The toy skull has come a long way since its humble days as a mere plastic ornament, bopping gently in the wind thanks to a rubber band attached to the scalp. Do skulls have scalps? The two shown above best represent just how far toy skulls have come. They’re skulls with action features, and if you’re not already familiar with these action features, there is no possible way that you’d ever be able to guess what they are. Don’t even try. Don’t think you’re any better than your brother.
Skull #1, which also comes in white but looks much more interesting in this marbleized brown rendition, has the ability to summon large rubber bubbles that exit its eye sockets, filled with watery blood and various bugs. Afreakinmazing. The gruesome innards remind me a lot of last year’s Yucky Balls — in fact, what we’ve got here is pretty much last year’s Yucky Ball stuffed inside a hollow rubber skull. It’s beautiful. The harder you squeeze and shake, the bigger the bubble and the more the flies. I’m desensitized to the effect, but in a world where gross-out toys rarely succeed in their missions, I think Skull #1 genuinely pulls off being fucking disgusting.
Skull #2 brings the party to the graveyard. It would’ve survived just fine on the merits of its insanely spongy consistency (it’s more fun to mangle than a wad of Play-Doh), but the creepy company behind these terrible toys saw fit to hide eerie electrogizmos inside each skull, which explode with macabre multicolored lights whenever someone’s hand beats on it.
I bet those electrogizmos are a lot like that novelty ice cube Ralph the Waiter dumped into my stupid novelty margarita at that stupid novelty restaurant in Disney World.
As the rubber skull material is loosely packed, the lights beam right through the paint and turn this into the only disembodied, picked-clean skull in the whole world that can inspire a person to feel the music, yeah feel the music yeah, feel the music yeah.
They’re a bit too pricey at two bucks each to stock up on and give out to trick-or-treaters, but I’m tempted, because I love to shove bubbles full of blood and flies into the faces of all the young women who’d dare attempt to charm their way into my bowl of fun-sized Snickers by dressing like princesses or Dora or Princess Dora.
Posted by Matt. E-mail me!
Ghosted by 
Yeah i have one of those squeazy oh so rubbery-smelling skulls only it oozes maggots.