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My dying wish is for an owl/camel hybrid, which I call camowl.

Candy Cane Flavored Candy!

The Advent Calendar has been updated for December 9th. (And the 8th, too, if you weren't around last night.) Happy ADST & SNT!

As usual, I've been picking up every "special holiday edition" candy I can find, and I've noticed a severe upswing in the "shit flavored like candy canes" department. With so many of the candy cane varieties out now being patterned after Sprees and Starburst, it's nice to see that some companies remember that the holidays are supposed to taste like peppermint...even if we would prefer that they tasted like blastin' berry cherry.


Hubba Bubba's Bubble Tape redecorates for the season with a new "Holiday Stripe" offshoot. Don't be misled: Even the package says it's candy cane flavored. It's also not very striped - I'd consider this one more of a "Holiday Powdered" affair. Kind of tastes like an unflavored gum base lightly dusted with peppermint powder, and no, that's not the greatest thing in the world, but it's not the worst thing, either. There's no difference in the gum color or flavor between the red and green packages -- they just wanted to give good Christians their choice between Jesus's favorite colors.


Similarly marketed are new Candy Cane Pop Rocks, enabling us to "taste the explosion" and celebrate Christmas simultaneously. I'll say this: They're the most unique Pop Rocks I've ever tasted. The candy consists of red and white bits, crumbled into large enough chunks to make me feel that I'm actually gobbling up a real, smashed up candy cane. They taste like they should taste, so anyone's opinion of the stuff is contingent on how much they like candy canes.

I thought I'd have more to say about candy cane flavored candy, or that I'd at least use the phrase "candy cane flavored candy" enough times to make this blurb seem bigger, but I think it's done. Instead, survey time!

Survey Sez: Let's discuss some of our holiday memories, but since we've done similar/exact surveys before, let's stick to the weirder, more obscure ones that don't immediately spring to mind when the question is posed.

I'll start. Like I've mentioned before, my family really celebrates Christmas on Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day has rarely meant much to me. (Most of the time it's depressing, because the party's more or less over.) As a kid, I took advantage of this fact by spending most Christmas Days at my best friend/closeby neighbor's house. They didn't do jack on the Eve, but the place was hot hot hot on Christmas Day. Our families were good friends but were nonetheless very different from each other, and I loved seeing the completely alien ways in which they'd boogie down. Like, everyone played pinochle, and people actually sung Christmas songs. My family only did stuff like that if it was a comedic setup to make fun of pinochle and caroling.

They were very eclectic. They had really crappy Christmas decorations, but crappy in an awesome way, and they were everywhere. Like, they'd hang a 20' Budwesier Christmas Clydesdales subway poster on their living room wall without a trace of irony or gag. They'd look at old photo albums and watch home movies. There was a wholesomeness to it all that was really attractive; not that my family was lousy at being a family, but we were better at just having fun. My favorite memory of going over their house for Christmases past? The After Eight course.

At 8:01 PM on the nose, my friend's mother would waltz out to the dining room table with this huge plate of After Eight mint candies. Everyone made such a big deal about it. "It's after eight o'clock! It's after eight o'clock! Time for dem mints!" I loved it.

I always made sure to go home early, lest I still be there when any of their family decided to leave, putting me in the awkward position of having to kiss people goodbye when I didn't really know them and when they didn't really know me. I may say hi to strangers more during Christmastime, but fuck that weird old lady if she thinks she's getting her cheek pecked just because we're sharing a party.

Then I'd go home, eat leftovers and assemble all of my gifts on the bed, soaking in their brilliance and making sure their sum mass was more impressive than anything I'd seen on my friend's bed hours earlier. It usually worked out that way, because I was a spoiled brat.

Incidentally, I put up an Amazon Wishlist, because shamelessness is the next big thing for '07.

Posted by Matt on 12/09/2006. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 90 comments

Jumping off what colls said, who remembers when the “switch” occured? It had to have been about a decade ago for me, which sounds late in retrospect, cause I’m 24 now.

The switch in who gets up first. I remember being absolutely positively insane about getting up like at 4 or 5. My parents hated it, mostly my Dad, but they always caved instantly cause they knew they could just sleep the rest of the day away anyway.

Falling asleep took FOREVER and then I’d only be asleep for maybe 2 hours at best. But then it started being just like any other day and my parents had to start waking me up. They usually get me up about 10 for breakfast and the main event, but I’d be perfectly content to sleep til at least 1, usually. They’re gonna have to drag me this year.

Damn stress, damn work, school, growing up :P
“Being grown up, isn’t half as fun as growing up”

Chestnuts roasted by K- @ 12/10/2006 2:18 AM


Special K: Aw, thanks! Mine: in their eternal wisdom, my dad and brothers decided it would be fun to send me down an incredibly steep hill all by myself, despite the fact that I was frickin’ three years old. So down I went – pushed hard, mind, no gentle nudges for me – while Mitchell (age seven) waited at the bottom to stop me. Being light and speedy, I gained too much momentum for his chubby arms and went flying past, heading for the barbed-wire fence. Luckily(?), there was a huge mound of snow-covered ice that acted as a ramp, and I sailed right over it into the woods beyond. Took them a while to find me and ascertain that there was no broken bones or death involved. But whatever, I got free hot chocolate. Hot chocolate solves all the world’s problems.

Chestnuts roasted by Stella Gold @ 12/10/2006 2:21 AM


Stella Gold: Aw, what a fun/scary/sweet/*insert other cutesy adjectives here* story!! Kind of makes me wish I’d had siblings who tried to kill me… more for the “Thank God You’re Not Dead” hot chocolate than for the actual dying part.

Chestnuts roasted by Special K @ 12/10/2006 2:30 AM


You know, my mom has always been the most psyched for Christmas. She was always awake first, just waiting for us. If we weren’t up by 8, she was knocking on the door going, “Come on! It’s Christmas!” The way I see it, the presents will still be there at 11. Let me sleep. It’s a holiday.

Chestnuts roasted by Lori @ 12/10/2006 2:30 AM


When I was a freshman in high school one of my older brothers was living in Chile and my family went to visit him over Christmas vacation. We got there Christmas Eve and my catholic parents made us go to midnight mass. It was pretty crowded and we had to get there early to get seats. I’d been feeling pretty cruddy all day but I thought I could keep it together, figuring mass would only be about an hour. Mass started and everyone was singing silent night, and I was feeling worse and worse. Ten minutes later, they were still singing it. I don’t know spanish, but I swear there’s no way there are that many verses. I finally couldn’t take it anymore, had to run out, and puked all over the church steps. People started coming up to try to help me, and all I could do was say “I’m sorry, I don’t speak spanish”. My brother ended up having to wipe off the steps with tissues. Oh, and my mom had a sucky time the rest of the trip and never fails to mention that her favorite part was the mass, which she didn’t really get to attend considering she had to leave because of me. That was the first of many holidays I accidentally ruined.

Chestnuts roasted by canoesforshoes @ 12/10/2006 2:37 AM


This may be spoiling things, but can anyone tell me how you buy someone something from their Amazon Wish List? Do you have to know their full shipping address, or…?
Just picked up a Red Cup full of Peppermint Mocha on the way home from more shopping. Now I’m sipping it, reading X-E and listening to the new Jukebox, while my doggie sleeps in my lap. I honestly couldn’t name something I’d rather be doing on a Saturday night. I feel like I should be baking cookies, just to complete the tableau. Hope everyone’s night is equally festive :D

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 12/10/2006 2:37 AM


Well, we had this christmas tradition in my house where my brother would get up around 6 am and come into my room and we would talk about all the stuff we were going to get, like games and such….and no one could go down stairs until my mom or grandma turned on the tree lights and crap…so like many of the x-e er’s here I waited with my brother at the top of the steps til just the right moment.

Anyone else get those wtf were they thinking gifts? every year without fail, my mom and grandma would come up with one or two insnaely useless gifts for me and my brother. One year we each got a coin sorting bank, or those car cleaning gift sets with the tire foam and turtle wax, or one of them pre wrapped executie toys i think they call them, from walmart…like a desk top dart board or gold putter thingy…weirdest crap you ever saw. Admittedly alot of it came from this place back in the day called Collingswood auction…a fleamarket auction room place where old people and rednecks sat in folding chairs inthis huge warehouse attached to the fleamarket, and this dude bob would call out these items to buy, and set a price and everyone bought one or did’nt…kinda like QVC or Home shopping club only live and with crappy stuff.

Also, I’ve come in recent years to resent the stuff i used to get from my father and former step mom as presents. I just now realized he gave me and my bro shitty stuff just to be spiteful. I mean, this crap was regifted over and over so many times that it was obscene…he never liked paying child support so he figured my mom got alot of money form welfare and my grnadparents, so he didnt have to buy us gifts, even though we now know he had more money than god. He’s a good guy now though, bornagain christian married to someone else and hands out 50 dollar bestbuy gift cards like they are going out of style.

Chestnuts roasted by mandy_Reeves @ 12/10/2006 3:24 AM


My family has several weird little tricks. My older brother is, I swear to God, in possession of an honest to goodness mutant power. He can figure out what’s in a present just by rattling it, providing he hasn’t snooped it out in the first place. Now bear in mind, this is an extremely intelligent man in his 30′s, not a kid. This of course drove me, my older sister, and my sister-in-law absolutely nuts. So we started wrapping pennies and uncooked rice with his gift to screw up the rattle. My two favorites include the year my sister-in-law wrapped an engine mount with his gift, and the year my sister and I wrote a cryptic poem, wrapped it, of course with pennies and rice, and then hid his present (a large collection of European beers) in the dryer. There’s nothing like humor at another person’s expense at 5 in the a.m.

Then there are the variety of creative ways various family members have used to wake me Christmas morning. My older brother once stood a broom on the end of my bed and dropped it so it hit me square between the eyes. What made this even more surreal was that I woke up a split second before the broomstick hit. It didn’t hurt, but it was extremely jarring.

Then there was the year I lived with my paternal grandparents. My cousin Micheal, a year younger than I am, something his mother has yet to forgive me for, put a drinking straw up each of my nostrils and blew. That’s a hell off a way to wake up; sinus headache and the urge to scream. Merry Christmas!

I have a nephew who is only seven years my junior. He has alternately had the family Dalmation (who routinely eats cat poop for fun) come in and lick me awake, or he’ll get musical. The year before last he invented a guitar chord to play in my ear as I slept. Is it any wonder I twitch so violently when in repose?!

I got Brendan back, though. I like to wrap his Christmas presents in about seven layers of differing wrapping paper. Sometimes I’ll scrawl taunting messages on the paper as well, Christmas is fun! :D

Chestnuts roasted by LemonWitch @ 12/10/2006 3:33 AM


To totally derail anything said in this thread, I just wanted to say. IT’S MY BIRTHDAY TODAY!!!!!!!PRAISE ME!!!!!!!!!!

I turned 26 today. I’m gonna go watch mystery science theatre 3000 now.

Chestnuts roasted by Jester @ 12/10/2006 3:35 AM


Happy birthday, Jester! Santa Claus Conquers the Martians would be nicely seasonal.
Just heard “Christmas in the Stars” for the first time. Excellent job on the Jukebox, guys!

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 12/10/2006 4:07 AM


Not my first post here, but I’m sporadic enough that I’m new to you.

I’ve always associated church with donuts because of Christmas, especially donuts in those pink boxes. Holy donuts! It’s almost a Pavlovian association I have between religion and pastries.

My family’s never been very religious, but my mom was raised as a strict Catholic and felt some kind of obligation to instill that into my brother and me. So we literally went to church once a year. I don’t remember if it was exactly on Christmas day, or Eve, or when, but it was for Christmas. We stopped going while I was still single digits in age, so I can only remember it in the sugarhaze of youth.

Oh, there were identical twin nuns at that church. I do remember that. They weren’t very friendly. Maybe they were, I don’t know, but you can’t not be five years old and be afraid of twin nuns. The church was in a strip mall, which I now realize to be somewhat peculiar. And convenient! There was a McDonald’s just across the way.

In addition to consistent religion, my childhood also lacked donuts. I’m not sure why, my parents were not overly health-conscious, but I seriously considered Christmas Mass to be the one time of the year to get donuts. DOUGHHH NUUUTS! Freakin’ ambrosia to a clueless little kid. Almost literally food of the gods. They would have a table of the pink pastry boxes laid out in front of the church. I assume we indulged after mass, because you don’t want your congregation getting sticky fingers all over your pews, y’know. No, don’t make any sticky-fingered jokes here.

I definitely assumed that all churches, if not all religious institutions, laid out boxes of pastries at appropriate times. That’s not a belief that held but I know I believed it. Why else would anyone go to church if not for the donuts? Christmas donuts.

Chestnuts roasted by mr.skeleton @ 12/10/2006 4:33 AM


Matt, aquasaurs rock! If you get that, you will be so pleased.

I have one Christmas memory of opening presents, and then me and my cousins spending the rest of the day fighting over a huge box that something came in. I can still remember the view from inside the thing.

Chestnuts roasted by Candace @ 12/10/2006 4:58 AM


Wow, I’m envious of all of you that have so many great Christmas memories…. I don’t remember much of past Christmases, mainly because they’re never particularly memorable. We usually get together with the extended family and I sit around sulking while everyone talks politics and makes all kinds of prejudice comments. Aside from the early-morning present opening, my Christmases are usually a bust. When I was with my old long-term boyfriend I started going over to his house for Christmas. One year I got him the complete Spy vs Spy, an import Votoms game, and a slew of all kinds of great shit. He got me nothing. His uber-Christian grandmother got me a candlestick set, which I now use for witchcraft.

Chestnuts roasted by Mystie @ 12/10/2006 5:44 AM


Last year it was apparent that my last remaining grandmother was turning senile. She would hand people presents on Christmas morning singing to the tune of “Happy B-Day”, “Merry Christmas to you….Merry Christmas to you….Merry Christmas Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas to you!” I don’t know if that is funny or sad but with my sense of humor I will lean to the funny side. :)

Chestnuts roasted by Bill @ 12/10/2006 12:30 PM


We would always go to my Grandmother’s house for Xmas Eve night. We would eat an AMAZING turkey dinner while the Xmas music played all night in the background. Then we would go into her living room, where she would open all her gifts “while she had company to share it with.” My brother, parents and I would open ONE gift that we brough from home as well as the ones from my Grandmother.

Usually, my parents picked a GOOD gift for us to open Xmas Eve- one that would keep us happy until the next morning when we opened all the rest. The year I was 13, all I wanted was a CD Walkman, so I could listen to music on the bus ride to school (I live in the sticks- the bus ride was almost an hour). My parents WINKED at me as I began to open my gift on Xmas Eve, so I assumed it was my walkman!!

…..It turned out to be AN ELECTRIC LEG RAZOR! Which I opened in horror and embarrassment. Dad turns to Mom and goes “That wasn’t it! Oh no!” Then my Grandma goes “What do you need THAT for?? You shouldn’t be shaving your legs!” Then my little brother says, “You shave your legs? Ewwww!” And I am struggling not to cry.

When we got home that night, they found the correct gift, and I opened the CD Walkman after all. That was the only year I opened TWO gifts on Xmas Eve.

Chestnuts roasted by Muppet Baby @ 12/10/2006 12:43 PM


New Topic!! When did you first find out that santa was’nt real?

For me it was in 5th or 6th grade…I remember going to sleep on christmas eve and being woken up at like 12:30 in the morning to the hushed whispers and curses of my mom and grandma and grandpa…they apparently were putting out the presents and someone had tripped and made a commotion…”god dammit now they’re gonna wake up ! sonofabitch!”

I also remember the one year when I really thought santa existed…it was christmas of 85…and i badly wanted the my little pony babies preschool playhouse thinga ma bob…it was pricey for 1985 standards though…like 60 bucks. Anyways, there was this litle kid in the neighborhood who everyone thought was gross, and I invited him over to play with me and some friends, we had these little mcdonalds cars that drove when you pulled them back and let them go. I was scheming and thingking santa would get me my pony house if he saw me playing with this kid and being nice. It worked!

Chestnuts roasted by mandy_Reeves @ 12/10/2006 12:56 PM


This one comes from my girlfriend:
When we were little every Christmas eve my little sister and I slepted in the same bed together because we were too excited, staying up late and talking. I was always the first to get tired but she kept talking and annoying me. While her mad ramblings carried on I noticed that the closet door was open a little and began to weave an evil tale.

I told her that she better stop being mean and bratty because tonight was the night Buchka the evil elf from the south pole comes out to claim bad children. Unlike Santa who came down chimies Buchka comes out of open closet doors and hers just happened to be open.

She told me to shut up and started to get up to close the door. I yelled with much urgency “YOU BETTER NOT DO THAT! He or one of his evil elves may be in there listening right now.” She was claiming to not believe me but you could see the fear in her eyes. I told her that if she read the news paper every Christmas morning you will see that hundreds of children go missing every Christmas Eve. I told her that assuming she cleans up her act tonight and escapes capture I’d show her in the morning the missing children cases in the paper.

Once she started crying as if death’s hand was upon her and saying she was going to scream for mom I came clean and told her it wasn’t true and hugged her.

Chestnuts roasted by Thejyav @ 12/10/2006 1:12 PM


Trish – haha! We have a rule of not moving the bear on the 24th until late Christmas Eve. Him finding Christmas early Christmas Eve morning just doesn’t seem right.

Chestnuts roasted by Jeff Mack @ 12/10/2006 1:43 PM


Did anyone read the see the Peanuts Christmas Tree joke in this morning Foxtrot comic strip. Hilarious.

I’m just like Mystie is that I got small memories of Christmas because they’re not that memorable. But I do have a couple.

1.) I wanted the Ghostbusters Ghost Trap one year. I got the proton pack instead with a note from Santa Claus on it saying the elves were too busy and couldn’t get around to making one for me. I didn’t mind, of course.

2.) One year, we were at my great grandmothers house and Santa Claus stopped by to give gifts to all the kids in the family. Santa had my grandpa’s eyes and even glasses, so I thought it was him. The problem? Grandpa was sitting right behind him, so it couldn’t be him. I still don’t know who he was even today.

Chestnuts roasted by JLAJRC @ 12/10/2006 2:14 PM


What are you saying mandy_Reeves?! Santa’s real!! NORAD proves it every year!

Chestnuts roasted by Invader Norbert @ 12/10/2006 3:12 PM


Man guys, I love these stories! I was an only child, and my cousins were all older than me, so I didn’t have as exciting Christmases as I wanted.

One odd memory I have would be the time my Grandma and Uncle came to my house for Christmas. I guess in the middle of the night my Uncle was having a nick fit. He decided to light up his cigarette underneath a smoke detector. I remember waking up to the loud beeping and my Dad yelling at me to wake up and get out of the house! After everyone got out of bed we decided to just open the gifts.

I think I have already told this story last year?

Chestnuts roasted by IHAQ @ 12/10/2006 3:40 PM


OK, Matt. What the heck kind of Playmobil set did Tigerboy come from anyway?

Chestnuts roasted by A Lurker Who is Wracked with Curiosity @ 12/10/2006 3:45 PM


And Matt, do you get a lot of odd looks from the cashiers at Toys R Us when you buy all that Playmobil stuff or do you do your toy shopping online?

Chestnuts roasted by Kev @ 12/10/2006 3:52 PM


Ooo! Stories about Santa! Okay, first off, one of my favorite stories from when I was little: My parents had signed me up for one of those “Have Santa Claus Call Your Child” things. I think I was four, and when the phone rang, my mother said, “Kasi, why don’t you answer it. It might be someone special.” So I picked up the phone and said hello and “Santa” on the other end said something to the effect of “Hello, Kasi! This is Santa Claus! I’m calling to see what you’d like for Christmas this year!” Unfortunately for him, the guy sounded EXACTLY like my Uncle Gary, so I turned to my mom and said, “It’s nobody special, it’s just Uncle Gary.” “Santa” spent the rest of our conversation trying to convince me that he really was Santa and not my uncle and I spent the whole time thinking I was telling my uncle what to get me for Christmas. When Christmas came and my real uncle didn’t get me what I had asked “him” for, I berated him in front of the whole family.

I literally believed in Santa Claus until I was eight years old. I pretended to believe in him until I was eleven because I was afraid that if I admitted I didn’t believe, I wouldn’t get any presents.

I don’t remember what actually made me stop believing, but I do remember being devastated by it and crying myself to sleep a lot… and then reasoning that Santa was more of a Christmas spirit than an actual person.

Chestnuts roasted by Special K @ 12/10/2006 3:53 PM


I remember the Christmas I was shopping at Kay-Bee’s for my boys and found original Star Wars figures marked down to 99 cents. I loaded up – the boys got a huge box filled with Luke, Leia, Chewie, Han, Darth Vader, R2D2, C3PO, Luke’s vehicle that he sold, a speeder bike, some assorted storm troopers, a bunch of different Ewoks – PLUS the ENTIRE cantina band – and more that I can’t remember. We still have some of the figures, but R2 and C3PO somehow walked off in the pocket of one of their more dishonest friends after he came over to play.

My ex (their father) thought I was wasting money. He thought spending money on HeMan toys was a waste, too. Guy had no imagination whatsoever.

Anyway…that was a great Christmas. The boys were about 7 and 4 at the time, and they were stoked when they tore that box open! Those are the times when parents don’t care if they get any presents; just seeing the reaction of their kids is enough. Sniff.

Chestnuts roasted by Trish @ 12/10/2006 3:54 PM


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