If you've ever hoped for proof that toys have come a long way since you were a tiny ant, look no further than "Zany Zappers," the once-popular gag gifts which provided perennial pranksters sunglasses that lit up! HA HA HA!
It can be safely estimated that "Zany Zappers" were the stupidest consumer products ever conceived, and considering that we live in a world where entrepreneurs found much success in getting millions of people to buy junky troll dolls with neon hair, this is saying something. "Zany Zappers" were cheap sunglasses with neatly hidden LED lights within the lenses, controlled by a perfectly cumbersome button mechanism attached via wire to the glasses. Sound awesome yet?
When activated, the sunglasses would beam forth with hideous, blinking red lights that were impossible for the wearer to see through, thus rendering "Zany Zappers" one of the most pointless purchases possible in the early '80s. On the other hand, when we rewind the sands of time nearly twenty-five years, we land in a world that's far less tech savvy as it's become, and something like "Zany Zappers" might've actually seemed more futuristic and cool than just plain dumb. At least, the old television commercial seemed to suggest this, what with its endless montage of hip kids smacking their asses together as their stupid light-up sunglasses blinked in rhythm with Neo-Disco tunes.
"Zany Zappers" worked their magic through the power of one 9-volt battery, reminding us that the world once had a use for 9-volt batteries outside of superfluous air conditioner remote controls. The popularity of the glasses (and other novelty sunglasses and wearables that shared the gimmick) is easily explained: With "Zany Zappers," consumers weren't likely to realize how lousy the product was until they actually bought it. After all, if you're so blinded by the allure of light-up glasses, you probably won't consider the difficulty in seeing through light-up glasses. You also might not consider how awkward and goofy you'd look holding a wired remote to make the glasses work. If only you'd thought about it for another minute, maybe the kids at school wouldn't have been so harsh.
Though they enjoyed enough popularity to steamroll through one long ago summer into a more appropriate Halloween season, "Zany Zappers" finally found their rightful place as an all but forgotten fad, remembered only by those who taped episodes of "Diff'rent Strokes" in 1982 and forgot to cut out the commercials.
Speaking of which, you can download the commercial by clicking here.
Posted by Matt on 08/03/2006. E-mail me!
Chestnuts roasted by 
Dexter, Lemur – I grew up in DuBois. Doo boyz. I hope you’re not alumni of the Penn State DuBois campus…