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12/04/2006: The Worst Darth Vader Action Figure Ever.

It wasn’t long ago that I reported on the coolest holiday snow globe ever, featuring Darth Vader in the midst of building the Death Star out of snow. I’ve since gotten many e-mails from Vader-loving readers wanting to know where to buy such a thing (try Target), and everything told, all signs pointed to Darth Vader owning the 2006 holiday season.

But for every victory, there is a new challenge. The Darth Vader snow globe rocked our socks, but the most recent Darth Vader action figure is doing something…other than rocking our socks.

First, a little exposition: When Hasbro/Kenner relaunched the Star Wars action figure line in 1995, they couldn’t have been prepared for the amount of success this new collection would have. Well, they adapted quick. Even with the wealth of characters found in the six “official” Star Wars movies, they needed more.

So, we got Luke in fifty different outfits. We got Clone Troopers in sixty different outfits. We got Yodas with snakes, with robes, in battle poses, in meditation poses, glowing and not glowing, with tufts of hair and without tufts of hair. There’s something to be said for having a favorite Star Wars character and knowing that said character comes in at least thirty-seven different action figure varieties.

But this Vader? He’s too much.

We’ve seen a lot of Darth Vader figures. We’ve gotten him “proper.” We’ve gotten him as-seen in the original and prequel trilogies. We even got him sans-mask, with that weird old dude burny face that looked a bit like a fluid-injected lemon cookie. And now, we have this…

Yes, it’s Darth Vader, being attacked by Silly String! Actually, this ill-executed attempt is meant to portray Vader as he was catching stray lightning bolts while chucking Emperor Palpatine down the Death Star’s conveniently placed bottomless shaft. And here I thought that molding the fat guy who cried when the Rancor died was as low as it’d get.

The web of “lightning” is removable, leaving you with what appears to be a pile of tangled, purple, action figure scale jockstraps. As a kid who grew up always counting on a good ol’ Darth Vader figure with telescoping lightsaber and chewable plastic cape to get me through the days no matter how bad they were, it’s sad to see the Dark Lord reduced to material for sarcastic blog entries.


Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

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Discussion Thread: 71 comments

You think THAT’S bad? Three words: Lava Reflection Vader. A Target exclusive. With good reason.

http://www.rebelscum.com/ROTS/rots05vaderlavaloose-m.jpg

Ghosted by Kev @ 12/05/2006 1:39 AM EST

I have that vader. It sucks. But then again, I do own it, so what does that say about me.

Ghosted by Pete @ 12/05/2006 1:56 AM EST

I agree with LemonWitch, This looks like it’s supposed to be a Diorama of the classic “You’re Not the Boss of Me!” scene with Palpatine in ROTJ…

But I can’t even substantiate that, because the Force lightning should come with the Emporer figure, shouldn’t it?

Anyways, what kind of toy is a busted-up, assed out Vader anyways? I want my Vader circa Empire Strikes Back: Big, Bad, and In Your Face.

Ghosted by zug @ 12/05/2006 2:05 AM EST

You know, I talked a lot of shit at one point, but I’ve come around on the Hitchhiker’s movie myself. In addition to the HHGTTG, I recommend Last Chance to See for people interested in DNA, especially for animal lovers.

Ghosted by squee4242 @ 12/05/2006 3:46 AM EST

I’ve only had one Star Wars figure amd that was Darth Vader. I used to put him on a tiny motorcyle and play around, but when I saw the official Motorcycle Vader I was like “what the hell?!” Why do they put every single character on a motorcyle? Spider-man, even the Hulk for Christ sake! Batman makes sense, and even Wolverine, but SPIDER-MAN? He can practically fly! And why would anyone have a motorcyle in the Star Wars universe? It’s called a speeder bike (i think) USE IT

Ghosted by Flabslapper @ 12/05/2006 9:31 AM EST

mandy — Made a run to the border myself this weekend, down in Monmouth. Gratefully, the guys who run our TB in the ghettos of Neptune actually bought their rat meat from the authorized distro so I’m good. I’m not doing the Pepto dance, so to speak.

As for Darth … I dunno what to say. Seriously. It just looks effin’ stoopid. What effin’ fan boy thought that was a good idea? No wait, that’s an insult to fan boys and they’re smarter than to put crap like that out. Had to be designed by some suit. Bad concept, bad execution, I’m sure these will be making an appearance at dollar stores nationwide shortly.

Ghosted by LemurCat @ 12/05/2006 10:44 AM EST

The trick with the figure is that you also need the new lightning blot throwing emperor. You have the emperor hoisted over Vader’s head with his lightning bolts intertwined though Vader’s head lightning. Then you put a light source behind it and Vader glows from his chest up (especially the arms and head). I have all of the figures and my wife hates them (but she loves Star Wars), however, she said “That actually does look really cool for once”. Funny that everyone else hates it.

Ghosted by FunkyBooBerry the &0's Ghost @ 12/05/2006 11:02 AM EST

ah, the telescoping lightsaber… They sure don’t make’em like they used to!

Ghosted by Nizzler @ 12/05/2006 12:04 PM EST

If that’s what they were going for, why didn’t they just package the Vader and Emperor figures together?

On a similar note, here’s a scene from Star Wars Devilworlds #1 to wash the sucky Vader taste out of your mouth:

http://community.livejournal.com/scans_daily/1515318.html#cutid1

Ghosted by TB Tabby @ 12/05/2006 12:13 PM EST

I agree this is a lame Vader figure, but dude! Dissin’ on the rancor keeper! He’s one of those great lame background characters. He also makes a great shepherd in a nativity scene.

Ghosted by j @ 12/05/2006 12:50 PM EST

I had always wanted a return of the jedi Luke Skywalker figure, one with him wearing the cool black suit and badazz green light saber. However there were never any to be found. then one night I went to KB toys w/ my girlfriend and they had a similar looking figure wearing his odd endor forest poncho and crazy helmet. So, I just bought that figure and removed the helmet and poncho! Guess what, it was the same freaking figure I’d wanted for so long! Plus my girlfriend didn’t leave me after I spent money on a star wars action figure! Double bonus!

Ghosted by Lammy742 @ 12/05/2006 1:54 PM EST

I work at Target and we are perpetually out of the snowglobes. There’s a place on the shelf for them but we never have any.

Ghosted by rowdykatie @ 12/05/2006 2:35 PM EST

I find Kenner’s lack of taste disturbing.

Ghosted by Darth Vader @ 12/05/2006 7:01 PM EST

Don’t know if this has been brought up before, but if you like MM&S and StarWars.. then you’re in luck! For $3.05 you can buy a Star Wars M-PIRE PLUSH BUDDY CHEWBACCA on Amazon.Com(Yellow MM Dressed like Chewbacca, kindof). Or for less than that, you can get an MM dressed like Leia.. Anyway, would make an interesting stocking stuffer!

Ghosted by toast @ 12/05/2006 8:42 PM EST

Tabby: Nice comic. I’m a supporter of the theory that Star Wars takes place in a parallel universe where everyone is an idiot.

Ghosted by Kev @ 12/05/2006 10:02 PM EST

If you think that’s a silly idea for a Darth Vader figure,Hasbro is going to be coming out with comic-book two-pack figures based on the old Marvel Comics series,and the Darth Vader in that one will be painted to resemble how he looked in those comics-black with blue highlights.

Not to mention the supposed Concept version of Darth Vader that’s in the pipeline for next year,based on Ralph McQuarrie’s production sketches.

Ghosted by Overlord @ 12/06/2006 1:09 PM EST

Has anyone seen the Christmas Darth Vader figure? Or is that just a UK thing? It’s basically a Darth Vader figure but all sparkly and red.

Ghosted by Ross @ 12/07/2006 5:29 AM EST

Dear lord, or Jesus, or Santa,

Please bring me the Christmas Darth Vader figurine. Also, please tell Matt that I like the Electro-Shock Vader. And that I want one.

Love you so very much,

Alli

Ghosted by Alli @ 12/08/2006 12:59 PM EST

I think it’s actually called Holiday Darth Vader. I only saw it once in a shop here in England. I just figured Matt would own it already by now. Matt – have you heard of Holiday Vader?

Ghosted by Ross @ 12/08/2006 1:28 PM EST

I looked it up after reading about it here; hadn’t heard about it before. Hypocritically enough, I like that one lots. :) And yes, it’s just called “Holiday Darth Vader,” making it even more cool.

Ghosted by Matt @ 12/08/2006 1:54 PM EST

Hum ! Funny one !!! Thanks

I’m a maniac of Star Wars action figures. Good or not !!! I invite you all to my site:

THE STAR WARS COLLECTIBLES KINGDOM
http://www.myfantasyweb.com/starwars/starwars.html

Ghosted by Bookaroo @ 10/25/2009 3:41 PM EST

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This entry was posted on Monday, December 4th, 2006 at 5:09 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.