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09/19/2006: New Halloween Candy For 2006!


Today on the Halloween Countdown, iiiiit’s candy! Six all new candies for the 2006 Halloween season, reviewed, right here. Article includes everything from Pop Rocks to Kellogg’s Twistables, to chocolate-stuffed cardboard coffins that yelp at you. I hope your life finds new meaning by reading it.

I’ve been noticing that it’s actually getting dark by the time I get home from work now, which on one hand makes me psychosomatically believe that I’m getting less free time than I used to, but really just means that we’re autumn-bound and clam-happy. I just put myself in the mood. If I get off the computer now, there’s just enough time to plop on the couch with a laptop in my crotch and a Land of the Dead DVD inside it. The computer I mean. Not the crotch. Goodnight.


Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

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Discussion Thread: 68 comments

Jester, that’s the best job story I’ve ever heard. Now you can spend that extra money at Wal-Mart and witness more frightened children.

Ghosted by Jessica Marie @ 09/20/2006 1:25 PM EDT

Frederick: I’ll go with Halloween. I love Elm Street as much as the nexy guy, I own the whole set, but Halloween has a more distinct horror vibe. Though Elm Street has that great “ceiling dragging” scene going for it. Still, I vote Halloween, it doesn’t go for as much humor, the score is top notch, and Myers is extra creepy with the white mask and “silent stalker” routine.

If I may throw a movie into the “scariest” ring, let me say Pet Semetary. I’ve been desensitized to horror flicks since I was little, but there is one thing that still sends a shiver up my spine: Zelda. Anyone who has seen the movie knows what I’m talking about.

Ghosted by Rob @ 09/20/2006 1:28 PM EDT

Julie, do you have Quicktime player set up to play mov files by default?

Ghosted by Jeff @ 09/20/2006 1:41 PM EDT

I saw “It’s a Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown” fruit snacks at the store today. I didn’t buy any because it was $5 a box (although it was big). There seemed to be cutouts on the back.

Ghosted by JLAJRC @ 09/20/2006 3:28 PM EDT

From whence does one get a screamy box of Nestle candy? I’ve not seen one of those at any of the local drug stores.
I have a project going to recreate a bag of Halloween candy (I miss getting Halloween candy, but even for one who trick or treated till 18 I think I am now kind of old for obtaining it by the usual method) and that looks like a good thing to get to fill out a few of the requirements. I so far have some cheap, nasty little chocolates, Caramel Apple Pops, Peanut Butter Cups, and some mini Milky Ways. So you can see I have a ways to go.

Ghosted by Talia @ 09/20/2006 3:54 PM EDT

Yeah that whole MOV file thing sucks. I do not have quicktime on my computer here at work, and it would take far too much time to download at home. Dial up connection blows goats. My employer needs to relax with the whole “no download” policy, so I can actually see these videos.

Ghosted by Old E @ 09/20/2006 3:55 PM EDT

I tried the nostalgic “recreate a bag of Halloween candy” thing last year, but since I grew up in a cheap neighborhood, it didn’t turn out that great. First I grabbed the least-liked items from the Brach’s Pick and Mix at the local grocery store (some of those weird coconut neapolitan things, a handful of the stale toffees with the flavors in the middle, a bunch of Tootsie Rolls, all the super-inexpensive crap), then I went to K-Mart for some of those nasty Mary Janes and the peanut-butter lumps in the orange and black wrappers, and to complete the package, I topped it off with Chicklet gum, an assortment of fun-size candy bars, some Dum-Dums and Safety-Pops, and a scattering of pennies for realism. (Elderly people mean well, but they give out the worst Halloween treats ever.)

My inevitable discovery was that nostalgia feels a lot better than it tastes. Luckily I did this in mid-October, so I was able to give the Trick or Treaters all the candy I didn’t want, which was most of it. I even gave away the pennies, ensuring that when the local kids grow up, their childhood memories will be just as lame as mine.

This year I’m embracing the fact that I’m an adult with a paycheck, and when I hit the stores to build my personal Halloween candy stash, I’m only getting the good stuff. Lindor Truffles, Dove chocolates, fresh-baked cookies, that sort of thing. Plus a big bag of Jolly Ranchers. That’s one thing from childhood I still love today as much as I did then. (And I still despise the way they slice up your tongue as much as I did then. So our love is a dysfunctional and bitter one, but what adult relationship isn’t?)

Ghosted by SJ @ 09/20/2006 4:39 PM EDT

Everything on this article is sweet. I hated getting tootsie roll pops for halloween I always felt they were cheap and if your at the bank (or a place you stop off to pay a bill) then you get one of those but not any other time. I actually was excited to get pennies because I heard of how horrible they were so I felt like I fit in with everyone else, because everyone got them at one time or another except me. I was a nerd in school I barely had any friends and anything that I felt was “normal” i clung onto. I know, sad.

Hey Jester right on buddy!! but didn’t you leave early too? I mean if your shift you thought was 10 to 6, then what was your shift “supposed” to be if you were supposed to show up at noon? Weren’t you leaving early?? I’m not saying you didn’t deserve a pat on the back for showing up early I am just saying you were putting in 8 hours in a different time slot right? And your right I talk to people from the south all the time at my job (call center) I live up here in Oregon, and some of those people are so fuckin stupid!! I just roll my eyes and explain in terms that a 6 year old would understand and pray for the best.

“may I process this transaction?”
“what”
“may I continue with the charges?”
“what, I am not following what you are sayin”
“May I charge your CARD with this MONEY”
“oh! Ok I guess so..”
“augh, one moment…”

Ghosted by Goob @ 09/20/2006 8:17 PM EDT

I definitely know what you mean GOOB. Here are some of my favorite stupid things customers have said to me

1) ” I was havin trouble comin through your ANIMATED system” I love this one cause it make me think of Mickey Mouse fucking with people.

2) “The AMT machine SWALLOWED my bank card”. This is awesome because not only can these morons not get a three letter acronym right, but they are also comparing the damn machine to a living entity that needs to feed on bank cards.

3) ” I MICROWAVED my bank card. It is just a little WAVY. Do you think it will work?” This one takes care of itself people.

4) ” I dunno how to get to a real person. I always ebd up just having to MASH THE DANG BUTTONS.” These people not only speak as if they were inbred, but also have absolutely no patience (as indicated by the fact that they cant sit through to the 3rd option which is for the operator).

5) “I put my money into the deposit slot and it didnt register” Now this one isn’t funny until I tell you that they actually stuck COLD HARD CASH into the deposit slot. No envelope. Just a wad of bills one by one. 20 or so separate transactions that we get to sort through to fix the fact that they are fucking retards and cant grab the god damn envelope that is sitting RIGHT NEXT TO the deposit slot.

6) “What is the balance on my CHECK-INS account?” I am not kidding, NUMEROUS people screw up the word CHECKING on a daily basis.

7) “I don’t understand how I UNDERDREW my checking account.” A way to say OVERDRAW without actually using any of the right WORDS. Brilliant.

8) The last one is just a generalization of all of the above. It seems that when a stupid customer is trying to SOUND SMART, they will use really big words that they may have heard in passing, or on Jeopardy the night before. When these word get used all out of context it can be HILARIOUS. I wish I had an example for you, but am sure EVERYONE has run into this at least once.

Ghosted by Old E @ 09/20/2006 9:07 PM EDT

Wow, those halloween pop rocks look like the remains at the bottom of a box of Froot Loops.

About the best real themed candy I’ve ever seen are chocolate beetles filled with sour green goo. Everything else is usually the same old tiny chocolate bars and bags of chips, with the occasional hard candy and caramels. And I totally don’t understand why some people hate houses that give out pencils and such with their gear. Pencils with ghosts on them are cool.

Ghosted by Ronald MacKinnon @ 09/20/2006 10:03 PM EDT

“Ehhhhh eh eh eh ehhhhh!

There, dolphin noises”

Only if they’re Canadian dolphins.
I’m kidding! Don’t be mad, Canada, I love you and I want to have your babies.

“If you really want to marry candy, come to Pittsburgh where our new mayor is only 26″

What the eff? I’m 27 and all I managed to do today was mow the lawn and look at internet porn. But if you really wanted to marry candy the best choice would obviously be a Sugar Daddy. AM I RIGHT, PEOPLE?!? Kill me.

Ghosted by Welsh Rabbit @ 09/20/2006 10:33 PM EDT

ZELDA!! ahhhhhhh that movie terrorized me when i was little! RACHEL!!! i wish i could say it like she did!

Ghosted by Katella @ 09/20/2006 10:35 PM EDT

The thought of dolphins in other countries churning out accented dolphin noises makes Welsh Rabbit’s comment #1.

Ghosted by Matt @ 09/20/2006 10:39 PM EDT

For those of you that have absolutely no clue why I made the remark about dolphin noises….

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j6DkmLsJiGw

Ghosted by Mystie @ 09/20/2006 11:01 PM EDT

Matt, you fabulous bastard, you made my day.

Ghosted by Welsh Rabbit @ 09/21/2006 1:07 AM EDT

Spooktacular! That’s my new favourite word!

Stupid customers:

1. I’m looking for a cd/book/DVD. [pause]
– I see [pause]. Do you know what it’s called? By any chance?
– [pause] Er… No?
– Whose is it?
– That guy… I know who he is… I saw him on tv yesterday…

UUrrrrrgh!!! I can’t help you! You’re too stupid!

2. I want to buy something for my friend.
– [Pause] I see. What would you like to buy?
– I don’t know. What do you think I should buy?

Fantasy answer to stupid question: I think you should go home and think about how stupid you are! And come back when you don’t need to be babysat in a shop! How should I know what your friend likes!??!

And then there are the Closet Grand Poohbahs. “Play this for me! Can you wrap it? No, don’t you have another colour? Can I borrow your pen? Can I borrow a blue pen? Can I get a packet for this? Can you play another cd? Where are your greetings cards? Right behind me? Oh. Do you have birthday ones? Oh, right there, okay. How much is this one? It’s on the back? Oh. How much is that one? It’s on the back. How much is this other one? Oh, it’s also on the back…” Aargh!!! :~

Ghosted by arete @ 09/21/2006 9:26 AM EDT

On fark, you are smack dab in the middle of I-mockerys 2006 hallo candy review, and a “photoshop this tropical ruin”
http://www.fredmiranda.com/hosting-data//4532/38805tulum1jpg.jpg

Ghosted by M.V.Peebles @ 09/21/2006 10:34 AM EDT

Awesome coverage, as usual. I love the SweeTart bones, myself.

Ghosted by cybele @ 09/21/2006 12:07 PM EDT

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, September 19th, 2006 at 9:33 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.