I'd been eyeing it for months at the Toys 'R' Us across the street from work, and finally, consumer apathy had driven the price down to a level that made my private parts tickle. Mine, all mine.

It was one of them there finagled plug-and-play games. I own many plug-and-play game sets that have to date only been plugged-and-played once or twice, but considering that I was buying this one specifically for downtime in the office (downtime meaning any time I could get away with it), 19.98 was a holy number. Yessir, it's Street Fighter 2, Sega Genesis edition. I only ever had the SNES version, but no matter the console, Dhalsim is Dhalsim and I will make Chun-Li kick his ass all the same.

Look at that cute shit. The POWA BOX is fashioned like a baby version of the Sega Genesis, taking what was once considered the edgiest and fringiest system on the market and turning it into something I want to force pink bonnets upon. Making matters more awesome is the fact that this plug-and-play device bucks conventions by including two controllers. If you only got one controller with a game like Street Fighter 2, some consumer product developer could only be construed as cruel. Playing against the computer passes the time, but you're never going to scream "FUCK YOUR MOTHER WITH THIS FIREBALL, YA SHIT" if you're not contending with true flesh and blood.

My pal and co-worker Kevin and I set the game up when nobody was looking, and it's here that I should confirm that this is his office television set, and thus, his NY Rangers flag/thing and Offspring sticker. If you've got issues, don't take them up with me. Aside from a bonus Ghouls 'N Ghosts game (oh God yes), the set also comes with a booklet reminding you how to make Edmond Honda go wild with his hands, and how to make Blanka break out the Electric Slide.

Kev and I chose to skip the booklet's refresher course, because there's nothing more annoying than playing Street Fighter 2 against an opponent who demands 45 seconds of no-fight-time to learn his moves. Fuck that. Hit a button and hope for the best.

Like so many video game posers, I began my Street Fighter 2 reign long ago using only the giant characters -- the Zangiefs, the Hondas and the Blankas. To the untrained, clearly these were the money warriors. Eventually I learned the truth: If you want to win Street Fighter 2 fights without necessarily mastering the game, you gotta go with Chun-Li. Bitch is just too damn fast and agile. Plus, there's a certain indignity charged to your opponent when you defeat he or she with Chun-Li. You know the little victory dance each character does after winning a fight? Chun-Li's in the most annoying by far. She's like, "AH HA HA HA HA, I kicked this shithead's ass and I still have enough in the tank to do five jumping jacks."

Kevin swears that I fight cheap, but people need excuses when they get beat 400,000 times in a row.

Eventually, Kev realized that he could also pick Chun-Li and be just as cheap. My crystal record was soon ruined. Still a great game, and they've even got the six-warrior tournament option. My dream team of Chun-Li, Chun-Li, Chun-Li, Chun-Li, Chun-Li and Sagat will NEVER SURRENDER.

Finally, a plug-and-play that will do more for my life than make the bottom shelf of my television unit look more interesting. Hooray!