So let me kick this off by telling you what I’m not doing.

I’m not watching a free showing of Dead Man’s Chest with all of my friends plus several hundred other college students, and I’m not enjoying the twenty-five cent concessions offered there.

This is because I spent the last seven hours at what was supposed to be a five hour shift at a second job I’ve been forced to take at Hasting’s, during the busiest shift of the busiest day of the week in movie rental retail hell. I was asked to come in early to help with a rush, which turned into a lull by the time I’d kicked my friends out of the apartment, gotten my serf collar on, and driven across town. I was kept late because my register came up forty bucks short, and the Hastings policy is to discourage theft by long, drawn out, humiliating auditing sessions at the end of every shift.

So after I finally escaped, I was going to drive to campus and drop in on the last hour of the movie, maybe arrange something with my friends afterwards. I knew where they were sitting, after all.

Turns out they lock the auditorium door after an hour or so.

So I come back to the apartment and got pretty enthusiastic about making a grilled cheese sandwich. Seeing as how it’s the first food I’ve had since noon, it seems like a pretty good thing. Of course, due to some grave miscalculation involving time and temperature, I manage to burn one side of my sandwich black.

So I’m sitting here with my scorched, carbon-bitter sandwich that will not scrape no matter how furiously I wield my butter knife of vengeance. If my outlook on life were to be summed up in a photograph, it would be a fuzzy, badly-rendered daguerreotype which has been sitting outside in the rain all afternoon on lumpy pavement, depicting a toddler in a second-hand sailor suit who is crying because he has just fallen down, skinning his knee and dropping his ice cream cone over the aft railing of the Hindenberg.

So I come to XE for the first time in many weeks, hoping to draw some form of raw joy from this font of zany good-natured fun, and I find this rather distressing blog post.

So thank god for that peculiarly human shift in perspective that kicks in at times like these, allowing you to see yourself as you must look from outside, protuding lower lip, burnt sandwich, dinged-up dignity and all…and grin uncontrollably until your cheeks cramp up.

So Matt, if you’re having a rotten day too, try and go for that feeling. It’s kind of nice.

Chestnuts roasted by Jedoc @ 10/27/2006 11:53 PM

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Wow. I am actually concerned here. I hope everything is ok Matt. This is the one place where everyone gets along. And this site has the uncanny ability to make me remember some of the things I have forgotten. So Matt, for what it is worth…thanks.

Chestnuts roasted by 9LINE @ 10/28/2006 12:08 AM

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hey matt. i know what it’s like. but things will get better.

Chestnuts roasted by matty @ 10/28/2006 12:09 AM

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its the worst, an odd sinking feeling in your gut and a pain that is impossible to ever explain to anyone. You finally think the worlds done fucking you, but you were wrong. Plus this time the world decided it wasnt going to use vaseline. So you sink, and you just keep sinking. You’re tired of the bullshit but it will get better eventually. right?

Chestnuts roasted by semaj @ 10/28/2006 1:05 AM

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TIME FOR AN UPDATE MOTHA FUCKAAAA

Chestnuts roasted by Count Chocula @ 10/28/2006 1:13 AM

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Feel better, Matt!

Chestnuts roasted by Spoodles @ 10/28/2006 1:32 AM

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Look at this community you’ve created Matt! We all wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you.

Chestnuts roasted by Tommy @ 10/28/2006 2:04 AM

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long time reader, first time writer.

its ok dude, just take your time.

Chestnuts roasted by paolo @ 10/28/2006 2:25 AM

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Whoa, sorry about that up there.
What I meant to say was, we love you, Matt! I hope that things are okay- don’t worry about us, we’ll still be here. Feel better!

(The blog hates me- every 15 seconds, my butt. Sorry if you get this multiple times. I don’t know what is going on.)

Chestnuts roasted by Rainbowfeet @ 10/28/2006 2:36 AM

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I heart XE and Matt. about the third time I’ve posted here.

back to best costume you’ve never had: for the life of me, I can’t understand why I’ve never been a Ghostbuster. the Real Ghostbusters is undoubtedly my favorite cartoon ever, one of my favorite shows, and a major part of my entire childhood. GB is my favorite movie, and I gather up anything GB I can. but never been a ghostbuster. and I’m not paying the $40 for the cheap ass costume with the (admittedly cool) blow up proton pack. can’t bring myself to pay that for the cheapest material pantssuit ever. but yes, all hail Ghostbusters, but more importnantly XE and Matt

Chestnuts roasted by dang lad - the second danimal @ 10/28/2006 3:11 AM

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mallrat, those Bravo countdowns are always lame even compared to other crappy countdowns. During the “funniest moments” special, it was blatantly obvious that they were just using whatever bits they could license on the cheap. I’d imagine they did the same for the scary moments.
I was big into mermaids as a kid, but I never was one for Halloween. No clue why…never was Alice either, though I was Pippi Longstockings at least twice.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 10/28/2006 5:23 AM

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ha jaws number one scary movie, that’s crazy.. yo this nite fuckin sucked! i fuckin dropped my psp right on the power button and now it won’t come on.. and my ex texted me for 45 minutes just to tell me she was goin to some party.. BITCH!

Chestnuts roasted by drbong @ 10/28/2006 8:08 AM

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