I just got back from my trip to Neptune. Swank. It took me a while to remember that Pluto got the boot, so technically, I was vacationing at the furthest possible distance from our apartment in the entire solar system. Though there wasn’t much to do there outside of making funny helium voices, it was a relaxing trip, and I’d go again in a heartbeat. Had to stop at the grocery store before coming home to pick up cat food, and I’m glad I did, because it bookended my vacation with a big container full of new Bubble Yum ice cream.
Yes, from Breyers, it’s the official Bubble Yum bubble gum ice cream flavor. While it would’ve likely been much easier to transform Bubble Yum into some kind of sherbet, I must applaud the incredible effort that had to go into making it ice cream.
Packaged in a blindingly pink box that’s way too loud to ignore, it was pretty embarrassing to wander around the store with this shit in my cart. Much like you can’t walk the streets with a cute puppy without everyone stopping you to chat about it, you simply cannot go food shopping quietly with a box of Bubble Yum ice cream in your grocery wagon. People were all over it. I had to explain what it was and where to find it at least five times to nosy fellow shoppers, and even when we were on the checkout line, the cashlady pulled out her patented headshake of disbelief before performing the price scan. Was it worth it? Not really. Stuff sucks.
I will give Bubble Yum ice cream credit; it really does taste like Bubble Yum. It’s just that gum isn’t conducive to becoming a premiere ice cream flavor. It’s kinda medicine-like. Also odd is the fact that instead of chocolate chips or little puffs of cookie dough, it’s got tiny pieces of bubble gum sprinkled throughout. Why is this odd? Because the gum pieces are in no way, shape or form like Bubble Yum. They’re like bootleg Chiclets. And because they’re frozen, they’re rock hard and fully capable of chipping a tooth. What are you supposed to do with these when you’re eating the ice cream? Spit ‘em in a side bowl and save for later? I cang understang.
Plus, since I am the only person above the age of six who would desire Breyers Bubble Yum ice cream, I can’t help but wonder if parents are really going to want to serve their children something so rife with pellets that technically shouldn’t be swallowed. The whole thing’s a big failure in execution, but I do admit to feeling a certain sense of euphoria when I open my freezer door and get to have five-second staring contests with a box of gum-flavored ice cream.
Posted by Matt. E-mail me!
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