I've always wanted to review A Garfield Christmas Special, but for one reason or another, it's never happened. I guess it's because it's a special I love so much that I wouldn't be satisfied with anything less than a mega long feature that took days to forge, but at the same time, it's a really simplistic cartoon that doesn't call for much yap. I'd end up going too long, and then I'd have to get all mean to cover myself, and the last thing I want to do is blast Odie's back-scratcher, or worse, Grandma Hotlips Arbuckle, just because I've run out of things to say.

I still want to pay tribute to the special somehow, because it meant just as much to my personal holiday season growing up as did...well, pretty much anything else. This shit was right up there with Charlie Brown. We tend to romanticize how much we used to love certain things, and when I really think about it, as much as I enjoyed watching all of the Rankin/Bass stuff during the holidays, there probably were a few years that I knowingly skipped them. Not so with Charlie Brown, and no, not so with Garfield. This was one of the ones I had to watch.

With that, I respectfully borrow a title from something that I'm sure VH1 has already trademarked for future use, and proudly present, The Top TWO Most Awesomely Obscure Things About A Garfield Christmas Special. That's right. The Top TWO. As something of an expert on A Garfield Christmas Special (and by that I just mean that I've seen it fourteen trillion times), I've picked up on a couple of Holy Shit Momentsâ„¢ that maybe some of the more "casual" viewers missed.

I hate that we live in a world where this is no longer a given, but we do, so here's a quick summing-uppage of the special for those who've never seen it: Jon takes Garfield and Odie along for an old fashioned Christmas down at the farm. See, Jon used to live on a farm, and his parents and lame brother still live on a farm. Also on the invite list is Grandma Arbuckle, or maybe she wasn't an Arbuckle...not really sure. A widowed, feisty little hellcat, Grandma punctuates the dichotomy of being a sweet old lady and a complete lunatic by wearing one of Billy Corgan's old chilly weather concert sweaters. There's no big storyline to the special; just a couple of threads that make everything feel negotiably cohesive, and enough song numbers to classify it as a "musical" if no other category would fit.

Obscurely Awesome Moment #1: After the gang arrives at the farm, there's a big flashback scene, which isn't too notable save for a glance of what Jon Arbuckle looked like as a child -- a foil from a Far Side comic. Brother Dock Boy looks about the same as he does (did?) in the present, but all this talk is moving away from the Obscurely Awesome Moment: Look at those tree ornaments! They're the size of the kids' heads! Either Ma and Pa Arbuckle were raising wildly malformed children that had successful size-up head surgeries later in life, or they somehow found glass ball ornaments the size of soccer balls.

Obscurely Awesome Moment #2: Throughout the special, we find Odie sneaking around the barn, apparently building something with a ragtag bunch of ingredients. Turns out, he was building Garfield's Christmas present -- a back-scratcher, made from wood and a garden rake. Odie never questions why Garfield never gave him a gift in return, but then, Garfield's reaction to getting the back-scratcher was present enough.

It's obscurely awesome. After Odie demonstrates his gift's purpose to Garfield, the cat lets loose with this totally nuts celebratory gesture -- he slams his eyes shut, creeps into an orgasmic smirk, and ever so slowly lifts his pointer finger in the air. Factor in Garfield's dramatic "WHOHOHOA HEYYY" as he's making this gesture, and we've got unadulterated animated goHOHOAld. Tough to make sense of it in writing, but go watch the special. When you get to that scene, tell me you don't freak.

And that's that. As for why A Garfield Christmas Special is so rarely seen on television today, well, I used to think that the world had just become twisted and uncaring, but upon seeing just how many specials got their just desserts this year, I have to wonder if there's more to it than that. Maybe some voice actor is demanding a fortune for the continued use of his sweet siren song, I don't know. Luckily for us, it's widely available on DVD, either singularly or as part of a Garfield holiday box set, both of which being pretty cheap.

I'd be lying if I said that the special means as much to me today as it did as a kid, but one of the benefits of owning this site is the unconquerable artistic license that comes with it, so, hell yeah, it still means just as much to me today. You can hear a couple of choice tunes from the special on X-E's Christmas Jukebox, but don't deny yourself a real, honest viewing. It ain't Christmas till you see Grandma spike the gravy and shake her D-cuppers around like a singing strippergram.

Posted by Matt on 12/12/2006. E-mail me!