August Megaparty Survey: Who is Feito?

LUKE: Oh great, here comes Frank.

JASON: What's wrong with Frank?

LUKE: Dude, you kiddin? Watch and learn -- guy can't go five seconds without making up some ridiculous lie.

FRANK: What's up guys?! I invented the wheel!

LUKE: Frank, you DID NOT invent the wheel. Why you always making shit up?

FRANK: What are you talking about? I absolutely did too invent the wheel.

LUKE: Ever notice that nobody likes talking to you? Saying stuff like about how you invented the wheel, or what was it last time -- you control the weather? -- that's why nobody likes talking to you.

LUKE: Because you, sir, are one ugly four-armed lying fuck.

FRANK: You don't believe me?! Why wouldn't you believe me? I would never lie to my friends!

FRANK: So I ask myself, "Self? Do you have to take this abuse?" And I answer, "No! No, self! I don't have to take this abuse!" I'm leaving!

FRANK: Hey! Hey you!

ZAPOW: Problem, pardnah?

FRANK: YEAH there's a problem! Ever since you pulled me out of that car wreck and saw signs of amnesia, I've trusted you to tell me who I was and what I am. But I'm starting to find it a little suspicious that NOBODY believes I invented the wheel, and NOBODY believes I can control the weather, and NOBODY believes that I once ran for the United States presidency but had to bail out early to save Mars from rogue Earth bats who learned how to survive out there. And I also find it a little weird that you know all of THAT about me, and yet, you don't know what my actual NAME is. And why'd you have to nickname me "Frank?" Everyone hates that name!

ZAPOW: You've said plenty. I need several hours to digest this.

ZAPOW: Okay Frank, I don't know your real name, I admit it. But everything I've told you is true! Look, I don't know who you're talking to out there, but I know this much about 'em: They're jealous. And why not? Wouldn't you be jealous of some random guy who invents wheels, saves planets and makes it rain? I mean, hell, even I'm jealous, and like I've told you before, I'm secretly God. Wheels, planet-saving, weather...all that, and your eyes are made of pure gold to boot!

FRANK: My eyes are made out of pure gold?

ELEPHANTONY: Get adda here, ye bum! Ye eyes, they not be made of gold! Foul liar is this!

ROBOT: When matters do not compute, we robots say FUCK YOU FOR LYING, LIAR!

FRANK: My life coach said you'd be jealous. But it doesn't make this hurt any less.

FRANK: The only way I'm going to feel better about today is by reading a good book.

FRANK: Today is my lucky day. "Shiny As A Droid!" A storybook that will give me things to see, touch and smell from a galaxy far, far away!

FRANK: Alien paw fuzzy. Fuzzy not so much like a real alien paw, but like a pool table. Alien paw like a pool table.

FRANK: Oooh! Exotic alien fungus smells like carrots eaten up and shit out by a masochistic creature who lines his own intestinal track with foul smelling poison!

FRANK: When I pen my great rock anthem, the first line will be, "I'm surfin' the stars like a beach bum on Mars." The second and third lines probably won't top it.

ZAPOW: You wrote that book, you know.

FRANK: I wrote "Shiny As A Droid?" Holy crap I'm awesome.

ZAPOW: Yeah, and since you wrote it, your real name should be somewhere on the front cover. Unless you used a pseudonym, which would suck, because you probably would've made your pseudonym sound like a real name, and then, we might never know for sure if the name we see on the front cover was legit or a handle you made up to discourage stalkers.

FRANK: Anything's better than "Frank."

FRANK: Virginia Holt. My name is Virginia Holt? I'm a girl?

FRANK: I guess the only question left is, "Who the fuck is Feito?"

FRANK: Feito! Here boy! Whee whoo whip whip! C'mere Feito! WHO ARE YOU FEITO? FEITO, TELL ME MY STORY I NEEEEED TO KNOW!