The Advent Calendar has been updated for December 10th with a joke about James Lipton. Tonight is very exciting for me, because after years of shitty tube televisions while everyone else made the jump, my first big ol' plasma is slated to arrive tomorrow. All 96 pounds of it. I will christen its first turn-on with a Coach rerun, if for no other reason than to be the first person ever to christen their first big ol' new plasma television with that. Think I'll pick the episode where Hayden finds out that his sperm sucks because of all the post-game hot tubbing.
Sorry to get all girl power on you, but I made a vow to myself to review each and every 2006 stocking stuffer I could find, and, well, I found My Little Pony dolls.
It's the fourth "Winter Series" for the collection, and like the Halloween Ponies I reviewed in October, the dolls can only be found at Target. Also like the Halloween Ponies, these crafty creatures have creative monikers: "Winter Wish," "Chilly Breezes" and "Velvet Bow" are their names, and also the names of three strippers I banged in an airplane bathroom on the trip back from Lake Tahoe. What makes certain My Little Ponies "holiday editions" is pretty simple, really -- they just need to be dressed for the ski lodge with Christmas-related tattoos on their asses.
Of the three, I cast my vote for Bestest Yuletide Pony with Chilly Breezes, who aside from wearing giant sunglasses also warms my heart with the big stupid socky hat. Winter Wish likes to buck conventions, or at least, she likes to tell people that she likes to "buck" conventions, because it connects so humorously to her deer antler headpiece. Oh, and there's a reason Velvet Bow is in the back -- she sucks.
I'd also like to take this opportunity to make a mental note that the sparkly silver wrapper paper seen above makes a great photo background, and I should use it more often.
As for the Pony dolls, each comes with a correspondingly colored hairbrush, and each figure's package includes a cutout file card so you can get to know your new friend a little better! Blah blah blah blah blah. Ponies.
Tomorrow, something manlier. Swear. Manly like a race car.
Posted by Matt on 12/10/2006. E-mail me!
Chestnuts roasted by 
My little pony, Skinny and bony. I can’t do html notes, and I can’t be the only one who used to sing that tune to torment my little pony lovers when I was a kid.