Well, it’s almost time for the fifth annual X-Entertainment Advent Calendar. I’ve at times tried to write a summary of the entire story, but it never quite pans out — if it seems confusing to me, surely it’d be too confusing for those who haven’t been reading for the PAST FIVE YEARS.
Let me give it a shot: Every year, the Playmobil toy company releases an “Advent Calendar” playset. It contains many things, but it especially contains many living, breathing action figures named Mare Winningham, who bear no strong relation to the real Mare Winningham, but look just like her.
Mares are born evil, but they don’t have to stay that way. After a wild and destructive romp in 2003, teenagers Knacks and Kuse, taken with the legend of Mare, dug up her gruesome remains and used voodoo tricks to resurrect her. Literally born again, this chief Mare (who in reality is just one of many, many Mares — all clones, see) softened and became good friends with her teenage saviors. In 2004, the trio enjoyed sushi and the many fruits of that year’s Advent Calendar, ultimately saving Santa Claus, and by extension, Christmas itself.
Sadly, Mare sacrificed her own life for that good deed — but don’t fret! With a little Christmas magic, the thought-to-be-unrelated Mare that sprung off the 2005 Advent Calendar remembered her roots and fought for the forces of good once more. Now a brunette, Mare and the typically downtrodden Kuse (who was born without facial features and was ultimately given a new face, albeit an ugly, gray, scarred face, from Santa Claus) forged a romantic relationship, and Christmas was saved once more.
And that’s just the tip. There are evil Mares. There are LEGO Advent Calendars. There’s an unscrupulous fellow named “Waiterbot,” who is essentially a talking brain who can commandeer the body of anyone who gets too close to his hollow head. There are new Santa Clauses, year after year, some good, some evil. There’s even a bit player with eight heads all stacked one right on top of the other.
When we last saw our friends, things were good. Mare and Kuse were enjoying their honeymoon period. Knacks got to ride in Santa’s sleigh. Waiterbot and his bride, Waiterbetty, joined forces with the heroes for no readily apparent reason. But, things change quick in Advent Calendarland, and until it’s time, there’s just no telling what trials, what horrors and what mayhem our friends might face.
It all starts December 1st. Know your history by reading the previous installments…
2002 – 2003 – 2004 – 2005
Posted by Matt. E-mail me!
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Can’t wait to get going on this year’s installment. And I cannot believe I have been reading your calendar for 4 years now. Wow.
Wow…sounds almost like what Mel Gibson’s Apocalytpo looks like! I can’t wait to see axe-wielding jungle savages just in time to get me in the Christmas mood!