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02/03/2007: Devils and Valentines.

Hello, and happy SNT.

A few weeks ago, I picked up "The Complete Omen Collection" — a pretty nice DVD box set containing each and every film from that very devilish umbrella, including the obscure made-for-television fourth installment and the 2006 remake.

I've already written about the first Omen flick here, but now that I've seen the rest, I'm giving The Omen II the nod as my personal favorite. Not that it's some great movie that changed my life or anything, but there's something oddly cool about a movie with a storyline that could best be summed up as: "Satan's teenaged son comes of age."

And now that I've seen last year's remake, my fears were confirmed: It's a pointless shot-for-shot retelling of the original, where everyone goes through the motions and absolutely nothing new is brought to the table. Watch this movie and you'll appreciate a lot of the so-called "reimaginings" that've hit the horror market in recent years, because at least those movies made some attempt to do their own thing.

Plus, what was with Damien in the remake? What worked about the original (and even Part II, to a degree) was that Damien was seemingly nice and normal, and almost damned by his parentage. Here, right from the start, he's a total freak and there's no way to justify why his parents didn't have him committed. Speaking of his parents, Liev Schreiber was more bored than annoying as dear old Dad, but Mother Julia Stiles gave a performance that made me go out and kill her family afterwards. The remake isn't entirely difficult to sit through, and that's something, but it's still a shit movie.

Naturally segueing from Satan to Valentine's Day, there's a whole heap of candies that celebrate the almost-holiday with vanilla flavors and edible love notes. One of my favorites are heart-shaped Ring Pops, which sadly forgo the notion that customers are sucking on expensive edible jewels, but make up for it with a Ring Pops that are much bigger than the originals. Plus, all of the Valentine's Ring Pops are strawberry, so I don't have to spend the extra minute sifting through the display box to make sure I don't skip town with grape.

"Valentine's Day is a day invented by greeting card companies to make people feel like crap."

Julia Stiles has done a lot of movies where I felt like committing murder afterwards. That one she made with Freddie Prinze, Jr.? I'm feeling ill just thinking about it. I'll think about ring pops instead.

Haha, I was about to say, "So, a typical Julia Stiles performance, then?" but FyarlGirl beat me to it XD
Happy Saturday everybody!

I loved her in Ten Things I Hate About You, and everything since then has disappointed.

Hey, I knew there was a reason I thought you were a Six Feet Under fan! I'm midway through season two right now, waiting for new episodes to pop up on HBO On Demand. I sent a pal a text the other day saying "BRENDA proposed to NATE? whoa", and of course they were like "wtf are you talking about".
I just realized I may have been contributing some of Erika Christensen's crimes against cinema to Julia Stiles, so my criticism can be disregarded.

Will you wear my ring? Ring Pop!
I don't personally like ring pops mostly because I haven't been able to fit my finger inside one for about 20 years. Plus, I'm a biter and the spit guard would always cut up the gums, even more than Capt'n Crunch.

Hey, speaking of the scary movie genre, my uncle is over and we are watching "The Crawling Eye". Anyone ever heard of it?

Mad Cow: Hah, I loved the way that girl said "Ring Pop!" It was like she really was hoping for candy and not a real ring. Boy knew his bitch, the boy knew his bitch.

Matt, if we wanted to…say, confirm that you got something we send you in the mail, should we just write you at matt@x-entertainment.com or is there a better way of writing you? Not sure how often you check that address or if that's the most recent…

I can handle Valentine's Day candy, but I'm not really much of a lollypop fan (except for those Candy Cane Tootsie Pops). After all, you don't need to be in love to treat yourself to a half-off box of chocolate the size of Australia the day after Valentine's!

Purplegirl: That'd be the best way, especially if the site name is in the header because the account gets slammed with spam.

the conversation hearts are the worst tasting candy in the world. that's all I have to say about VD.
Boy knew his bitch, the boy knew his bitch.
that was funny

The only good thing about conversation hearts, in my opinion, was that I used them to teach myself how to read.

Does anyone remember the Lifesavers commercial where a little boy asks a little girl to wear his ring, and gives her a Lifesver? It's sweet and the ring pops reminded me of it. I wonder if anyone has actually proposed marriage using a ring pop or something like that?

I got myself one of those flashing ring pops a while ago. I finished it in about a minute but kept the ring part to see how long it'd keep lighting up for. Ended up being almost two weeks. I was really impressed. I keep meaning to test another one to see if they're all like that or if I was witnessing some kind of miracle.

Matt, I've still got a stack of old Darkwing Duck comics if you want 'em…I've sent you emails but the whole "lot's of spam in the inbox" thing makes sense. So if you want, let me know, otherwise I gotta throw 'em out….

On another topic: re-run of SNL is on….why did they let Ashlee Simpson come back?? Grrr, I hate seing how one of my favorite shows turned to crap….

Hey squee, I'm just now watching Six Feet Under, too! I'm Netflixing (is that a verb?), I just finished Season 2. I hate being the last one "into" a show, because you're right–when you text people about it, they really don't give a shit. Oh, well.

Ring Pops make me think of Push Pops, which make me think of the Push Pops commercials.

That's too cool, Joey! Now we can commiserate with each other. I've always been wanting to see 6FU, especially after seeing how amazing Michael C. Hall is on Dexter, and HBO finally put season one On Demand so I was all over it.
TC, only as MST fodder. It was an early episode, and IIRC it's also the very last movie we see Mike and the 'bots riffing on in the final episode.

In Julia's defense, worst actress ever title goes to Lindy Booth, of Dawn of the Dead remake and Cry_Wolf infamy.

Matt, since you work at nickolodeon, I was wondering if you could give me the address of the shmuck who thought of making that stupid ass Naked Brothers Band show with those trailer trash incestuous 9 year olds.

Matt, so glad you're not dead. I've beem saying that alot after my own mix with mortality this week so don't feel special.
I have a strange link with Vday because the old Bday is a week prior. I guess it's because every store has Valentines shit around my birthday so I link it to the same time. After Jan 1 I always got so excited. Now the New Year brings a real new year. I need more beer.

I actually saw the Naked Bros Band movie forever ago…maybe before they were part of Nickelodeon??…at a small little film fest. It was actually not all that bad. No where near as bad as those commercials that are on now make it out to be…I bet the show is just as 'ugh'

ETA: Funny cold open! "Cats, you can't sing, dawgs", and mocking the "other door" running "gag."

I watched the MST3K version of "Mitchell" on youtube last night for the first time. Wow, standlone movie, it's pretty awful 70s cheese that my grandma might've watched, but MST3K…funny as hell. And the last Joel episode!

Also, I for one am not a fan of Valentine's Day, and working in a CVS makes it shove this crap down my throat.

The only good thing about conversation hearts, in my opinion, was that I used them to teach myself how to read.

With "Da Bears" playing, I was really hoping SNL would drudge out the Superfans sketch one more time, with a new generation of superfans…

Ooh, I just found out about a new HBO movie two weeks from tonight that sounds interesting. It's called Longford, and it's about Myra Hindley, who was convicted of killing several children in the 60's and the guy who campaigned for her early release. Coolest part: supporting work by Lindsay Duncan (Atia from Rome) and Andy Serkis (Lumpy!).
Heh, Mitchell's a top notch episode. If you haven't seen Final Sacrifice yet, you go ahead on.

I dig the first Omen. I guess it's because Damien is, in my mind, Angus Young from AC/DC. It's like Mike Myers was really Ted Nugent. You can't kill Ted Nugent!

Meatwad: Uh, huh. Who's the J-man?
Frylock: Ya know… starts with a J, son of G… died and went to H… on the C?
Meatwad: Died on the C… Comode, comode! Elvis!
Frylock: No.
Meatwad: It's Elvis!
Frylock: But he was a king. And he did live in a Graceland of sorts.
(sighs) He looks like Ted Nugent?
Meatwad: Oh, yeah, I know that old boy! It's Jes–
Frylock: Don't say it! Let's just call him.. GeeWhiz

Matt. Satan is getting really pissy waiting for a response for his question in the second post. Seriously, you wouldn't think the Lord of Darkness would care, but it just goes to show you that he does.

Also, if Shuanfu is forced to throw out the Darkwing Duck comic because you don't want them, I am going to cry. I am going to cry so hard, because that shouldn't happen to Darkwing Duck. It just shouldn't.

It's a juicy jewel of flavor, Ring Pop!
It's a ring of flavor, without a stick,
a ring of flavor you can lick!

I never really understood Valentine's Day. I always figured that people in relationships had anniversaries and such that gave them an excuse to tell one another how they felt. Even being happily married now, I still feel that way (I remember spending many a February 14th feeling depressed.) My favorite Valentine's quote (which I'm bound to screw up) is from Lewis Black:
"Do we really want to remind people during the most depressing month of the year that they are alone?"

With "Da Bears" playing, I was really hoping SNL would drudge out the Superfans sketch one more time, with a new generation of superfans…

They did that a few years ago in a Weekend Update sketch with Horatio Sanz as Bart Swerski, Bob Swerski's nephew (assumed to be Bill's son) George Wendt then appears halfway through this appearance in character, much to audience delight. So far, the closest thing to a shout-out tonight was during the Donnatella Versace Super Bowl Party sketch.

Hey, Mike, I don't wanna throw them out; I just offered 'em to Matt because, if I recall correctly, he was a fan…but if he says so or remains non-responsive then they are up for grabs…I think there is a stack of ALF's as well….

all the v-day talk made me remember that one time, i found a candy heart that read, "DICK." needless to say, my friends and i laughed about it for a good 15 minutes.

Confession: In the fifth grade I put already sucked on Vday candy hearts in everybodys valentines shoe box. It was funny to me.

Squee: I haven't been able to see Dexter yet. I suppose I'll watch that 5 years too late, too!

And the only Omen movie I've seen is the new, Julia Stilesified version. Though I'm glad to hear the kid isn't so creepy in the original–I should probably watch that. Not to mention the 2nd one. Maybe I should have an Omen marathon on Valentine's Day. Who's with me?

I'm not that opposed to candy hearts. I wouldn't prefer them over say, cliche heart-shaped box of chocolates, but I can think of a few candies that make Necco hearts seem like a delicacy.

I'm kinda dreading Valentine's Day, because my love life is all kinds of up in the air right now.

Heh, Mitchell's a top notch episode. If you haven't seen Final Sacrifice yet, you go ahead on.

I never said that Mitchell was a bad episode, I loved it, with my favorite part being the "chase" sequence.

And I'll be incredibly honest right now…Mitchell is the first full episode of MST3K I've ever watched. There, I said it! I've been a fan of the show for years, and this was the first time I ever had the attention span to sit down and watch a complete episode. (I saw the infamous Mr. B. Natural short a few months ago, but I stopped after it got "good." IE, about 10 minutes in, despite being quite hilarious)

Speaking of The Final Sacrifice, click my name to watch a funny montage of all of the times Rowsdower was said throughout the episode.

I've got to agree about The Omen of 2006 — Liev and Julia's acting was strictly cardboard.

I hate the way Hollywood has to remake all the classic horror movies. I mean, there has to be thousands of great horror scripts sitting idle on production desks while The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Hitcher, The Omen, and now Friday the 13 gets rereleased. There is no creativity in the movies anymore. None.
I feel the same frustration with Blockbuster.
They don't carry The Last Starfighter or Iron Eagle but fuck if they don't carry Carnosauras Robo-Shark IV….Death to Maui

I see a lot of folks talking about MST3K….Just wanted to let everyone know that Mike and the 'bots' are back to riffing on movies again….sort of check out rifftrax.com to see what I'm talking about….

And Mike P, do you have a MySpace page? I check those messages far more than email these days…

I am watching breakfast club right now. before, i was watching the air supply infomercial, that thing is priceless

Matt: Satan is poking me with his pitchfork. He really wants to know if you'll be his Valentine. Satan claims if you say yes, he'll draw you a picture with crayons.

Wow, there IS an Airsupply infomercial. I just saw Christopher Cross. I wish a bear would bust on the set and eat Russell Hitchcocks head. That's right. I know their names. It makes me want to drink lemonade for some reason.

As in "I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you," kb? What would that be like their 5th greatest hits package in 10 years?

Oops, I meant Final Justice, what with the Joe Don connection. Final Sacrifice is one of my absolute favs though. In fact, I was going to watch it as soon as I'm done watching Quest for the Delta Knights, which is probably why I screwed it up. Any of you MSTies might be interested in something I posted earlier today in the LJ MST3K community (name clicky).

Joey, "luckily" you'll have plenty of time to catch up before season two. I have a feeling it's going to be awhile. 6FU is awesome, but MCH really gets to shine in Dexter. He was totally robbed at the Globes.
Valentine's hasn't ever been a really big thing for me. My mom usually gets me something cute, but yeah, that's it. I actually like Conversation Hearts, so it's usually a box of those.

SO…. all you MSTies click my name for a direct link to Mike's new site; I just watched the free preview from "the Matrix"; man did that make me miss the show even more!

"I'm sorry there man, I thought you looked like a varmint." ~ The Nuge. The commentary for the ep said that it was Ted that suggested that he wore the bagder as a codpiece/loincloth. Damn, I love that episode.

Haha. There's a Rifftrax for Troll 2, the movie my ex-girlfriend and I agreed was possibly the most unrequested sequel of all time.

On that note…I hate Valentine's Day. I've tried to position myself into that whole "I'm above hating Valentine's Day and I'm cool with being alone and I like me." thing, but it doesn't work. Valentine's Day at work is like the whole world rubbing my aloneness in my face.

That clip made Troll 2 look freaky as hell….that boy was being tortured; I thought there was laws against traeting young actors like that

I just realized that the only time I care about the super bowl is when it airs on Fox. That's how we got Family Guy and that episode of the Simpsons where Lisa and Marge paint eggs and talk to Vicent Price on the phone.

The Omen remake has one thing going for it - the greatest decapitation scene in movie history. Prove me wrong.

Matt, (or anyone else) I looked through that stack of old comics, and here's what actually in it:
Alf 1-30
Count Duckula 1-11
Real Ghostbusters 3-23 and GBII movie adaption 1-3
Slimer 1-15

I'm gonna check around today and see if they have any real value (which I doubt) but otherwise Matt, they are yours. If Matty doesn't want 'em, anyone else? I'd rather pass 'em on to X-E folks for nostalgia sake…someone already spoke up for the Duckula books a bit earlier, anyone else maybe interested?

Oh, hey… last SNT, somebody was talking about Bosco? I found the jingle. Just click my name.

When I think of Valentines Day I think of the St. Valentines day massacre and how those guys were shot so many times that they had bullet wounds in their feet… then comes the memories of classroom parties past. The valentine’s boxes we would make yadda yadda yadda. I’m still finding old valentines from school in the basement with unopened candy attached.

Ah, Ring Pops. How I love them.
Interesting fact. Art Spiegelman, cartoonist and creator of avante garde comics magazine RAW, co-created Ring Pops. As well as Garbage Pail Kids.

Matt, you'll want to take that guy's Alf comics even if they're worth nothing. That comic was very well-written; I thought it was better than the show. I have every issue….somewhere in the vast boxes of storage…..

Now if it's MST3K episodes you're a-wantin, I am of the opinion that it doesn't get any better than Riding With Death. Can't imagine why that show never got made. Viva Ben Murphy.

'Afternoon, everybody! It's interesting to hear some of your Valentine's Day memories, although some of you don't seem to like this holiday. I have an idea for a Valentine-themed blog post or article: why don't we think of Valentine's Day episodes of various tv shows? One example that comes to mind is Darkwing Duck's "My Valentine Ghoul." I'm not sure I've actually seen that episode, but it obviously has a Valentine theme. The idea is, if we think of a good Valentine's Day episode of some 80's/early 90's tv show, maybe Matt will do a review of it for Valentine's Day(assuming he hasn't already done so in a past year). I think there's an early episode of "the Wonder Years" that fits this theme perfectly (featuring a very young Ben Savage!).

The best MST3K episode is Manos the Hands of Fate with the Brain That Wouldn't Die coming in at close second. I'd put the Final Sacrifice pretty high on the list though.

"Dr Lao?! You could've quoted the Desiderata or something, but you chose Dr Lao?"
"Sue me, it's my favorite George Pal movie."

"What rhymes with Blue Balls?"
"If I pull hard enough, maybe I can rip my own head off."

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This entry was posted on Saturday, February 3rd, 2007 at 10:07 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.