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Oatmeal Swirlers, you can give it a swirrrl.

In the most shocking turn of events ever, I went and posted a real, regular article. Caveat is, it's a really short, malformed article. Actually, it was going to just be a blog entry, but I couldn't convince myself to sentence something as awesome as Oatmeal Swirlers to the depths of the blog archive, so, here we are. Oatmeal Swirlers delighted my childhood hands and tongue by letting me draw edible pictures all over oatmeal, and even if you weren't around for those joys, I hope this article will help you understand why they were joys. Includes poorly made spiral graphics and a download of the original commercial.

Posted by Matt on 12/11/2006. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 99 comments

“But Scrooged had nipples!” = awesome.

Chestnuts roasted by Invader Norbert @ 12/12/2006 10:52 PM

Lilly- you are not crazy, my husband was telling me he used to get the oatmeal with teddy bears in them. He said something about them hiding until you add water to the oatmeal and they float up to the top.

Maybe it’s because I’m a Mother, but I worry about Box, he’s gonna be missing till the 15th! Thats a long friggin time!

Chestnuts roasted by IHAQ @ 12/12/2006 10:54 PM

Lilly! Yes! Oatmeal with Dinosaurs! Yes! I miss that! Jeez!

Chestnuts roasted by Katherine @ 12/12/2006 10:58 PM

[b]K-[/b] Thanks for the Giggles link!! I suppose I could have been less lazy and actually searched for it myself! Somehow the faces look more creepy now.

Thanks to everyone else also for assuring me that I’m not crazy for remembering eating bears in my oatmeal. Ya’ll are good people.

Chestnuts roasted by Lilly @ 12/12/2006 11:37 PM

I know it was mentioned above, but Matt, you absolutely HAVE to write-up the advent calendar video game made by Nintendo. How often does something this cool come along? You play as a snowman named Chubby, and you jump on these brightly colored retarded penguins. I am pretty sure the meaning of Christmas is in that sentence somewhere.

http://www.mission-in-snowdriftland.com

(This was my first post here, ever. I only did it to beg for Nintendo love. Pathetic!)

Chestnuts roasted by Jakesteraholic @ 12/13/2006 6:59 PM

Oh my dear sweet jesus.
I had to have a bowl of that every single day before school or I refused to go.
I miss it daily, time to time, I still look for it in the store.

Chestnuts roasted by redsweater @ 12/14/2006 1:20 AM

Way to go with the formal language, Matt–as a discerning professional (not really) seeking quality writing talent, I approve and I’m willing to hire you.

Chestnuts roasted by Mistah Mon @ 12/16/2006 9:48 PM

I loved this stuff, the strawberry flavor was the best. Much better than the candy dinosaur egg things. Never had a problem with the amount of the icing stuff either, always just right. I really should make a list of things I would like to eat again. Starting with magic middle cookies and those turtle pudding things that turned your tongue green.

Chestnuts roasted by Elizabeth @ 01/09/2007 12:52 PM

That guy on the Oatmeal Swirlers box reminds me of “La Linea” from The Great Space Coaster. Those cartoons with the guy that was just a single line, and talked in gibberish/Italian?

Chestnuts roasted by Jeffrey Gray @ 01/14/2007 6:27 PM

I liked the oatmeal with freeze dried gummi bears that never fully became rehyrdated when you made the oatmeal. It was like eating breakfast at a Mr. Bulky’s that hasn’t restocked anything for about 5 months.

Chestnuts roasted by zacwax @ 01/18/2007 1:38 AM

Ew. The picture of your attempt at making oatmeal swirlers with melted fruit roll-ups looks like the blood-laced oatmeal the bad guys tried to feed to the golden child in the aptly titled film The Golden Child.

Sardo,
Numspa

Chestnuts roasted by peter @ 02/06/2007 11:53 AM

HOLY CRAP I/you FOUND IT

everytime i have the raspberry cheesecake at olive garden, my mind gets lost in the nostalgia of trying to place where i”ve tasted that raspberry flavor before
it WAS my past
not the yumy toaster struddels
but rather
oatmeal swirlers

thank you, thank you
my tongue can now enjoy the cake in peace

Chestnuts roasted by Jennifer Keele @ 02/06/2007 4:56 PM

Oh, sweet! I love regular oatmeal, but I never forgot Oatmeal Swirlers. You’re right, the steaming hot oatmeal did melt your creations — the bowl in the commercial must’ve been ice cold.

Now if you could only find the Fruit Slush commercial, I’d jump for joy.

Chestnuts roasted by Draca @ 02/08/2007 3:29 AM

Actually, if you wanted to melt down fruit roll-ups, I would bet an amount of money that Everclear would do it. I’ve melted a few fruit products into it, and produced from a pretty close facsimile of fruit goo,(which I decided needed a bit more everclear,) to fruit flavored shots. And, I bet it would make eating the oatmeal a hell of a lot more fun!

Chestnuts roasted by Rapideth @ 02/09/2007 12:48 AM

Perhaps instead of melted fruit rollups, you’d be better off using that icing gel for cakes and cookies?

Chestnuts roasted by cole @ 02/09/2007 9:34 AM

UGH! The picture of melting the fruit roll up made me want to puke. Get over it, man, the 90s are over.

The comment about the cake icing gel stuff sounds like it would look like the oatmeal swirlers goo, but that stuff doesn’t have any flavor. It would probably also be easier to draw with in the little squeeze tube it comes in, more so than squeezing a packet. Some places that sell cake decorating and candy supplies sell this flavoring oil made my LorAnn (or something). They have all kinds of flavors. A drop of that will add the fake fruity flavor you’re missing out on. The flavoring comes in a tiny little bottle, but don’t let the size fool you, that stuff is bangin.

Chestnuts roasted by cyn @ 02/13/2007 10:21 PM

What about a fruit glaze? It is just sugar and juice, so it seems like the taste would be similar…

Chestnuts roasted by nomad380 @ 03/18/2007 6:50 AM

Hey Matt I have found a way although obscenely time consuming to recreate the magical experience of oatmeal swirlers. to do so one must take their favorite jelly microwave it for 20-30 seconds, until its a liquidy goo but not a piping hot runny slime, than simply poor into a ziplock bag, squish the air out, seal and cut a tiny hole in the corner to act as the tear slit, and bida bing oatmeal swirlers live again, and for choclate simply use your fav choc syrup

Chestnuts roasted by rob @ 04/17/2007 5:40 PM

Wow I loved Oatmeal Swirlers. I too had no idea what they were called but I just remember that little packet of goodness. I miss those!

Chestnuts roasted by christy @ 01/25/2009 3:06 PM

I also remember Undercover Bears Oatmeal. Candy is dandy, but Goatmeal is Quicker.

Check this out: http://www.wackypackages.org/stickers/4th_2006/scans/stickers/49_both_quickergoatmeal.html

Chestnuts roasted by Lumpy Pabulum @ 02/24/2009 1:41 AM

You can also draw pictures with catchup.

Chestnuts roasted by Hoggy Doggy @ 02/24/2009 8:55 PM

Loved your piece on Swirlers. My sister and I were trying to remember the name of them and I came across this article. Your re-creation…truly priceless. (Apple Fruit Roll-Ups all the way.) In any case, thank you for some laughs on an otherwise boring Friday afternoon.

Chestnuts roasted by Jen @ 08/14/2009 12:52 PM

Oh man, I still remember the taste of this stuff. It was good and I loved it. I also had the one that had gummi bears as well. I forget what that was called, though.

Chestnuts roasted by Sandy @ 06/09/2010 4:55 PM

Do anyone know where I can find Strawberry swirl oatmeal from? I been craving it for like 2 years now.I dont know where I can get it!

Chestnuts roasted by TAb @ 02/15/2012 2:55 AM

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This entry was posted on Monday, December 11th, 2006 at 10:31 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.