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G Force Gushers!

Sheet, yo. It's the G Force Gushers, funked out with a gangsta twist.

Our vices grow lamer and less designer as we grow older; for me, it's become Gushers. Fruit snacks with gooey fruit sap inside. Freshen-Up gum without the gum. Good stuff, and has been for a long time. Notable for its advertising campaign featuring kids so empowered by Gushers snacks that their heads morph into oversized pieces of fruit, I've often looked to Gushers in my hour of need. They represent "feel good food." They look like little pricey jewels, but they're edible, and that makes you feel good. And now, they've taught me that the concept of "G Force" is visually represented by a pus-filled Staryu.

I'd put off trying the no-longer-so-new G Force Gushers sheerly out of loyalty to the originals, but I was high on crack while food shopping last night and decided, "what the hizzy?" Packaged in a box with weird art that's fairly absurd for a fruit snack brand, G Force Gushers are basically jumbo-sized regular Gushers, only this time, they're shaped like ninja stars. A bigger seller point comes by way of G Force Gusher's larger amount of inner fruit goo, which has a more watery consistency than the originals, is more vibrantly colored, and if you squeeze one of the candies, provides a sight undeniably akin to watching some fat ox pop an unripe boil on his forehead. Proof:

Gross as it looks, it still tastes neato. Like a piece of Starburst taking a messy shit down your throat.

Posted by Matt on 06/14/2006. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 116 comments

Ewwww…. That looks like paint coming out. Im not a big fan with thinks that look non edible….like that green and purple ketchup…Pretty to look at but not to eat. :)

Chestnuts roasted by brookelynn @ 06/15/2006 11:57 AM


Muppet Baby: Sorry for the mix up yesterday. I was replying to you but put your name in the name spot instead of at the begining. Sorry again for making you think you had a doppleganger.

Those new gushers look awesome

Chestnuts roasted by Fox @ 06/15/2006 11:58 AM


Interestingly enough, a screenshot of X-E that blipped through a timewarp from 1,000 years in the future described Corporate America as "A bunch of candy-forgetting jerks who were the first against the wall when the revolution came."

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 06/15/2006 12:08 PM


G-force Gushers sound vaguely…dirty. And look like the Purple People Eater’s zits.

I’d still eat them though. Such is my shame.

Chestnuts roasted by DemonNurse @ 06/15/2006 12:39 PM


Matt, I’m severely disappointed by the lack of Disney Pt. 2… It’s like you said "Here, take a few bumps of Heroin, dont’ worry about wasting it, you’ll get more later"… And then, when I’m at my worst, scratching for hope of more Heroin, you just laugh and say "Maybe later" as I die a little more inside…

Chestnuts roasted by gino @ 06/15/2006 12:47 PM


Don’t worry, it’s coming. I got a bit busy last weekend, and when I wasn’t busy, I just wasn’t feeling it. Didn’t want to write that one halfassingly. :)

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 06/15/2006 1:08 PM


What a coincidence, I just got through eating a pack of G-force Gushers not 30 minutes ago. I’m home sick today (damn, I hate summer colds) and was watching the new The Hills Have Eyes when I realized that there were some in the "junk" cabinet. Hmm, watching a movie about cannibals and then craving fruit snacks with goo inside…that’s a little freaky. My wife bought them for my son but he’s with grandparents this week – he loses! I love these things!

Chestnuts roasted by freudguy @ 06/15/2006 1:19 PM


I gotta say, I’m using your Disney trip as my surrogate vacation this year, and right now we’re kinda stuck in the baggage terminal! Ah well, don’t wanna give you too much shit about it, what have I contributed to society lately???

Chestnuts roasted by Dr Sketch @ 06/15/2006 1:55 PM


I too love fruit gushers but I just wish they would put more in the boxes because once i start eating them the whole box is gone.One time i kid you not i had a package with like 30 gushers in one pouch,must have been a factory error or something.

Chestnuts roasted by Sonny @ 06/15/2006 2:24 PM


I gotta say, I’m using your Disney trip as my surrogate vacation this year, and right now we’re kinda stuck in the baggage terminal!
Good one! Matt, take your time, you can’t rush greatness, it will surely be worth the wait. *good-natured joke about the first Advent and the Chia plot goes here*
I’m a bit leery of the co$ts, but the recent coverage has me pretty well set on a Disneyland trip this summer. It’s either that, or Pirate Dinner Adventure (it’s like Medieval Times, but with booty and skullduggery instead of knights in armor. Pretty sure they both have wenches, though).

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 06/15/2006 2:27 PM


g-force has taken my son’s elementary school by storm. all the kids have them, trade them, brag about them. along with the dried ramen soup packages for some reason. its really strange. the kids eat it uncooked.

about disney part 2, i hope it has at least one picture of matt in disney — not just the sights.

Chestnuts roasted by waiting for disney @ 06/15/2006 2:45 PM


squee4242 — I did the Pirate’s Dinner Adventure in Orlando. Had a kick-ass time despite a nasty migraine. Check to see if they have the Pirate’s Upgrade — for a mere $5 more per person, your party gets guaranteed front row seating and interaction with a real bucaneer. I still have my flourescent pink plastic hurricane cup from there.

Chestnuts roasted by LemurCat @ 06/15/2006 3:26 PM


Wow. I didn’t know they were still making Gushers, actually… that’s what I get for shopping at health food stores. Total lunchbox staple when I was in middle school, but I was more into Dunkaroos… I can’t have been the only one!

Meanwhile, quick review: Newman’s Own "Dairy Free Newman-o’s" are vegan and taste damn close to the wonder of the Oreo. I’ll be using ‘em to make vegan cookies ‘n cream ice cream tonight :D

Chestnuts roasted by Vegan Mike @ 06/15/2006 3:30 PM


Vegans aren’t allowed to eat Oreos? That just seems wrong.

Chestnuts roasted by Jeff @ 06/15/2006 3:57 PM


Jeff, do you KNOW what they make the filling out of???

Chestnuts roasted by Dr Sketch @ 06/15/2006 4:10 PM


Dr Sketch: Pixie paste. See previous thread.

Chestnuts roasted by Jedoc @ 06/15/2006 4:22 PM


:(

Vegans have sex with octupus eggs.

Chestnuts roasted by Granpa Fudgepants @ 06/15/2006 5:33 PM


I always see the vegan cookies in the case at Whole Foods but I’m afraid to try them.

Chestnuts roasted by Jessica Marie @ 06/15/2006 5:49 PM


Wow, those G-force things look so pretty! But… eating most blue stuff makes me sick, and I have a feeling they have gelatin in them. Maybe not though.

Vegan Mike – I saw your post in the last thread, and WOW. I see why you weren’t posting now. I’m surprised you even had time to come and read Matt’s articles. So glad you are back though! :) And good luck on Med school, you’ll have to let us know!

The inside of an oreo is basically like slathering lard on a chocolate cookie. It’s all hydrogenated oils, and yeah, they have gelatin in them also, so I guess it’s more like lard, animal bones, skin etc., too. Mmmmm. :X

Mike, I’m so coming over. I’ll bring some extra Tofutti. :D

Chestnuts roasted by Ryane @ 06/15/2006 6:58 PM


Someone up top asked for a reference to an old cartoon. Let me just say that G Force rocked!!! Back in 1987 if there were penciled superheroes that flew, they were the shit. Now, add to this epitome of coolness that they dres like humanized fucking birds. My head exploded when I first saw it… and it only ran for a week. Anyway here is the link for those that have no clue what I am writing about: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0302109/

Chestnuts roasted by Old E @ 06/15/2006 6:59 PM


"G-Force?"

Oh, that’s "Gatchaman." AKA "Battle Of The Planets." Here, crap yourself over THIS:

http://www.scifijapan.com/articles/2006/06/10/gatchaman-returns-to-the-big-screen/

"…provides a sight undeniably akin to watching some ft ox pop an unripe boil on his forehead."

…What is a "ft ox?"

Chestnuts roasted by Happenstance @ 06/15/2006 7:58 PM


I never new that Starbursts could take shits.

Chestnuts roasted by Nate @ 06/15/2006 8:25 PM


Ick. I’m not a big fan of fruit snacks of any kind, no matter how gooey their innards. They get stuck between my teeth and linger there like zits for molars.

Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 06/15/2006 8:41 PM


Does anyone know if they still make cherry 7-up?
Its the best, but its disappeared completely as far as I can tell. They used to have it only in wal-mart around here, but all they have is that 7-up+ crap.

Chestnuts roasted by jesse @ 06/15/2006 9:45 PM


I’ve got a pair of 12′rs of Cherry 7up in the fridge. I usually get them at Albertson’s.
LemurCat, thanks for the info! :)

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 06/15/2006 10:32 PM


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