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12/04/2006: The Worst Darth Vader Action Figure Ever.

It wasn't long ago that I reported on the coolest holiday snow globe ever, featuring Darth Vader in the midst of building the Death Star out of snow. I've since gotten many e-mails from Vader-loving readers wanting to know where to buy such a thing (try Target), and everything told, all signs pointed to Darth Vader owning the 2006 holiday season.

But for every victory, there is a new challenge. The Darth Vader snow globe rocked our socks, but the most recent Darth Vader action figure is doing something…other than rocking our socks.

First, a little exposition: When Hasbro/Kenner relaunched the Star Wars action figure line in 1995, they couldn't have been prepared for the amount of success this new collection would have. Well, they adapted quick. Even with the wealth of characters found in the six "official" Star Wars movies, they needed more.

So, we got Luke in fifty different outfits. We got Clone Troopers in sixty different outfits. We got Yodas with snakes, with robes, in battle poses, in meditation poses, glowing and not glowing, with tufts of hair and without tufts of hair. There's something to be said for having a favorite Star Wars character and knowing that said character comes in at least thirty-seven different action figure varieties.

But this Vader? He's too much.

We've seen a lot of Darth Vader figures. We've gotten him "proper." We've gotten him as-seen in the original and prequel trilogies. We even got him sans-mask, with that weird old dude burny face that looked a bit like a fluid-injected lemon cookie. And now, we have this…

Yes, it's Darth Vader, being attacked by Silly String! Actually, this ill-executed attempt is meant to portray Vader as he was catching stray lightning bolts while chucking Emperor Palpatine down the Death Star's conveniently placed bottomless shaft. And here I thought that molding the fat guy who cried when the Rancor died was as low as it'd get.

The web of "lightning" is removable, leaving you with what appears to be a pile of tangled, purple, action figure scale jockstraps. As a kid who grew up always counting on a good ol' Darth Vader figure with telescoping lightsaber and chewable plastic cape to get me through the days no matter how bad they were, it's sad to see the Dark Lord reduced to material for sarcastic blog entries.

"leaving you with what appears to be a pile of tangled, purple, action figure scale jockstraps"….thanks for that, I needed a laugh!

I saw this the other day at TRU and thought WTF? I'm glad I got out of buying the SW figs around the time Episode 1 came out, because there is NO WAY my wallet would be able to sustain all the crap Hasbro has put out. HOW MANY TIMES can they re-use that good-old Falcon mold? Seriously, at least when Lego re-released the Falcon, it was a new model.

Aaaaaaand….I have nothing to talk about, except that season 2 of both Animaniacs & Pinky & The Brain come out tomorrow.

His arms are blue, but that's okay — that's acceptable battle damage. Purple webbing is not acceptable battle damage.

I think the idea is kind of neat, but seems like they should have thrown in a Palpatine figure gratis. Maybe to make a diorama or something like that, of Vader mid-emperor chuck.

Well, with the exception of the blue spooge, it looks like a perfectly acceptable Vader figure. And if the spooge is removable, I don't see what the big problem is.

I always felt really bad for the guy crying when the Rancor died. My cousin owned the figure, it was the Rancor's trainer/master/lover/whatever… as opposed to a random crier… I dunno.

damn, that is definetly the wooooorst Vader figure ive ever seen.
and, as im writing this im watching hitchikers guide to the galaxy, im really impressed, who wrote this book??
and if anybody loves me on this fine blog of ours, buy me a marvin the robot toy for xmas!!
ill love you forever!!!!!!!!!!!!
todays advent-ture(haha i love that) was incredible!!!
mares mom is gonna fuck kuse's shit up!!

later cats!
El-Josh-O
BTW: i finally got around to christmasizing my myspace page, but it looks weeeeird, its half the normal size, can anyone help me out with finding a new normal sized one?? im lookin in your direction special k!! or knacks if he does indeed read the blog.

This would be a lot better if Vader had a see through mask with an electrocuted skull face. Then maybe blue electric nets would be acceptable.

Sorry for the double post but that blue electro-net looks sadly appetizing. If I was 5 I might be endanger of eating it. I need to go buy some Fun Fruits.

Sorry for the double post but that blue electo-net looks sadly appetizing. If I was 5 I might be endanger of eating it. I need to go buy some Fun Fruits.

hahaha! it's like a real ghostbusters/star wars crossover toy; he's been slimed!!

JoshC- Douglas Adams wrote the book "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" and its four sequels.

Since the purple lightning bolts look like webbing, perhaps children could use this new Darth Vader to enact battles between Vader and Spider-Man. Since the webbing is purple, however, Spider-Man would have much explaining to do.

MikeP: thanks man, 4 sequels??????
man, i need to start reading more rad sci-fi!!!
El-Josh-O

Now a Darth Vader figure that lights up to reveal some kind of skeletal damage would have been really cool. I guess eventually (when they license out every property known to man) we will see " The Last Dragon" action figures with "The Glow". Hopefully their purple webbing will…be edible?

Douglas Adams is probably my favorite writer of all time. JoshC, do me a favor: go to the library and check out the books. Better yet, go to a bookstore. You can get an omnibus edition for like $15. It's called The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide. While you are at it, pick up the the Dirk Gently series (Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency, and The Long Dark Tea Time of The Soul).

If you like those, then you'd absolutely hate yourself if you didn't read The Salmon of Doubt. It's a collection of essays that was published after his death, and it's an amazing read.

Not only four books, ther's the original radio plays, albums, and BBC mini series. If one must draw the line somewhere, stay away from the recent movie. I haven't seen it, but based on recommendations from HHGTTG die-hards, it's not that good.

Have you guys seen the Target Exclusive Star Wars Imperial Shuttle? Holy crap its beautiful. It comes with a Vader and an Imperial Guard, and its very large and very $60.

My God the Holy grail herself. Thanks Tommy! I've wanted that for years. What's up with Targets' logo on the box? Has Target bought out Hasbro? That's strange. I found a light-saber for sale at Borders Books. I can't imagine walking in for a novel or magazine and leaving with a light-saber.:)

I still have my Jurassic Park dinosaurs with "dino damage" chunks taken out of their sides. Unfortunately, no purple, dinosaur jock straps were included in that set.

Anyone see the new gigapets? I nearly made my friend buy me the bearded dragon one last night. But instead she got me the Doodle Dino (like the doodlebear…with claws) as a belated birthday present. When I got home I wrote "me grimlock have down's. Turns out its not just a speech impediment". I know I'm going to hell.

Here's hoping any NJ X-E'rs dd'nt eat any TacoBell over the weekend. Theres like eleven taco bells from Long Island down to Monmouth county with E-coli outbreaks…30 people are hospitalized. I myself had a cheezy gordita crunch on Friday evening…and yes…i did have the -ahem-galloping trots so to speak…last night and today…its incubation period is 3 to 9 days for E coli…which is 3 days today since i ate there. uh oh

Glad I could help Bill. It's supposed to be a Target exclusive, so that's whats with the logo. You can get it on Amazon too, for about twice the price. Yeah, if I wouldn't get yelled at for buying toys I'd have it dangling from my ceiling right now.

Jeff: thanks dude!! im gonna check them out, seems like a good read, and i really need that, been watching waaaay too much tv since i got digital cable, the scream network!! any canadian horror fanatics know precisely what im talking about!!

Kingklash: a very big thank you to you too man!
I really appreciate it you guys, and as for avoiding the new movie, i liked it, but then again, the movie is the first ive EVER heard of the series, so i absolutly love it for introducing me to it!

And, sorry to ask again, but can someone have a look at my myspace(click my name) and suggest a better site to get a full sized background?? matt, you wouldnt happen to know where Knacks aquired his would'ja???

JoshC, for your MySpace page, I recomend you skip the layout generators and do it yourself. The CSS is surprisingly easy to learn, and you can actually get a unique page, instead of just looking like every other MySpace page out there. To give you an example of the kinds of things you can do, I have switched my name from playervsfish.com to my Myspace. Click and be amazed.

joshc - I did my own myspace design too (click my name). If you want help, hit me up. I have a saved template that takes all of 3 minutes to change color and borders and such. My email is listed on my website:

That figure isn't too bad. At least the purple lightning is removable. But, he doesn't look so much like "Lightning Head" Darth Vader as he does "Grimace-damaged" Darth Vader. Yeah, that's gross. My apologies.

There is a skeletal Darth Vader that has been out. It has a removable hand. Click my name to see "EMPEROR'S WRATH DARTH VADER".
I saw that figure but who has the energy anymore.

I finally got the movie back from a friend, 3 months late. After I took the time to steal it from Blockbuster.

When I first saw this figure was so happy, his hand was removable reveling some electronic shit! Then I realized that it was just a modded sculpt of Vader that has been used a bazillion times. While Hasbro has come out with some cool figures as of late, super articulated Storm Troopers anyone?, the wealth of re-issued molds almost negates this. The last official wave of the saga collection, before we get smacked with the 30th anniversary collection, will be made up entirely of repaints.

Now I’m an army builder so I’m already spending plenty of money on the descent Death Star Gunners and Endor rebels, I suppose I should be happy that I don’t have to spend even more money on figures because of all of the reissued figures that I already have. Of course even Kenner pulled this crap. Didn’t they re-release every figure and vehicle from every movie on top of the new toys for the originals? I suppose that they didn’t fuck with the originals like Hasbro seems to be doing.

I'm gonna side with everyone else here on the Vader figure. Thank goodness I no longer collect Star Wars action figure on a regular (or even sort-of-regular) basis, because that is just plain silly.

Read the Advent Calender. Nice to see Knacks has a new pal…but let's hope Kuse has luck with Mrs. "Not-Mother" Winningham!

Those who are saying that the figure isn't that bad once you remove the purple stuff: You're right! It's more of a conceptual flub. PS, I suggest looking for the figure on Amazon, because he's got the most hilarious stock pic ever.

On Amazon, Vader looks like he just got slimed and is staggering around, afraid to wipe his eyes. Or eye-windows. I think it's true to character.

Grey's Anatomy is a show I never watch, but did anyone see it last Thursday as I accidentally did? Mare Winningham was on! I keep forgetting to mention her appearance. She was someone's mother.

Matt, that does look pretty bad. It seems Vader has lost some leg girth. He needs to stop relying on the force and do more lunges.

Jessica Marie - I actually did "accidentally" see that Grey's Anatomy, I think my mom was watching it or something, didn't she think her son was screwing every female in the hospital or something? I hated her. I hated her so much.

I am finally in Christmas mode! It started snowing like crazy tonight and it looks so beauiful, I just had to break out Chistmas Vacation! While I was on vacation I found a Tazmanian Devil mug so tonight I had some hot chocolate while I watched my movie.

Hey, I just wanted to congratulate for including "The Twelve Pains Of Cristmas" in your Christmas Jukebox. I remember having a cassette tape with that song on it when I was little, and along with "Twelve Pains" it had a bunch of other Christmas song parodies, including a poem simply titled "A Visit from Jack Nicholas". It's amazing how much of this humor flew straight over my widdle head. So, um, thanks for bring up old memories Matt. I really appreciate. And next Cristmas, put the Jack Nicholas poem on the jukebox plz.

Tomorrow is the Day of the Ninja. It's the only chance us Nonjas have to feel all Ninjy

Ask A Ninja is responsible, yes they are. At the very least grab a black pillowcase and join in. Down with Pirates!

JoshC: thanks. And if you need any help, you can either e-mail me, or myspace message me. although I have to admit, I'm not much of an expert, so I probably couldn't tell you anything a google search couldn't tell you faster.

Oh man! I didn't even know that it coincided with the release of Dead Man's Chest!!!

I have to agree with Jeff, Scrubs = awesome show. I just started watching it recently, but it has quickly become one of my absolute favorite shows.

JoshC, if you're still having problems, message me. Not that I have some spectacular fix-all for you, but we can work on it.

Also, I just realized I have the Hitchiker's Trilogy on my bookshelf and I've never read it… sounds like a Jim Gaffigan joke to me.

Scrubs Fans: Yeah, I love that show, too. I love it even more now that I work in an MRI clinic. I love it even more than that when I'm at work, wearing my scrubs, and someone asks me what my favorite TV show is… yeah, kind of embarassing.

And, lastly, my parents officially believe I am involved in a cult… a cult that requires me to go to eight different stores searching for such treasures as Sierra Mist Cranberry Splash, Christmas Crunch and Playmobil Advent Calendars. I said something about Mare yesterday and she actually asked me, "What does your cult have against Mare Winningham?!"

You think THAT'S bad? Three words: Lava Reflection Vader. A Target exclusive. With good reason.

I have that vader. It sucks. But then again, I do own it, so what does that say about me.

I agree with LemonWitch, This looks like it's supposed to be a Diorama of the classic "You're Not the Boss of Me!" scene with Palpatine in ROTJ…

But I can't even substantiate that, because the Force lightning should come with the Emporer figure, shouldn't it?

Anyways, what kind of toy is a busted-up, assed out Vader anyways? I want my Vader circa Empire Strikes Back: Big, Bad, and In Your Face.

You know, I talked a lot of shit at one point, but I've come around on the Hitchhiker's movie myself. In addition to the HHGTTG, I recommend Last Chance to See for people interested in DNA, especially for animal lovers.

I've only had one Star Wars figure amd that was Darth Vader. I used to put him on a tiny motorcyle and play around, but when I saw the official Motorcycle Vader I was like "what the hell?!" Why do they put every single character on a motorcyle? Spider-man, even the Hulk for Christ sake! Batman makes sense, and even Wolverine, but SPIDER-MAN? He can practically fly! And why would anyone have a motorcyle in the Star Wars universe? It's called a speeder bike (i think) USE IT

mandy — Made a run to the border myself this weekend, down in Monmouth. Gratefully, the guys who run our TB in the ghettos of Neptune actually bought their rat meat from the authorized distro so I'm good. I'm not doing the Pepto dance, so to speak.

As for Darth … I dunno what to say. Seriously. It just looks effin' stoopid. What effin' fan boy thought that was a good idea? No wait, that's an insult to fan boys and they're smarter than to put crap like that out. Had to be designed by some suit. Bad concept, bad execution, I'm sure these will be making an appearance at dollar stores nationwide shortly.

The trick with the figure is that you also need the new lightning blot throwing emperor. You have the emperor hoisted over Vader's head with his lightning bolts intertwined though Vader's head lightning. Then you put a light source behind it and Vader glows from his chest up (especially the arms and head). I have all of the figures and my wife hates them (but she loves Star Wars), however, she said "That actually does look really cool for once". Funny that everyone else hates it.

If that's what they were going for, why didn't they just package the Vader and Emperor figures together?

On a similar note, here's a scene from Star Wars Devilworlds #1 to wash the sucky Vader taste out of your mouth:

I agree this is a lame Vader figure, but dude! Dissin' on the rancor keeper! He's one of those great lame background characters. He also makes a great shepherd in a nativity scene.

I had always wanted a return of the jedi Luke Skywalker figure, one with him wearing the cool black suit and badazz green light saber. However there were never any to be found. then one night I went to KB toys w/ my girlfriend and they had a similar looking figure wearing his odd endor forest poncho and crazy helmet. So, I just bought that figure and removed the helmet and poncho! Guess what, it was the same freaking figure I'd wanted for so long! Plus my girlfriend didn't leave me after I spent money on a star wars action figure! Double bonus!

I work at Target and we are perpetually out of the snowglobes. There's a place on the shelf for them but we never have any.

Don't know if this has been brought up before, but if you like MM&S and StarWars.. then you're in luck! For $3.05 you can buy a Star Wars M-PIRE PLUSH BUDDY CHEWBACCA on Amazon.Com(Yellow MM Dressed like Chewbacca, kindof). Or for less than that, you can get an MM dressed like Leia.. Anyway, would make an interesting stocking stuffer!

Tabby: Nice comic. I'm a supporter of the theory that Star Wars takes place in a parallel universe where everyone is an idiot.

If you think that's a silly idea for a Darth Vader figure,Hasbro is going to be coming out with comic-book two-pack figures based on the old Marvel Comics series,and the Darth Vader in that one will be painted to resemble how he looked in those comics-black with blue highlights.

Not to mention the supposed Concept version of Darth Vader that's in the pipeline for next year,based on Ralph McQuarrie's production sketches.

Has anyone seen the Christmas Darth Vader figure? Or is that just a UK thing? It's basically a Darth Vader figure but all sparkly and red.

Please bring me the Christmas Darth Vader figurine. Also, please tell Matt that I like the Electro-Shock Vader. And that I want one.

I think it's actually called Holiday Darth Vader. I only saw it once in a shop here in England. I just figured Matt would own it already by now. Matt - have you heard of Holiday Vader?

I looked it up after reading about it here; hadn't heard about it before. Hypocritically enough, I like that one lots.

And yes, it's just called "Holiday Darth Vader," making it even more cool.

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This entry was posted on Monday, December 4th, 2006 at 5:09 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.