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12/11/2006: Oatmeal Swirlers, you can give it a swirrrl.

In the most shocking turn of events ever, I went and posted a real, regular article. Caveat is, it’s a really short, malformed article. Actually, it was going to just be a blog entry, but I couldn’t convince myself to sentence something as awesome as Oatmeal Swirlers to the depths of the blog archive, so, here we are. Oatmeal Swirlers delighted my childhood hands and tongue by letting me draw edible pictures all over oatmeal, and even if you weren’t around for those joys, I hope this article will help you understand why they were joys. Includes poorly made spiral graphics and a download of the original commercial.

Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

Discussion Thread: 97 comments

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I totally remembered this. They were pretty good because it actually flavored the oatmeal instead just being slightly fruity/chocolately like regular “flavored” oatmeals.

I would’ve used Gushers instead of Fruit Rollups because they have the goo in them.

Does anyone ever try to draw using the frosting packets in the Pillsbury Toaster Steudels? I usually just end up spreading the frosting with a knife.

Speaking of “healthy” kids food like this, does anyone remember the various Hidden Valley Ranch for kids they put out in the early 90s also. Those were good. I know it made me eat salads. Came in Super Creamy, Taco, Pizza and Cheesy Nacho.

Grinch is on tonite on ABC.

Ghosted by JLAJRC @ 12/12/2006 4:32 PM EST

I hate oatmeal, but love the concept of breafast art. This is the reason why my freezer always has Toasters Strudels inside. I am a Toaster Strudel master artisan. Although I swear I never can get ALL of the icing out of that little plastic packet.

Ghosted by Old E @ 12/12/2006 4:34 PM EST

I remember that commercial. I still hate oat meal.

I thought Six was hot. She has a really great ass for a white chick.

And what the hell is that kid in the blue doing? Having a seizure?

Ghosted by Darth Galvatron @ 12/12/2006 4:51 PM EST

Hey Matt, has the Amazon list worked for you in the past? Any readers ever bought you stuff? Also, if you get stuff this year, can you tell in advance?

Ghosted by Terror Claws Cole @ 12/12/2006 4:56 PM EST

Oh my god! Thank you so much for posting this! I keep having recollections of oatmeal with strawberry swirled in, and I could never remember what it was from. Now I know for sure. Yay I love your website so much!

Ghosted by Anousenka @ 12/12/2006 5:06 PM EST

I’m glad your oatmeal didn’t eat you, Matt.

(I think we all should’ve gotten together to get him the PacMan game. Sounds like his apartment is getting too grown up.)

Ghosted by Katherine @ 12/12/2006 5:45 PM EST

I don’t know if someone has already mentioned this, but it looks like someone from FARK found the Star Wars Holiday Special on YouTube.
http://www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3Dw0efv59O7E0%26mode%3Drelated%26search%3D

Ghosted by Ben @ 12/12/2006 6:41 PM EST

12/12 Advent entry is up…now working on a blog entry that my computer ate a few hours ago.

Ghosted by Matt @ 12/12/2006 8:55 PM EST

A couple of things.

1: I am convinced now that The Boss is either the Mare or the Santa from one of the old calenders.

2: Kuse is the worst dad ever.

3: Legotron is quickly becoming my favorite character. He and Mistah Snowman need to be in their own spinoff.

4: James Lipton is becoming my favorite new character. (I’m not sold on the Tiger yet)

Ghosted by Kev @ 12/12/2006 8:57 PM EST

Liz – I remember those…but I don’t remember the name either. Damn it.

Ghosted by canoesforshoes @ 12/12/2006 9:01 PM EST

Ugh. Matt, I can’t believe you resorted to the old cut-away-and-leave-the-incredible-reveal-to-the-imagination trick with Tigerboy.

Don’t get me wrong, I still love the calendar, I just feel a little cheated, is all.

Then again, you don’t have to write anything at all, so I guess I should appreciate whatever we get.

So thanks, I guess.

What was I talking about again?

Ghosted by Rhino @ 12/12/2006 9:04 PM EST

Rhino, it’s just that you weren’t ready to hear what Tigerboy said.

Ghosted by Matt @ 12/12/2006 9:07 PM EST

Fair enough.

Ghosted by Rhino @ 12/12/2006 9:09 PM EST

I’m also loving Legotron this season, Kev. I hope he snags one more head before Christmas.

Ghosted by Jor-El @ 12/12/2006 9:12 PM EST

Liz and Canoes… are you guys talking about String Thing? I used to use those snacks as insanely long riplines for G.I Joes. Fruit was fun back then.

Ghosted by Old E @ 12/12/2006 9:26 PM EST

Eurgh, more off-screen antics? I think the picture of the teeter-totter thingy made up for it, though.

I think The Boss is a Mare, too. I believe I see flipped hair.

Jor-El, I agree about Legotron and I want it to be James Lipton’s head. Because wacky antics are sure to ensue.

Ghosted by Katherine @ 12/12/2006 9:27 PM EST

Old E – Yeah, String Thing. I’d just found it, took a lot of googling. I wish I’d just waited for your post, I’m lazy. Thanks for the help

Ghosted by canoesforshoes @ 12/12/2006 9:37 PM EST

Do you guys know about the joy of Build-A-Bear workshops? Sure, they’re just milking money out of parents, if you’re gonna be cynical about it. But dammit if they don’t make a cool present to give to your family and friends. And then you can just buy them new clothing for whatever gift-giving occasion comes up. The gift that keeps you from having to think for at least a year

Plus, I just got one from my aunt. Hello Kitty, baby!! I dunno how they got the license, but I don’t care. I just had to have a Hello Kitty. Cause that’s how I roll.

Ghosted by K- @ 12/12/2006 10:12 PM EST

My brother and I used to eat Oatmeal Swirlers all the time!!! We also had Oatmeal with some kind of dissolving things with surprises inside. Like a big ball of sugar or whatever and a gummy treat inside, and when you put the water/milk in the oatmeal, the outside would dissolve and leave the thing. I’m thinking it had gummy dinosaurs inside, but it could have been teddy bears or something else. Hmm…maybe it was teddy bears. I forget.

Also, does anybody else remember cookies called “Giggles”? They had laughing faces on them, and I’m pretty sure they were “sandwich cookies” like Oreos. I think one side was vanilla and one side was chocolate, but maybe I just took them apart and mashed them together that way.

Anyways, I got in trouble once for eating a whole bunch of them because my dad had gotten tired of us asking for a snack and said, “Eat everything in the pantry, I don’t care!!!!!” I had not learned the meaning of sarcasm, and thus I thought we actually had permission to eat the whole package of Giggles.

Ghosted by Lilly @ 12/12/2006 10:13 PM EST

Okay, I just finished actually reading the Oatmeal Swirlers article and see that Matt has previously reviewed the hatching Dinosaur Egg oatmeal…I’m pretty sure we had an earlier version when I was a kid. Now I’m pretty convinced the old version must have been teddy bears, since the newer version uses dinosaurs.

My brain gets confused sometimes. Does anybody else remember animals hatching in their oatmeal? Anybody?

Ghosted by Lilly @ 12/12/2006 10:18 PM EST

Oatmeal Swirlers is one of the few “gimmick” food items Matt’s reviewed that we ate all the time, in large quantaties. Oatmeal was cheap, filling, and plentiful, even the Swirlers, and my mother figured anything that would get her daughters to eat it was a good thing. Though I DON’T remember the double-swirl packets…

Uh-oh. I’m glad Knacks and Tigerboy are having fun (this may be one of the few times the LEGO calender’s present was cooler), but…who’s minding the baby (not to mention the remaining calender)?

And where do you keep getting the mini-food? Snaring them from random nieces?

Ghosted by starwenn @ 12/12/2006 10:19 PM EST

Lilly, here ya go!

http://www.x-entertainment.com/messages/583.html

Ghosted by K- @ 12/12/2006 10:21 PM EST

May be the boss is the Lego Santa from last year.

Ghosted by Kowl @ 12/12/2006 10:24 PM EST

Today’s advent calendar is my favorite entry by far! I’m totally into it -the mystery of “the boss” the chili powder in the sausage gravy and other references, furries…though I have to admit, the baby-goo weirds me out. Other than that I’m so there.

Ghosted by Jessica Marie @ 12/12/2006 10:26 PM EST

Lilly – there used to be oatmeal where the things would dissolve and gummy bears were inside. I used to eat it at my grandma’s house, so there’s a good chance it was a relic.

Ghosted by canoesforshoes @ 12/12/2006 10:48 PM EST

“But Scrooged had nipples!” = awesome.

Ghosted by Invader Norbert @ 12/12/2006 10:52 PM EST

Lilly- you are not crazy, my husband was telling me he used to get the oatmeal with teddy bears in them. He said something about them hiding until you add water to the oatmeal and they float up to the top.

Maybe it’s because I’m a Mother, but I worry about Box, he’s gonna be missing till the 15th! Thats a long friggin time!

Ghosted by IHAQ @ 12/12/2006 10:54 PM EST

Lilly! Yes! Oatmeal with Dinosaurs! Yes! I miss that! Jeez!

Ghosted by Katherine @ 12/12/2006 10:58 PM EST

[b]K-[/b] Thanks for the Giggles link!! I suppose I could have been less lazy and actually searched for it myself! Somehow the faces look more creepy now.

Thanks to everyone else also for assuring me that I’m not crazy for remembering eating bears in my oatmeal. Ya’ll are good people.

Ghosted by Lilly @ 12/12/2006 11:37 PM EST

I know it was mentioned above, but Matt, you absolutely HAVE to write-up the advent calendar video game made by Nintendo. How often does something this cool come along? You play as a snowman named Chubby, and you jump on these brightly colored retarded penguins. I am pretty sure the meaning of Christmas is in that sentence somewhere.

http://www.mission-in-snowdriftland.com

(This was my first post here, ever. I only did it to beg for Nintendo love. Pathetic!)

Ghosted by Jakesteraholic @ 12/13/2006 6:59 PM EST

Oh my dear sweet jesus.
I had to have a bowl of that every single day before school or I refused to go.
I miss it daily, time to time, I still look for it in the store.

Ghosted by redsweater @ 12/14/2006 1:20 AM EST

Way to go with the formal language, Matt–as a discerning professional (not really) seeking quality writing talent, I approve and I’m willing to hire you.

Ghosted by Mistah Mon @ 12/16/2006 9:48 PM EST

I loved this stuff, the strawberry flavor was the best. Much better than the candy dinosaur egg things. Never had a problem with the amount of the icing stuff either, always just right. I really should make a list of things I would like to eat again. Starting with magic middle cookies and those turtle pudding things that turned your tongue green.

Ghosted by Elizabeth @ 01/09/2007 12:52 PM EST

That guy on the Oatmeal Swirlers box reminds me of “La Linea” from The Great Space Coaster. Those cartoons with the guy that was just a single line, and talked in gibberish/Italian?

Ghosted by Jeffrey Gray @ 01/14/2007 6:27 PM EST

I liked the oatmeal with freeze dried gummi bears that never fully became rehyrdated when you made the oatmeal. It was like eating breakfast at a Mr. Bulky’s that hasn’t restocked anything for about 5 months.

Ghosted by zacwax @ 01/18/2007 1:38 AM EST

Ew. The picture of your attempt at making oatmeal swirlers with melted fruit roll-ups looks like the blood-laced oatmeal the bad guys tried to feed to the golden child in the aptly titled film The Golden Child.

Sardo,
Numspa

Ghosted by peter @ 02/06/2007 11:53 AM EST

HOLY CRAP I/you FOUND IT

everytime i have the raspberry cheesecake at olive garden, my mind gets lost in the nostalgia of trying to place where i”ve tasted that raspberry flavor before
it WAS my past
not the yumy toaster struddels
but rather
oatmeal swirlers

thank you, thank you
my tongue can now enjoy the cake in peace

Ghosted by Jennifer Keele @ 02/06/2007 4:56 PM EST

Oh, sweet! I love regular oatmeal, but I never forgot Oatmeal Swirlers. You’re right, the steaming hot oatmeal did melt your creations — the bowl in the commercial must’ve been ice cold.

Now if you could only find the Fruit Slush commercial, I’d jump for joy.

Ghosted by Draca @ 02/08/2007 3:29 AM EST

Actually, if you wanted to melt down fruit roll-ups, I would bet an amount of money that Everclear would do it. I’ve melted a few fruit products into it, and produced from a pretty close facsimile of fruit goo,(which I decided needed a bit more everclear,) to fruit flavored shots. And, I bet it would make eating the oatmeal a hell of a lot more fun!

Ghosted by Rapideth @ 02/09/2007 12:48 AM EST

Perhaps instead of melted fruit rollups, you’d be better off using that icing gel for cakes and cookies?

Ghosted by cole @ 02/09/2007 9:34 AM EST

UGH! The picture of melting the fruit roll up made me want to puke. Get over it, man, the 90s are over.

The comment about the cake icing gel stuff sounds like it would look like the oatmeal swirlers goo, but that stuff doesn’t have any flavor. It would probably also be easier to draw with in the little squeeze tube it comes in, more so than squeezing a packet. Some places that sell cake decorating and candy supplies sell this flavoring oil made my LorAnn (or something). They have all kinds of flavors. A drop of that will add the fake fruity flavor you’re missing out on. The flavoring comes in a tiny little bottle, but don’t let the size fool you, that stuff is bangin.

Ghosted by cyn @ 02/13/2007 10:21 PM EST

What about a fruit glaze? It is just sugar and juice, so it seems like the taste would be similar…

Ghosted by nomad380 @ 03/18/2007 6:50 AM EST

Hey Matt I have found a way although obscenely time consuming to recreate the magical experience of oatmeal swirlers. to do so one must take their favorite jelly microwave it for 20-30 seconds, until its a liquidy goo but not a piping hot runny slime, than simply poor into a ziplock bag, squish the air out, seal and cut a tiny hole in the corner to act as the tear slit, and bida bing oatmeal swirlers live again, and for choclate simply use your fav choc syrup

Ghosted by rob @ 04/17/2007 5:40 PM EDT

Wow I loved Oatmeal Swirlers. I too had no idea what they were called but I just remember that little packet of goodness. I miss those!

Ghosted by christy @ 01/25/2009 3:06 PM EST

I also remember Undercover Bears Oatmeal. Candy is dandy, but Goatmeal is Quicker.

Check this out: http://www.wackypackages.org/stickers/4th_2006/scans/stickers/49_both_quickergoatmeal.html

Ghosted by Lumpy Pabulum @ 02/24/2009 1:41 AM EST

You can also draw pictures with catchup.

Ghosted by Hoggy Doggy @ 02/24/2009 8:55 PM EST

Loved your piece on Swirlers. My sister and I were trying to remember the name of them and I came across this article. Your re-creation…truly priceless. (Apple Fruit Roll-Ups all the way.) In any case, thank you for some laughs on an otherwise boring Friday afternoon.

Ghosted by Jen @ 08/14/2009 12:52 PM EDT

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