.
Posted by
josh @ 06/18/2007 2:00 PM EDT
Best article you ever wrote, Matt. Been reading your site for a few years; made a comment or two about your hatred of gobots and the undeniable excellence of shin ramyeon…anyways this is the best one I've read, and I've read quite a few…hope to see more like this in the future.
Posted by
Michael @ 06/18/2007 3:12 PM EDT
good to see you back again. i was getting more and more frustrated checking back for new stuff.
i did get a cool link to retrocrush. great site.
not on par though. hehehehe
Posted by
Ralph @ 06/18/2007 8:52 PM EDT
In the article you mentioned memories of Niagara Falls. I spent Memorial Day there. Let's just say the crowds were so huge that I spent the entire two days in there pressed up against my female companion. Why was she in front of me? Because she discovered early on that the lines were an excuse for random tourists to try to "inadvertently" rape you with their large cameras. So she stood in front of me starting with the Maid of the Mist and giggled her way through the line as every tourist on the face of the earth ended up trying to penetrate my rear end. Oh, those memories will never end! :X
Posted by
JK @ 06/19/2007 10:32 AM EDT
Awhile back someone mentioned "things" that can, umm, go up a guy's urinary tract if he pees in rivers. I think I heard about those on Animal Planet's "The Most Extreme". I think it's a type of small fish or worm (I forget what exactly too) that lives in the Amazon or someplace tropical, and…yeah, sometimes apparently they'll call Mr. Happy home. Like I said, this is in the Amazon, but leeches are just about everywhere… Somehow water sex doesn't sound quite so inviting to me. Oh yeah, that reminds me about blood flukes-they can enter both man and woman through your FEET. I'll only ask you to turn to Wikipedia to find out more about those little horrors because then I'd be curled up in a quivering ball for the rest of the day. I just remembered why I don't like going in the water that much…
Posted by
Andrew @ 06/20/2007 6:30 PM EDT
Another epic review… I've been thinking about going on a cruise. All those fat white asses though… I don't know if I can handle all the jean-shorts.
Jean Shorts. You mean the pants that turn into shorts? Cause I have that.
Posted by
Sam @ 06/22/2007 1:58 PM EDT
Oh, here's the Wikipedia article about those wondeful love bugs. Complete with a picture of them doing what they do best (besides smacking into windshields).
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_bug
Posted by
Andrew @ 06/23/2007 2:50 PM EDT
Hey Matt great artical ! cool pics! seeing your last pic i am sure it made the whole cruise worth it!!
i learned about the joys of a good cuban cigar when a friend and i took a one day road trip from iowa to canada just to get some cigars!
glad to have ya back
jay B
Posted by
jay @ 06/29/2007 2:46 AM EDT
I just went on a Norweigan Cruise: The Pride of Hawaii. It was excellent, and our food was always delicious, even in the buffet.
Posted by
Anna @ 06/29/2007 1:48 PM EDT
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Posted by Matt. 