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I don’t want to think about Doritos when I’m talking to Spider-Man.

We didn't go see the new Ninja Turtles movie last night as planned. Wish I had a good reason for that, but it really just boiled down to becoming obsessed with reading about various Mortal Kombat characters on Wikipedia. For real. I'm also now faced with really, really wanting to see The Hills Have Eyes 2 whenever I step foot inside a movie theater, so I'm going to pretend that I'll actually go through with seeing two movies in succession on some nearby Saturday afternoon, when the reality is that I probably won't see either movie until they're packaged with exclusive mini-posters as Best Buy DVD exclusives seven months from now.

More importantly, Spider-Man called me this morning.


What an awesome promotion. Today marks the in-store debut of Spider-Man 3 toys, and Hasbro has just been totally godlike in their promotional brilliance. For one, each of the major chains has their own "exclusives." I think Wal-Mart bests TRU and Target -- they've got some really cool black-costumed ultra-articulated Spider-Man figure that looks like the kind of thing that needs to be gracing the top of every geek's computer monitor by the end of the weekend. It's a safe bet that thousands of collectors zipped to all three stores this morning just to grab the exclusives, and I'm having trouble deciding if I'm happy or sad that I missed all of the hubbub. At the very least, I hope to own a "Spider Spud" Mr. Potato Head by the next time I shave.

Among the many clever ways that Hasbro has instilled a sense of urgency in the toy-buying public is something that I think people will remember for years and years and years. If you were smart enough to enter your phone number on a special promo site, you are one of the blessed souls who received a phone call from Spider-Man early this afternoon. I, of course, couldn't resist.


My phone rang at about 12:20, and I was subsequently treated to a 45 second prerecorded Spidey message reminding me that his new toys are now on sale! Yes! Sure, it's just blog fodder for me, but think about all the kids who got that call today. It's something they'll be writing about on their own nostalgia sites twenty years from now. Some would argue that we shouldn't dilute the heroism of Spider-Man by making him personally shill action figures and playsets, but who better to inspire people to buy Spider-Man dolls than Spider-Man himself? Aside from the obvious consumer awareness aspect, Spider-Man just has the perfect salesy voice. I'd pay a sawbuck for dog shit if he told me to.


In another great albeit totally unrelated promotion, the folks at Frito-Lay are letting us choose between two new Doritos flavors. After tallying up our votes online, one of the currently limited edition flavors will become a permanent fixture...and the other...will DIE. The new flavors include "Wild White Nacho" and "Smokin' Cheddar BBQ," and the former beats the latter in every category from taste to packaging design to personal bias. I will be extremely surprised and suicidal if the BBQ chips win the election, because it's not just that Wild White Nacho Doritos are better...the other ones just flat out suck. If there is an invisible line in the sand marking the point at which something tastes way too much like concentrated barbecue sauce powder, Smokin' Cheddar BBQ Doritos doesn't just cross it -- it crosses it, turns around, pisses liquid chipotle all over it and performs an annoying touchdown dance. Do the future of junk food a favor -- vote for Wild White Nacho Doritos.


In other news, an article of mine is in this month's ToyFare Magazine (#117), titled "Best of the Beast." It's a three-page look back at Battle Beasts, one of my very favorite toylines ever. There ain't a heck of a lot of new information in the piece if you're already a big fan of the toys, but I did get to make a decent joke about one of the figures looking like the company logo of a bad fried chicken restaurant.

Let's call this one an early start to the Saturday Night Thread.

Oh, I booked a cruise for later this year. We're on the Norwegian Spirit. Anyone have any experience with Norwegian cruises? Discuss in the comments, please. I know they're not the greatest line, but they're way cheaper than most of the others, and I'm pretty sure I'd be satisfied vacationing on a floating dumpster so long as it got me away from real life for a week.

Posted by Matt on 03/24/2007. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 201 comments

lol, i saw that this morning too, i want the other one! I will call it ‘fluffy’ because naming a shark ‘fluffy’ would be deliciously absurd

Chestnuts roasted by flabslapper @ 03/29/2007 11:42 AM

Matt — Some quick tips on cruising … Duty Free Shopping is freakin’ awesome if you smoke or drink. Stock up on duty free smokes and cheap booze on board. I came in through the NYC terminal from my last Canadian cruise with 12 bottles wrapped in my dirty clothes. I was oh, 10 bottles over our customs limit. And I got all that booze for under $100. If I still smoked, I’d have done the same thing with those too.

Norwegian is real big on their stupid souvenir cups but drinks are usually about 40% cheaper if you order them in glassware. The downside is that NCL usually has some pretty nifty souvenir cups. I tossed most of the plastic hurricane-type cups but have kept the little martini shaker-style one they had because it’s a quick and easy way to mix up drinks without fully busting into the bar kit.

Don’t bring beach towels, they’re provided for you. They’re in your cabin when you get there and if you get it wet or dirty or what have you, you can exchange them on the pool deck for a clean one.

Casino opens once you’re 15 miles out to sea. The rule of thumb for playing slots is play early becaue that’s when they pay. The machines are usually on the take on the last night and everyone who hasn’t played tends to play THAT night so it’s usually crowded.

The best food in the regular dinning room is usually served at formal night. Don’t be afraid to ask for two entrees or appetizers.

Where are you going, BTW? If you’re leaving out of NYC, I can give you tips on navigating that terminal too.

Chestnuts roasted by LemurCat @ 03/29/2007 11:45 AM

So, LemurCat, NCL is doing it best to help you know where your towel is?

On the Mirage Studios site, you can read the original black and white TMNT books, at least the first couple of issues.

TV show I’d like to see: “To Catch An Alien vs To Catch A Predator.”

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 03/29/2007 12:39 PM

I took Matt’s advice and voted for the white nacho doritoes. they make you go through a lot of superfluous shit at that site to vote. Didn’t think I’d have to register to vote for freaking chip flavors.

Chestnuts roasted by Mike @ 03/29/2007 1:10 PM

NCL is doing it best to help you know where your towel is?

Those Zarkin’ Froods!

Chestnuts roasted by K- @ 03/29/2007 1:40 PM

All because they love all those fiddly bits around the fjords. They won an award, you know.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 03/29/2007 2:20 PM

Fiery Habanero Doritos RULE, and not as spicy as you would think.

Chestnuts roasted by JLAJRC @ 03/29/2007 3:17 PM

Just found the BBQ Cheddar Doritos at a local store (no sign of Wild White). Personally, I love the BBQ Cheddar, but I’ll reserve final judgement until I try wild white.

Chestnuts roasted by StefanGrey @ 03/29/2007 4:15 PM

Matt,
The woman and I did a Holland America cruise this winter to Australia. It was pretty fun but was filled with old folks… average age of 65. Make sure you are going in a normal time when other “young people” have off.

Chestnuts roasted by primusboy @ 03/29/2007 5:18 PM

It’s official, Vault Red Blitz is awesome. I need 7 more caps for a free one…

Chestnuts roasted by Invader Norbert @ 03/29/2007 5:25 PM

I don’t know a thing about cruises – I’ve never gone, nor have I wanted to – but I just happened to run across a bit of news that should make Norwegian the obvious choice.

http://blog.wired.com/games/2007/03/norwegian_cruis.html

Chestnuts roasted by Tougi @ 03/29/2007 6:12 PM

I don’t know how I feel about Wii on that big of a screen.

Chestnuts roasted by dohopoki @ 03/29/2007 6:20 PM

TMNT rocked! Those of you who don’t see it while it’s on the big screen are missing out. The character development and animation was unreal. Took a minute to get used to, but it was amazing.

Matt: If you do not see this movie, you have not lived. HYPE, HYPE, HYPE!!! RUUUUN!

Chestnuts roasted by Matt(#2?) @ 03/29/2007 6:52 PM

kingklash wrote:So, LemurCat, NCL is doing it best to help you know where your towel is?

Something like that. I know they charge you like $25 if you lose one/steal one/leave one on shore.

Chestnuts roasted by LemurCat @ 03/29/2007 8:34 PM

I just saw TMNT and was wondering, does anyone else think Splinter looked an awful lot like Chester Cheetah?

Chestnuts roasted by kb @ 03/29/2007 10:22 PM

kb

Yeah, there’s a thread a the Penny Arcade forums that has a photoshop the cheetah with Splinter. It’s a dead ringer…

Chestnuts roasted by Cameron T. @ 03/29/2007 10:40 PM

Best double feature EVER…when I was 10 I saw TRON with CLASH OF THE TITANS for freakin’ sakes!!! (Carl). At a drive-in, no leaa!! Ahh, 1984 rocked…
And also, I’m drunk.

Chestnuts roasted by Another Matt @ 03/29/2007 11:35 PM

Not sure about Splinter, but Winters looked like the dad from The Incredibles with black hair.

Chestnuts roasted by JLAJRC @ 03/29/2007 11:43 PM

Cameron T. –
But does he look like the Cheat (TM Homestar Runner)?

Chestnuts roasted by Old Jim @ 03/30/2007 11:26 AM

and the blonde cheerleader girl from heroes used to be a child actor on guiding light (soap opera) as “Lizzie” spaulding. When I first started watching Heroes I kept on thinking who is that girl, also on those makeup commericals. I had to look it up before I remembered!! For the record, my Grandma watches that show lol. I love on the internet like imdb.com you can go to one show, look at the cast members and then click on them to see what else they’ve been in. I have used that at last 10 times at emergency type of moments.

Chestnuts roasted by Goob @ 03/30/2007 12:15 PM

i just had shoulder surgery on monday and am still feeling the massive effects of them drilling stuff into my bones and what not. also i’m on extra strength vicodin which is nice. i have tried neither of the doritos but still somehow feel that i’d like the BBQ ones better. I also have yet to see TMNT, and K- you are officially my hero for making and off hand hitchhikers guide to the galaxy reference.

Chestnuts roasted by danny @ 03/30/2007 1:13 PM

I hope Matt’s girlfriend knows how lucky she is….. *sigh*

Chestnuts roasted by Citygirl @ 03/30/2007 1:35 PM

How can you possibly be serious about the white nacho doritos?!? If for no other reason than they taste identicle to orange nacho doritos but are a different color. At least the smokey bbq cheddar is flavored differently from everything else on the market. I swear if people vote for white nacho and there are 2 exact same tasting nacho chips on the market with the only difference being that one is white and somehow wild I am gonna go nuts. Sorry, I just feel very passionate about this issue and think that the smokey flavored ones may be the greatest snack ever….and I am still miffed that Nabisco took Bacon flavored crackers off the market.

Chestnuts roasted by sublimesting @ 03/30/2007 1:57 PM

Left Canada at 10 AM Thursday…didn’t stop driving for more than 20 minutes the whole time…arrived in Michigan at 7 AM the next day (today!). 21 hours. Whew.

We stopped at so many strange gas stations, and I ate chocolate bars that we can’t get in Canada (Fast Break, Whatchamacallit, etc.) Today I must try these new Doritos flavors…:)

Chestnuts roasted by Muppet Baby @ 03/30/2007 3:01 PM

Weighing in on the whole Doritos flavor thing, I must say that I tend to prefer all things BBQ, so I will probably prefer BBQ Cheddar, as I already prefer Ranch over Nacho Cheesier. And, for those of you who follow taquitos.net, the snack chip ratings page, their reviewer weighs in with this:

Taste: I’m a big critic of Frito-Lay for making all of their Doritos flavors taste nearly the same, with just different combinations of ingredients. That said, this new flavor tasted different, with just enough of the familiar taste to know that you’re still eating a Dorito. The chips were still yellow with red-orange seasoning (like the Nacho Cheese flavor), but this flavor had a really good barbecue taste — it reminded me of the smoky barbecue potato chip from Herr’s. This is going head-to-head with the Doritos Wild White Nacho flavor in the “Fight for the Flavor” and I wouldn’t be disappointed if this chip stayed around for a while, because the taste is good enough to last beyond the limited-time-only stage.

Chestnuts roasted by Old Jim @ 03/30/2007 3:14 PM

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