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07/02/2006: Superman’s Kryptonite Doritos!

Sorry to derail the SNT earlier than I usually derail the SNT, but it’s time to talk Doritos. Kryptonite Doritos, a special 7-Eleven Superman Returns promotion. Finally found the little green bitches while killing time in LA last week, and along with those Slurpees, there are now a whole bunch of reasons why the new movie can suck and still have earned its right to exist. (I haven’t seen it yet; can’t comment.)

Kryptonite Doritos are merely renamed Guacamole Doritos that otherwise stand out for two reasons. One, they come in the lesser-eaten miniature chip shape, which is just so goddamned cute that I find myself apologizing to the chips before eating them. Two, they come in weird, cylindrical bags exclusive to this promotion. They’re like sunflower seed packages, only they’re filled with Guacamole Doritos, only they’re called Kryptonite Doritos. Oddly, the movie presence doesn’t really go that far. The “Kryptonite Doritos” title is straight-played and not printed in a wacky font, and the only other Superman thing seen is a fairly small “S” logo on the lower part of the package. Considering the mile-long Superman Returns licensee list, I’m guessing the approvers involved just starting winging it by the time they were discussing the branding and art for tiny bags of Doritos localized in one market chain. You can only be passionate for so long.

Stuff like this may have had more of an “opposite effect” for the film, because while I doubt many people went to see Superman Returns because it had Doritos based on it, you can bet that people expect more from a movie that has Doritos based on it. Most of the best movies in the world didn’t have associated snack brands, so when you hit the level of promotions of a Superman Returns, you basically need to deliver the reborn Jesus Christ to not to be thought of as underwhelming.

But maybe that’s just me being more philosophical about it than I need to be. I like that there’s Kryptonite Doritos, and I like that they come in funkily shaped bags, but it will not sway me to see the movie or to say that the movie’s great. On the other hand, I’ve never had any interest in Guacamole Doritos before. One way or another, I’m so easily sold.


Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

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Discussion Thread: 78 comments

roflcoptor first post

Matt kryptonite doritos look good. Your site rocks.

Ghosted by holy cow @ 07/02/2006 2:23 PM EDT

mmmm dammit i want some…

Ghosted by JoshC @ 07/02/2006 2:24 PM EDT

I still don’t see why they insist on promoting a Superman movie with stuff that would kill Big Blue if he ever got his freakishly strong mitts on it. It seems impolite, at best.

Ghosted by Jedoc @ 07/02/2006 2:33 PM EDT

The movie IS great by the way. I’ve never been a big comics fan, so I never have qualms with things that branch away from the original comments–in that respect, I can’t criticize it. I will say this: if you go with no preconceptions except the expectation of an entertaining movie, I can’t imagine that you’ll be disappointed.

Jedoc: "Impolite at best". Water came out my nose.

Ghosted by Spoodles @ 07/02/2006 2:40 PM EDT

I have no intention of seeing this movie until it is available On Demand.
Though I was pissed of by Richard Roeper saying that Superman isn’t interesting enough to make good movies.
I’m not a fan of any of the previous movies, but the character himself is very interesting. If he translates into a boring boyscout on film, that’s the fault of the film makers.
Stupid Richard Roeper.
I’d like to wring his effeminate neck.

Ghosted by Somethin' Funny @ 07/02/2006 3:05 PM EDT

I wish they’d put out Monster House snacks. The fact that the movie is getting a videogame is pretty epic, but it’d be cool to see some Monster House design printed Oreos or Monster House "1 in 4 is poison and will kill you just like the Monster House will kill you" Cheetos.

P.S. Matt "detail" and "apologizing the chips"

Ghosted by Eddie Lightning Frog @ 07/02/2006 3:14 PM EDT

Whoops, thanks Eddie. Fixed.

I’m still trying to locate Superman Crunch, but I did find other kinds of Supercereal. When I find the Crunch, I’ll put ‘em all up.

Ghosted by Matt @ 07/02/2006 3:18 PM EDT

I can’t believe the comments on some message boards about SUPERMAN RETURNS. All these whiny fanboys sqealing about "the twist," and how it crumbles their idea of what a Superman movie should be.

Screw them all.

SUPERMAN RETURNS is a gorgeous piece of emotional cinema, and I want to state now before the rush of morons flood in that anyone who loves movies should see it.

And Doritios are the devil’s candy – the greatest way I can think of to get fat slowly. I need to eat these things.

Ghosted by Mr. Baloo @ 07/02/2006 3:40 PM EDT

Gahh! So close to the top!! Anyhow, completely agree on how awesome Supes is. Just gives me chills to see "SUPERMAN" on movie marquees again. :) But I will avoid Kryptonite Doritos. Cause, you know, they’re Kryptonite.

Ghosted by Terror Claws Cole @ 07/02/2006 3:53 PM EDT

There’s been an enormous display of Superman Crunch at the local grocery for about a month here, on special for 1.88. AND they turn the milk blue. You want?
I really would like to find the green chips. I like that they are smaller.

Ghosted by kb @ 07/02/2006 4:03 PM EDT

I saw the movie yesterday. It was good. It didn’t blow me away or leave me wanting to see it again in the near future, but it was worth the time and money.

At the risk of a spoiler, I should say that although I’m not sure that I completely understand your description of the Dortitos bags being "cylindrical", it does seem to relate to part of the movie if the term "cylindrical" is really accurate. I’d elaborate more, but I don’t want to give anything away, however minor it is.

Ghosted by Gozer @ 07/02/2006 4:03 PM EDT

I’ve never had guacamole, and eating green doritos seems kinda weird, but I’d try one. Well, that is, if they don’t have milk or cheese ingredients on them. Anyone know?

Kryptonite is just such a cool word, and what else could they really do? Make red and blue doritos? Ick. But they could’ve made them the shape of the S emblem, though…

Ghosted by Ryane @ 07/02/2006 4:06 PM EDT

Maybe I should’ve said, "2D cylinder."

Ghosted by Matt @ 07/02/2006 4:09 PM EDT

I saw Superman Returns last night with my girlfriend. For the most part, I liked it, it was exciting and looked great. I thought the acting all around was a bit flat, though. Christopher Reeve did a far better job. Still, it was fun. Not sure I’d buy it on DVD, but it was a fun date movie.

Ghosted by Destro @ 07/02/2006 4:20 PM EDT

Not being a Superman fan, I can see the logic behind Roeper’s statement. Maybe if they really played up the Jesus allegory it would capture my interest; otherwise I’m not that excited. I’m not a huge superhero fan though, so I guess I’m the wrong demo.
I was just going through some junk and found an old school paper (’01) where I wrote a review of Jones Soda flavors. So of course I had to stop working and take an X-E break. I’ve always hated Doritos, but I do like guaco so I might give these a shot.

Ghosted by squee4242 @ 07/02/2006 4:48 PM EDT

I haven’t been able to digest a Dorrito since I was 9. It seems like every year they find some way to compress more sodium into a single gram of those things, making them ever more impossible to eat without gagging. You can tell by the impossibly electric color of the chips themselves how non-natural they have become.

And Superman, well, I think the character works in a kind of psychologically messed up Hercules sort of way, but other than that, yeah, I’ve never been interested in him as an action character. How excited can you be about a character who has only one known weakness, that being an esprecially rare chemical substance? In the words of Bill, (before Beatrix did Kill that Bill), "the mythology is fascinating" but the reality isn’t all that much. Give me Batman any day. I like my heroes mortal and totally psychotic.

Ghosted by inkmage @ 07/02/2006 4:56 PM EDT

I have had the quac doritos before, and when I ate them I noticed that all doritos have the same kind of taste so if they aren’t too spicy they are tolerable if you like other flavors of doritos. If that makes any sense. Kinda like all subway sandwiches taste the same. If I wasn’t so broke I would buy some of these doritos. I feel bad though wanting to get every food that you review though Matt like you are brainwashing us to have some kind of fight club type of thing going. Huh. Looking forward to the Superman cereal though I am really into cereal reviews for some reason!!

Ghosted by Goob @ 07/02/2006 5:09 PM EDT

Superman’s a ho. I bet I could take him and his crappy snack foods.

Ghosted by Mystie @ 07/02/2006 5:14 PM EDT

I’m joining the "never particularly cared about Superman" bandwagon, which shouldn’t be confused with the "never particularly cared for Superman" bandwagon. I liked the first movie, loved the second, loved the Superman peanut butter and pretzels, and used to watch the really old Superman cartoons all the time. As a character, I’ve never been too into him, and I feel really stupid for saying this, but I think it’s the costume. By the standards of which we rank cool characters in any form of fantasy entertainment, Superman’s threads are pretty weak. At least, they end up looking weak on the big screen. I don’t know.

Ghosted by Matt @ 07/02/2006 5:17 PM EDT

"when you hit the level of promotions of a Superman Returns, you basically need to deliver the reborn Jesus Christ to not to be thought of as underwhelming."

Yeah, they pretty much pulled it off.

Ghosted by four50four @ 07/02/2006 5:29 PM EDT

"…you basically need to deliver the reborn Jesus Christ to not to be thought of as underwhelming."

Best. Line. Ever.

Ghosted by Frito @ 07/02/2006 5:30 PM EDT

When my boyfriend and I went to see Superman yesterday, we agreed that I could force him to watch a movie of my choice if I really didn’t like this one. Let’s just say he’ll be watching Sense and Sensibility sometime soon.

But I will give the movie this: I hate hate HATE when movies (usually comic book movies) throw in "witty" dialogue that’s stupid and intelligence-insulting and is basically only there so 12 year olds can have something to parrot when they leave the theater. Superman Returns didn’t really have any moments like that.

Ghosted by Welsh Rabbit @ 07/02/2006 6:51 PM EDT

I’ll be seeing "Superman Returns" when I can get to a theater. Wonder if my best friend would be willing to check it out when I’m in New England, or my sister might want to see it…

Ugh. I HATE Doritos, for pretty much the same reasons as Inkimage, plus the colored seasoning gunk on the chips makes a mess. Interesting promo, though. I’ve seen larger Superman promos on Lays chips, and yes, I’ve seen Superman Crunch. I won’t be buying either. I’m no fonder of potato chips (too greasy), and anything Crunch makes the inside of my mouth look like it’s starring in a slasher flick.

Ghosted by starwenn @ 07/02/2006 8:51 PM EDT

I am hoping to see Superman before it comes to DVD, I never seem to get to go to movies anymore. My Mom and her boyfriend went to see it, and it was his idea, that’s saying a lot cause the last movie he saw in theaters was Apocalypse Now.

Doritos are my guilty pleasure, I’m more of an original and Cool Ranch type of gal. I would be willing to try guacamole ones, simply because of X-E. I find I try a lot of things I wouldn’t try because of X-E, I’m sure I’m not the only one though.

Ghosted by IHAQ @ 07/02/2006 9:32 PM EDT

The sister and I have been debating the whole "Should we or should we not see this movie" thing for the last week or so. She’s kinda into the S-Man, was into the Justice League when she was growing up. Me, I personally am very ambivalent, as I don’t really remember seeing any S-Man movies except the third one which blew exponentially. And the use of all three primary colors horrifies me in ways I can’t exactly explain. But Brian Singer directed it, and I adore his work with the X-Men movies (and am *STILL* looking to slash Brett Ratner’s tires for his treatment of that franchise), so I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was intrigued.

As for the Kryptonite Doritos … I shudder at the thought. But then again, I shudder at the thought of anything guacamole flavored. Perhaps that’s why the stuff kills the S-Man, he’s allergic to the avocado. Something to ponder …

Ghosted by LemurCat @ 07/02/2006 10:48 PM EDT

Matt: Maybe I should’ve said, "2D cylinder."

A rectangle?

Ghosted by Gozer @ 07/02/2006 11:07 PM EDT

I want a bag! I tried the limited edition Salsa Verde green Pringles the other week — not bad!

Ghosted by Review the World @ 07/03/2006 12:24 PM EDT

My kid is 4. He has yet to see a Superman movie but has seen the old Fleischer toons from the 40s (ya know, back before S man could fly, he was just super strong and jumped really far? I’m not kidding, watch ‘em). He’s got this Superman cape we bought on ebay. He wears it EVERYWHERE: pre-school, the grocery store, Target, Home Depot (for some reason a little de-masculating). We went to a keg party yesterday (disguised as a 1 year old’s b-day party). He was the man. People were throwing him in the air and shit. They were drunk. I’m a crappy dad.

I like Doritos with heavy beer like Guinness (I’ve re-spelled this word 4 times and it still doesn’t look right). I went to Ireland two weeks ago for work (oh yeah, with first priority from the boss to "build relationships"… translation: "beer can be included on expense account"!!! Tell me I’m not the man). Heavy beer like that one (don’t ask me to try and spell it again) has a higher fiber level than american beer. This is based on the result anyway (I have come to call it "Murphy’s Revenge").

Ghosted by Fungusmungus @ 07/03/2006 4:42 AM EDT

Hah. I’ve been watching those cartoons for the last couple of days, since I don’t have any of the movies. If any of you are interested, you can download them all from archive.org. Go go public domain! Just be warned, Superman really wasn’t very fond of Japanese people back in the day. Click my name for an example.

Ghosted by Jedoc @ 07/03/2006 7:46 AM EDT

Yeah, gotta love the World War II era propaganda. At least they’re up-front about it, not all subtle like some movies.

Ghosted by LemurCat @ 07/03/2006 9:57 AM EDT

"Maybe if they really played up the Jesus allegory it would capture my interest; otherwise I’m not that excited."

Apparently they did, though of course the character was created by Jews, not Christians, so that’s technically an inaccurate analogy (though admittedly Jesus was percieved AS that same Jewish Messiah…so I guess if you want to stretch it a bit…)

Of course, I’m biased against the movie because I think Singer is a prick and should be BANNED from comic-based movies after hearing his REAL feelings about comic books…

Ghosted by FangsFirst @ 07/03/2006 10:39 AM EDT

Superman is gay. I’m not gonna see the movie cuz I’ve read all about it and it sounds reterded (yes I spelled it right, reterded lol). Besides this friday was like my xmas! Brand new xbox360 and a sidekick3 all in the same day! I’m still tryin to clean the stains outta my draws!!!!!!

Ghosted by PRSense @ 07/03/2006 11:22 AM EDT

Ok, I have to ask this because it’s really just baffeling me. I’ve never really been a fan of Superman or anything. I remember watching some of the movies when I was little, but it was nothing I went insane over.

Ok, so WHY does everyone keep saying Superman is gay?! Is it the tights? If so, that’s a really lame reason. A friend of mine saw the movie, said that it had more of a love story feel, and that he was basically trying to get in Lois Lane’s pants the entire time.

*shrug* I’m confused.

Ghosted by Ryane @ 07/03/2006 12:03 PM EDT

Ryane: I can only assume it’s because Bryan Singer is gay, and so people are afraid that he’s going to project his orientation into his Superman character.

Or possibly it has something to do with this. I don’t know, I’m not a scientist.

Ghosted by Jedoc @ 07/03/2006 12:18 PM EDT

Ohh, ok I don’t know a thing about Bryan Singer, and I especially didn’t know he was gay.

Yeah, that’s probably why. :/

That cover was the funniest thing I’ve seen all day. :D It’s still early, but I have a feeling it will hold top notch all day long.

Ghosted by Ryane @ 07/03/2006 12:46 PM EDT

Okay, let’s remember that Richard Roeper is quite possibly the greatest reviewer of ALLTIME, simply because he gave a thumbs up to the Matrix trilogy AND Josie and the Pussycats–his endorsement graces the DVD box, yeah!!!

But maybe I should avoid controversy and say he is MY fav movie critic of all time.

Bryan Singer, at the end of the day, without factoring in all the negative fanboy bias I have for him, is a fantastic filmmaker, IMHO.

Ghosted by Knegative @ 07/03/2006 12:58 PM EDT

Scene: The Fortress of Solitude
Kal-El kicked back in a recliner, in Spider-Man boxers and a ratty t-shirt with "Galactus Can EAT ME!" printed on it. Arcturian Centipede fights are on his Galactic Viewscreen. A big bowl of green Doritos on one side, and a case of Old Thanagar beer on the other. Just another Sunday afternoon for the Man of Tomorrow.

Ghosted by kingklash @ 07/03/2006 2:14 PM EDT

Of all the totally unnatural foods out there, these green Doritos are at the top of my ‘to try’ list!

Man, I have missed a lot of action on the blog this past week (I was busy moving to a new province). All went well, and now I have high speed internet! YES!

I personally want to see Superman because of Singer, more so than because of Superman himself. I lived Singer’s versions of the XMen, despite differences between the film and comics. Oh, I also like Kevin Spacey a lot, too! ;)

Ghosted by Muppet Baby @ 07/03/2006 2:15 PM EDT

Ryane, if you go to Defamer.com you can read all about the whole Gay Superman thang.
I’ve lost access to my "in case of" computer, so now I am terrified of the spam blocker.
Fangs, I don’t know anything about the genesis or history of Superman, I just know that there are parallels, what with the whole "sending my only son" and superhuman powers bits. I have no idea how much it’s played up in Supes various incarnations, as my only experience with the dude is the old TV show and that one Batman comic where he gets his ass kicked.

Ghosted by squee4242 @ 07/03/2006 2:30 PM EDT

I have a noobish question. What does SNT mean?

Ghosted by Johnny Bluejeans @ 07/03/2006 2:33 PM EDT

Thanks for the link, squee. :)

The only reason I wanna go and see the movie is because of Brandon Routh. He’s pretty damn sexy… and he kiiiinda reminds me of Joe Sakic, all dressed up as The S Man. Just a little.

Johnny – Saturday Night Thread. :)

Ghosted by Ryane @ 07/03/2006 2:40 PM EDT

Hey Muppet Baby were did you move to? You lived in Quebec before right?

I know all about moving, I just moved too, I went from the GTA area to Niagra Falls. Closer to my family and friends. After all that packing and unpacking I am NEVER going to move again!

Ghosted by IHAQ @ 07/03/2006 3:12 PM EDT

Mini doritos? I wonder if those would be less like the normal "triangles of death" I described in the earlier thread mentioning these? I hope so, because Superman or not, any Doritos that will not eventually end up impaling the roof of my mouth are a blessing.

Ghosted by Old E @ 07/03/2006 3:47 PM EDT

IHAQ- I moved from Quebec to New Brunswick. Unfortunately, I have to move AGAIN in 2 months…we are currently staying at my boyfriend’s parents’ house for summer, but we need a place for September because the boyfriend is returning to university.

Really though, we are going to be living on the road for summer…travelling all around, and ROAD TRIPS baby, ROAD TRIPS! We’re going to be living in the car more than anything, hitting music festivals and crashing on couches. Sweeeeet.

Ghosted by Muppet Baby @ 07/03/2006 5:39 PM EDT

Squee:
Sorry if that came off as personal, it was not intended to specifically refer to you, moreso a general mounting sigh of frustration that the majority rule of a religion is colouring his history so completely; most people are Christian, thus it is assumed that he was created by Christians to be Christ like. It’s not out of the bounds of reason, I admit that, but it’s also not the case insofar as reality. That has been played up with later writers who (to my knowledge) ALSO didn’t know, but the reason Jesus WAS percieved as a messiah was in keeping with Jewish prophecy of a messiah (that more nameless one is the origin of Siegel and Schuster’s creation…at least, the iteration of it we are all familiar with, heh)

Ghosted by FangsFirst @ 07/03/2006 6:01 PM EDT

I thought Supes was an allegory for the eternal fight against the whole Athlete’s Foot/Crabgrass/Chicken without Waffles Triumvirate of Naughtyness. Just goes to show, I am not working on the same dimensional frequency as you guys.

Ghosted by kingklash @ 07/03/2006 6:14 PM EDT

HAPPY 4th Everyone!!!

Break out the Snoopy Sno-Cone Makers!

Ghosted by Fox @ 07/03/2006 8:25 PM EDT

Holy crap.

I leave to drive home across goddamn Texas (I hate you, Texas, you’re the one thing separating my two home states), and there are a bazillion blog posts. I heart Matt.

Ghosted by Mara @ 07/03/2006 8:30 PM EDT

I’m so happy that I don’t have to go to work tomorrow, I could almost choke.

Ghosted by The Yeti @ 07/03/2006 8:58 PM EDT

Superman was originally created by Siegel and Shuster to be a villian in a one-shot story.
A Nazi Superman.

B)

Ghosted by Somethin' Funny @ 07/03/2006 9:30 PM EDT

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