
Someone bought-and-brought McDonald’s in for lunch at work today, and her cup marked a special day: The return of the McDonald’s Monopoly game, which I will never ever win but will continue to play anyway, for all of time! I’m pretty sure everyone in the country knows someone who knows someone who swears they found “Boardwalk” and lost it under suspicious circumstances; me, I’m happy just putting little avenue piece stickers on a paper Monopoly board and hoping for an instant win free sundae piece that I will never actually cash in.
There are forty-thousand McDonald’s restaurants within walking distance from my office, and another two or three at home. People shouldn’t eat Big Macs every night, but there’s nothing stopping me from making sure every ounce of soda I drink for the next few weeks comes from a Monopoly-laden McDonald’s cup.

I’ve talked about the constant dread I experience in regard to the woman asking me to take her to…the craft store. It’s a little easier around the holidays, because craft stores know the holidays. I’m actually finding a lot of cool stuff at ‘em this year. Previously, it was all about stupid scarecrow door wreaths and pumpkin-themed scrapbook kits, but this year, I’m finding stuff like “Bat Organs” party favors. BAT ORGANS!

The packaging is kind of boring and kind of sucks, but since it includes the term “BAT ORGANS” in large text, I’m not sure I need anything else. The set consists of four gooey “bat brains,” which are such unbelievably perfect little gooey brains that I am now 100% positive that my destiny is to create a homemade Krang and write up a DIY guide afterwards. These things are just awesome, and CHEAP! Even more amazing is that the so-called “bat brains” are clearly too large to be the brains of any existing bat. They’re bigger than most bat heads. I love them!
New on the Halloween Countdown: My Little Pony.
PS, think I can sue McD’s if they give me two Baltic Avenues on one Coke?

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No pictures of the tiny ears?
Agreed. I had the same thought as I read the article.