X-Entertainment's Christmas Season & Advent Calendar, 2008.

12/10/2006: “Winter Series” My Little Pony Dolls…

The Advent Calendar has been updated for December 10th with a joke about James Lipton. Tonight is very exciting for me, because after years of shitty tube televisions while everyone else made the jump, my first big ol’ plasma is slated to arrive tomorrow. All 96 pounds of it. I will christen its first turn-on with a Coach rerun, if for no other reason than to be the first person ever to christen their first big ol’ new plasma television with that. Think I’ll pick the episode where Hayden finds out that his sperm sucks because of all the post-game hot tubbing.

Sorry to get all girl power on you, but I made a vow to myself to review each and every 2006 stocking stuffer I could find, and, well, I found My Little Pony dolls.

It’s the fourth “Winter Series” for the collection, and like the Halloween Ponies I reviewed in October, the dolls can only be found at Target. Also like the Halloween Ponies, these crafty creatures have creative monikers: “Winter Wish,” “Chilly Breezes” and “Velvet Bow” are their names, and also the names of three strippers I banged in an airplane bathroom on the trip back from Lake Tahoe. What makes certain My Little Ponies “holiday editions” is pretty simple, really — they just need to be dressed for the ski lodge with Christmas-related tattoos on their asses.

Of the three, I cast my vote for Bestest Yuletide Pony with Chilly Breezes, who aside from wearing giant sunglasses also warms my heart with the big stupid socky hat. Winter Wish likes to buck conventions, or at least, she likes to tell people that she likes to “buck” conventions, because it connects so humorously to her deer antler headpiece. Oh, and there’s a reason Velvet Bow is in the back — she sucks.

I’d also like to take this opportunity to make a mental note that the sparkly silver wrapper paper seen above makes a great photo background, and I should use it more often.

As for the Pony dolls, each comes with a correspondingly colored hairbrush, and each figure’s package includes a cutout file card so you can get to know your new friend a little better! Blah blah blah blah blah. Ponies.

Tomorrow, something manlier. Swear. Manly like a race car.

My little pony, Skinny and bony. I can’t do html notes, and I can’t be the only one who used to sing that tune to torment my little pony lovers when I was a kid.

Do you keep these or does your girlfriend get the post-article ponies and if so does she have alot of influence in your articles?

She’ll take ‘em. I wouldn’t say it’s an influence though because I would’ve bought them to write about anyway, and she probably wouldn’t have bought them just to have, because she has not had 27 years worth of experience blowing money on complete crap.

ZOMG I must have Chilly Breezes’ hat. That is the bestest hat I have ever seen a pony wear, ever. Curse you, Target, for not opening stores in the Maritimes! CURSE YOU!

On second thought, that’s not entirely true. She’s a good cover excuse for when I put things like this in my wagon. In that regard, yes, she is an influence.

I like velvet bow thats the one that my friend got me for my birthday. I think they are all cute though.
Real men buy my little pony too!

I think I like Winter Wish the best, just because she’s the only one who decided to go really Christmassy. That and her symbol is cute. My sisters and I had tons and tons of My Little Ponies in the 80s, but I haven’t really had any interest the second time around. There’s a Target in Deptford; maybe I’ll take a look anyway.

Things are looking a bit scarier in the Advent Calender. I think Tigerboy is perfectly qualified to help Knacks with the LEGO Calender. Oh, and I can’t wait to find out what these goons have up their stackable sleeves…

All my old ponies are in a container under my bed. Their hair’s all nappy from being thrown in so many baths, some of them have nailpolish all over their hooves, and some of the lucky ones I gave haircuts. My boy pony with the little Scotty Dog on his hind is in pretty good condition, though.

Matt, what kind of plasma TV are you getting? and what size? Im looking to get one and would like some tips on finding a good deal, or a good TV to invest in since they are so expensive. Any tips would help.

DOOOOOOD!! I neeeeeeds poooonies! I have NEVER outgrown my love of My Little Ponies. I’m 29 and have then all over my house!

And my roommate just made fun of me for cooing over ponies while watching the Amityville Horror. Heathen.

I have to admit, everyday I read the calendar waiting anxiously (connoting both nervous and excited) for little Box to next employ his crazy Winningham powers. I have a feeling the child will play not a small role in the finale.

Whenever I see My Little Ponys (Ponies?), all I can think of is how they smell when you let your daughter play with them in the bathtub and they get moldy inside. Not good.

And here’s a hint on how to get the tail hair to look nice again after it’s gotten all nasty-matted and split-endy - comb it through and then run a hot curling iron over small sections of it. Just don’t hold the curling iron on one spot too long. Trust me, it works. I’ve done it on American Girl dolls, and Barbie, too.

I always think of Fozzie Bear saying “Yes, Mister Snowman” from the Muppet Family Xmas sketch whenever I read “Mista Snowman”…yeah.

Watched Christmas movies tonight at a friend’s house while the 3 of us made gingerbread houses. Awesome time- finally feels like Xmas is on the way.

I’m not so good with curling irons, or any sort of hair stuff for that matter. I don’t even like hairspray. The most I ever do with my hair is hold it back with my goggles or occasionally put in a pair of Days of the Week barrettes. I think I do own a curling iron, so I may have to try this out later.

I never had any American Girl dolls, a fact which saddens me to this day. But based on what I did to my MLPs, I can’t really blame my mother for not getting me one. I DID, however, subscribe to American Girl Magazine, which was the greatest girl magazine ever. All the cool toys, games, and trends without any of the bullshit “zomg i like this boy what should I do?!” crap. It was like the bible of fun things to do. I was always trying to throw parties like they described in the magazine and failing horribly. But I remember this one really cool idea they had where you take a roll of crepe paper, unroll it, lay candies on it, and then roll it back into a ball. I thought that was the hottest idea ever.

I think it’s time to start collecting MLPs again. I was never a huge fan of them when I was a kid, but I did have a few. My favorite was a blue one with see-through, plastic butterfly wings. Anyway, these three MUST come home with me! Tomorrow I go pony hunting!

Would Santa Starscream be manlier? Transformers Classics are currently pwning my bank account.

I think only you, Matt, can talk about My Little Ponies and banging strippers in one sentence. Im off to catch up with the calendar.

Mystie: I loved American Girls, too! And just like you, I never had one, but I read all the books and got the magazine. I always wanted a Molly because I identified with her the best. Did you see the Samantha movie they had on TV last Christmas? It was decent. I know they have some non-holiday movies out for the other girls. I wonder if they’ll make Molly’s Christmas into a movie… *fingers crossed!*

Watched Jingle All the Way for the third time this year, this morning. It took me a while, but I’m finally finishing Jake’s screaming match on the phone with “and I’ll be Darth Vader someday, so f*** you Turbo Man!!!!”

I’m Mr. Green Christmas
I’m Mr. Sun
I’m Mr. Heatblister
I’m Mr. Hundred and One
They call me Heatmiser
Whatever I touch
Starts to melt in my clutch

I only liked the baby ponies. I used to have huge plastic MLP that wiggled its ears and tale and blinked its eyes.

Just a word of warning: after about 2,000 hours your plasma will start to degrade and your picture brightness/quality will begin to suffer. Fortunatly, plasma has a half-life of about 60,000 hours of usage, so you shouldn’t have to replace the TV anytime soon and you might not even notice it.

We got a rear projection for that reason. But I am sure plasma kicks rear projection’s ass!

Don’t throw out your CRT Tube. The NES zapper won’t work on a plasma. That’s reason right there to keep a CRT TV around.

Anyone wants to know if their ponies from the 80s are worth anything, just look at the thousands on eBay. Twenty somethings LOVE their pastel goodness (not me). (Okay maybe me too)

My Little Ponies? I don’t think so. Voltron will totally kick your pony arses. Then, after I’m done tearing up your my little ponies, I will have Volron battle my army of Transformers. Voltron vs. Megatron , Voltron vs. Optimus Prime , Voltron vs. Grimlock (Dinobot), Voltron vs. Devastator and Voltron vs. Perceptor (microscope)..

I’ll echo many other people’s sentiments and say that I’m really digging the Advent calendar this year. I know I shouldn’t complain, but I do sort of miss the Advert calendar though. I’m not a MySpace kind of guy, and I’d have preferred the Advert Calendar to the Knacks MySpace page. I’ll probably be executed for not loving it, but I’ve said my piece. FREEEEDOOOOMMMMM!!!

I’ve really been loving the Christmas jukebox too. I’m sure my neighbors already think I’m strange, but I blasted songs like “Christmas at Ground Zero” and that Twisted Sister song for half the weekend while I cleaned my apartment. I spent the other half playing Gears of War, so the rest of the time they could hear gunfire and revving chainsaws, followed by inhuman screams.

After two years of ranting about Steve Jobs, Apple, monopolies, and non-replaceable batteries, I finally went over to the dark side and bought myself an iPod. My Creative Zen Xtra went belly up when I dropped it for like the 20th time. I would have gone with another Creative, but I couldn’t find one with more than 30 gig of storage capacity unless I went with a really big video version. Also, they got rid of their best feature- a replaceable battery. Since I mostly listen to music, the smaller iPod with 80 gig made more sense to me- or so I thought.

The software automatically converted everything on my hard drive to Apple’s format, then loaded it onto the iPod. That would be all well and good, except that I spent months deleting all the random shit I got in a big music trade involving me, 6 friends, and a portable hard drive. Unfortunately, I chose to delete it out of the Creative Organizer database, but not from my hard drive. I looked at the status bar the next morning after I plugged in my iPod and gasped in horror as I realized I was downloading such crap as “Smurfs Theme Techno Remix” and a bunch of Britney Spears.

What’s worse, I can’t delete it from my iPod. I have to remove it from iTunes, then sync my iPod to iTunes. Also, setting up the “On the Go” playlists sucks ass compared to the way Creative set up playlists. Frankly, I’m completely underwhelmed by iPod’s interface and software.

And the sound quality is only mediocre! It’s a fucking music player, for God’s sake!

The only redeeming quality is the podcasts, but I’m not all that impressed. I really haven’t found any that I particularly want to watch on a regular basis.

So I’m taking it back and praying for Creative to come out with an 80 gig version of the Vision:M. It’s supposed to be on the way, but I didn’t want to wait.

Thank God for the Circuit City 30 day return policy. There’s a reason I won’t buy electronics any where else. I’m very exacting on what I want, and they never kick up a fuss when I return something because it just isn’t quite right. Hell, they let me return a big screen (a Samsung DLP). The chip in it just wasn’t fast enough for video games, so there’d be a slight delay between when I’d press a button and when the action happened on screen. That TV had a gorgeous picture, and I was really sorry to see it go.

Which finally brings me back to the original topic. Way to go on upgrading to plasma Matt! I’m green with envy- plasma was just too dang expensive for me. Personally, rather than christen it with “Coach,” I’d go for “Sesame Street”, because Big Bird is even bigger on a new Big Screen.

Xenophobe, Voltron could not beat Predaking. Voltron might have had five lions and a big ass sword, but Predaking had a lion, four other animals, and a big ass sword.

WTF are you talking about iTunes “automatically converting everything you have” into Apple’s Format. That makes NO SENSE. All it should do is import that stuff into your library. And you really can’t blame iTunes for importing stuff that’s on your HD that wasn’t in the Creative player database. Heck, that’s EXACTLY how iTunes works if you delete something from the Library. It leaves a copy on the HD unless you tell it to otherwise when you delete it.

Give iTunes some more time…I think it will do what you want it to. It’s the same kind of thing when you switch from Windows to Mac…You got to relearn how to do some things….

What ponies lack in robotic forces, we make up for in numbers. We shall ascend upon you in a vicious pastel wave.

The day I bring a hi-def home–which will be years from now at the rate things are going–I’m most likely going to christen it with something utterly insane, like a 60 Minutes story on surrogate mothers from 1981 (which I have for some reason, because my dad had for some reason).

After that I’ll re-play every single DVD I own just to see the menus in widescreen finally.

No, no, no I’m going with Xenophobe. 100% Voltron pwns all comers. Except maybe like two Lionhearts in a row, but since Squall and Voltron would SO be on the same side, it’s not an issue.

Aaah, but the evil My Little Ponies are taking over the world! Yesss! (Have a look at my webpage if you don’t believe!)

Besides, Lion-O beat Voltron hands down - asexual or not, that guy always kicked ass, albeit with the help of Snarf and Panthro (if you look very closely, you’ll see that good ol’ Snarf was always getting stoned with Panthro behind the Berbil village in the Robear Pub ‘n Grub. That’s why they always took so long to respond to the catsignal. Look at their eyes!!!!) It stands to reason Mum-blah was always peeved because he never got invited to Tygra’s year-end office party - Wilykit still has those naughty xeroxes Lion-O made in his usual drunken stupor… pinned up in her closet.

Voltron would get destroyed if he battled Devastator or Predaking! If those 2 were able to combine…game over, Autobots, game over…

Aside the question of Primus and Unicron joining in on the fray, I’d have to side with Thousand Beast King GoLion on this one. Voltron has quite a few tricks up his sleeves aside from Blazing Sword. The lions are powered by the Elements: Earth, Air, Fire, Water, and Crumbs. Or is that
stuffing?

SWEET i had a brief stint in the states a couple of weekends ago and when i found the ponies i thought, i couldn’t take them all home, which one would matt like? and i was right, and it was for the hat and goggles which are clearly kick ass. velvet bow, more like velvet NO!

Haha, coach reruns. I did not see that one coming. Hmm. I actually pretty much saw the entire Coach series I think. I do not think I laughed much.

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This entry was posted on Sunday, December 10th, 2006 at 9:15 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.