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I don’t want to think about Doritos when I’m talking to Spider-Man.

We didn't go see the new Ninja Turtles movie last night as planned. Wish I had a good reason for that, but it really just boiled down to becoming obsessed with reading about various Mortal Kombat characters on Wikipedia. For real. I'm also now faced with really, really wanting to see The Hills Have Eyes 2 whenever I step foot inside a movie theater, so I'm going to pretend that I'll actually go through with seeing two movies in succession on some nearby Saturday afternoon, when the reality is that I probably won't see either movie until they're packaged with exclusive mini-posters as Best Buy DVD exclusives seven months from now.

More importantly, Spider-Man called me this morning.


What an awesome promotion. Today marks the in-store debut of Spider-Man 3 toys, and Hasbro has just been totally godlike in their promotional brilliance. For one, each of the major chains has their own "exclusives." I think Wal-Mart bests TRU and Target -- they've got some really cool black-costumed ultra-articulated Spider-Man figure that looks like the kind of thing that needs to be gracing the top of every geek's computer monitor by the end of the weekend. It's a safe bet that thousands of collectors zipped to all three stores this morning just to grab the exclusives, and I'm having trouble deciding if I'm happy or sad that I missed all of the hubbub. At the very least, I hope to own a "Spider Spud" Mr. Potato Head by the next time I shave.

Among the many clever ways that Hasbro has instilled a sense of urgency in the toy-buying public is something that I think people will remember for years and years and years. If you were smart enough to enter your phone number on a special promo site, you are one of the blessed souls who received a phone call from Spider-Man early this afternoon. I, of course, couldn't resist.


My phone rang at about 12:20, and I was subsequently treated to a 45 second prerecorded Spidey message reminding me that his new toys are now on sale! Yes! Sure, it's just blog fodder for me, but think about all the kids who got that call today. It's something they'll be writing about on their own nostalgia sites twenty years from now. Some would argue that we shouldn't dilute the heroism of Spider-Man by making him personally shill action figures and playsets, but who better to inspire people to buy Spider-Man dolls than Spider-Man himself? Aside from the obvious consumer awareness aspect, Spider-Man just has the perfect salesy voice. I'd pay a sawbuck for dog shit if he told me to.


In another great albeit totally unrelated promotion, the folks at Frito-Lay are letting us choose between two new Doritos flavors. After tallying up our votes online, one of the currently limited edition flavors will become a permanent fixture...and the other...will DIE. The new flavors include "Wild White Nacho" and "Smokin' Cheddar BBQ," and the former beats the latter in every category from taste to packaging design to personal bias. I will be extremely surprised and suicidal if the BBQ chips win the election, because it's not just that Wild White Nacho Doritos are better...the other ones just flat out suck. If there is an invisible line in the sand marking the point at which something tastes way too much like concentrated barbecue sauce powder, Smokin' Cheddar BBQ Doritos doesn't just cross it -- it crosses it, turns around, pisses liquid chipotle all over it and performs an annoying touchdown dance. Do the future of junk food a favor -- vote for Wild White Nacho Doritos.


In other news, an article of mine is in this month's ToyFare Magazine (#117), titled "Best of the Beast." It's a three-page look back at Battle Beasts, one of my very favorite toylines ever. There ain't a heck of a lot of new information in the piece if you're already a big fan of the toys, but I did get to make a decent joke about one of the figures looking like the company logo of a bad fried chicken restaurant.

Let's call this one an early start to the Saturday Night Thread.

Oh, I booked a cruise for later this year. We're on the Norwegian Spirit. Anyone have any experience with Norwegian cruises? Discuss in the comments, please. I know they're not the greatest line, but they're way cheaper than most of the others, and I'm pretty sure I'd be satisfied vacationing on a floating dumpster so long as it got me away from real life for a week.

Posted by Matt on 03/24/2007. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 201 comments

Did anyone elses Spider-Man call glitch?? Mine got stuck in a loop at the very beginning and kept saying “Hey it’s your” “Hey it’s your.” “Hey it’s your”. Can I have permission to use your wave Matt? I wanted to record this so badly for my own thing.

Chestnuts roasted by dohopoki @ 03/24/2007 7:27 PM


Holy shit, Mike, you’re right! It is 1234567890! And doho, swipe at will. :)

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 03/24/2007 7:28 PM


I would’ve voted for White Nacho, but I didn’t have the rest of my fucking life to fill out thirty pages of personal info. This beer isn’t gonna drink itself. Stupid Frito Lay.

Chestnuts roasted by Mr. Satanism @ 03/24/2007 8:43 PM


Thanks Matt!

Chestnuts roasted by dohopoki @ 03/24/2007 8:50 PM


I tried the White Cheddar Doritos on a whim…they were alright, but nothing to write home about. However, they tasted just good enough to write a blog comment about.

Chestnuts roasted by Frostor @ 03/24/2007 8:54 PM


Matt, I was on the Caribbean Cruise on the Norwiegen Dream. It was the best vacation. I stayed on the boat most of the time because you bump into the same people on all the islands and it’s overcrowded so what’s the point? The tips are included for the 10 bars on board too. I think it’s 15 or 20%.

Chestnuts roasted by Bill @ 03/24/2007 8:58 PM


I don’t even like Spider-Man that much outside of the movies, but I still let out a “whoopie!” when I saw the commercial about going online and signing up for a call from him. I signed up my friends without their knowledge, and I’m curious if my fanatic friend is going to bellow out a, “GUESS WHO CALLED ME TODAY?!?!” when I see her later. Judging by her reaction earlier this week when I handed her a Spider-Man balloon for her birthday, the phone call may have very well given her a Spider-gasm.

Chestnuts roasted by Mystie @ 03/24/2007 8:59 PM


I had those White Cheddar flavor last weekend and the first thing I thought of was, “I dont want to think about chicken when I am eating Doritos” and the response my sister gave me when I said it. And I liked them. Now my favorites read as: Cool Ranch, White Cheddar then Nacho Cheese. Thesse are important things.
Tomorrow I am seeing TMNT. Very excited. Too much darn work to go today, unfortunately.

Chestnuts roasted by kb @ 03/24/2007 9:12 PM


Wait, that wasn’t Tobey.

Chestnuts roasted by K- @ 03/24/2007 9:15 PM


Matt, you have seen TMNT yet? Yeesh, for a Ninja Turtles freak, that is atrocious.

Chestnuts roasted by Brandon @ 03/24/2007 9:18 PM


Thanks to Kansas and Texas A&M, my bracket which was on life support now is in Terry Schiavo land.

Chestnuts roasted by Jeff Mack @ 03/24/2007 9:26 PM


Happy SNT. A Spidey phone call is better than an Alec Baldwin phone call, which my sister rigged for me once to my annoyance– I was over my minute limit that month. I later found it sorta funny, though. I have a thesis due in two weeks, and I’m trying to work on it but having huge panic attacks instead. Also, I really really want to see TMNT.

Chestnuts roasted by Jemmy @ 03/24/2007 9:28 PM


Spider-Man would totally pimp his own action figures over the phone if he had the chance. One of my favorite things about the character was always how poor he was. Tony Stark’s a millionaire, and Clark Kent had a million-square-foot pad at the North Pole, but poor Peter Parker was always having to decide whether to buy groceries or a new lens for his camera. And yet he spent his days stopping people from robbing banks for no pay. It was always a cool dynamic, in my eyes. Action figures would have been a good source of disposable income.

consulatsunset: Now that I’ve firmly established my geek-cred, Newegg.com is always my first choice for gadgets, especially the limited-time offers that crop up if you’re patient and check the site often. A Celeron M processor should fit your needs, and a Core 2 Duo should easily exceed them. A quick glance shows that most of the 1 GB laptops come with the Core 2 Duo chip and should run in the neighborhood of $1200. If you decide to “rent” a laptop from Sears or similar, make sure you don’t get hit with a restocking fee. Newegg and Best Buy both have a 15% fee on returns, which in this case would be nearly two hundred bucks. Ouch.

Good luck with that.

Chestnuts roasted by Jedoc @ 03/24/2007 9:30 PM


I saw those Wal-Mart Spider Man 3 toys briefly when I was in there tonight. It was hard NOT to see them – there was this huge banner over the boys’ toys section. I didn’t really do much browsing, since I was on my way out at that point, having scored “Moonlighting: The Fifth Season” for cheaper than I’d seen it anywhere else, including online. (Yes, I know that show wasn’t as much fun after the leads got together, but I think this was the season that mentioned the writer’s strike.)

I’d love to see TMNT. I’ll have to see where they have it around here, though I’d probably be seeing it alone unless I could somehow talk my sister into going.

Doritos? Ick. I hate Doritos, and anything with that fake cheese powder stuff that gets all over your fingers.

Good luck with the cruise, Matt. Closest I’ve been to a cruise is the pictures my brother took when HE went on a cruise two years ago with a friend and his family. I’m hoping to return to my best friend’s house in New England on my summer vacation again this year, this time with my knee intact.

Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 03/24/2007 9:34 PM


Oh yeah, Happy Bday Norbert!

Chestnuts roasted by Bill @ 03/24/2007 10:00 PM


Invader Norbert= That sounds like a great time! What a happy day. Happy b-day!

Driving the 20 hours to MICHIGAN on Thursday…SO excited.

TMNT fell through tonight…I might wind up going to see this one by myself, but so be it!

It’s nice to be here for SNT for once. :)
It’s been awhile.

Chestnuts roasted by Muppet Baby @ 03/24/2007 10:09 PM


For those that have seen the TMNT movie…would you say its geared for a very young crowd, our age, or somewhere in between?

Chestnuts roasted by Crazy_Mainer @ 03/24/2007 10:22 PM


Sorry for the double post, but I also wanted to let Muppet Baby know that every time I see one of her posts, I get the Muppet Babies theme song stuck in my head…lol.

Chestnuts roasted by Crazy_Mainer @ 03/24/2007 10:23 PM


Crazy_Mainer

I’d say somewhere in between. Pre-teen, really. However, I’m 24 and thought it was badass. But no, I don’t think it’s geared towards the younger crowd at all…

Chestnuts roasted by Cameron T. @ 03/24/2007 10:35 PM


Cameron T.

Thanks for the response! I just turned 25 recently (gah!) so I will probably think its bad ass then also! Off to the movies tomorow!

Chestnuts roasted by Crazy_Mainer @ 03/24/2007 10:44 PM


Have to add my voice to the chorus of praise for TMNT. I really don’t know what I was expecting out of the movie, but it had some really amazing visuals, and it managed to not completely screw up the characters or internal continuity. Now can we please get Krang in the next one?

On a bit of the same tick, I’ve spent much of tonight attempting to watch “Captain N: The Game Master” for the first time since 1990. Ugh, to say that it ages poorly is a massive understatement. I don’t even want to see what happens when I go back to “ProStars” or “The Mighty Ducks.”

Chestnuts roasted by Declan Dempsey @ 03/24/2007 11:02 PM


I was also biased towards the White Nacho Doritos…but eating a small bag of both, I emerged with the exact opposite opinion. The Cheddar BBQ ones were decent, and I felt like the should’ve named the White Cheddar ones “Unflavored.”

Chestnuts roasted by MrEleganza @ 03/24/2007 11:02 PM


I saw they had some Spidey 3 figures that came with Venom Ooze! Ah, the spirit of toy ectoplasm and mutagen lives on.

Chestnuts roasted by Luap @ 03/24/2007 11:05 PM


Declan Dempsey

Aside from aging poorly, how is the Captain N Box set DVD (assuming you have it??) Is it subtitled?

Chestnuts roasted by Cameron T. @ 03/24/2007 11:12 PM


Cameron, I’m actually renting the whole thing from Netflix, but I’m going to make my way through the whole thing eventually (I’ve got to see the Link crossover episode, and it’s apparently on the last disc). The video quality is decent, the audio excellent, but the menus don’t make any sense and there are no subtitles. It feels like a bit of a rush job, especially since the SMB Super Show DVD was so well done.

Chestnuts roasted by Declan Dempsey @ 03/24/2007 11:32 PM


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