I'm cheating...wait a little while for today's post. 
EDIT: Okay, I'm ready now.
Whenever I wanted candy as a child, and I could always count on my mother to pull a piece of Freshen-Up gum from her purse. Such pieces were usually drenched in bits of tobacco from loose cigarettes, but I grew to overlook that. Freshen-Up was a collection of minty or cinnamonny "bubble gums for adults," each piece having a hollowed-out center filled with sugary goo that, I guess, helped people smell less like they smoked fifty packs of cigarettes a day.
Freshen-Up is still for sale, remarkably, and it managed to exist for ten centuries without too many other gum companies swiping its gimmick. Enter: Bubblicious Bursts.
They've been out for a while now, but with some recent additions to the flavor well, Bubblicious Bursts are enjoying an all-new marketing blitz that's affected me on such a personal level that I've tossed aside my very adult packages of Orbit and Dentyne Ice for a gum that squirts goofy crap all over my mouth.
Bubblicious Bursts buck bubble gum conventions in many ways. The flavors are in many cases overpoweringly strong, sour or sweet, and generally, the flavors are all named after terrible acts of nature and/or natural disasters. "Thunderin' Bubble Gum." "Sour Cherry Storm." "Green Apple Flood." The only one that doesn't fall into this category is called "Strawberry Bomb," and even so, that's no less rooted in pain and misery. I'd love to read the research report indicating that by and large, children are far more prone to buy a company's product if it's named after unpleasant events.
The gum pieces are oddly shaped, looking more like hard sucking candies than something you should viciously bite down on. Their shape requires an equally offbeat package -- Bubblicious Bursts gum is generally sold "by the roll." Like, Rolos or Mentos. Tack on the fact that they squirt slime once bitten, and you're dealing with a bubble gum that has no immediate family.
Ironically, the gooey gimmick means that Bubblicious Bursts are far less effective in helping us blow big bubble gum bubbles. A regular piece of Bubblicious works much better for that end, simply because each piece consists of more gum. The strong flavor of the goo only lasts a nanosecond, and while I admit that it's actually a little longer than a nanosecond and that I only said that so I could use the word "nanosecond," it doesn't actually "stick" to the gum itself. After a few hearty chews, you're left with a flavor far more subtle.
I don't know that I'd necessarily place Bubblicious Bursts ahead of traditional Bubblicious, but then, I've always been a traditionalist with everything except church.
Posted by Matt on 08/17/2006. E-mail me!
Chestnuts roasted by 
If it’s not though, that’s okay… No pressure! <3
Cheaters never win.