Sorry to derail the SNT earlier than I usually derail the SNT, but it's time to talk Doritos. Kryptonite Doritos, a special 7-Eleven Superman Returns promotion. Finally found the little green bitches while killing time in LA last week, and along with those Slurpees, there are now a whole bunch of reasons why the new movie can suck and still have earned its right to exist. (I haven't seen it yet; can't comment.)

Kryptonite Doritos are merely renamed Guacamole Doritos that otherwise stand out for two reasons. One, they come in the lesser-eaten miniature chip shape, which is just so goddamned cute that I find myself apologizing to the chips before eating them. Two, they come in weird, cylindrical bags exclusive to this promotion. They're like sunflower seed packages, only they're filled with Guacamole Doritos, only they're called Kryptonite Doritos. Oddly, the movie presence doesn't really go that far. The "Kryptonite Doritos" title is straight-played and not printed in a wacky font, and the only other Superman thing seen is a fairly small "S" logo on the lower part of the package. Considering the mile-long Superman Returns licensee list, I'm guessing the approvers involved just starting winging it by the time they were discussing the branding and art for tiny bags of Doritos localized in one market chain. You can only be passionate for so long.

Stuff like this may have had more of an "opposite effect" for the film, because while I doubt many people went to see Superman Returns because it had Doritos based on it, you can bet that people expect more from a movie that has Doritos based on it. Most of the best movies in the world didn't have associated snack brands, so when you hit the level of promotions of a Superman Returns, you basically need to deliver the reborn Jesus Christ to not to be thought of as underwhelming.

But maybe that's just me being more philosophical about it than I need to be. I like that there's Kryptonite Doritos, and I like that they come in funkily shaped bags, but it will not sway me to see the movie or to say that the movie's great. On the other hand, I've never had any interest in Guacamole Doritos before. One way or another, I'm so easily sold.