The Advent Calendar has been updated for December 9th. (And the 8th, too, if you weren't around last night.) Happy ADST & SNT!
As usual, I've been picking up every "special holiday edition" candy I can find, and I've noticed a severe upswing in the "shit flavored like candy canes" department. With so many of the candy cane varieties out now being patterned after Sprees and Starburst, it's nice to see that some companies remember that the holidays are supposed to taste like peppermint...even if we would prefer that they tasted like blastin' berry cherry.
Hubba Bubba's Bubble Tape redecorates for the season with a new "Holiday Stripe" offshoot. Don't be misled: Even the package says it's candy cane flavored. It's also not very striped - I'd consider this one more of a "Holiday Powdered" affair. Kind of tastes like an unflavored gum base lightly dusted with peppermint powder, and no, that's not the greatest thing in the world, but it's not the worst thing, either. There's no difference in the gum color or flavor between the red and green packages -- they just wanted to give good Christians their choice between Jesus's favorite colors.
Similarly marketed are new Candy Cane Pop Rocks, enabling us to "taste the explosion" and celebrate Christmas simultaneously. I'll say this: They're the most unique Pop Rocks I've ever tasted. The candy consists of red and white bits, crumbled into large enough chunks to make me feel that I'm actually gobbling up a real, smashed up candy cane. They taste like they should taste, so anyone's opinion of the stuff is contingent on how much they like candy canes.
I thought I'd have more to say about candy cane flavored candy, or that I'd at least use the phrase "candy cane flavored candy" enough times to make this blurb seem bigger, but I think it's done. Instead, survey time!
Survey Sez: Let's discuss some of our holiday memories, but since we've done similar/exact surveys before, let's stick to the weirder, more obscure ones that don't immediately spring to mind when the question is posed.
I'll start. Like I've mentioned before, my family really celebrates Christmas on Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day has rarely meant much to me. (Most of the time it's depressing, because the party's more or less over.) As a kid, I took advantage of this fact by spending most Christmas Days at my best friend/closeby neighbor's house. They didn't do jack on the Eve, but the place was hot hot hot on Christmas Day. Our families were good friends but were nonetheless very different from each other, and I loved seeing the completely alien ways in which they'd boogie down. Like, everyone played pinochle, and people actually sung Christmas songs. My family only did stuff like that if it was a comedic setup to make fun of pinochle and caroling.
They were very eclectic. They had really crappy Christmas decorations, but crappy in an awesome way, and they were everywhere. Like, they'd hang a 20' Budwesier Christmas Clydesdales subway poster on their living room wall without a trace of irony or gag. They'd look at old photo albums and watch home movies. There was a wholesomeness to it all that was really attractive; not that my family was lousy at being a family, but we were better at just having fun. My favorite memory of going over their house for Christmases past? The After Eight course.
At 8:01 PM on the nose, my friend's mother would waltz out to the dining room table with this huge plate of After Eight mint candies. Everyone made such a big deal about it. "It's after eight o'clock! It's after eight o'clock! Time for dem mints!" I loved it.
I always made sure to go home early, lest I still be there when any of their family decided to leave, putting me in the awkward position of having to kiss people goodbye when I didn't really know them and when they didn't really know me. I may say hi to strangers more during Christmastime, but fuck that weird old lady if she thinks she's getting her cheek pecked just because we're sharing a party.
Then I'd go home, eat leftovers and assemble all of my gifts on the bed, soaking in their brilliance and making sure their sum mass was more impressive than anything I'd seen on my friend's bed hours earlier. It usually worked out that way, because I was a spoiled brat.
Incidentally, I put up an Amazon Wishlist, because shamelessness is the next big thing for '07.
Posted by Matt on 12/09/2006. E-mail me!
Chestnuts roasted by 
I remember the smell of presents in the living room at 5 in the morning most of all. I know that sounds weird. I don’t know if its the wrapping paper or the scotch tape.