Sheet, yo. It’s the G Force Gushers, funked out with a gangsta twist.
Our vices grow lamer and less designer as we grow older; for me, it’s become Gushers. Fruit snacks with gooey fruit sap inside. Freshen-Up gum without the gum. Good stuff, and has been for a long time. Notable for its advertising campaign featuring kids so empowered by Gushers snacks that their heads morph into oversized pieces of fruit, I’ve often looked to Gushers in my hour of need. They represent “feel good food.” They look like little pricey jewels, but they’re edible, and that makes you feel good. And now, they’ve taught me that the concept of “G Force” is visually represented by a pus-filled Staryu.
I’d put off trying the no-longer-so-new G Force Gushers sheerly out of loyalty to the originals, but I was high on crack while food shopping last night and decided, “what the hizzy?” Packaged in a box with weird art that’s fairly absurd for a fruit snack brand, G Force Gushers are basically jumbo-sized regular Gushers, only this time, they’re shaped like ninja stars. A bigger seller point comes by way of G Force Gusher’s larger amount of inner fruit goo, which has a more watery consistency than the originals, is more vibrantly colored, and if you squeeze one of the candies, provides a sight undeniably akin to watching some fat ox pop an unripe boil on his forehead. Proof:
Gross as it looks, it still tastes neato. Like a piece of Starburst taking a messy shit down your throat.
Posted by Matt. E-mail me!
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Does anyone else remember the "Hairdini" from the mid ninties? That was a good one.