Yes yes YES! I don’t know why I assumed this considering the fact that they’re two distinct pushes from two distinct studios, but I figured that the X3 hype would’ve been subdued in the wake of all the Superman hype. I couldn’t be happier to report that 7-Eleven is proving me wrong with new X-Men Slurpees! Yeeeeeeahhhhsh!
The Slurpee in of itself defines Americana with each drop of red, but when 7-Eleven teams up with a movie studio, God damn, I get flashbacks to Hulk Hogan saving Randy Savage from the Honky Tonk Man. We’ve seen examples of this phenomena on the site before, when Shrek 2 captured hearts with its Shrek’s Sierra Mist Slurpee, and when Revenge of the Sith forged everlasting bonds with its Darth Dew Slurpee. Either I’m easily amused, or turning Slurpees into a cultural event is easier than people think.
Every time a cool new Slurpee comes out, I go take pictures at the same 7-Eleven store near the Woodbridge Mall in Jersey. They’re so onto me, and all I can do to make the fuss worth their while is buy twice as many Corn Nuts than anyone really needs. They’re never quite sure how to field me. They know they don’t want me taking pictures of their Slurpee machine, but they’re not really sure why they don’t want me taking pictures of their Slurpee machine. Unable to voice their hate, they just stand around counting sheep and looking pissy. It’s sort of uncomfortable for me, but everybody hurts sometimes. I put aside my tendency to flee to fight for my right to salute Slurpees. Onward, upward.
So, here’s the deal — the Slurpee itself isn’t all that branded. The new X-Men: The Last Stand Slurpees are brought to us by Sunkist, who have long used Magneto to promote whatever they’re turning orange. Sunkist Orange Slurpees is an acronym waiting to happen, and while this is nowhere near as insanely beautiful as those Wolverine Berry Rampage Sundaes Baskin-Robbins pushed when X2 came out, I’m willing to forgive the lack of a truly edited Slurpee flavor for a truly edited Slurpee cup.
Yeah, it’s one of those collectible cup deals. Sure, we’ve seen it a million times before, but the X-Men knew that, and have fittingly upped the ante by gluing “mutating photo discs” on the bottom of each of the cups. What’s a “mutating photo disc,” you ask? Well, it’s sort of like an oversized, grungy plastic coin. Instead of presidents, you get various X-Men characters crudely etched on. When you hold the discs up towards a light source, the crude etching becomes an admittedly impressive 3D picture, with technology that works so well that I found myself clawing at the discs trying to figure out how the trick worked. While the cups feature multiple characters on each, there’s only four players to be found in mutating photo disc form: Storm, Wolvie, Magneto and Professor X.
I’m going to feel really bad if everyone avoids the Professor X discs just because he’s old.
Not only was the official X3 Slurpee flavor dispenser out of order, but it wasn’t even really the official X3 Slurpee flavor. Minute Maid Orange is NOT Sunkist Orange. It’s NOT! THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS!
I don’t know what was up with this particular 7-Eleven, but their cup section was a fucking mess. Maybe that’s why they didn’t want me to take pictures. They didn’t want anyone else knowing that their cup section was a fucking mess.
I picked the Mystique cup because I wanted my character’s hair to match my runner-up Slurpee flavor color, and not at all because it’s interesting to drink out of a cup with Mystique’s giant tits saturating the thumb area.
I welcome theatrics, especially when the theatrics consist of a Electronic Mutating Photo Disc Testing Station with Push Button Activities.
Magneto is tricky with his magic 3D light thing trick tricks.
If you hate Slurpees, you can get a regular soda in a more lightly-branded X3 cup. But it won’t come with a mutating photo disc! Nyaaaaah!
A lot of people are already railing on X3, in part because of directorial doubts, in part because of script sadness, in part because people are predisposed pricks. I know I’m going to love it; I’m not emotionally invested enough to not love it. And dressing up Frasier as Beast is the best thing ever. You can’t lose with that. If he’s great, good. If he sucks, it’s the funniest thing ever.
In closing, it sucks that Beast didn’t get his own mutating photo disc. 
Posted by Matt. E-mail me!
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So did I!
Sheetz lays all the other convenience stores to rest…nothing else comes close. I live in western PA and they dominate here. Their Shmiscuits are my favorite. Me love me some MTO’s!!!