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The Coffee Stain.

The day started off like it usually does -- I got in a few minutes earlier than most of my coworkers, sat at my computer doing things completely unrelated to work, and sipped coffee. The morning coffee is just about the highlight of everyday for me. A buck and a quarter for a huge cup of steaming heaven from a little cart right out on the street. It's a daily happening and a damn good one. I sipped and sipped, happy as anyone who just got into work could reasonably be. When the day officially began, I walked over to a colleague's desk to discuss a project.

That's when it happened. As I was pleading my case, I noticed that she wasn't exactly "hearing" me. Finally, I paused and gave her the "WHAT" look. She pointed at my shirt, and my day was ruined.


Yep, the ol' sneaky coffee spill trick. Tough to see in the picture, but somehow, enough coffee dripped from my cup to leave my bright gray sweatshirt with an even brighter yellow stain somewhere in the realm of half an inch thick and eight inches long. Our office sweats under fluorescent white lights. There was no hiding this. It was there, and despite my feeble attempts to drown it out with water (leading to the need to sit still at my desk for a full thirty minutes, because on top of the coffee stain, now half my shirt was drenched), it was going to stay there, all day long.

My office is very large, filled with many people that I don't work with on a daily basis, if even ever at all. But most of the workers are really polite, and it's not uncommon to hi/bye someone that you've never actually spoken to before. I hi/byed at least a dozen veritable strangers today, and every single one of them couldn't take their eyes off this stain. Whenever I rode the elevator down for a smoke, all eyes were on that stain. Everywhere I went, eyes drooped down. It's amazing how a half a second's worth of a coffee mishap can cause eight hours of unflinching torture, but that's the way the world works, and tomorrow, I'm bringing a spare shirt into the office...just in case.

Posted by Matt on 11/15/2006. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 145 comments

Dude. ShoutWipes. Keep a case of them in your desk. As a person who’s boobs seem to have a gravitational pull of their own that attracts my morning coffee, my breakfast, my lunch and occasionally OTHER people’s coffee, Shout Wipes are the only thing that keep me from looking like a very tall blonde real-life version of pigpen on a daily basis. And they WILL take out coffee reasonably well, though big stains MAY take two.

Chestnuts roasted by Adrienne @ 11/16/2006 1:46 PM


About two years ago I had mutliple incidents with coffee spillage over the span of 2 weeks. Like most of us normally do, I would have my coffee in the morning and read the net while i pretended to work and look busy. Except for one major variation. COFFEE WOULD SPILL OVER MY ENTIRE BODY NO MATTER WHERE SAID COFFEE WAS PLACED!!! When asked what happened, I would use the water spillage excuse even though water does not stain khaki pants brown. After my third incident I switched my response to ” I must have pissed/crapped my pants again!” out of pure aggravation.
I too swore to bring in a change of clothes for emergencies such as this, but I never did.
And neither will you MATT!
Its one of those things that you immediately forget about from the time you leave work to the moment you walk back into work
the next day.

Chestnuts roasted by Bad Robot @ 11/16/2006 2:30 PM


Mmmmmmmmm…..boobs with their own gravitational pull….

Ok Seriously, what is up with Jin Yan? Is it supposed to be funny or does he/she really talk like that….?

Virtual Console need Actraiser from the SNES.

That and Alex Kidd in Miracle World from the Master System

Chestnuts roasted by Darth Galvatron @ 11/16/2006 2:42 PM


This the feeling of regrettable of type of thing where strange or I my first language are not the English of the translator use. The people desire the people who try the fact which in order to understand I can say because of me. I desire the fact which you can understand.

Chestnuts roasted by Jin Yan @ 11/16/2006 2:54 PM


My guess is that Jin Yan is suffering from what I like to call AltaVista speech, for the sole purpose of absolving the Babel Fish. It’s not Babel Fishes fault, it’s the program foolish humans named after it.

Anyway, AltaVista speech pops up frequently over at FFHybrid for obvious reasons. I have suffered from it myself. Just head over there and translate something into the language of your choice. Then translate it back. It will be godawful. Here’s a real example I’m going to do right now:

1. I got spray cheese on my pants
2. Conseguí el queso del aerosol en mis pantalones
3. I obtained the cheese of the aerosol in my trousers

I did not doctor that. Try that exact phrase yourself.

Chestnuts roasted by K- @ 11/16/2006 2:57 PM


Jin Yan: Welcome to the blog! Don’t worry, we can understand the jist (basics) of what you are talking about. Keep trying the translator and you can continue learning.

Chestnuts roasted by Phil G. @ 11/16/2006 3:03 PM


It is that. As for K you appreciate. That is the problem which I possess exactly. In regard to the English I which is known way it translates a little, because of Babelfish how me you can comment, this, I is because it has the fact that this it is.

Chestnuts roasted by Jin Yan @ 11/16/2006 3:03 PM


I reccomend a new translating tool man (even though this one is hilarious)
You can find one here:
http://www.freetranslation.com/free/

This tool is great. Try typing any old sentence, then translating it back and forth from different languages. There is no end to the broken-English fun to be had.

The nintendo game I would love to play again is MANIAC MANSION. It is almost impossible to find in its original cartrige form, but is a nice play as a ROM.

Chestnuts roasted by Old E @ 11/16/2006 3:09 PM


does anybody remember a christmas cartoon with a family where the father makes clocks and makes one for when santa comes (or something like that) and then there’s also a mouse family and the teenaged boy mouse breaks the clock? i know it sounds insane, but i watched it every year when i was little and i was wondering if it’s available on dvd now, but i have no idea what’s it called. if anyone could help me out, i’d really appreciate it.

Chestnuts roasted by erin @ 11/16/2006 3:31 PM


“Hey, there’s a stain on your shirt.”
“That’s nothing compared to the stain on my soul.”

The Babel fish is small, yellow and leechlike, and probably the oddest thing in the Universe.- from Hitchiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

A number of humour sites have sprung up that use the Babel Fish service to translate back and forth between one or more languages (a so-called round-trip translation), generally with amusing results.- from Wikipedia

Mmmm…. fish.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 11/16/2006 3:43 PM


Jin Yan

I apologize if I offended. Didn’t know Babelfish was that bad of translator. Your posts look like alot of the Spam that gets filtered here at work.

I actually undertood what you were getting at (most of it anyway), but I thought you were doing it on purpose.

If you have a problem expressing anything, ask. I’m sure any of us will be willing to help out and get your point across.

Chestnuts roasted by Darth Galvatron @ 11/16/2006 4:19 PM


Erin – You are looking for “‘Twas the Night Before Christmas.”

http://www.amazon.com/Night-Before-Christmas-Patricia-Bright/dp/6301760387

Chestnuts roasted by Kryptonian Scion @ 11/16/2006 4:23 PM


kryptonian scion –

sweet jesus! thank you sooo much…finally an end to my sleepless nights! i can’t believe it had such a simple title and i couldn’t remember it. anyways, thank you very much!

Chestnuts roasted by erin @ 11/16/2006 4:35 PM


TTNBC is one of my favorites. On the old broadcast television Christmas special nights, as I recall, it rotated between the “last call” 9:30 PM slot and the “alternate night” when they weren’t showing Charlie Brown. It was never the one I really looked forward to, but once it came on, hooooooooray.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 11/16/2006 4:45 PM


Is that the one with the kid who has buck teeth?

Chestnuts roasted by Bill @ 11/16/2006 4:53 PM


While wearing black is great to hide most stains, I find that when it comes to hair and fuzz (pet hair especially) it magnifies it by 1000. They’re hard to clean too because of that.

Chestnuts roasted by JLAJRC @ 11/16/2006 5:34 PM


Yes, the kids have buck teeth in TTNBC. That was one that I kinda liked as a kid but I find it much sweeter now that I am older(That was a lame sentence BUT I DON’T CARE! I AM FULL OF CHRISTMAS CHEER!! YOU CAN’T BRING ME DOWN!!)

Chestnuts roasted by The Manimal @ 11/16/2006 5:37 PM


I love the episode of TV Funhouse where all the puppets were snorting Christmas Cheer and getting inebriated. Robet Smigel is the man.

Chestnuts roasted by Old E @ 11/16/2006 6:48 PM


^ everybody needs a little snow!

Chestnuts roasted by drbong @ 11/16/2006 7:14 PM


Invader Norbert- I’m glad to hear someone else not only watched the first one, but has seen a 2nd version I didn’t even know existed. And I meant to say this before, but a live action Year Without A Santa Claus? I’m still trying to wrap my brain around that. Starring John Goodman and Ethan Suplee? I’m guessing it’s a trainwreck, and I’ll more than likely watch.

Chestnuts roasted by canoesforshoes @ 11/16/2006 7:56 PM


I think the real question is why were you wearing a light gray sweatshirt to work? Second, why not just remove said sweatshirt after the staining occurred?

Chestnuts roasted by Chaz @ 11/16/2006 7:58 PM


Apparently he was ONLY wearing the sweatshirt. Either that, or he was wering one of the womans t shirts underneath as an undershirt like I somethimes do. I had a mishap one day with a burn hole at work. I had to sit at my cube in a T-shirt with the words “girl power” on it for about an hour until a friend brought me a shirt.

Chestnuts roasted by Old E @ 11/16/2006 8:58 PM


Way to support the cause, Old E. Was it pink?

Chestnuts roasted by Jessica Marie @ 11/16/2006 9:12 PM


yet again, you amuse me.
immensely.
i laughed appreciatively several times reading that.
ah, man. great.

Chestnuts roasted by Jahme @ 11/16/2006 9:16 PM


haha girl power that’s crazy

somewhere there’s a tv writer jotting down notes

Chestnuts roasted by drbong @ 11/16/2006 9:49 PM


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