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Halfhearted Harking.

Well, we finally started decorating last night. (I know, I can't believe it either.) Thing is, we've been remodeling the apartment for quite some time and only had finished floors as of this week, with some new furniture in and some still on its way. These and other events conspired to make our pad less deserving of the balls-first holiday deck-out. When we checked out our secret underground storage containers to see what we had room for, I was saddened to leave so many boxes unchecked, refusing so many decorations of their right to breathe air for a few weeks each year. Oh well.


We got a few lights up, at least. They're these really awesome old school big glass bulb lights; I was brought up under the impression that lights like this should never be placed indoors, but the box told me I could, so yay, big glass bulb lights in da livin' room.


Because we pulled a lot of this stuff out without giving the boxes more than a quick glance, I forgot a lot of the vintage stuff that completes me. Instead, we ended up yanking out a truckload of Version Carrey Grinch dolls that I picked up on a post-holiday clearance sale a few years ago. Apparently, I really enjoyed that post-holiday clearance sale, because I counted no less than twelve different Grinch plushies, including a really large, talking version that sounds more like Tim Curry impersonating an orgasmic porn star than Jim Carrey impersonating the Grinch. I'm not complaining.


There was also a huge stock of still-packaged CHRISTMAS ACTION FIGGAZ -- everything from Rudolph to Charlie Brown and beyond. Formerly, we'd tack up these still-packaged figures wherever we could, but in light of the freshly painted walls and the feeble attempt to make our apartment look more like something an adult should be able to stand, I finally took the "OC" out of "MOC," broke the babies open and let the cigarette smoke slowly yellow their holiday heads. These figures range from "still widely available" to "kind of halfway available" to "ONLY ON EBAY, FUCKAS," but if you are able to track 'em down...I most highly recommend the purchase. They're all really nice and are some of the best Christmas "decorations" based on the bg holiday specials that I've seen. And I've seen many.

Yes, we are going to dig back into the trenches and add more decorations. Yes, I am going to get a tree. Hopefully soon, because recent years have spearheaded a new tradition where we put up the Christmas tree very late and end up leaving it in our living room until early February to compensate.

The Advent Calendar has been updated for December 11th. It's nice to be a day ahead again. :)

Posted by Matt on 12/11/2006. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 57 comments

Wow! My first ever first post!

Chestnuts roasted by Hoverbored @ 12/11/2006 5:33 AM


See? It pays to be up in the middle of the night.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 12/11/2006 5:35 AM


Almost first post!

Those figures are amazing. I’d probably keep them out all year.

Chestnuts roasted by Dr. Acula @ 12/11/2006 5:44 AM


I need those misfit toys! haha Pigpen and his filthy snowman. By the way, I think those white things from the advent calendar are “snow mounds” or some such silliness. I take it you shove them up one of the birds’ asses and snap ‘em on the tree. Hooray for snow mounds.

Oh holy night! It’s 4 am! I’m going to bed. (Has anyone else’s family discovered the moronic joy of “Christmas cussing?”)

Chestnuts roasted by Special K @ 12/11/2006 6:01 AM


It’s 5:18 AM here in the paradise known as Findlay, Ohio.

Chestnuts roasted by Rocky @ 12/11/2006 6:18 AM


Speaking of leaving the tree up…
We’ve still got ours up from Christmas LAST year. It’s ok, it’s a funky metal filligree thing-a-me-bob.

Chestnuts roasted by Nick @ 12/11/2006 6:44 AM


Awesome lights. Jeez Matt, I hope you didn’t have to work today! I couldn’t believe it when I came online prior to work this morning and the calendar update for today was there already! What a great surprise! Thanks for the hard work.

Chestnuts roasted by Muppet Baby @ 12/11/2006 7:32 AM


This entry starts out very creepy…
And that ending…it can’t be safe to sleep on a bunk bed above your baby.

Chestnuts roasted by Ragnarok @ 12/11/2006 8:23 AM


I couldn’t help but notice that that gun is pointed directly at Pigpen’s crotch as he makes an almost delighted face. Jeez, Matt, where’s the love?

Chestnuts roasted by Denise @ 12/11/2006 8:34 AM


Any chance of a tour of the apt. in photos? And, maybe I’m from Backwater USA, but renovating an apartment? Do you guys own it or something? Where I’m from, you can’t do jack to an Apt. unless you…well, you just can’t. Thanks for the update too.

Chestnuts roasted by Terror Claws Cole @ 12/11/2006 8:49 AM


that’s a mighty fine cat hut

Chestnuts roasted by Phill @ 12/11/2006 8:59 AM


Wow, my cats would kill for that thing!

Speaking of kill, Socks got a little roseate dove last night. ::Sigh:: little bastard then climbed on the couch next to me and went to sleep. Something so cute and yet so evil. Why can’t cats eat lettuce?

Chestnuts roasted by arete @ 12/11/2006 9:05 AM


I have so many things to say.

Are you trying to kill (Pigpen?) with an overdose of jelly? You’re a cruel man. And I like how Santa’s in a kind of “Rock on!” pose.
Mista Snowman singing about how much hotter he is than my girlfriend is funny on at least four levels.
I never expected to hear the name “James Lipton” in the same 30 seconds as “nude interpretive ass dance” outside of Late Night with Conan O’Brien.
My cat would pull Rudolph down from that cat hut and then take him to go sleep on my bed. Or the chair I was about to sit on.

Chestnuts roasted by Katherine @ 12/11/2006 9:35 AM


I finally caught up with the calendar from friday. The delay was from an orgy viewing of 24. The fiancee and I watched the first 8 episodes of season 4 over the weekend.

Chestnuts roasted by Geoffinsanity @ 12/11/2006 9:38 AM


What is that gun? I mean yes, it’s a gn, but from what? Well I’m gonna go catch up on the advent.

Chestnuts roasted by kb @ 12/11/2006 9:41 AM


Big glass bulb lights should never be inside…. that’s why I wrapped my tree in about 8 strands of them…. just so I could break that rule and light up an entire room with the power of xmas tree glow. That and it looks awesome framed up in a picture window. Yeah, I see those passerbys gawking through the windows totally jealous of my tree and its huge rule-breaking lights.

Chestnuts roasted by Carri @ 12/11/2006 9:56 AM


we just started putting our christmas stuff up .. i think i’m going to start in on the little light up houses tonight ..

Chestnuts roasted by andrew @ 12/11/2006 10:52 AM


kb, it’s the water pistol that shoots jelly! From the island of misfit toys!

I mean, I’m pretty sure it is.

Chestnuts roasted by Katherine @ 12/11/2006 10:54 AM


Awesome, just awesome. I just love all the James Lipton humor. It’s good to know that other people watch Conan as obessively as people like me. I particularly love it when Conan has him for:

1) Reading random people’s myspace blogs when Conan picks a random girl from the audience and views her myspace.

2) Last week, Conan had his regular “College Mascots” sketch and mentioned the “FSU Webcam Manatee” and mentioned the fictional address hornymantee.com. So Conan admits the 2nd night (and through Friday) that NBC, the home of Bob Hope, Johnny Carson, and the first color tv broadcast now owns & maintains that site. Then he has on James Lipton to read fan e-mails sent to to the site and he’s obessed with “dancing” with the Manatee.

And who is The Boss anyway? Taking all bets!

Chestnuts roasted by Invader Norbert @ 12/11/2006 11:19 AM


Santa looks like he’s sitting in Arsenio’s dawg pound, ready to unleash a fit of “woof woof woof” combined with the classic waving of his fist in the air.

Chestnuts roasted by Lammy742 @ 12/11/2006 11:36 AM


I also have a tendancy to buy shitloads of crap on clearance. I probably would have passed on The Grinch toys though, even at 90 cents. =x I love Pigpen’s snowman. I can’t wait til I’m at the point where I can collect toys again.

Chestnuts roasted by Ariel @ 12/11/2006 11:39 AM


Matt, just had to say thanks so much for an awesome Advent so far…your site, again, is about the only thing keeping my Christmas spirit alive this year. It’s been really tough to feel Christmassy with no snow (!!), being so busy and exhausted all the time, my first Christmas in my own place, tons of real-life anxieties, etc. etc. etc…but good ol’ X-E has been getting me into the Christmas spirit every time I come to visit. I feel bad that I don’t have enough time to comment as much as I’d like, but I’m lurking in the shadows, I promise. :) Oh, and expect something from your WishList from me!

Chestnuts roasted by Nicole @ 12/11/2006 11:53 AM


my parents have put the big lights on our tree since forever and we were the only ones i knew that used them. funny that we use the big lights inside and the small lights on our outside trees…….

is james lipton going to ask everyone what their least favorite sound is?

Chestnuts roasted by colls @ 12/11/2006 12:49 PM


Matt, you gave me my best visual of the day: Tim Curry as an orgasmic porn star….ah, a girl can dream, can’t she? If it makes you feel any better, we don’t have our tree up yet or decorations up in the house either simply based on procrastination from my parents, my cat’s dental issues and lack of time in a day. We DID get up our lights outside though. I suspect the tree will be up next week at this rate.

Chestnuts roasted by Melissa Y @ 12/11/2006 1:16 PM


Watch out Matt, those big bulbs can bust like an old man’s kidney after too much egg-nog. If they are hot from being on, and you drop them or touch them the wrong way, they explode and leave alot of glass everywhere. And they have a larger chance of catching fire to the house.

Chestnuts roasted by Jess @ 12/11/2006 1:34 PM


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