I had to go buy a birthday card this afternoon, and while the lady at my local pharmacy rung up a card and gift bag that cost three times more than any cards and gift bags should, I spotted the weird packages of Tic Tacs seen above. And then...I goofed.

While my mind said "OOOH!" like it usually does whenever strange new candy is first spotted, this time, my mouth decided to follow suit. My dumb stupid mouth. I don't think I can ever go back to this particular pharmacy. I'll forever be known as the "guy who 'ooohed' over new Tic Tacs." They're probably talking shit about me right now.

Anyway, starting with the lesser of the two, "Citrus Twist" Tic Tacs blend lemony yellow and limey green mints together for an assault on the eyes and the tongue and -- if you count the pleasant chattering of a box of Tic Tacs in one's pocket -- the ears. Pretty sure I could do without another lemon Tic Tac for the rest of my life, but the lime mints are at least interesting, and very, very limey. They would've been better served ditching the lemons, keeping the limes and calling 'em "Margarita" Tic Tacs. Tell me you wouldn't buy "Margarita" Tic Tacs. With a straight face, I mean.

The "Fruit Festival" Tic Tacs are a bigger production; they come in a BIG box that makes me hands look so demure, and the label tells me that they're, in fact, a "limited edition" variation. These are really, really good. Unless you're cherry picking with a watchful eye, there's no way to prepare your mouth for the sensations of various surprise fruit flavors as they dissolve and conspire to make all the saliva in your mouth taste like fruit salad. I don't even mind the lemon Tic Tacs so much when they're hitching rides with cherry and orange.

I mean WHOA HEY, new Tic Tacs! Can today possibly have any more major events in store for me?

Posted by Matt on 08/25/2006. E-mail me!