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Back from Disney with unrelated article!

As mentioned in the last thread, I spent the past week in Disney World, and we had an excellent time. Sentimentality surely a power to be reckoned with, I'd probably give the Magic Kingdom the nod for bestest out of the four Disney parks. Gets trickier from there. As Disney at large is mostly dry, Epcot might have to nab the #2 slot if only because it's an absolute blast-to-get-blasted in the World Showcase and roam from Japan to Mexico and need to piss at both countries. Going to give MGM the #3 spot, because it's small but with a high concentration of great rides and attractions, and probably the best overall vibe at nighttime. Very surprisingly, Animal Kingdom ranks last. Doesn't mean I didn't like it, just that it ranks last. It's a lot of work to have fun in Disney, but it seemed to take the most work at Animal Kingdom.

Also, I mentioned that we were going to stay at two hotels. We started at the Polynesian, which immediately became one of my favorite hotels ever. Wonderfully dated but meticulously cared for, the hotel is practically a relic and its bars sold "Wasabi Mary" cocktails that made me giddy. We ended at the Grand Floridian, which is ridiculously expensive and in retrospect a waste of money, as I hated the hotel and kept thinking I was going to spot two little twin girls chopped up as I grudgingly traded in my Polynesian paradise for strolls down mock Victorian halls that made me feel all embarrassed to think it was up my alley. I mean, I'd just left a group of folks who managed to start every conversation with "ALOHA!" without ever once seeming not into it, and then here was the big fancy place, filled with snotnose goaty people. But that's an overall minor gripe: Disney f'n rocked.

I took a zillion pictures. I mean it, a zillion. And I've spent some of today looking them over, trying to figure how to assemble the best moments into an article. Think it's going to have to be some kind of "Top Things" list, because if I try to go from Minute One To Minute Infinity, you won't be reading about it until the park closes in 2078.

While I figure that out, here's a shorter article that I started before the trip. Another batch of commercials, but really special ones that advertised specific products, with either the products featured or the way the products were featured being too absurd and fascinating to keep to myself. Read about it here, and download the commercials while you're there.

I'm cracking my knuckles like a real man. I think I need another week off, this time just to atrophy.

Posted by Matt on 05/28/2006. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 155 comments

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If you didn’t get the matching top you’d come out unporportional.

Chestnuts roasted by dohopoki @ 05/28/2006 11:12 PM


i’m glad you had fun at Disney World! i’m so jealous!

Chestnuts roasted by earthwormgoddess @ 05/28/2006 11:12 PM


Third?

Disney is pure evil. Hate the man, company, and theme park. Stay away from Disney.

Chestnuts roasted by Bob Abooey @ 05/28/2006 11:20 PM


are flying cars really what we are all looking forward to? (besides the cheers reunion show where Sam finally, really this time, for sure, decides on Diane).

Chestnuts roasted by trips @ 05/28/2006 11:21 PM


Man, that was wonderful stuff, I’m digging the slim jeans I think I could pull that look off, plus I would loose some weight! What a friggin deal!

Chestnuts roasted by IHAQ @ 05/28/2006 11:43 PM


And here, I thought all hope was lost for my totally shitty sunday. Thanks for juuust making my day Matt! :D

Chestnuts roasted by Ryane @ 05/29/2006 12:09 PM


They had some incredibly crazy inventions on American Inventor, but nothing in the same league as those ridonkulous pants. Cripes, who would wear those? Are there any verified public sightings?
So glad you had a good time at Disney, even with the Floridean disappointments. I’ve been atrophy-ing all weekend and would feel guilty if it weren’t for all my pipe dreaming about getting tons of stuff accomplished tomorrow.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 05/29/2006 12:15 PM


very nice article.

Chestnuts roasted by Drew @ 05/29/2006 12:21 PM


Welcome back Matt!

Chestnuts roasted by JLAJRC @ 05/29/2006 12:28 PM


Finally an article, but not the disney one!

Also, to bear some sad news to comic & animation fans, Alex Toth died on Saturday in the most fitting location, at his drawing table.

Chestnuts roasted by Invader Norbert @ 05/29/2006 12:51 PM


That wasn’t the only sad passing I’m afraid, Norbert. Paul Gleason aka Principal Richard Vernon from The Breakfast Club died too. Never will an evil principal measure up to his immortal standards. Interesting fact: We share the same birthday. RIP Paul.

Chestnuts roasted by Rob @ 05/29/2006 12:57 PM


I agree with Coach Z; all our problems are the result of tight pants.

You know that anim-gif in the pants portion that has the woman wiggle her legs? It only works for a few seconds and then shuts off. You accidentally set a time limit on the pic instead of setting it to "infinite."

I found a mistake, I win an X-E No-Prize!

Chestnuts roasted by Mars @ 05/29/2006 1:00 AM


Damn, I want some Space Pants.

Chestnuts roasted by Spoodles @ 05/29/2006 1:09 AM


Somebody needs to do it…so I guess I will: Who here saw X-men 3 this weekend…what did ya think!? It’s a dumbed down version of X-men compared to the other two but never the less entertaining and fun…frustrating but fun. Lots more action and effects…very cartoony and comic bookish. If you go into the movie expecting it to stay true to the comics though…you will be disappointed but if you go in there and take it for what it is (mindless summer blockbuster) you won’t be disappointed…and they say this is the final film in the series, hardly, this movie made a dump load this weekend. Expect sequels and spin-offs galore and lets hope they bring Singer back too, any thoughts?

Chestnuts roasted by Kevin @ 05/29/2006 1:15 AM


This reminds me of another commercial, one which aired about every five minutes on Nickelodeon in the mid-80′s, for a product called "The Amazing Laser Beam Wristwatch!!" I didn’t see the point of a watch with intermittently-disappearing hands, but I figured the Voiceover Guy must have been so excited about it for a reason.

Chestnuts roasted by Jay Nickola @ 05/29/2006 1:17 AM


Welcome back, Matt! Congrats on an excellent Disney trip…. can’t wait to see an article.

Thanks for tonights article. The Liberty Coins cracked me up. I definitely had those as a kid. I’m not sure why. Probably because they were shinny and encased in plastic. I’m sure at 8 years old I thought those features made any coin as important as Scrooge McDuck’s Number One Dime.

Chestnuts roasted by Carri @ 05/29/2006 1:21 AM


Jesus Effin’ Christ.

Those slim jeans? They’re STILL SOLD IN MEXICO… on informercials, to boot.

God help us. Ole.

Chestnuts roasted by David Silva @ 05/29/2006 1:22 AM


Action jeans!

Chestnuts roasted by Jessica Marie @ 05/29/2006 1:48 AM


I rolled my car this weekend. I fell asleep at the wheel, and when I woke up, I freaked and over-corrected. It was on a reasonably deserted two lane road in the middle of nowhere Idaho, out in the middle of the desert. I was drifting off the right side of the road, and instead of slowly bringing it back under control, I jerked the wheel to the left and slammed on the brakes. I started to skid & spin of course. I distinctly remember saying "This is not happening" as I slid down the highway backwards in the wrong lane. I stupidly did not steer into the skid (I’d just woken up from a nice nap, remember). The car tipped, I said "Oh God" and then I rolled off the left side of the road.

I don’t know if you’ve ever been upside down in a car, but damn if it isn’t disorienting. I had a very scary moment when I realized my driver’s side door was too crushed to open. I hadn’t seen that the passenger door was relatively undamaged yet. I thought I could smell something burning. Turns out it was just the burnt rubber from my tires. *WHEW* I managed to get the passenger door unlocked and was just working on pushing it open when a passing motorist stopped and dragged me out of my car. Lucky me, his wife was an EMT.

Amazingly, THREE EMTs happened to be driving by in different cars on a road that is normally very lightly travelled. At that time of the day, you can only expect to see two or three cars every ten minutes or so. They held my neck and checked me over, and called an ambulance.

The ambulance guys strapped me to a backboard and gave me the most agonizing 45 minute ride of my entire life. We were way far from town and the hospital, and I spent the whole trip wondering if I was going to be okay. I felt fine, but the paramedic kept telling me I might have all sorts of awful maladies, and that I had better be checked out by a doctor. Plus, those back boards are REALLY uncomfortable. I really think it’s a torture device in disguise.

The doctor checked me over, said I was fine, and gave me tetanus shot. After all the fuss that was made over me, I was pretty relieved. All I had was a sore shoulder (where the seatbelt caught me) and a few cuts on my hands (from glass).

I only had that car five months. It was the first new car I ever owned, and now I doubt I’ll be able to afford the insurance on another new vehicle. I guess I’d be more sad about that if I wasn’t so jazzed to be alive and relatively unhurt.

The moral of the story? Don’t drive sleepy!

Also, I saw X-Men later that night. It almost has to be the last one. *SPOILER ALERT* I’ll try not to give too much away, but those who wish to remain spoiler free should stop reading and go see the movie already!

Too many people died or lost their powers for an effective sequel. I can’t believe some of the early deaths in this movie, so far from the climax. I really expected the victims of what I call "The Phoenix Discombobulation Ray" to get restored by a guy whose mutant name was "Recombobulator" or a variant thereof. Also, didn’t anyone else think Magneto’s use of the Golden Gate Bridge was a little over the top? Wouldn’t some sheet metal have sufficed? And for some reason, everyone seemed to forget that not all metals are affected by magnetic fields. I saw a lot of stuff looked like it was made of stainless steel get hurled around.

I also thought the Archangel in flight shots looked really fake.

Chestnuts roasted by spaz307 @ 05/29/2006 2:25 AM


CRAP!

I put a bunch of extra returns to create a spoiler space, and somehow they got removed. Sorry to anyone who inadvertently got spoiled!

Chestnuts roasted by spaz307 @ 05/29/2006 2:36 AM


Don’t worry spaz, I read everything down to up. I might’ve mentioned that before.

Chestnuts roasted by dohopoki @ 05/29/2006 2:52 AM


Sorry to hear that, spaz. Glad you’re okay. Based on my first and secondhand experience I’d say you may be in for some killer neck and back soreness in the next few days (it doesn’t hit right away, don’t be afraid to go back to the doc).
I still remember my elementary teacher tried to stress the importance of learning to tell time because digital watches were a fad and were not going to be around much longer (this was around ’91 or so). Do kids even wear watches anymore, or do they just use their new fangled pagers and phones and iPods and assorted whatnots to know what time it is?

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 05/29/2006 2:58 AM


oh wow "master charge". neat. that commercial just reminded me of how it needs to be halloween season now. im dangeroulsy low on cans of jones caramel apple.

Chestnuts roasted by Eddie Lightning Frog @ 05/29/2006 3:36 AM


Kevin — "frustrating but fun" I couldn’t agree more! Having been annoyed by all the little stupid stuff (I’m the Juggernaut, bitch! – seriously? I coulda sworn the Juggernaut had powers… and yes, I’ve seen the clip) but still able to reccomend the movie, I couldn’t agree more.

Spaz — Archangel is the much superior character with metal wings and weird blue body paint mixed with metal (heh look him up if you can’t picture what I’m talking about) who is what Angel became after Apocalypse was done with him. Thank God he was practically pointless, like far too many of the characters in the movie. Oh and there was a recombobulator, or did you not see the part after the credits?

Also, SPOILLLLLLLLLLLLLERRRRRRRRRRRSSSSS:

Why were both story lines made pointless by Magneto getting his powers back AND Xavier coming back to life through someone else’s body. So both the cure AND the "amazing" power of the Phoenix were BOTH Maguffins? That’s gotta be a first… And this movie completely proved my theory that Cyclops is the least important character in the movies.

Chestnuts roasted by Xevo @ 05/29/2006 3:56 AM


Slim jeans? Holy shit Matt, when did that air? That really is something amazing. 80% funny, 10% exploitive, and 10% scary that there are adult Americans which would fall for something so over-the-top SNL-level ridiculous.

Speaking of bizarre ads, you have a copy of that mid-80s "Santo Gold" ad? I’d love a review of that.

Chestnuts roasted by Destro @ 05/29/2006 4:25 AM


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