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Superman’s Kryptonite Doritos!

Sorry to derail the SNT earlier than I usually derail the SNT, but it's time to talk Doritos. Kryptonite Doritos, a special 7-Eleven Superman Returns promotion. Finally found the little green bitches while killing time in LA last week, and along with those Slurpees, there are now a whole bunch of reasons why the new movie can suck and still have earned its right to exist. (I haven't seen it yet; can't comment.)

Kryptonite Doritos are merely renamed Guacamole Doritos that otherwise stand out for two reasons. One, they come in the lesser-eaten miniature chip shape, which is just so goddamned cute that I find myself apologizing to the chips before eating them. Two, they come in weird, cylindrical bags exclusive to this promotion. They're like sunflower seed packages, only they're filled with Guacamole Doritos, only they're called Kryptonite Doritos. Oddly, the movie presence doesn't really go that far. The "Kryptonite Doritos" title is straight-played and not printed in a wacky font, and the only other Superman thing seen is a fairly small "S" logo on the lower part of the package. Considering the mile-long Superman Returns licensee list, I'm guessing the approvers involved just starting winging it by the time they were discussing the branding and art for tiny bags of Doritos localized in one market chain. You can only be passionate for so long.

Stuff like this may have had more of an "opposite effect" for the film, because while I doubt many people went to see Superman Returns because it had Doritos based on it, you can bet that people expect more from a movie that has Doritos based on it. Most of the best movies in the world didn't have associated snack brands, so when you hit the level of promotions of a Superman Returns, you basically need to deliver the reborn Jesus Christ to not to be thought of as underwhelming.

But maybe that's just me being more philosophical about it than I need to be. I like that there's Kryptonite Doritos, and I like that they come in funkily shaped bags, but it will not sway me to see the movie or to say that the movie's great. On the other hand, I've never had any interest in Guacamole Doritos before. One way or another, I'm so easily sold.

Posted by Matt on 07/02/2006. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 78 comments

roflcoptor first post

Matt kryptonite doritos look good. Your site rocks.

Chestnuts roasted by holy cow @ 07/02/2006 2:23 PM

mmmm dammit i want some…

Chestnuts roasted by JoshC @ 07/02/2006 2:24 PM

I still don’t see why they insist on promoting a Superman movie with stuff that would kill Big Blue if he ever got his freakishly strong mitts on it. It seems impolite, at best.

Chestnuts roasted by Jedoc @ 07/02/2006 2:33 PM

The movie IS great by the way. I’ve never been a big comics fan, so I never have qualms with things that branch away from the original comments–in that respect, I can’t criticize it. I will say this: if you go with no preconceptions except the expectation of an entertaining movie, I can’t imagine that you’ll be disappointed.

Jedoc: "Impolite at best". Water came out my nose.

Chestnuts roasted by Spoodles @ 07/02/2006 2:40 PM

I have no intention of seeing this movie until it is available On Demand.
Though I was pissed of by Richard Roeper saying that Superman isn’t interesting enough to make good movies.
I’m not a fan of any of the previous movies, but the character himself is very interesting. If he translates into a boring boyscout on film, that’s the fault of the film makers.
Stupid Richard Roeper.
I’d like to wring his effeminate neck.

Chestnuts roasted by Somethin' Funny @ 07/02/2006 3:05 PM

I wish they’d put out Monster House snacks. The fact that the movie is getting a videogame is pretty epic, but it’d be cool to see some Monster House design printed Oreos or Monster House "1 in 4 is poison and will kill you just like the Monster House will kill you" Cheetos.

P.S. Matt "detail" and "apologizing the chips"

Chestnuts roasted by Eddie Lightning Frog @ 07/02/2006 3:14 PM

Whoops, thanks Eddie. Fixed.

I’m still trying to locate Superman Crunch, but I did find other kinds of Supercereal. When I find the Crunch, I’ll put ‘em all up.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 07/02/2006 3:18 PM

I can’t believe the comments on some message boards about SUPERMAN RETURNS. All these whiny fanboys sqealing about "the twist," and how it crumbles their idea of what a Superman movie should be.

Screw them all.

SUPERMAN RETURNS is a gorgeous piece of emotional cinema, and I want to state now before the rush of morons flood in that anyone who loves movies should see it.

And Doritios are the devil’s candy – the greatest way I can think of to get fat slowly. I need to eat these things.

Chestnuts roasted by Mr. Baloo @ 07/02/2006 3:40 PM

Gahh! So close to the top!! Anyhow, completely agree on how awesome Supes is. Just gives me chills to see "SUPERMAN" on movie marquees again. :) But I will avoid Kryptonite Doritos. Cause, you know, they’re Kryptonite.

Chestnuts roasted by Terror Claws Cole @ 07/02/2006 3:53 PM

There’s been an enormous display of Superman Crunch at the local grocery for about a month here, on special for 1.88. AND they turn the milk blue. You want?
I really would like to find the green chips. I like that they are smaller.

Chestnuts roasted by kb @ 07/02/2006 4:03 PM

I saw the movie yesterday. It was good. It didn’t blow me away or leave me wanting to see it again in the near future, but it was worth the time and money.

At the risk of a spoiler, I should say that although I’m not sure that I completely understand your description of the Dortitos bags being "cylindrical", it does seem to relate to part of the movie if the term "cylindrical" is really accurate. I’d elaborate more, but I don’t want to give anything away, however minor it is.

Chestnuts roasted by Gozer @ 07/02/2006 4:03 PM

I’ve never had guacamole, and eating green doritos seems kinda weird, but I’d try one. Well, that is, if they don’t have milk or cheese ingredients on them. Anyone know?

Kryptonite is just such a cool word, and what else could they really do? Make red and blue doritos? Ick. But they could’ve made them the shape of the S emblem, though…

Chestnuts roasted by Ryane @ 07/02/2006 4:06 PM

Maybe I should’ve said, "2D cylinder."

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 07/02/2006 4:09 PM

I saw Superman Returns last night with my girlfriend. For the most part, I liked it, it was exciting and looked great. I thought the acting all around was a bit flat, though. Christopher Reeve did a far better job. Still, it was fun. Not sure I’d buy it on DVD, but it was a fun date movie.

Chestnuts roasted by Destro @ 07/02/2006 4:20 PM

Not being a Superman fan, I can see the logic behind Roeper’s statement. Maybe if they really played up the Jesus allegory it would capture my interest; otherwise I’m not that excited. I’m not a huge superhero fan though, so I guess I’m the wrong demo.
I was just going through some junk and found an old school paper (’01) where I wrote a review of Jones Soda flavors. So of course I had to stop working and take an X-E break. I’ve always hated Doritos, but I do like guaco so I might give these a shot.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 07/02/2006 4:48 PM

I haven’t been able to digest a Dorrito since I was 9. It seems like every year they find some way to compress more sodium into a single gram of those things, making them ever more impossible to eat without gagging. You can tell by the impossibly electric color of the chips themselves how non-natural they have become.

And Superman, well, I think the character works in a kind of psychologically messed up Hercules sort of way, but other than that, yeah, I’ve never been interested in him as an action character. How excited can you be about a character who has only one known weakness, that being an esprecially rare chemical substance? In the words of Bill, (before Beatrix did Kill that Bill), "the mythology is fascinating" but the reality isn’t all that much. Give me Batman any day. I like my heroes mortal and totally psychotic.

Chestnuts roasted by inkmage @ 07/02/2006 4:56 PM

I have had the quac doritos before, and when I ate them I noticed that all doritos have the same kind of taste so if they aren’t too spicy they are tolerable if you like other flavors of doritos. If that makes any sense. Kinda like all subway sandwiches taste the same. If I wasn’t so broke I would buy some of these doritos. I feel bad though wanting to get every food that you review though Matt like you are brainwashing us to have some kind of fight club type of thing going. Huh. Looking forward to the Superman cereal though I am really into cereal reviews for some reason!!

Chestnuts roasted by Goob @ 07/02/2006 5:09 PM

Superman’s a ho. I bet I could take him and his crappy snack foods.

Chestnuts roasted by Mystie @ 07/02/2006 5:14 PM

I’m joining the "never particularly cared about Superman" bandwagon, which shouldn’t be confused with the "never particularly cared for Superman" bandwagon. I liked the first movie, loved the second, loved the Superman peanut butter and pretzels, and used to watch the really old Superman cartoons all the time. As a character, I’ve never been too into him, and I feel really stupid for saying this, but I think it’s the costume. By the standards of which we rank cool characters in any form of fantasy entertainment, Superman’s threads are pretty weak. At least, they end up looking weak on the big screen. I don’t know.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 07/02/2006 5:17 PM

"when you hit the level of promotions of a Superman Returns, you basically need to deliver the reborn Jesus Christ to not to be thought of as underwhelming."

Yeah, they pretty much pulled it off.

Chestnuts roasted by four50four @ 07/02/2006 5:29 PM

"…you basically need to deliver the reborn Jesus Christ to not to be thought of as underwhelming."

Best. Line. Ever.

Chestnuts roasted by Frito @ 07/02/2006 5:30 PM

When my boyfriend and I went to see Superman yesterday, we agreed that I could force him to watch a movie of my choice if I really didn’t like this one. Let’s just say he’ll be watching Sense and Sensibility sometime soon.

But I will give the movie this: I hate hate HATE when movies (usually comic book movies) throw in "witty" dialogue that’s stupid and intelligence-insulting and is basically only there so 12 year olds can have something to parrot when they leave the theater. Superman Returns didn’t really have any moments like that.

Chestnuts roasted by Welsh Rabbit @ 07/02/2006 6:51 PM

I’ll be seeing "Superman Returns" when I can get to a theater. Wonder if my best friend would be willing to check it out when I’m in New England, or my sister might want to see it…

Ugh. I HATE Doritos, for pretty much the same reasons as Inkimage, plus the colored seasoning gunk on the chips makes a mess. Interesting promo, though. I’ve seen larger Superman promos on Lays chips, and yes, I’ve seen Superman Crunch. I won’t be buying either. I’m no fonder of potato chips (too greasy), and anything Crunch makes the inside of my mouth look like it’s starring in a slasher flick.

Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 07/02/2006 8:51 PM

I am hoping to see Superman before it comes to DVD, I never seem to get to go to movies anymore. My Mom and her boyfriend went to see it, and it was his idea, that’s saying a lot cause the last movie he saw in theaters was Apocalypse Now.

Doritos are my guilty pleasure, I’m more of an original and Cool Ranch type of gal. I would be willing to try guacamole ones, simply because of X-E. I find I try a lot of things I wouldn’t try because of X-E, I’m sure I’m not the only one though.

Chestnuts roasted by IHAQ @ 07/02/2006 9:32 PM

The sister and I have been debating the whole "Should we or should we not see this movie" thing for the last week or so. She’s kinda into the S-Man, was into the Justice League when she was growing up. Me, I personally am very ambivalent, as I don’t really remember seeing any S-Man movies except the third one which blew exponentially. And the use of all three primary colors horrifies me in ways I can’t exactly explain. But Brian Singer directed it, and I adore his work with the X-Men movies (and am *STILL* looking to slash Brett Ratner’s tires for his treatment of that franchise), so I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was intrigued.

As for the Kryptonite Doritos … I shudder at the thought. But then again, I shudder at the thought of anything guacamole flavored. Perhaps that’s why the stuff kills the S-Man, he’s allergic to the avocado. Something to ponder …

Chestnuts roasted by LemurCat @ 07/02/2006 10:48 PM

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This entry was posted on Sunday, July 2nd, 2006 at 2:13 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.