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The Worst Darth Vader Action Figure Ever.

It wasn't long ago that I reported on the coolest holiday snow globe ever, featuring Darth Vader in the midst of building the Death Star out of snow. I've since gotten many e-mails from Vader-loving readers wanting to know where to buy such a thing (try Target), and everything told, all signs pointed to Darth Vader owning the 2006 holiday season.

But for every victory, there is a new challenge. The Darth Vader snow globe rocked our socks, but the most recent Darth Vader action figure is doing something...other than rocking our socks.

First, a little exposition: When Hasbro/Kenner relaunched the Star Wars action figure line in 1995, they couldn't have been prepared for the amount of success this new collection would have. Well, they adapted quick. Even with the wealth of characters found in the six "official" Star Wars movies, they needed more.

So, we got Luke in fifty different outfits. We got Clone Troopers in sixty different outfits. We got Yodas with snakes, with robes, in battle poses, in meditation poses, glowing and not glowing, with tufts of hair and without tufts of hair. There's something to be said for having a favorite Star Wars character and knowing that said character comes in at least thirty-seven different action figure varieties.

But this Vader? He's too much.

We've seen a lot of Darth Vader figures. We've gotten him "proper." We've gotten him as-seen in the original and prequel trilogies. We even got him sans-mask, with that weird old dude burny face that looked a bit like a fluid-injected lemon cookie. And now, we have this...

Yes, it's Darth Vader, being attacked by Silly String! Actually, this ill-executed attempt is meant to portray Vader as he was catching stray lightning bolts while chucking Emperor Palpatine down the Death Star's conveniently placed bottomless shaft. And here I thought that molding the fat guy who cried when the Rancor died was as low as it'd get.

The web of "lightning" is removable, leaving you with what appears to be a pile of tangled, purple, action figure scale jockstraps. As a kid who grew up always counting on a good ol' Darth Vader figure with telescoping lightsaber and chewable plastic cape to get me through the days no matter how bad they were, it's sad to see the Dark Lord reduced to material for sarcastic blog entries.

Posted by Matt on 12/04/2006. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 71 comments

Sounds devastating….I just wish the stupid pictures would load.

“leaving you with what appears to be a pile of tangled, purple, action figure scale jockstraps”….thanks for that, I needed a laugh!

Chestnuts roasted by MissJess @ 12/04/2006 5:19 PM

Is it just me, or is one of his arms BLUE.

I saw this the other day at TRU and thought WTF? I’m glad I got out of buying the SW figs around the time Episode 1 came out, because there is NO WAY my wallet would be able to sustain all the crap Hasbro has put out. HOW MANY TIMES can they re-use that good-old Falcon mold? Seriously, at least when Lego re-released the Falcon, it was a new model.

I feel sorry for any kid that gets that figure for Christmas…

Chestnuts roasted by Cameron T. @ 12/04/2006 5:25 PM

Just keep hitting F5.

Aaaaaaand….I have nothing to talk about, except that season 2 of both Animaniacs & Pinky & The Brain come out tomorrow.

Chestnuts roasted by Invader Norbert (Mr. 2nd) @ 12/04/2006 5:26 PM

His arms are blue, but that’s okay — that’s acceptable battle damage. Purple webbing is not acceptable battle damage.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 12/04/2006 5:31 PM

Shouldn’t he be missing a hand?

Chestnuts roasted by moran @ 12/04/2006 5:36 PM

I think the idea is kind of neat, but seems like they should have thrown in a Palpatine figure gratis. Maybe to make a diorama or something like that, of Vader mid-emperor chuck.

Chestnuts roasted by LemonWitch @ 12/04/2006 5:37 PM

Mmmm… purple gummy candy!

Chestnuts roasted by Mystie @ 12/04/2006 5:43 PM

Well, with the exception of the blue spooge, it looks like a perfectly acceptable Vader figure. And if the spooge is removable, I don’t see what the big problem is.

Chestnuts roasted by Jeff @ 12/04/2006 5:49 PM

I always felt really bad for the guy crying when the Rancor died. My cousin owned the figure, it was the Rancor’s trainer/master/lover/whatever… as opposed to a random crier… I dunno.

Chestnuts roasted by Mr. Boligarky @ 12/04/2006 6:02 PM

damn, that is definetly the wooooorst Vader figure ive ever seen.
and, as im writing this im watching hitchikers guide to the galaxy, im really impressed, who wrote this book??
and if anybody loves me on this fine blog of ours, buy me a marvin the robot toy for xmas!!
ill love you forever!!!!!!!!!!!!
todays advent-ture(haha i love that) was incredible!!!
mares mom is gonna fuck kuse’s shit up!!

later cats!
El-Josh-O
BTW: i finally got around to christmasizing my myspace page, but it looks weeeeird, its half the normal size, can anyone help me out with finding a new normal sized one?? im lookin in your direction special k!! or knacks if he does indeed read the blog.

Chestnuts roasted by JoshC @ 12/04/2006 6:06 PM

This would be a lot better if Vader had a see through mask with an electrocuted skull face. Then maybe blue electric nets would be acceptable.

Chestnuts roasted by Bill @ 12/04/2006 6:10 PM

Sorry for the double post but that blue electro-net looks sadly appetizing. If I was 5 I might be endanger of eating it. I need to go buy some Fun Fruits.

Chestnuts roasted by Anonymous @ 12/04/2006 6:17 PM

Sorry for the double post but that blue electo-net looks sadly appetizing. If I was 5 I might be endanger of eating it. I need to go buy some Fun Fruits.

Chestnuts roasted by Bill @ 12/04/2006 6:19 PM

hahaha! it’s like a real ghostbusters/star wars crossover toy; he’s been slimed!!

Chestnuts roasted by Eddie Lightning Frog @ 12/04/2006 6:45 PM

JoshC- Douglas Adams wrote the book “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” and its four sequels.

Since the purple lightning bolts look like webbing, perhaps children could use this new Darth Vader to enact battles between Vader and Spider-Man. Since the webbing is purple, however, Spider-Man would have much explaining to do.

Chestnuts roasted by Mike P @ 12/04/2006 6:49 PM

MikeP: thanks man, 4 sequels??????
man, i need to start reading more rad sci-fi!!!
El-Josh-O

Chestnuts roasted by JoshC @ 12/04/2006 7:00 PM

Now a Darth Vader figure that lights up to reveal some kind of skeletal damage would have been really cool. I guess eventually (when they license out every property known to man) we will see ” The Last Dragon” action figures with “The Glow”. Hopefully their purple webbing will…be edible?

Chestnuts roasted by Jerry Horror @ 12/04/2006 7:07 PM

Douglas Adams is probably my favorite writer of all time. JoshC, do me a favor: go to the library and check out the books. Better yet, go to a bookstore. You can get an omnibus edition for like $15. It’s called The Ultimate Hitchhiker’s Guide. While you are at it, pick up the the Dirk Gently series (Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency, and The Long Dark Tea Time of The Soul).

If you like those, then you’d absolutely hate yourself if you didn’t read The Salmon of Doubt. It’s a collection of essays that was published after his death, and it’s an amazing read.

Chestnuts roasted by Jeff @ 12/04/2006 7:07 PM

Not only four books, ther’s the original radio plays, albums, and BBC mini series. If one must draw the line somewhere, stay away from the recent movie. I haven’t seen it, but based on recommendations from HHGTTG die-hards, it’s not that good.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash's babel fish has tourette's @ 12/04/2006 7:13 PM

Have you guys seen the Target Exclusive Star Wars Imperial Shuttle? Holy crap its beautiful. It comes with a Vader and an Imperial Guard, and its very large and very $60.

Chestnuts roasted by Tommy @ 12/04/2006 7:24 PM

My God the Holy grail herself. Thanks Tommy! I’ve wanted that for years. What’s up with Targets’ logo on the box? Has Target bought out Hasbro? That’s strange. I found a light-saber for sale at Borders Books. I can’t imagine walking in for a novel or magazine and leaving with a light-saber.:)

Chestnuts roasted by Bill @ 12/04/2006 7:37 PM

Battle damage? Try DINO-DAMAGE!!.

I still have my Jurassic Park dinosaurs with “dino damage” chunks taken out of their sides. Unfortunately, no purple, dinosaur jock straps were included in that set.

Anyone see the new gigapets? I nearly made my friend buy me the bearded dragon one last night. But instead she got me the Doodle Dino (like the doodlebear…with claws) as a belated birthday present. When I got home I wrote “me grimlock have down’s. Turns out its not just a speech impediment”. I know I’m going to hell.

Chestnuts roasted by brian @ 12/04/2006 7:37 PM

Here’s hoping any NJ X-E’rs dd’nt eat any TacoBell over the weekend. Theres like eleven taco bells from Long Island down to Monmouth county with E-coli outbreaks…30 people are hospitalized. I myself had a cheezy gordita crunch on Friday evening…and yes…i did have the -ahem-galloping trots so to speak…last night and today…its incubation period is 3 to 9 days for E coli…which is 3 days today since i ate there. uh oh

Chestnuts roasted by mandy_Reeves @ 12/04/2006 7:42 PM

Glad I could help Bill. It’s supposed to be a Target exclusive, so that’s whats with the logo. You can get it on Amazon too, for about twice the price. Yeah, if I wouldn’t get yelled at for buying toys I’d have it dangling from my ceiling right now.

Chestnuts roasted by Tommy @ 12/04/2006 7:46 PM

Jeff: thanks dude!! im gonna check them out, seems like a good read, and i really need that, been watching waaaay too much tv since i got digital cable, the scream network!! any canadian horror fanatics know precisely what im talking about!!

Kingklash: a very big thank you to you too man!
I really appreciate it you guys, and as for avoiding the new movie, i liked it, but then again, the movie is the first ive EVER heard of the series, so i absolutly love it for introducing me to it!

And, sorry to ask again, but can someone have a look at my myspace(click my name) and suggest a better site to get a full sized background?? matt, you wouldnt happen to know where Knacks aquired his would’ja???

thanks fella’s

El-Josh-O

Chestnuts roasted by JoshC @ 12/04/2006 8:01 PM

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This entry was posted on Monday, December 4th, 2006 at 5:09 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.