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August Megaparty #1: Fish Ooze!

Welcome to X-Entertainment's August Megaparty, which, truth be told, means absolutely nothing. Only set rule: New blog posts every day in August. Why? I'm not totally sure. I'd been kicking around the idea of updating the blog daily-by-mandate for a while, but if that was ever advertised, I'd hate doing it. Aside from time constraints, nothing is fun when you just "have to do it." So, while I'd like to see this place updated more often, I don't want to lose my right to hate y'all for a week spread and not say anything. On the other hand, a month-long challenge felt right, and let's face it, there ain't jack going on in August anyway. We're all old people. Old people hated by the world at large.

What will we be looking at during the August Megaparty? I have no idea, because I haven't planned for it. I got bored one night and made a graphic advertising it, and that's how we ended up here. I've got a lot of little things laying around that need their site-immortalization so I can throw 'em in storage boxes and get 'em out of my face forever, but other than that, I have no clue. Hopefully, we'll have fun. Let's increase the chances by talking about "Fish Ooze."

Fish Ooze is brilliant, because no matter what's inside the package, people are going to buy it. There are very few people on this planet who could resist buying Fish Ooze, sheerly on the merit of it being called "Fish Ooze." When I got a closer look and noticed that the package delivered as promised, I invented a new cheer that involves doing a bunch of somersaults and rhyming words with "ooze."

What you get: A hard plastic, jewel-like container filled with stretchy blue goo and two plastic tropical fish. The fish live in the goo, having assimilated to their polluted circumstances through generations of evolution. On the other hand, while the fish may be okay living in ooze, I'm not so sure they'll fare as well in ooze once you start using the included straw to blow it up into balloozens. Yes, the ooze is inflatable, and since you're putting a wide straw into a pile of gooey crap, Fish Ooze also presents one of the world's best examples of a choking hazard. Blow out, you're cool. Suck in, and you're the second circle graphic on one of those awesome choking posters pizza restaurants have to put up.

Not to worry. A disclaimer on the back of the package reads, "DO NOT EAT." Easy for them to say. They don't have a god damned straw in the shit. If you don't want me to eat the Fish Ooze, lead me not into temptation you stupid asshole. The company that makes this is called "Ja-Ru," which sounds more like something a copycat rapper would name himself to skirt copyright law.

I like Fish Ooze. Because it's called Fish Ooze!

Posted by Matt on 08/01/2006. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 87 comments

Holy shoot, am I first?

http://www.comics.org/coverview.lasso?id=301024&zoom=4

Leftover from the Freddy topic. It’s the cover of the comic you briefly mentioned…..

Chestnuts roasted by Mars @ 08/01/2006 1:00 AM

Hmm…I’m second. Sloppy second…

Chestnuts roasted by Big Mike @ 08/01/2006 1:13 AM

Ohhhh, not Ja-Ru! :D I don’t even know how that company gets to make half the stuff they do without it being recalled.

But, I would so buy that Fish Ooze, too. I love ooze, but throw in a fake Nemo and Dory and I’m there.

This kinda reminds me of my Ice Age "Chillin’ Villians" that I have. It looks like an ice shard, but it’s filled with "frooze" and has either Scrat or umm, 2 other creatures and they look frozen in the frooze.

Chestnuts roasted by Ryane @ 08/01/2006 1:36 AM

Hmmm, how many articles and blog posts have I seen on here regarding ooze? I can think of a few, but the ones that stick out in my mind are the Ninja Turtles mutagen ooze.

I think I’ve seen quite a bit about fish here as well.

So now we’ve got a product that combines what I believe are two of Matt’s favorite things: fish and ooze. No wonder he likes it just because it’s called fish ooze.

Personally, I am not a fan of fish OR ooze. Being from Kansas, I just wasn’t exposed to much aquatic wildlife as a kid. Now I just think fish smell funny and look weird. As far as ooze goes, I just don’t care for slimy stuff. I can’t imagine why.

Chestnuts roasted by spaz307 @ 08/01/2006 1:37 AM

Neat. I’ve never seen inflatable ooze before.

Chestnuts roasted by Katherine @ 08/01/2006 1:44 AM

And so IT begins!!!

Fish Ooze, now THAT’S a name for something! I vote that Tigerfan renames that cemetary to that.

PS: This greymatter stuff has GOT to be settled. I keep getting the Spam message, even when I clean out my cookies & restart. I have to post this on IE!!!

Chestnuts roasted by Invader Norbert @ 08/01/2006 1:49 AM

I’m still processing the implications of Fish Ooze, but I have to say I adore the graphic. Megaparty on!

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 08/01/2006 1:54 AM

Kinda reminds me of the little tubes of toxic rubber you could buy in the 80s (maybe still today, I haven’t checked) and you’d squeeze a glob onto your tiny straw and blow it up. Then if you were me, you’d line the rubber bubbles up on your bookshelf and cry when they deflated the next day.

Chestnuts roasted by Welsh Rabbit @ 08/01/2006 2:09 AM

I find Fish Ooze oddly compelling. If I see some, I’m buying it.

Chestnuts roasted by marioshoku @ 08/01/2006 2:20 AM

Awww yeeeeaaah 10th!
I’m usually 421435th.
Those nasty rubber bubble things… ah… you can still buy them at dollar stores. Only tiny amounts, though. Anyone remember a time when they advertised toothpaste-tube sized amounts of EVERY COLOR on infomercials? And those building blocks that were only 2 pegs, and the kids had huge castles and crowns made out of them? Old infomercials were awesome.

Chestnuts roasted by Fierce Almond @ 08/01/2006 2:53 AM

So poisonous and toxic, yet so deliciously crystal blue. Fuck it, I’d take my chances.

Chestnuts roasted by Daniel85 @ 08/01/2006 3:26 AM

Those people at Ja-Ru are brilliant — what will they think of next?

Chestnuts roasted by Review the World @ 08/01/2006 3:46 AM

Good evening everyone, hoping that our friend Muppet Baby gets better soon! I bought some DVD sets at Target on Sunday afternoon: TMNT vol. 4 ($10), Duck Tales vol. 1 (approx. $26), and a couple others. I watched two episodes of DT early Monday morning after work and about two episodes of TMNT today! Not bad. They’ll be good to have around when I have more free time. I have to be at work at 7 am tommorrow (that’s "flexible schedules" for you). Hopefully, i’ll have a job at rite-aid by the end of the week (wish me luck, please!). I don’t think I was particularly cut out for fast food.

Chestnuts roasted by Hoverbored @ 08/01/2006 3:47 AM

Oh man I’d be tempted to drink that, too. If they made it like "blood n guts" with red slime and body parts in it, you wouldn’t really have to worry about kids downing it, but that blue liquid and fish smiling as if to say "mmm this water is tropical punch-licious" makes it far too enticing :D

Chestnuts roasted by Eddie Lightning Frog @ 08/01/2006 7:46 AM

That Freddy comic looks like what would happen if you hit Mark Silvestri’s right hand with a hammer.

I’m pretty sure ALL ooze is inflatable,but they don’t advertise it,because companies like say,Hasbro,have real addresses,unlike Ja-Ru,whose office is a raft out on international waters.

Chestnuts roasted by Kid Nicky @ 08/01/2006 8:06 AM

Wow, of all the ooze-related posts I’ve seen on this site, this is the one that has made me really want to go on ebay and look for fish ooze. I’ve always had this thing for fish where I wanted some but always ended up getting fake fish over real fish cuz my parents were like that. They would always get me the fake animal alternative instead of the real thing. In any case, I now have a "collection" of sorts of fake fish and their various displays. I think fish ooze would be a mighty fine addition to the group.

Chestnuts roasted by TC Falcon @ 08/01/2006 9:14 AM

ohh gaaaawwd
its finally here!! everyday blog posts!!
hey, i had nicelodion gak! or umm, well what was the name of the slime on?? OH SHIT!! WHAT WAS THE NAME OF THE ON WITH LIL’ BEADS OF STYROFOAM IN IT??
that shit was really cool..
do you guys believe in subliminal advertising no? yeah, me(listen to chiodos!!) either!!

heh, yeah that wwas lame, but they’re a really great band, and i dunno if a y of you cats listen to "post-hardcore" or whatver they are calling my favourite music NOW, jesus, seems like every year there is a new word for ‘punk’, i cant keep track, i AM getting old, god, big 2-4 on the 17th, i know im not gonna get ay birthday wishes from my shitty fam. & friends, never do, so i say fuck birthdays, just makes m feel old these days, but im thinking about picking up a few seasons or the box set(if thats actually out, i think i might’ve dreamed it, god i dream about the H-man waaay too much!)
anyway, im ranting, but matt: if you could ever see your way to doin a blog about GAK! or the other stuff like it, it’d b greatly appreciated!!

Cheers!
El-Josh-o(god it feels like years since i’ve posted here!

Chestnuts roasted by JoshC @ 08/01/2006 9:40 AM

Josh – Floam?

This August megaparty is definitely needed – August is the worst month. It’s all hot, no holidays….just suck.

I don’t want to drink the fish ooze, but I really just want to stick my tongue in it.

Chestnuts roasted by Jessica Marie @ 08/01/2006 9:47 AM

"Suck in, and you’re the second circle graphic on one of those awesome choking posters pizza restaurants have to put up."

Love it, Matt!

Chestnuts roasted by LuLu @ 08/01/2006 10:04 AM

So Matt, c’mon and tell us… What does it taste like??? I know if I had that shit sitting around, I’d have no choice but to eat it!

Chestnuts roasted by Dr Sketch @ 08/01/2006 10:22 AM

I’m just amazed you were able to review a product called "fish ooze" without making some sort of sexual innuendo.

Kudos.

Chestnuts roasted by Mystie @ 08/01/2006 10:32 AM

Matt,
Good luck with the challenge of updating your blog everyday. I have trouble sometimes putting 1 new article up a week on my site. If I didn’t have a job, I’d have no problem. Unfortunately, there’s this little thing called money, that I need to survive. :)

Chestnuts roasted by Greg @ 08/01/2006 10:38 AM

They still make floam. It’s incredibly overpriced. Like, 6.99 for one little tub of the stuff.

God only knows what that ooze is made of – I don’t think we want Matt tasting it. Testing his limits on certain old foods and kool aid is good enough. :)

Chestnuts roasted by Ryane @ 08/01/2006 11:03 AM

August probably does suck for most people. It’s hot, you’re contemplating going back to school (or trying really hard to remember the concept of "summer break" for those of us long out of school), and not a damn exciting thing happens. Except…today is my birthday! Hooray for me! So if you’d like, feel free to celebrate my birthday all month long. I think Matt should chip in by updating the blog every day…oh, look, he is. How fortuitous for me!

Chestnuts roasted by purplegirl247 @ 08/01/2006 11:19 AM

purplegirl247
Contemplating going back to school? Heck, when I was still in school, Marching Band started the middle of the 2nd week in August. Summer’s OVER when August rolls around.

And "hot" is the understatement of the year. Try 108 last year. while we were outside. For 3 hours. Not fun.

Please tell me that I’m not the only one that thinks "X-E and the Fish Ooze" would be an excellent name for a rock band?

Invader Norbert
the greymatter thing seems to be based on IP addresses, not cookies. Both times I’ve had the problem, I’ve solved it by unplugging the cable modem for about 5 minutes. Unless you have a static IP, chances are when you plug it back in, you’ll have a new IP address and will be able to post.

Chestnuts roasted by Cameron T. @ 08/01/2006 11:37 AM

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