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Primal Rage Figgaz.

I don't believe I've ever played any of the Primal Rage video games, so when I first stumbled onto the corresponding toyline in 1994, it was all Greek. But, it was a good kind of Greek, like a kalamata olive, or Jesse Katsopolis.

As every character in the game was some form of monkey-on-steroids or dinosaur, every figure in the toy collection was worth having. Figures based on video games can be pretty sucky and barebones, but a lot of thought went into these. From the accessories the figures came with down to the way they were packaged, Primal Rage toys were well worth the fifty cents most stores charged, because damn, these things were hideously unpopular and traveled to the clearance racks faster than the speed of light.


As evidenced by the crushed package, this guy's been laying on the bottom of a cramped storage box for over a decade. It's "Blizzard," my absolute favorite figure in the series, largely due to Blizzard being the line's answer to the mythological Yeti. Blizzard was one of the good guys -- a "Virtuous Beast," who fought for the side of right along with three random dinosaur dudes. Together they battled against the "Destructive Dinos," which despite the name, featured a bad guy by the name of "Chaos" who looked like the twin monkey brother of Blizzard, only this time with a red and green Christmas-themed color scheme. Long sentence.


Each of the figures came with a tiny "Mini-Primal" humanoid, and here's where it gets interesting. With Blizzard and the other good guys, these humans were said to be "followers," but if you bought a bad guy, they were victims, to be chomped, eaten and otherwise brutalized. This makes me wish Blizzard was a bad guy, because it's going to suck exiting official canon when I make him bite the little orange fucker in two.

The primary figures were about six inches tall, but there was also the "Super Rage" series, which had the same figures scaled up to double that size. The bigger figures were unbelievably cool but really expensive, and I could never seem to find them on clearance. Just last year, the giant-sized version of Blizzard was repurposed and packaged with a Ninja Turtle figure in some weird two-pack. Check it out here. I don't know why I don't own that set. I've got three copies of Event Horizon on DVD, but not that? I don't even like Event Horizon. Two hours of crap just to hear Lawrence Fishburne say "this place is a tooooomb" ain't the kind of tradeoff I'm into.

Happy SNT.

Posted by Matt on 03/03/2007. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 196 comments

Chris Martin

Battlestar Galactica is my favorite show on TV right now. Heroes is a close second…

Chestnuts roasted by Cameron T. @ 03/07/2007 8:17 PM

Man, everyone watches all these grown-up shows like Heroes, Supernatural, Lost, etc. I just watch cartoons and complete trash on VH1. I still can’t believe New York got rid of Mr. Boston, he was the most perfect fucking man I’ve ever seen in my entire life.

Chestnuts roasted by Mystie @ 03/07/2007 9:08 PM

Dude, I missed it. Muppet Baby, why aren’t you teaching anymore?
Oh no, the X-E teaching pool is down to a lowly 381!! :shock:

Chestnuts roasted by The Manimal @ 03/07/2007 9:37 PM

Oh Mystie I watch a LOT of trash, too. Though I signed off after Flavor 2, I just couldn’t take any more of New York. I’m still upset they killed Armed and Famous…man, I watch entirely too much TV.
Cameron, I’m a total hypocrite, because I have gone around and enjoyed reading the hating when it’s a show that grates on me and I think it’s justfied. I just get sick of how people constantly scrutinize to pronouce whether something’s jumped the shark, or how “believable” it is (and it’s alway because things aren’t happening exactly the way they expected them to. Hello, that is what fanfic is for. (And this isn’t just Lost I’m talking about, either)). I thought Galactica was pretty beloved, so I’m surprised people crab, but it just goes to show you.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 03/07/2007 9:53 PM

I am looking forward to Friday. I will be sans child and I’m calling up all my friends to party down, lets just hope they don’t all have to work. Though I wouldn’t mind pigging out and polishing off some pizza.

I said this already on myspace MissJess and I’ll say it again I love your tattoo! It’s really making me want to get inked up some more.

Chestnuts roasted by IHAQ @ 03/07/2007 10:28 PM

Thanks, Squee and IHAQ!

I knew there was a reason that I was mad that we had to cancel visiting Seattle due to still-frozen mountain passes! Shamrock Shakes!!! I’ve never had one…bummer.

Chestnuts roasted by MissJess @ 03/08/2007 12:19 AM

Since the chance I’ll find a Shamrock Shake are getting smaller each day, I’ve decided to venture in another quest:

Eating the Fish Sandwich at all the local fast food places. I dunno why I want to do this, or why I like it at all, but I want to do this, preferably before Easter, the end of Lent.

So Far I’ve eaten the ones at:

McDs (Filet-o-Fish)
Wendys (Fish Sandwich)
Checkers (Deep Sea Double)
White Castle (Fish w/Cheese, but not recently)

All I need now are the ones from KFC, Burger King and Long John Silvers for the local places (there’s no other chain around LI that sells this kinda thing)

And I found out that Checkers is selling St Patty’s day shakes too, in the form of a Bailey’s Irish Cream flavor of some sort, so I might settle for that.

Chestnuts roasted by Invader Norbert @ 03/08/2007 2:16 AM

I stay off of most message boards for that same reason. Whine, whine, whine. And if they’re not whining, they’re just a bunch of pubescent girls drooling over the show’s token hottie.

I don’t need my TV wrapped up in neat little packages. My only complaint is when the writers of some of these serialized dramas (can’t speak for Lost, I don’t watch it) seem to have no respect for the time a viewer devotes to the show. By that I mean, it’s not uncommon for a show like that to spend an entire hour talking about doing something, and right before it’s supposed to happen…TO BE CONTINUED. In other words, I just wasted an hour of my life on an episode of a show that didn’t further the story or set up anything at all. That’s so infuriating, especially when you’ve been salivating for a week to find out what happens next and NOTHING HAPPENS.

For the record, I love Karen on The Office. I think they did an exceptional job creating a character that would be the third wheel to a popular couple, yet would be sympathetic and even likeable. That was not an easy feat on the writer’s part. That’s also just my opinion. I know a lot of people are hatin’.

Chestnuts roasted by Lori @ 03/08/2007 2:07 PM

I liked Karen too, and I liked the girl on the British office too, Rachel was it? She was really believable.

Chestnuts roasted by Jessica Marie @ 03/08/2007 3:56 PM

Does anybody remember Monster Pops (?) from the 80s-possibly early 90s? They were popscicles and were shaped like Dracula, Frankenstein, Wolfman, and maybe the Mummy or Creature from the Black Lagoon. They came out all year ’round, I believe and I’m pretty sure they were made by the Popsicle Pops company.

Does anyone know what I’m talkin’ ’bout?

Chestnuts roasted by Justin @ 03/08/2007 4:44 PM

You people have never been properly traumatized by a show with an ongoing plot until you have invested all sorts of emotions in “Blake’s 7.” The final scene still makes me shudder. I can still hear the gunshot….

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 03/08/2007 5:40 PM

As for getting attached samething goes for books as well, like storm of swords. It makes it interesting at least, in a recent Terry Goodkind book I could not read fast enough to find out how far he was willing to push it. He writes pain very well. and happiness. I also watch a lot of TV. I know in general way too much about moving video, how to watch, where and changing formats. horray Orb.

Chestnuts roasted by RAS @ 03/08/2007 7:00 PM

My interest in Lost has faded it a bit lately. The only saving grace this season has been Desmond, since he is an awesome character.

House has been my favorite show for a while now, but Heroes is getting right up there. (The Office and Scrubs are great too, but for this conversation I’m sticking to dramas)

Chestnuts roasted by HapyScrapy @ 03/08/2007 7:00 PM

Whatever happened to primal rage 2? I remember seeing screenshots of it a long time ago in several gaming magazines, but it just vanished. Small release, or vaporware?

Chestnuts roasted by Supragenius @ 03/08/2007 7:33 PM

I haven’t watched a TV show religiously since Bands on the Run. And that’s technically a “reality” show, right?

When I happen to catch Scrubs and X-Play though, it’s on!

Chestnuts roasted by K- is paid for by the Adam Sessler for President Campaign @ 03/08/2007 8:19 PM

K-, can’t say I know what FFShrine is. I think I might have been there some time, but as for what I’m assuming is a community reference, no idea. You win. :P

As for something I’m anticipating? Well, “anticipation unfulfilled is one of the worst things you can experience”. I decided that after I looked forward to my first day of school this year, because I’d see this girl who I hadn’t talked to for a few months. And then she wasn’t there…and then I found out she switched schools. That was a bad day, and since then…

Ah, who the hell am I kidding.
First day of spring, March 21!
And in three months I’ll be 18 and done school!

MissJess, good on you. I always thought Reno looked nice.

For some reason I was thinking about that Caveman pilot today. I figure it can go one of two ways
1. Die immediately. or,
2. Wind up like something I once read on here about Herman’s Head, how apparently the gimmick came to be ignored as the show progresses.
Just some thoughts.

How I Met Your Mother is the only show I go out of my way to watch. Other than that, a lot of Seinfeld (though mostly on DVD) and most other sitcoms.- Yeah, Scrubs is pretty good.

…I think I write too much.

Chestnuts roasted by Tutsuro @ 03/08/2007 11:41 PM

It’s a community reference to Shrine, not X-E. Basically its a place where we actually flame each other on a regular basis. We avoid that here, for the most part, right everyone? ;)

Without the inflection of verbal speech, I assumed “fucking right” was meant sarcastically. So, completely my bad. Zozo’s theme is indeed class.

6:10:50 :D

Chestnuts roasted by K- @ 03/08/2007 11:54 PM

It seems I talk in a funny way like that, and especially online things tends to get misunderstood. Like I used the word “craptacular” once, in a positive way, and someone got upset. But it was on this other, stupid forum. I tend to have a difficult time actually fitting in, but I’m liking this place.

I’m getting the FFVI Sheet Music book sometime, because the soundtrack was astounding.
And I looked up what the time was, online and then in my old strategy guide. It reminds me of how ridiculously insane that game is. God I love it.

I’m reading about the KLF-theres a pretentious group.

Justified, and Ancient.

Chestnuts roasted by Tutsuro @ 03/09/2007 12:44 AM

I tend to talk in a funny way, and things get misinterpreted, especially online. Like once I said “craptacular”, in a good way, and someone was offended. But that was on this other, stupid forum. I generally have difficulties fitting in, but I’m liking this “place”.

Anyways, I’m getting the FFVI sheet music book sometime, because the entire soundtrack was astounding. And I looked up the time, online and in my old strategy guide. It reminds me of how ridiculously insane that game is. God I love it.

I’m reading about the KLF-theres a pretentious band.

Primal Rage II was officially unreleased, but had a few test units, apparently. Wikipedia article in the link.

Chestnuts roasted by Tutsuro @ 03/09/2007 12:53 AM

Yeah, Reno’s been pretty cool so far. I’m not actually settling down here. My friends and I are on a 6-9 month long road trip around the US. We’re in Reno for a tattoo convention because my best friend is a tattooist.

I have nothing topical to say. Shame on me!

Chestnuts roasted by MissJess @ 03/09/2007 1:32 AM

A road trip, eh? I always wanted to do that. Where are you planning to go next?
Actually, right now my friend is planning to go across Canada to “rescue” his girlfriend from Newfoundland. If it happens, I want to be dropped off in the States, so I can get some Cookie Crisp.

Chestnuts roasted by Tutsuro @ 03/09/2007 2:01 AM

It canned Supragenius.

Chestnuts roasted by Anonymous @ 03/09/2007 2:12 AM

Sorry, wasn’t awake yet. It was* canned Supragenius.

Chestnuts roasted by dohopoki @ 03/09/2007 2:56 AM

Oh, no. I just did a bandwidth test of our “DSL” internet connection here at the farm. DSL my arse. 63K. That’s practically dial-up. Please, could somebody spare me some bandwidth? Anyone? It’s…cold…so cold…

Chestnuts roasted by Jedoc @ 03/09/2007 8:50 AM

Kilobits or Kilobytes?

Chestnuts roasted by dohopoki @ 03/09/2007 9:08 AM

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