Welcome to X-Entertainment’s August Megaparty, which, truth be told, means absolutely nothing. Only set rule: New blog posts every day in August. Why? I’m not totally sure. I’d been kicking around the idea of updating the blog daily-by-mandate for a while, but if that was ever advertised, I’d hate doing it. Aside from time constraints, nothing is fun when you just “have to do it.” So, while I’d like to see this place updated more often, I don’t want to lose my right to hate y’all for a week spread and not say anything. On the other hand, a month-long challenge felt right, and let’s face it, there ain’t jack going on in August anyway. We’re all old people. Old people hated by the world at large.
What will we be looking at during the August Megaparty? I have no idea, because I haven’t planned for it. I got bored one night and made a graphic advertising it, and that’s how we ended up here. I’ve got a lot of little things laying around that need their site-immortalization so I can throw ‘em in storage boxes and get ‘em out of my face forever, but other than that, I have no clue. Hopefully, we’ll have fun. Let’s increase the chances by talking about “Fish Ooze.”
Fish Ooze is brilliant, because no matter what’s inside the package, people are going to buy it. There are very few people on this planet who could resist buying Fish Ooze, sheerly on the merit of it being called “Fish Ooze.” When I got a closer look and noticed that the package delivered as promised, I invented a new cheer that involves doing a bunch of somersaults and rhyming words with “ooze.”
What you get: A hard plastic, jewel-like container filled with stretchy blue goo and two plastic tropical fish. The fish live in the goo, having assimilated to their polluted circumstances through generations of evolution. On the other hand, while the fish may be okay living in ooze, I’m not so sure they’ll fare as well in ooze once you start using the included straw to blow it up into balloozens. Yes, the ooze is inflatable, and since you’re putting a wide straw into a pile of gooey crap, Fish Ooze also presents one of the world’s best examples of a choking hazard. Blow out, you’re cool. Suck in, and you’re the second circle graphic on one of those awesome choking posters pizza restaurants have to put up.
Not to worry. A disclaimer on the back of the package reads, “DO NOT EAT.” Easy for them to say. They don’t have a god damned straw in the shit. If you don’t want me to eat the Fish Ooze, lead me not into temptation you stupid asshole. The company that makes this is called “Ja-Ru,” which sounds more like something a copycat rapper would name himself to skirt copyright law.
I like Fish Ooze. Because it’s called Fish Ooze!
Posted by Matt. E-mail me!
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Here in Raleigh school is a year-round thing. There are several different tracks that students are on, and they usually have nine weeks of school and three weeks of vacation during a quarter. Lots of schools are moving to this format because Wake County wasn’t prepared for the growth.